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Tila Tequila

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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[[Image:Embryo1.jpg|thumb|Still(born) of the sextape picture.]]
[[Image:Embryo1.jpg|thumb|Still(born) of the sextape picture.]]
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In a desperate cry for [[attention]], Tila decided to release a [http://www.radaronline.com/photos/image/92925/2010/10/photos-tila-tequila-sex-tape sex] [http://www.radaronline.com/videos#/628232263001 tape]. The funniest thing about it, other than the fact that her [[Cunt|vagina]] looks like [[Vagina Dentata|the predator with it's mask off]], is that there's already countless of professional porn videos of Tila on the interwebs. All in all the video consists of 3 [[azn]] bitches including Tila eating each other out and giving each other the knuckle shuffle, all in all its pretty boring and [[tl;dr|tl;dw]]. Be careful downloading this sex tape since sex with an embryo videos might be considered [[CP]] in your country.
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In a desperate cry for [[attention]], Tila decided to release a [http://www.radaronline.com/photos/image/92925/2010/10/photos-tila-tequila-sex-tape sex] [http://www.radaronline.com/videos#/628232263001 tape]. The funniest thing about it, other than the fact that her [[Cunt|vagina]] looks like [[Vagina Dentata|the predator with it's mask off]], is that there's already countless professional porn videos of Tila on the interwebs. All in all the video consists of 3 [[azn]] bitches including Tila eating each other out and giving each other the knuckle shuffle, all in all its pretty boring and [[tl;dr|tl;dw]]. Be careful downloading this sex tape since sex with an embryo videos might be considered [[CP]] in your country.
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Revision as of 08:47, 16 May 2012

Failed Pop Star, Failed "Actress", Failed Model! A Triple Threat of Abject Failure!!!!!
lul. ED now has proof shes an alien. It's pretty weird how she's more attractive green than Asian.
Tila Tequila before surgery.
Tila Tequila during surgery.
Tila Tequila afterward, note that she still retains some of her former characteristics
A very typical Tila Tequila fan. Aka, idiot.
Another typical Tila Tequila fan


Tila Tequila (real name Thien Thanh Thi "Me luv u long time" Nguyen) is a flat faced hooker from Singapore who somehow made it to the mainstream media. She is a professional new media whore whose failure at everything doesn't seem to discourage her from whoring herself to the masses, most notably with her reality television show on MTV. The show, Re-Enforcing Negative Bisexual Stereotypes With Tila Tequila!!!!!!, is really nothing more than reincorporating sister station VH1's I Love New York, which is way, way, wayyyyyyyyy more lulzy, but still a complete failure and a step backward in human evolution. Howevar, it should be noted that we are all guilty of downloading softcore lesbian porn of the alien before she got on television. Oh, Tila. Tsk.

Contents

Bio

In her youth, Tila was often in trouble with the law and went to prison a lot. In there, she got a body covered in tattoos, making her look like a complete skank, rather than a minor skank. After that, she got breast implants and became famous through a career in porn -- both of which she now tries to hide from everyone. Her natural breasts are A-cup, due to her being azn. After that, she changed her name from the unpronounceable Nguyễn to the trashy Tequila.

Like Jeffree Star, Tila began her new media whore life on MySpace by starving herself to a stick figure body type and proclaiming her bisexuality, except to her parents, who didn't know until she signed a deal with MTV to do a bisexual dating show...prime example of parents who know jack shit about their daughter's life.

Using MySpace, and MySpace founder Tom Anderson's fetish for Asian women, she became a Top-Rated MySpace whore, sucking cock and licking carpet as one of 2006's top whores. Then she tried to turn her internet celebrity into a "real" celebrity career. She failed miserably in every attempt, including becoming a pop star. (Sorry, Vietnamese Daffy Duck!) If you haven't heard her, you aren't missing out. We promise.

In November 2009, the world of Tila's male fan base came crashing down. They finally resorted to become an heroes when she announced she prefers twat over cock and therefore wasn't bisexual anymore but sticking to pussy. In December 2009, she announced she was engaged to another cumdumpster named Casey Johnson who (was) heiress to the Johnson and Johnson's fortune (she was cut from the family financially because she was a crack whore). A month later, Casey was found dead. The Coroner's office announced she was pwned by Diabeetus because she forgot to pack her insulin with her. Skeptics believe that's bullshit and that a combination of constant cocaine use and booze, plus her Type 1 Diabetes, are to blame. Excessive exposure to the contaminated crypt that is Tila's va-jay jay is clearly what did Casey in. She's not only left behind a fortune debt, but an adopted daughter as well. Tila since has been trying to obtain legal custody of her former scissor pal's adopted daughter from Casey's family, who took her because she was an unfit mother who couldn't keep her mouth off coke-laced cancer sticks, dicks, and tits. Needless to say, our hearts go out to the little girl should Tila win custody.

Actual examples of comments from Tila's MySpace

WARNING: Authentic comments culled from Tila Tequila's profile and photographs follow. Encyclopædia Dramatica will not be held responsible for any self-inflicted bodily harm resulting from the reading of these comments.

sean: what happened 2 ur thong on ur pics
David: i love you
BnS Productions: what up wit ya!! DjSouthrock up in here !!!
~da bus has retired~: hey tila. just wanted to stop to say hey. i always like ur pictures. u look so hot in them. damn i really wish i can meet u. i wish i can talk to u2. want my .? well i want urs. lol wut is it? damn. ur cute. i like that. lol hit me baq.
RUSSO♥: WANNA FUCK?
"Greggles for 500 Please": fuck me please
Ranma Saotome: I will most definitly buy that issue. You are by far the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just wish I could come to LA to see your shows.
Walk from ICE AGE ENT.: DAMM IT YOUR SO FUCKEN BOMB!!!!!!!!!!
she dont ♥ meeh??: jus take evry ting off and join mee on mai ride and plus can i have pics
black person: baby i can handle all of it an du u so hard dat u wood wanna come back.
steven: i'll fuk da shit out of u sexii ass baby iiite baby 1...
i swear im white and mexican: dayum baby girl... is those duble ds or what do u want me to lick them becuase i will
loser: YOUR SO SEXY


Her show

Season 1

Tila Tequila had a dating show A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, where, after putting contestants through grueling trials (such as eating cock) she found many people who'd be her perfect lovers. From them she picked out her perfect soulmate, the best true love for her. At the end she dumped 'roid-loving Dani for pussy-face crybaby Bobby.

She says: “Bobby had broken up with me a few days before all of this went down. I wasn’t expecting it at all because I thought I had finally found someone that I was compatible with, but I guess I was wrong. My hectic schedule was really hard on him and we both were getting frustrated, but at the same time . . . I just wanted to find someone who would understand what a crazy lifestyle I have so it’s too bad that things didn’t work out between us. With that said I just want to make it known that I still think Bobby is a great guy and I wish him the best.”

He says: “She never called me after the last show and no one would give me her number.”(Reason being is she is part of a inferior alien race that doesn't know how to use human technology, except Windows 98 Computers her entire (very slow)planet uses to run their planet.) that she is a slut.

Season 2

In order to show that she really is bisexual, Tila picked a girl this time around. The "winner", smart and sophisticated Kristy PWNED Tila when she rejected her ass, claiming that she was confused about her sexuality. What Kristy really meant is "I ain't leavin' da dick for no alien-face fake-ass beaner".

MTV and Nguyen are already setting up season 3, watch out oblivious morons with no self-respect Tila fans! you may have a shot at love!


That's Amore

During downtime between seasons 1 and 2, a fugly Italian guy in a thong got his own show called That's Amore where people dumped off their skank ex-girlfriends for a shot at love. Competitions included sucking and blowing with your parents (srsly), cleaning the floor with your cooter, and pretending to be a virgin. Lesbians from Tila's show came to hit on the fugly sluts and in the end his girl of choice, Megan, dumped his faggy ass.


A Double Shot at Love

After two seasons of Tila fail, MTV invited the Icky twins for their shot at love. Rikki and Vikki are two bisexual whores who got their start spreading herpes and having sex for cash. Only one Icky found love with a guy who was only in it for a disgusting 3some with 2 fugly girls who wish they were as cool as Tila (which is saying something).

Twatter

Hacking

Tila Tequila is DEAD!
 
 
They Broke everything in my living room....EVERYTHING IS SHATTERED! I'm so sad right now....this sucks.
 

 

—Updated six minutes ago.

In the late hours of April 12, 2009, an enterprising /b/tard managed to hack into Tila's Twitter account and cause all sorts of mayhem. First it was reported that somebody had broken into the home and had killed Tila. Next, it was posted that the murderer had found Tila's computer while it was still logged into her Twitter account. The "murderer" then proceeded to use the account to post all sorts of funny bullshit that the kids at 4chan ate right up. Finally, somebody lowered the boom on anonymous' fun and the Twitter account was locked down. Tila then began to sob to anyone who would listen to her crazy antics about how she is being stalked and how she is going to move to some new house. Too bad the dingbat probably won't change her passwords.

 
 
Then I found my dog locked in the trunk of my car!!!!!!!!!! I've been crying all night. THis is fucked up. I'm sad and shocked and bye
 

 

—What a fucking attention whore.

Later, during the early morning of April 13th, it was discovered that several /b/tards were not following Rules 1 and 2, thus Tila's management was alerted to the potential lollercaust that was headed her way. All of her social networking sites were shut down and locked up tighter than a virgin's pussy. At this point, some /b/tards discovered those who were responsible for the faggotry and decided to turn their internet hate machine towards the rule breakers. Several Twiter and MySpace addresses were tossed around:

 
 
Tita died, Tita reborn with the help of newfags ( http://izzy-boo.deviantart.com/ and that other aaron prick ) we now stalk and tear down aaron and izzy.
 

 

—A good summary of the situation

Who is Trolling Whom?

 
 
Bah, she probably paid somebody to do this anyway...
 

 

—Anonymous, being wise

At some point during the festivities, somebody realized that Tila, while not being bright on her own, surrounds herself with net-savvy individuals and has a public relations team who's effectiveness rivals O.J. Simpson's. Could this have all been a troll on 4chan's /b/tards in an attempt to garner page views for the world's self proclaimed "Queen of MySpace?" Anon doesn't care, the teaming masses will just surge forward like the ocean of piss they proudly proclaim to be.

 
 
I dont want to call police because media will get involved and im an emotional wreck right now and dont media will make it worse. Going away
 

 

—Look at me! Don't look at me!

Declaration of becoming An Hero

On October 9, 2009, Tila claimed on her Twatter that she was suicidal. The following quote details her descent into an heroism:

Unfortunately, Tila stated that she would take the cowardly way out and receive medical help for her mental problems.[1]

How to pwn Tila

During one of her whoring outs on YouTube, she attempted to get views by showing everyone she was a fetal alcohol syndrome baby by pretending to be drunk on camera. This got her pwnd by anyone with a fucking brain by one staring at the video to death, the video was immediatley taken down, and will likely happen if any other video of hers is one stared enough.

Alternatively, get her drunk, then choke her before finally throwing her to the ground so she can't escape.[2]

good news she's pregnant!!! get your coat hangers ready.

Tila Tequila on Jugaylo Eye For The Straight Girl

Last tuesday a horde of Jugaylo's decided to give Tila a make-over for free at one of her concerts. The result was a better and improved Tila, as can be seen here:

Tila Tequila home improvement

Quotes from an article about the best concert Tila has ever given:

 
 
I went onstage and immediately, before I even got on stage, DUDES were throwing HUGE STONE ROCKS in my face, beer bottles that slit my eye open, almost burnt my hair on fire cuz they threw fire crackers on stage, and they even took the sh*t out of the port-0-potty and threw sh*t and piss at me when I was onstage
 

 

 
 
These people were trying to kill me. So then after the last blow to my head with the firecracker they threw at me exploded, my bodygaurd and the other security grabbed me and ran as fast as they could to the shitty trailer. Since their security SUCKS, the 2 thousand people ran after us, trying to kill me. They almost got me so they finally reach the trailer, blood all over myself, cant stop bleeding, then all of a sudden, all 2 thousand people surround the trailer and busts the windows!!! Even the guys INSIDE with me were shaking! Their hands were shaking cuz they were so scared! So 3 guys inside the trailer had to grab a table and push it over the broken windows and grabbed all the chairs they could find so hold the people from outside back. It was scary as hell!
 

 

They threw shit and piss on her, which frankly, she's not worthy of. Unfortunately the Jugaylo's were unable to finish their mission of brutally gangraping and killing her. Hopefully next time they can complete the mission.



An angry Jugaylo complaining about the best thing Jugaylo's have ever done.



Gallery of Fun

After the hack, all of the normal paparazzi sites pretty much shit themselves. TOW was edited and then reverted, and some creepy old guy got into the act.

What the fuck

In Dec 09, Tequila got engaged to Casey Johnson, a socialite who did fuck all. Pretty much after a few weeks(2?) she died, nobody was surprised. Death > Marrying Tila Tequila

In 20th of Dec, 09. Tila Tequila decides to have a surrogate pregnancy for her brother. Aka, an excuse to have an incestuous sessh.

Tila sex tape

Still(born) of the sextape picture.

In a desperate cry for attention, Tila decided to release a sex tape. The funniest thing about it, other than the fact that her vagina looks like the predator with it's mask off, is that there's already countless professional porn videos of Tila on the interwebs. All in all the video consists of 3 azn bitches including Tila eating each other out and giving each other the knuckle shuffle, all in all its pretty boring and tl;dw. Be careful downloading this sex tape since sex with an embryo videos might be considered CP in your country.

See Also

External links


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Tila Tequila is related to a series on AZNS.

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Tila Tequila is part of a series on

Whores

Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage.

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Tila Tequila is part of a series on

Homosexual Deviants

Visit the Faggotry Portal for complete coverage.

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