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Zoe Kimball

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THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ.
THEY GOT TIRED OF PLAYING SOLO

Don't trust any of the outgoing links (facebook, myspace, youtube) on this page. Many of them link to fake accounts.



Run Zoe...Run... For dear life RUN!

Zoe Kimball is a vain 17 year old girl from Oregon who always loved to stare at herself in the mirror, admire, and post lots of her pictures online. She filled her myspace with these images and eventually one of her myspace friends took the pictures to 4chan and asked if anyone had her nudes of the then 14 year old. As Zoe hadn't even heard of 4chan, she was not there to provide them so Anon lost interest.

But then Zoe uploaded many videos of her wearing chav clothes and flashing gang signs while her friends shouted "What up nigger?" It was only then that /b/tards subsequently decided that Zoe was the cutest thing to hit /b/ since Line Trap. The reason is because approximately 50% of her videos and 100% of her friends' videos have everyone acting all wigger. Watching that one assumes they're all wigger and weeps for the future of humanity. When shown to old people, most genuinely believe that all white American teenagers have become like this and many will kill themselves out of fright.

Like with other chan-girls, Anon posted violent rape copypasta, and then eventually a few rare original comments. Within 3 hours, /b/ had her name, number, and personal information, and ground agents were out driving by her house. Her phone number was called to confirm her location. So when Zoey finally got all the attention she craved, she ran away scared but still she continued camwhoring. It was all very scary... well actually lulzy.

Contents

Ground Agents - Epic FAIL

 
 
holy fucking shit i think i am in love with this girl. her eyes... they're so beautiful... i just want to rip them out and fuck her skull until my PENIS breaks, you know?
 

 

Anon

 
 
now i know why parents don't want their kids on MySpace. good thing we're a friendly army.
 

 

—Anon

 
 
/b/ we're better then the nsa...we have agents on the ground before we even know they're needed
 

 

—Anon

 
 
If you live near her you must slowly but surely gain her trust and become her friend then kidnap her when she least expects it. By then the rest of us Anon (well over 9000) will have built a mansion out of bricks in the Utah desert for the sole purpose or procreating with her. We shall have our most attractive anons mate with her then share the offspring with the rest of us. Thoughts?
 

 

—Anon

 
 
tell her she has an entire website stroking in unison. she's the queen of Saturday night spilled load.
 

 

—Anon

 
 
Can you honestly look at the very first picture posted and say that you DON'T want to spill your semen all over her face, in her eyes, nose, and mouth? That you wouldn't enjoy stripping her down and making her eat out of a dog bowl? That you wouldn't hang her from the ceiling from chains and beat her with a golf club?!

WTF is wrong with you?

 

 

—Anon

 
 
Naw. Need streetview pictures... I wanna know what colour it is, where the entrances are, if the windows are open. How many windows there are. If they are barred. Whether there's an alarm system

If you're gonna plan something, you need the details.

 

 

—Anon

 
 
just start by creeping on by her house and school, and taking pictures of them for ED...then we'll go from there. keep it on the downlow /b/rother. Get enough pics of surrounding neighborhood to create a navigable street view. will be good for plotting escape routes.
 

 

—Anon

 
 
You fuckers aren't going to do jack shit except give this poor girl a nervous breakdown and disrupt her life. I hope her dad is a big redneck bubba that shoots a couple of you in the face as you do your little recon drive-bys.
 

 

—Anon

 
 
ZOE IS A FORCED MEME! PLANTED PICS TURNED INTO YOUR LOVE ANON! YOU'VE BEEN USED!
 

 

—Anon

 
 
There is no meme here.
There is only discussion of the stalking and subsequent violent rape and torture
of a 16 year old girl from Hood River Oregon.

 

 

—Anon

 
 
if this goes through, this will be like injecting /b/ with anti-cancer super-vaccine
straight into the aorta and the urethra at the same time

 

 

—Oldfag Anon

 
 
I feel a bit sorry for her... but hey.

Zoe Kimball, every guy that have seen your face wants to bone you - and you do post the pictures yourself. This is just, as I see it, a free ticket to more popularity.

 

 

—Anon

 
 
how do you know she's scared?
 

 

—Anon

 
 
does she tell you in bed while you comfort her with your manly embrace as you swear to guard her like the white knight you are?
 

 

—Anon

Previous Quote | Next Quote

MOAR Stalkerness

This guy married a fake Zoe.

Zoe's DeviantArt page linked in this article is real, but not very active. After events of scary/lulzy phone calls by Anons in the night, etc. the site was shut down. Everything was then now hidden. However, once someone becomes the object of Anon, they would take steps to protect themselves from further harassment. Unfortunately, Anon is very, very, very good at using the internet.

Due to Zoe's attention whore-like nature, it is just impossible for her to leave the internet for good. So when Zoe's had enough, she leaves for a few months, a year at most, and then returns begging for more. No matter how hard she's hit, she just keeps coming back, we must now learn, there's just no helping it.

Zoe has faphillion amount of fakes all over the internet. They stalk her every move, they hack her photobucket, they fake her friends, they would do anything possible to be Zoe cyberly. Zoe often refuses to make more proof signs because other idiots will photoshop it and blah, blah, blah.

The growth of love for Zoe Kimball has started to spread to other chans. 12andUnderchan has an ongoing thread, and 7chan has intermittent threads. The greatest lulz threads are still, however, on the original /b/.

THE INTERNET WHITE KNIGHTINGS

File:Zoekimballwhiteknightoned.png
A classic white knight maneuver on the talk page.

Then came showings of several (or one) /b/tards standing up and realising that this is perverted and that they wish it to stop.

That is all so far.

This/these /b/tard(s) seems to have some connection with Zoe and could possibly be a friend or family member. But more likely it's some kid in her school with a crush on her who's too scared and shy to even talk to her so he (or sometimes she--remember Zoe says on her myspace that she is bi) faps to her pics all day online and occassionaly white knights her with dreams of marriage.

The Plan(s)

At some point, someone actually came up with a long range vision... not very /b/.

 
 

>>67069590

This is how it should go down.

Step one, we recruit a young, underage b& anon to take her out to a mall date.

Two, maybe in the food court, AnonB& introduces Zoe to other Anon who meet up.

Three, Anon takes Zoe home and shows off /b/ and explains how it works, also getting a good name with Mom and Pop.

Four, /b/ gains Zoe's trust, to the point where she is a regular Femanon.

Five, tits.

After the tits part, many Anons suggested different things. Take her to a newly purchased mansion. Get her really dirty and muddy and gross, so she has to take a shower. (Note that there will be many cameras in the shower from hundreds of different angles that look like small black dots.) Then, once in the bathroom, she will notice all the sexy pictures all over the walls of the bathroom. She will get very wet. Then after her shower when her complexion is nice and virginal, she will see the crowd of Anons to greet her outside the bathroom.

Anons will sit her down and explain the rules. The entire mansion is on total lock-down 100% of the time. The password to unlock everything is "THE GAME," of course. The rules are....

  1. You must be completely naked 100% of the time.
  2. If Anon makes a request, you are required to comply.
  3. Anon has exclusive access to all of your journals, diaries, and other personal data.
  4. Absolutely no sex toys or masturbation allowed. If you are horny, you must ask an Anon to have intercourse with you.
  5. When outdoors, you are to be naked and wearing a leash. [Note: Zoe lives in Northern Oregon, so really smart idea for the Winter, anon.]


 


 

Pictures

Zoe Kimball Gallery About missing Pics

Zoe's Return in 2009

In 2009, she returned with a new MySpace account that originally read:

If you want to know why I'm gone, It's because..,
I'm sick of being stalked,
Being harassed sexually, mentally, and physically.
I'm sick of people getting my number and calling my house at all hours (my house phone is now disconnected for that reason)
I'm sick of random people recognizing me (like that's going to stop :/)
I'm sick of people stealing my picture, even though they'll get them off my personal account SOME how, I'm just sick of them hitting jackpot with pictures openly stored and untagged on this public myspace.
I'm sick and tired of making proof pictures, putting tagged and untagged copies onto my photobucket, having low lives hacking my photobucket account, them getting the untagged copies and then editing them to something else and saying their the originals.
I'm sick of gullible people losing faith in me.
I'm sick of obsessive people trading my pictures online.
I'm sick and fucking tired of all this myspace bullshit!
From now on, I'll only be on my personal account.
If I ever do get another public account, It will be this one!
Don't be fooled by tricky little posers.
Everything they say is fucking lies.
They lie to me, to you, to themselves...
They only hurt me, they do nothing good for me.
They get me stalked, make me hated, spread my pictures...
Everything that's bad, nothing that's good.
I will have nothing to do with people i don't know personally until most of this heat blows over.
Don't claim I'm "fake" because someone has new pictures and I've stopped posting, they're just creepers who stalk my personal account.
I won't be on for months,
Or possibly even a year or longer.
So don't wait up.
-Zoe McKenzie Kimball<|3


So does this mean she's stopped camwhoring? No. The real reason she dissappeared was that she was in juvie for a year, as seen by her new set of prison tattoos:

One of Zoe's myspace profile pics.

It is unknown what she was in prison for, but in this video (from the YouTube account churchbellsaysno as Zoe deleted her YouTube account) it is revealed she keeps a Guy Fawkes mask handy for those Scientology protests and we all know that CoS has arrested people on fake charges before.

Zoe's Guy Fawkes mask on the table

So in the end, while Anon was discussing all these rape and kidnapping schemes, Zoe was standing right next to Anon behind a mask each week, working for The Marcab Confederacy and nobody had any idea. Even her listing Chuck Palahniuk as her favorite author didn't clue them in. She does live about an hour from Portland, the only Scientology protest zone in Oregon.

One issue came up in December 2009, was that some of the videos on Zoe's YouTube uploaded with the claim as original content on Zoe's YouTube had originally come from YouTube user churchbellsaysno who had uploaded them months earlier. churchbellsaysno is an IRL friend of Zoe supposedly, though she went on Zoe's now-deleted YouTube account and called her a "fake Zoe" for "stealing" her videos.

Eli

File:ZoeLovesElijah.png
Picture found in Eli's comments.

In late 2007, Zoe started to talk to a boy named Eli Brooks from Colorado. Eli is basically the male version of Zoe; he has blonde hair, green eyes, is rather pale, and is 15 years old. Eli has one MySpace account that we know of at the moment, the link to which is at the bottom of this page. Zoe and Eli are expected to give birth to a child so self-centered that the world will be thrown off tilt and fly into the sun; the child will be named Zoeli.

Eli Brooks Gallery About missing Pics

On Feb 17, 2010, Anonymous learned of this and of course began trolling. Anon eagerly expected her to behave like everyone else on the internet, which was to make YouTube rant videos complaining about the trolls while demonstrating karate moves, making death threats, and claiming to put curses on people. Instead:

  1. Zoe closed her polyvore.
  2. Zoe closed her YouTube account, proving it was the real Zoe.
  3. Zoe made her MySpace account private and changed the info including making her age 15 instead of 16 as her long distance relationship boyfriend is 15, younger than her.
  4. Zoe made a new, apparently more active DeviantArt to store drawings.

MySpace Zzzoeykins says Zoe will be back on in July in the headline.

See Also

Fap Material

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Zoe Kimball is part of a series on

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Featured article September 18, 2010
Preceded by
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Zoe Kimball Succeeded by
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