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YouTube

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Google is simply far too busy making money off of others work to care about any supposed YouTube "Community". Dollars and sense baby.

Youtube is a bootleg operation run by a second generation Jewish immigrant, Sergey Brin. It is a site which illegally spreads copyrighted material through a so called streaming service, wherein the users upload video content (user generated content) that directly can be watched in any browser. Its modus operandi is to create a quasi community. Thousands of mentally challenged vloggers are hired among the userbase to uphold this facade in a so called partner program. The videos of partners are unduly featured when first entering the website, giving the false impression that those are the most popular. Furthermore, they are also given undue weight in the "similar videos"-section which shows ups in a list besides a video.

The slogan of Youtube is "Broadcast yourself", but approximately 95 % of the videos heavily infringes copyrighted content. The Youtube leadership also generated buzzwords such as "vlogging" "viral video", "video reply" and "community feedback" to enhance the feeling that anyone who criticizes Youtube's practises is old, unhip and antiquated.

Contents

History

YouTube History.jpg

YouTube was founded in 2005 by a Azn, a Muslim, and some guy called Chad who nobody cares about. The very first video, "Me at the zoo" was uploaded on April 23rd, 2005. And starting with the fourth video, BootieChrist dance, the website went to shit. As of 2012, YouTube consists primarily of fags, bronies, You, pedophiles, and AMVfags.

2005: Someone uploaded a video of some oriental gentleman at the zoo. It sparked of a lollercoaster.

2006 : Jewgle bought Youtube, and made everything better worse. The Jew and Google-co founder Sergey Brin became the new leader of the Youtube enterprise. He continued bootleging copyrighted material and promote incidental videos which actually were produced by Youtubers.

2007 : OMG MYSPACE!!1 FUNNY COMMERCIALMUSIC VIDEOS OF GWENSTEFANI STOLEN SWFS FROM NEWGROUNDSnigahigaFUNNY!!!!!<3AMVfags

2008 : ytp all around

2009 : moar ytp and amvfags. Computer tutorials FTW

2010 : 13 year old girls, fags and you.

2011 : a bunch of an hero uplaod suicide vidyas. moar stupid shit no one cares about

2012 : Hi there!!1 i was chekin' out ur channel and I loved ur new vid. hey if you have the time check out my bands new shitty song "Down The Anus" and remember to like and share it'd help alot!! also go to my gamign chanel and watch my HILAROS minecratf lets play!!!

2013 : u're right. i really got shocked when i receive my ipad3 without any dime @ my home yesterday. Listen, you just need to give email addrss and tell them where you want to send. i got it from here. you can also try it --> bit.ly/XUbWmV?=mtecm

Collective

YouTube JewTube.jpg

Youtube is a crappy site, which is just as bad as Break.com in all manners of fugly girls posing, noobs, drag queens posing, fantards, clips from gay animes, old memes, and goth/emo videos. Practically everything is either softcore porn, clips from shit tv shows or sporting events, YouTube Poop, weeaboo faggotry, politically incendiary crap, horny azns, stupid pet tricks, monkeys jacking off, "You Laugh You Lose", Soulja Boy, men measuring their manboobs (HOT!), and let us not forget loli girls shaking their asses on camera, and everything else. YouTube is pure drama, the entire user base being full of emo morons who will BAWWWWW, bitch, and moan at the slightest provocation. So much as a drawn mspaint picture of another user with the words "poopy head" on it will instantly cause a shit storm. YouTube's most loyal viewers include Juggalos, emos, and Jews. It is also wise to note that the YouTube fags find sarcasm to be scary and difficult for their underdeveloped brains to understand, so it is generally advisable (unless you are trolling the fucktards) not to use sarcasm as, like irony, it will cause a shitstorm within their mentally retarded heads.

It is important to note that YouTube was named by Time Magazine to be the best invention of 2006. Coming in second was a formula to prevent cunt cancer (No, srsly).

Last Thursday, Google bought out YouTube and renamed it GooTube beta, shortly thereafter the era of The Promised Land began. And on March 31st, the year of Our Lord 2010, they have made their beta the inescapable face of the site, completely sealing their content in a vast cavern of fail. Nice job shitting where you eat, faggots. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS, THEY CHANGED IT BACK.

Unless you're hurting their crybaby e-feelings, YouTube users adore absolutely any wretched shit uploaded to their site at all. Many people like to upload hilarious videos of themselves and their friends doing something absolutely crazy like a silly dance, putting on a stupid hat, performing some asinine stunt or prank, or making a movie made of sheer faggotry for the internet to enjoy. YouTube is a website which enables every lonely and desperate basement dweller to spend endless amounts of time pursuing some shred of E-fame whilst providing a home for all others to troll them. It really allows us all to grasp the power of online video communication.

YouTube is almost as shitty as Yahoo Answers in terms of faggotry. However, there is just a little more freedom to flame niggers due to the fact that Hitler doesn't absolutely own the site. On YouTube there are the typical emo faggots who QQ about their lives...(click here for example "This channel is no longer available because the user closed their account."). These fags often end up on forums such as /B/ on 4chan. They are crap.

Things First Time Browsers Should Know

  • Within ten minutes of first clicking that link that brings you to YouTube, you will inevitably find someone whom you instantly hate with a burning passion. As a speciality: Goronchev lol account banhammered. There are no exceptions to this rule.
  • If you like something, there is a strong possibility that someone is going to call you out on it and call you a _____ american. Every video that has comments has a comment which contains this "insult", guaranteed.
  • If the above rule takes effect and the object of loathing is not a Truther, you are probably not on YouTube. Tell them it was done by pissed off Muslims no matter what you think for lulz.
  • YouTube Users are known to complain about false copyright claims against them so they can get their shit videos and accounts back up so YouTube can feel sorry for them and to poke fun at the "haters" and/or act like a total faggot for at least 100 videos to get the point across.
  • You will always need to make backup accounts to avoid flagging users just in case you're a troll.
  • YouTube is an endless video war to see who can stroke their e-peen even higher and act like a victim most of the time.
  • YouTube is Jew.
  • It is mandatory for all fagtube videos to have a shitty intro made with Microshit movie maker, (Queer ass music included) that is longer than the video itself.
  • Subscribers don't mean a damn thing. See figure 2 to the right.
  • By all means do not post that comment about Family Guy!!!
  • No matter what video you post in, there's always going be someone debating an unrelated video about shit no one cares about.
  • Videos where women who think they're superior, saying why women are better, and men are worst. Twist the word women around to men, the same deal. Because oh noes we are equal. Good to troll the feminazi's to get lulzy results. Or you're girl, then piss all the men how you're better to cause their ego to drop.
  • Go all the way to Youtube's HQ to complain about an account being banned, we're looking at you, LifeInATent and Kevin Martin.
It isn't that hard to become a prominent YouTube user.

How To Make A Typical Video

Every Video Ever Made

Need hits for your YouTube account? Now you have the power!

  1. Grab a video of dogs looking sad
  2. ???? = Set it to "Had a Bad Day" by Daniel Powter
  3. PROFIT!! AND FUCK YEA!!!

Good alternatives to sad dogs are:

  • Pokemon Battles
  • Cats falling over (steal from America's Funniest Home Videos)
  • Mudkipz or other anime
  • Totally random clip art
  • AMVs
Ettutube.jpg

Gay Content

The YouTubes is serious business!

Beyond finding unfunny crap to watch and interesting news clips of |internet dramaz, YouTube can also be used as a tool for queers to shove their faggotry down the throats of our great nation. Now remember... YouTube is basically just a free porn site for people (such as CommandoTheLion) with odd fetishes. Searching for "gay kiss" turns up more videos than you can shake a cock at. The ultimate pwnage for gheys is when a gay kiss video is taken down, since it gives them the opportunity to flare up and bitch about homophobia on the internets.

If you find yourself on a gay blog or MySpace and don't see any embedded gay kiss videos, you may rightfully claim 2 free internets from the site's owner. Don't hold out though, you're much more likely to find a straight furry or a diabetic who doesn't remind you of a rhinoceros. It's also used for religious arguments as well as political arguments between stupid people and stupid people. 13-year-old boys also search the site for porn, not realizing it's not allowed because it's run by jews.

Comments

You Fail.jpg

The "comments" section on every video was created with the intention of viewers to post their thoughts and opinions about any given video. Sadly, this section will ALWAYS invariably lead to a rant about race, politics, religion, or other anti-lulz shit by some fag claiming to be an exec of a large corporate business, who somehow manages to find some time in their busy schedule to whine, bitch, moan, and argue on the internet with other retards, converting a comments section of a video site into a makeshift forum. These "comments" are always responded to by similar basement dwellers and 13 year old boys, sparking a great debate, one which is seemingly decided by the vocabulary and amount of technical terminology used by either party, otherwise known as intellectual checkmate.

This was by no accident, but by YouTube's design. YouTube has secret random nonsensical wordfilters (the help pages just say to try rewording your comment) that just make comments not show up and give no error message or explanation and one's well though-out comment text is then intentionally, forcibly lost through YouTube's Javascript forms so that after losing a long, thought-out comment that took 30 minutes to make, and several times in a row, people eventually just write, "YOUR A FAGGIT".

In Spring 2010, YouTube decided to troll its members further by improving the video page and comments section. This has lead to a nearly unprecedented amount of NERDRAGE and butthurt with over 9000 users threatening to leave Jewtube forever. Google YouTube has yet to offer a satisfactory reason behind this change but we shall keep you posted as this shit storm develops.

List

Every comment ever made by YouTubers include:

  • "First [comment]." (As well as "Second", "Third", etc).
  • "I want (exact length of video) of my life back!"
  • "GB2 KITCHEN!"
  • "SUB 4 SUB?"
  • "COOL STORY, BRO!".
  • "FAIL"
  • "PWNED"
  • "The X amount of people who disliked this are ______."
  • Something slagging off Justin Bieber.
  • <transcribe the punchline of the joke in the video here>
  • "Advertisements suck" (regardless of what it is)
  • "I find this difficult to masturbate to."
  • "YHUR JUST JELOUS OV (Name of Person your making fun of, ex. Justin Bieber) BCUZ HE HAZ MOAR SUBZ/ALL THE GURLS LUV HEIM]!!!!!1!"
  • "YOUR GRAMMAR SUCKS! GO BACK TO SCHOOL!"
  • "This song is so much better than Justin Bieber's shit."
  • "I want this played at my funeral!"
  • "I only came here because it was just on (name TV program the YouTube video was just referenced on, especially RayWilliamJohnson). lulz"
  • "FUCK WMG"
  • "HAHA nice video man, I laughed hard, check out mine and make sure to subscribe"
  • I miss the old youtube.
  • "And I jizzed in my pants."
  • "FIND HAWT GIRLS AT (insert porn site here)!"
  • "9/11 TRUTH OMGZ BUSH DID IT! RON PAUL REVOLUTION!
  • "Thumbs up if..." (insert one of the following):
u love this video!
ur watching this in (current year)
u hate this video!
u think (person in video) should run 4 president!
this person changed ur life!
this video made u laugh!
u agree that (completely unrelated topic) sux!
  • "GET A LIFE AND A GIRLFRIEND A HUR HUR HURRR"
  • "YOU HAVE TOO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS!"
  • "Jews did WTC"
  • "LAWL PAUSE AT 00:26"
  • "THAT'S RACIST!"
  • "OMG SO HILARIOUS! LOL!"
  • "FAKE AND GAY"
  • "PLZ DON'T READ One day a young girl was killed in a car crash. If you do not post this comment 20 times in the next 10 seconds she will kill you when you go to sleep"
  • "WHAT SONG IS THIS?"
  • "lol so cute xD" (for videos of cats and babies)
  • "If u don't like (Topic) then y r u watching / listening to it?
  • "The middle finger copy/paste that people do just because the autistic kids want to fit in with everyone else who dislikes the movie."
Youtube videos are Renown for their high production value
  • "OMG U R SUCH A(N)" (insert one of the following):
NIGGER
CRACKER
RACIST
NERD
JEW
REDNECK
WIGGER
EMO
CUNT / ASSHOLE / DOUCHEBAG / DICK / PIECE OF SHIT
NAZI / FASCIST (for Conservatives)
COMMUNIST / STALINIST (for Liberals)
IDIOT / DUMBASS / MORON / RETARD
PUSSY
FAGGOT
N00B
LUNATIC (for conspiracy theorists and Christians)
SHEEP (for non-conspiracy theorists and non-Christians)
SICKO / PERVERT
GENIUS (for people more intelligent or creative than the commenter)
  • "You can't play the song right. You're one 36th of a beat off which is very obvious to musical gods like me. LEARN SOME TEMPO N0OB!!!!"
  • "COME TO (insert country or city name here) AND SAY THAT SHYT TO MAH FACE AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS BYOTCH!"
  • "OMG RICK ROLL'D XD"
  • Chuck Norris can do (impossible task) in two seconds with his feet and his eyes closed!
  • "Go fuck ur brother u dum motherfucker and eat ur muther's yogurt with turkay meat u dirty white nygga wit no like that lives in tha basement wit a mouse stuck up that ass and burger grease leakin from your cunt you fukin transsexual."
  • "(Topic1) sux lololol (Topic2) iz wayyyy better!!1!!!1"
  • "Did he/she/it die?" (in every video which involves someone / something getting hurt)
  • "This looks shopped, I can tell by the pixels"
  • "KILUMANATI"
  • "I HOPE (insert fatality description here) HAPPENNS TO YOU"
  • "I miss the 90's because (shit that the person did)"
  • ":O :O :O :O :O :O :O....No fucking comment."
  • "lol so randum xd"
  • I'm in the weird part of youtube again.
  • My reaction to the Arrow To The Knee jokes. (Often seen on vids such as this and this)
  • "How does this video have 1000 likes but only 300 views?"
  • "240p, we meet again."
  • "OPEN GAM GAM STYLE!"
  • "Still better than the original" (When everytime there's a parody of a song) Mostly BLR.
  • "X is the best [My Little] pony!!!!!"
  • if u dont like minecraft u r a call of duty fanboy
  • "LOL I'm from X(example of country)and I find it funny" Whenever someone on video makes fun of their shit country.
  • "So thats what the fox says."

Responses (Sometimes smug pricks will try to point out why YouTube commenters are stupid.) Examples:

No, I don't give a shit about the problem of (insert number of dislikes) people
No, I don't care how can the dislike bar be similar to haters penis
Chuck Norris jokes aren't funny anymore so stop posting them.
No, I really don't care about how much you hate VEVO
No, I really don't care if you got the first comment
No, I don't care if Im the (insert number of views) viewer or whatever may that number be.
We all know how much Justin Bieber sucks so stop reminding us.
No, I will not thumbs up.

Guaranteed top rated comments on certain videos

  • On love song music/lyric videos will be some pathetic faggot saying they'll ask out their crush if they get X amount of thumbs up or generally gushing about their current/former boyfriend or girlfriend as if a bunch of Anonymous strangers on the internet could give a flying fuck.
  • On videos of military combat or war movies (Iraq combat footage, Saving Private Ryan, etc) will be some 13 year old, oversensitive, call of duty prick just itching for someone to say something that could remotely be construed to be mildly critical of the military going "OMG FUK U YOU DISRESPECTFUL ASSHOLE MY DAD WAS AT NORMANDY THOSE TROPS ARE FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM!!1!!1!!!one.
  • On hunting videos will be some Peta lunatic talking shit about how hunters are "murderers" and how they are going to kidnap, torture, rape and murder a hunter and their family for daring to legally and humanly kill a pest animal/animal they are going to eat or otherwise use.
  • On any video where someone is showcasing a pet, some 13 year old girl will accuse the owner of somehow abusing said pet. This 'abuse' could include touching, petting, picking up, looking at, etc.
  • On an American election related video will be a Ron Paul fanboy spamming "Ron Paul 2012" or "Ron Paul is the only candidate who talks sense", etc, etc. Or even if it's a popular foreign politician there will be Americunts saying "He/She is <insert country here>'s Ron Paul”.


UPDATE: On July 8th, 2009, YouTube admins decided to share some lulz by CENSORING ANY YOUTUBE COMMENT containing any profanity. The result included a shitstorm of hate and immediate bypass of the filter to vent their frustration (FU-CK YOU YOUTUBE N_IGGERS BLOCKING OUR F-UCKING USELESS AND IDIOTIC POSTS, ***-GOTS, I'LL SODOMIZE YOUR CHILDREN WITH A BASEBALL BAT). After a few hours, the ability to troll the comments in a regular fashion was re-instated, with censored material immediately becoming visible once again. Much confusion will ensue as people wonder wtf just happened and why their FUCKs' and SHITs' were covered in **** for a few hours.

Vevo

Youtube introduced a Youtube playlist feature in January 2008. It is available to all registered Youtube users. With it, they can create their own playlists. The playlists can consist of any video on the whole site. Videos can be watched in a row within a playlist and playlists can also be shared publicly. This means playlists can be displayed on Youtube channels and within Youtube searches. It soon became popular to start YouTube playlists consisting of music. The music industry reported a lot of the music playlists. YouTube staff started to remove all copyright infringing videos, which merely consisted of music. However, YouTubers retaliated by re uploading their removed videos. This game of cat and mouse continues until this day, However, it diminished when Vevo was founded in December 2009. It is a music video streaming consortium consisting of Universal Music Group, Sony Music Entertainment and Emi Records. Vevo started its own channel and is in liason with Youtube. All Vevo's videos, from the 80s and forward, are embedded in special advertisements for new pop songs, which are published by Vevo. Also, you can't playlist Vevo videos.

Blurred Lines

Audio Preview

Sometime in November 2008 YouTube ripped off an issue of xkcd by installing an "Audio Feedback" system that allows you to hear your comments read back to you before you post them. Naturally, this idea should have stayed in the realm of "Haha, what if?" because it's completely fucking useless in practice. The only real use for the device is to amuse one's self by typing ridiculous bullshit into the comment field to hear it read back to you by a robot with a speech impediment. This shit has never worked in the first place.

Linked with Google+

Typical YouTube comments after the 6th November 2013.

After several changes to the channel and video pages, on the 6th November 2013 Google thought that it was a good time to troll the YouTube community again. This time however not by changing the channel layout for the twentieth freaking time but the comment section, the holy grail of the community. The system was made to "clean up" the comments so that all the sissies browsing YouTube don't get offended anymore by random people on the internets. On that day every YouTube user was forced to make an account on Google+ or otherwise they weren't allowed to post, rate and reply to comments. The new system however backfired and trolls will have a much easier time trolling as the new system also added features such as:

  • No character limit so you can post your favorite My Little Pony porn story in just one comment.
  • The ability to disable replies to your comment.
  • Edit your comment after you've posted it for extra lulz.
  • Posting entire links to your favorite goatse images without the need to split it.

It is also possible to post entire ASCII images in the comments now so go out there and do it.


Most Youtube users do not seem to accept the Google Plus integrated update. Those who don't upload videos and only posts comments protest because they can no longer have their credit card number as their user name. Youtube uploaders complain about how they now feel because of changes in the comment system. After the update the prioritized comments are those which are the most discussed (aside from the most liked comments). Each time someone posts a reply its original post gets to the top. Critical comments are bound to harness the most discussion, so therefore it appears as if the discontentment with an uploader is greater than what it really is. Update: They have now imposed a character limit, disabled links and disprioritized hateful comments. People with many followers on Google Plus are higher up in the comments section. Conversely, people posting shit even by Youtube-standard are pushed back. In other words, the comments now are pseudo chronological.

Google Plus can also ghost ban comments if it thinks it is spam or a negative comment, even if it is not, due to the shitty filtering system. Comments are often marked as spam if a link (even a Youtube link) is posted or a user shitposts too many comments in a short period. This means that no one else can see the comment except the OP, who will not realize this, until they log out or use another account, and soon rages when they figure out that their comments are invisible.

Closed Captions

Typical Youtube closed captions. Don't by surprised if this turns into a gallery in the near future.
Another prime example of YouTube's high-tech closed captioning system.

Are you or someone you know deaf, therefore unable to hear the wonderful Linkin Park music in the background of your favorite teenage blog series? Are you tired of not being able to see the video without little words covering the bottom of the screen like a cheap B-rate kung-fu flick? Youtube's closed captions are not here to help! Apparently written by half-baked Chinese immigrants who still don't know how to English, this option lets you view completely unrelated essays instead of watching some shit video.

These captions are less accurate than inflation artists getting body proportions right, but are somehow more pleasant to look at and read. While these stupid-as-shit leaches-of-bandwidth may fail to actually help anyone who actually want to use them to compensate for their deafness, they can provide a few good lolwut moments on a bored Saturday.

RickRoll

On April Fools Day, 2008, the fags at JewTube redirected all featured video links to Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up, hoping users would applaud JewTube for its originality and suck its e-penis. This pathetic attempt at an April Fools joke "fooled" nearly one hundred thousand newfags, attempting to milk an already dead meme for everything it's worth. Not since Carson Daily Rickrolled his own audience on national television or the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade has there been such blatant faggotry. Update: Nancy Pelosi actually managed to top it.

according to Sen. Ted Stevens

YouTube is not a big truck either.

YouTube is a very great tube, on it you can see people who have made moving pictures, and put their moving picture through a bunch of gigawatts, and gilgabites, until it is on YouTube's tubes. These tubes can be viewed by other chaps and can be put on other tubes, so whether you're watching a moving picture about flying machines or the new telegraph, you can always receive jollys at YouTube, and have a gay ol' time.

Updated Channel Designs

Proof that YouTube's new channel design is shit

In 2009, YouTube started changing everyone's channels and renamed them GooTube beta. In July, they made it fully mandatory.

Features of the new design:

  • 90% of the links and buttons on your channel page are JavaScript. None of them work except in IE 4.0 with security features completely off and only version 4.0.
  • No one can view your videos, your favorites, etc.
  • Channel comments links. For instance if your YouTube username is http://www.youtube.com/user/ScarletSanctum , your link to view the next series of comments is the broken link http://www.youtube.com/user/&start=10 . You have to correct YouTube's own faulty HTML by editing their link and making it http://www.youtube.com/user/ScarletSanctum&start=10 .

YouTube's initial blog about the changes has received nothing but complaints from the "YouTube Community" and their "help" forums have had the same reaction to the faulty beta design since early Spring. YouTube never fixed any of the problems with their shitty design and has now decided to make the new channel design mandatory and only old accounts from before the changeover are allowed to retain their original look. This is YouTube's way of proving that none of their employees have ever visited their own website.

Your Dox

So some of you might have thought that in 5 years of YouTube's clueless administration they couldn't possibly make worse decisions than they already have; well it turns out you were very fucking wrong. YouTube has now made new changes that have nerds raging again:

  • They implemented an "account verification" system, demanding you give them a fucking cell phone number just to open an account. This is by far the queerest change they've made in years. The days of being able to set up socks at lightning speed are over and it means they're fewer and harder to come by. So enjoy your fucking txt spam and "This is the second notice that the factory warranty on your vehicle is expiring" if you sign up for a new one. Sidenote: There have actually been reports that YouTube doesn't always seem to ask for this during sign-up, but this is a [[myth]br />] at this point.
  • They changed the video page layout towards a crack-baby interface, moving shit around and implementing like/dislike ratings rather than the old star system, they also added some a faggy 'autoplay' list of assumingly related shit to the right that nobody can figure out.
  • Fucked up the comment system, again.
  • They have now implemented subscription limits. The number of subscriptions you can have is somehow derived from the number of subscribers you have.

The thing is, now older YouTube accounts (ones from the first half of 2007 or earlier) are at a premium because these accounts are unique in that:

  1. They do not require the new layout and are thusly much less faggy. - they've now been assimilated too
  2. They are able to upload tl;dw over 10 minutes. UPDATE: When this is written, December 2013, Wikipedia says: All YouTube users can upload videos up to 15 minutes each in duration. Users who have a good track record of complying with the site's Community Guidelines may be offered the ability to upload videos up to 12 hours in length, which requires verifying the account, normally through a mobile phone.
  3. They have less ass in general.

Rest assure these are just a taste of the shittyness YouTube has in store for us this year.

Bypassing The Mobile Verification Shit

  1. Register an account at Google AdWords. (Put in fake info, Google won't know shit)
  2. Create a YouTube account using the exact same e-mail you used on the AdWords account.
  3. Link your newly created YouTube account with the e-mail.
  4. ????
  5. PROFIT!

It is possible that Google locks your account for "unusual activity" (a.k.a. being you surfing on YouTube) just a few hours after you've opened your new account and is then forcing you to give them your mobile number. If you still want to spam on YouTube videos then fuck this shit and open another account on AdWords by using a 10 Minute Mail. Do this everytime Google locks up your last opened account.
If, for whatever reason, you want to keep your spam account, do the steps described in the video below to verify your account without giving away your phone number (if you can understand that indian nigger).

TL;DW version:

  • Make an account on K7.net
  • Make sure to pick "Send my messages to my email..." in the K7 options
  • Use your new K7 phone number and let Google send a voice verification code
  • Open the K7 email you received and hear the attached voice verification code
  • ????
  • PROFIT!

Layout 2012

You'll be begging in pain to get the 2009 design back when this shit rolls out.

You thought after the massive fuck up of 2009 it would've been all over? You're wrong. Being forced upon everyone on the 7th March 2012, the Cosmic Panda layout is ready to eat your cock. Why is it bad in every way possible compared to the old design? Just look at the freakin' screenshot on the right.
If you think to yourself "It isn't that bad" then you're first mentally retarded and second Google's new live entertainment source by still using your shitty Google Chrome, GMail, Youtube and every other fucked up spy software of Google after the 1st March when Google updates its TOS to make it more spy friendly.
Some argue that ZippCast, some crappy YouTube 2008 clone, is much better than today's YouTube. However, none of these statements seem to be true as the site's extremely slow, dead and boring.

Get more out of YouTube
Some irrelevant partner being butthurt as he won't get as much jew gold as before with the new layout.

Previous Video  |  Next Video

How To Score Cheap Lulz

YouTube = fail

If you're in for some lulz, you've come to the right site. Usually go to any video which has a lot of views (suggestions would be a religious JewTubeer or some shit band videos) and just say something completely against the tide. Then a bunch of 13 year old boys will type furiously about how the internets is serious business. They'll probably send you a PM with some long bullshit about how you are wrong. Here is a generic statement for you to use:

"This is a total rip-off of ______________ (insert old band or movie name)"

Better yet, if the original poster of the video is the type to actually respond to each and every comment he gets with a long argument which fills the text limit, well you can say the most racist, sexist, bigoted comments imaginable and they will respond with accusations of trolling while also flaming you back as if they think you typed those comments in the height of serious-ity. Find a user like this and you will find yourself uttering the phrase "He's responding, he's responding, I cant believe he's responding."

The first step in getting any lulz in the above fashion first centers upon finding a tuber you don't like.
But don't worry...you will. (In fact, it's damn near impossible not to.)

Most YouTube users will get butthurt over just about anything, which makes them perfect troll targets. Here are some examples of YouTube butthurt and what usually happens as a result of it:

  • Someone leaves a negative comment on one of their videos (which usually results in an endless series of video responses in which they try to "destroy" each other.)
  • They get their videos removed or their account suspended (which usually results in a major boycott plan to not log onto YouTube for an ENTIRE DAY!!!11!)

Cloning

A person who makes a YouTube account exactly the same but they replace the l with I or replace the I with l. If the YouTube account doesn't contain those letters than the person cannot be cloned. Clones also must clone the listed friends and make a copy of the person's YouTube videos. Another popular method is copy and pasting the original person's profile. Clones work when the person closes the account as well because then if you close the clone account and spam someone they will think it's the person you're cloning that did the spamming. You can also use clone to disguise as someone to become an admin of a stream. Then you can ban every moderator in the stream when nobody is in there. As you can tell this can cause mass confusion.

Example: Here's an original channel and here's its clone.

Here is another original channel and here is the clone.

There is currently a Clone Wars raging amongst a faction of dedicated trolls and YouTube user Beamshipcaptain. The original declaration of war was made in October 2009 by now banned clone leader "TheBeamshipCaptain".

Several other trolls have now taken arms and created clone accounts. There are currently at least 10 clone accounts, ranging from BeamshipsRevenge to MorganshipCaptain, and randombeamshipman(who is a hybrid of randomlaughingman and beamshipcaptain).

The clone armies will not rest untill the internets have been purged of these idiots.

Ultimate Trolling (UJT)

YouTube is known by emos for its hurtful messages.

Ultimate Jewtube Trolling (UJT) is an absolutely epic way to troll the fucking shit out of hapless bystanders on the tubes of the Jews. Using its awesome power the skilled troll can turn even the most dried-up and shriveled old piece of loljerky into a supple and fertile lolcow ready for milking. Read on to initiate yourself into the secrets of the UJT, the final boss of Jewtube trolling.

First you need to find a victim. Go to well-populated topical channels. You want to find someone you can get into a reasonable debate with. For example, you might go on a video about drone attacks and provoke a libtard into an argument on why the drone-attacks are necessary (probably funnier with conservatards though). Proceed to initiate said debate. After some boring back and forth on w hatever the issue at hand is suddenly write something like this:

 
 
OMG I want everyone to know that this guy is total sicko. I just went on his Youtube channel and he just uploaded a video of himself defecating in his own hand and rubbing it on his bare genitals. He just uploaded this and I’m pretty sure he did it so that I’d have to watch it. This guy is some sort of sick perv. Stay the fuck away! I’m reporting this to Youtube.
 

 

When your lolcow begins swelling to bursting point with lulz and threatening to sue you in internet court claim that he has just then removed the video and that you now know that it was just uploaded so that you would have to watch it so that the guy could get sick thrills. This can be done over and over again for bonus lulz and you can continue to say that he’s uploading ever sicker and sicker videos and then taking them down to get his rocks off. You can also say that the user is sending you messages with really fucked up content and that he’s found a way of hacking your account so you can’t block him.

Copyright Bullshit

The Jews were here

100 years ago, YouTube was a haven for pirates, who made it totally awesome for us by outweighing the camwhore shit with almost every anime, TV show and porno movie you could think of. But then, one day, some faggot from Viacom whined about everyone spreading a clip of The Daily Show all over the internets and the shitstorm began.

As a result, YouTube became Nazis and decided to wipe off every piece of copyrighted material they could find, including those taken with a shitty webcam. Although few of these remain, millions of AMVs remained untouched. YouTube also loves to pwn any account that has hosted these video clips, just for the lulz, but the so-called "offenders" would come back anyway and post their shit again.

Update:

YouTube has now implemented an automatic pwning device to take out copyright material. The system functions by identifying code in your uploads. For example if you were to download some other useless video off of YouTube then upload it directly YouTube would reject it automatically. It can also detect other profanities such as severe violence, gore, nudity, and Trevor Rieger.

Another Update:

YouTube has implemented a system where, in certain countries, you may or may not be able to view certain videos based on arbitrary legal restrictions. Oh noes, British users can no longer watch music videos, which is total bullshit!!!!!!!!

But then, how?

PROTIP:

If you have Firefox or Chrome, you can use Proxies such as [[1]]

The DMCA

It's fucking real

YouTube is likely the biggest worldwide hub for DMCA abuse on the entire internet, as well as home to the endless debate that has resulted from it. Since the site's inception there have been endless diatribes concerning DMCA abuse by individuals who are clearly oblivious as to the actual legislation. This is usually because most people on YouTube who fancy themselves "vloggers" are fugly self-involved highschool dropouts who would rather whine about The Man than face the reality of their own ignorance.

If you get a video removed or you get banned by someone filing a false DMCA, here's some clarification for complete and utter retards:

  • Upon receiving a properly formatted take-down notice YouTube will remove content regardless. Despite common misconceptions of complete idiots, YouTube does not check your content to verify whether it is infringing of others' copyrights, nor does the site make value judgments on content or whether it is infringing. If YouTube did this they would themselves become liable. If you have something removed you must either:
  1. Drop your own dox in a properly formatted DMCA counter-notice to prove you were right and restore the content. It's pretty fucking easy if you're not a complete retard, just click on copyright at the bottom of YouTube and follow the steps.
  2. Provide a fake DMCA counter-notice anyway. It doesn't matter how much you bullshit, as long as you file any kind of counter-claim then YouTube HAS to put your content back up within two weeks. At that point the only way another party can then have your content removed legally is to pursue their interests in a court of IRL law in the US or through the international courts. PROTIP - you are not testifying in court at this point so there's no risk facing perjury charges, you pansy.
  • The DMCA is intended to protect intellectual property - not to remove objectionable content. This is perhaps the most fundamental misunderstanding of the DMCA - this and complete ignorance of applicability the "Fair Use" clause of The Act. But because YouTube is, and always will be, inhabited by clueless low-lifes who would rather the site remain a hugbox, there are always those who will be willing to perjure themselves to save their fragile psyche the torment of criticism.
  • Putting something stupid like "NOTICE I DO NOT OWN NICKELODEON STUDIOS" on your uploads of Spongebob episodes does not give you the legal right to upload them. Pointing out the fact that you don't have the intellectual property rights to the content that you uploaded without permission is like a black person riding around town holding up a sign that says "I DO NOT OWN THIS BIKE" and thinking that makes stealing it legal.
  • No one made you upload anything in the first place, dumbfuck. If your shitty vlog got taken down by some butthurt aspie or batshit furfag then fucking cry moar faggot.

People that bitch about Fair Use & DMCA in their video descriptions as a preemptive strike against takedown are hilariously easy to troll. The best part is that their belief in themselves as experts in the legal system means they will keep responding with long-winded ragefits about how they have the constitutional right to upload pirate copies of TV shows and movies. When you get tired of making them dance like an e-puppet for your amusement, simply email a link to the copyright owner (most studios have a link on their website for legal notices) - be polite and brief, you're not doing it for their sake but for lulz. Within a day or so the videos will be taken off YouTube, and your victim will spend the next week crying under their bed because they not only lost their precious view count, but they were proven utterly wrong on the internet.

The Banhammer

Every troll should feel the ong hard shaft of the banhammer at least once.

YouTube punishment is usually a form of ban from the service by deleting the guilty party's account. However, it remains unclear how long the suspension lasts since YouTube doesn't know how to use email unless it deals with an idle DMCA threat. Some suggest a YouTuber's IP address may be blocked from the server to prevent them from creating another account, sometimes indefinitely. These actions are thought to be invoked for such offenses as violating YouTube's Terms of Service, trolling Renetto, jerking off on cam while smoking a Cuban cigar, disrespecting Mia, or promoting illegal acts. If you have been IP banned for TOS violations you will get the following message if you try and register an account:

This ban is purely for the creation of accounts - if you create a new account via proxy, YouTube does not re-ban you if you go back to the regular one.

The truth is that unless you do anything that would attract the attention of law enforcement, most trolls can return immediately after they've been suspended and (most of the time) aren't even IP banned. That is, of course, unless you were stupid enough to put your face on cam. YouTube has demonstrated thus far that their policies towards banning users has been, and continues to be, arbitrary at best over the last 4 years. This is because certain users/vloggers have demonstrably been given the dreaded perma-ban and are never allowed to return, whilst others are banned yet are allowed to return without hindrance (i.e. Theboringdispatcher, Warren25smash, etc.) This means there is an arbitrary discrepancy between a perma-ban and a regular ban and you'll never know which the mongoloids on the YouTube Staff have arbitrarily decided to give you.

For DMCA violations there is a 3-strike rule in place, but the details surrounding this policy are still sketchy. For example, some people have had 3 videos removed in one instance but are not banned, others have been banned for 3 separate occasions. YouTube's employment of this "policy" has been about as straightforward as their arbitrary TOS bans mentioned above.

Some countries like Turkey, however, banned YouTube to show them who the real boss is.

Update

YouTube has made policy changes regarding bannings. Accounts can now be "muted" for certain periods of time for TOS violations or breaches of "Community Guidelines". Being "muted" doesn't mean your account is banned, it means that you may or may not be able to upload content, post comments, or interact with your account during your mute period. As a result of the changes they have somewhat relaxed their policy towards breaches of "Community Guidelines" and TOS, but not for DMCA violations - you're shit out of luck if you were banned for those.

View Fraud

View fraud is the most obvious when new users with no subscribers do it. This video has 16 comments, rated 62 times and has 185,000+ views. VPC: 11,572. Link to video LOL B&.

YouTube has had, and will continue to have, a long history of users gaming the system: scammers, frauds, and desperate attention whores all competing for attention of the average moron to give them a solitary click on their video. Some do a little more than this though, and take extreme measures to abuse the system and garner views.

For moar info see the article on YouTube View Fraud

The Subscriber Security Hole

Another prime example of YouYube fucking up the page design

Some time ago Anonymous discovered whoever coded YouTube sucks and left a security hole on their website for people to exploit. It involves a YouTube user's subscribers count on their profile page and how it can be exploited.

Here's how it works:

  • 1) Subscribe to target user
  • 2) Unsubscribe
  • 3) Repeat
  • 4) ????
  • 5) PROFIT

The first time a user subscribes, the subscribers count increments by 1, but does NOT increment any time you do it again. However, unsubscribing will decrement their count by 1. eBaum's World eventually found note of this and decided to attack Lonelygirl15's page and bring the count from tens of thousands of subscribers down to 0. It has also been done to her longface, Jew-nosed widow Danielbeast and other various YouTubers like Daxflame and VenomFangX. A script has also been developed to exploit this hole with about as much manpower as an Indian call center...but nobody can seem to locate it. The glitch was short lived before YouTube employees got off their asses and did something about it, but the BAWWWW from vloggers across the site was incessant and pointed for this short period as many users were upset about losing their honorz.

Update:

The YouTube staff finally got this shit fixed. Hallefuckingjulah, it only took them a year and a half.

Update:

There's was recently another gaping security hole based on the same principle. HURR DURR YEAH BOSS WE TOTALLY FIXED THAT SUBSCRIBER BUG.

Video Security Hole

Nuvola
Moar info: YouTube Independence Day.

July 4th, 2010, at 6:17 AM Eastern Time, the very first thread went up on Ebaumsworld' forums. Detailing a script that you could plug in to make your text red and scroll across the page. Soon, it was discovered that not only did this delete/hide all other comments besides yours, but that it rendered every button except the ones on the video itself as useless as a Brit's dick. Cries to infect the pages of Justin Biebe, Fred, and G4 were made. It was lulzy, all was well.

Then someone posted a thread on /b/.

Within the hour, a few new scripts had appeared, one would render the entire background black. Nothing except the video playing. Another would allow you to make fake message boxes when the page opened. But the third is where things get out of hand. The final one allowed you to redirect videos to anywhere on the internet. Combined with the now unflaggable videos, cp, gore, and porn in general began to popup disguised as "Justin Bieber - Baby," or "Lady Gaga - Poker Face."

Meanwhile, Ebaums was in its usual disorganized chaos. /v/ had started it all with a code obtained from /g/, then /b/ entered the picture due to /v/ and shit hit the fan. Moralfags came out in droves, /b/ was flooded with Jewtube Assault images. Everyone believed that the final battle between 4chan and YouTube was about to ensue. A new Ragnarok of the internet. Some said it was being taken to far, that innocent people would be v&. These people were, predictably, promptly ignored.

Obviously, YouTube kicked its shit into high gear. Three and a half hours in, "Safety Mode" was live. Opening the comments still activated the scripts as normal, but now they weren't automatic. The push was losing steam on 4chan, as more and more moralfags woke up and took time away from their mother]'s dried up teat to post their OUTRAGE. This bitch move thus draining morale on the shitposters even further.

In the aftermath, 4chan was blamed for the incident, as planned by the cock-lovers at EbaumsWorld. In reality, 4chan did not find the exploit.

Community Council

Since Damien Estreich failed so epically at his job as an "advocate" for the community, YouTube, in an act of pure laziness, decided to create a "Community Council" to direct any complaints (because they are too busy making money) from the "community" to 5 users: Bravesgirl5, Youtube-favicon.png bradofarrell, Youtube-favicon.png sarrycrey, Youtube-favicon.png tlg847, Youtube-favicon.png Visblemode.


tlg847 on Serious Business.

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Update:

YouTube's officially sanctioned "Community Council" is now completely defunct.

YouTube Impersonators

  • Kissyoutube - Type in "kiss" before a YouTube video, and you can download it.
  • Dailymotion - Dailymotion will one day replace YouTube for all your internets blogging needs. God Bless those Gay Frenchfags!
  • Vloggerheads - Renetto's answer to YouTube. Predicted to die before next Thursday. See the article for moar details.
  • Youporn - This site is for horny 13 year old boys with no life and an obvious addiction to cumming on their computer screens.
  • Xtube - Xtube is a copycat of YouTube, but instead of regular shitty webcam videos, this has regular shitty webcam porno videos. The only thing that would make this less shitty is if it had less than 9,000 videos of your mom being blasted by some fag.
  • Pornotube - If you don't like jacking off to emo videos and camwhores then Pornotube is for you! Just make sure to click on Straight Content before browsing, else you come upon an absolutely gay video of three guys jacking off on each other. Due to Pornotube's sorting algorithm you will probably be overwhelmed with cocks in the "straight" section as well. This is not a bug, you are a closet homosexual and they know.
  • Shockingtube - A wannabe YouPorn site hosting a wide range of fucked-up shit of highly questionable legality and fagality in video format. Ex.Meatspin,BME Pain Olympics,Fred.
  • Beast Tube - Do you even need to fucking ask?
  • Yiffytube - The furries got tired of websites with no furry porn so they made their own YouTube clone dedicated to only furry videos.
  • Godtube - Well it's not for atheists so just take a guess.
  • JewTube - A website comprised of Jewish-oriented user-generated content. JewTube was founded by Jeremy Kossen, a Los Angeles-based Jew that was afraid the domain would be used for lulz. Jewtube is also a great place to buy and sell blue-eyed gentile babies so you can crucify them for unknown Kabbalah rituals... Oddly enough, Google is trying to out-jew the New York City based company NetParty for the use of the name "JewTube", on trademark grounds. Ironically, Google is headed by a trio of Nazis.

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