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World of Warcraft

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ALL YOUR BASE! Playing World of Warcraft leads to massmurder and suicide
Special Edition Warcraft cover. Features two reasons to stay away from this game..


See related items.


World of Warcraft, commonly known as “WoW” or "Wow, my life has gone down the shitter", is an extremely shitty MMORPG created by Blizzard after they decided to jump in on the MMO bandwagon. It now has 11 million subscribers, 9 MILLION HAHA NO ONE LIKES WOW ANYMORE, 7.7 MILLION HAHA, WOW IT'S ALREADY STARTED CIRCLING THE DRAIN (DRAENEI).

It is currently the largest hub of MMO (massive male orgy) game comprised exclusively of fat greasy furries sitting on cumstained lap top armchairs, who "kill" internet dragons for pretend money and experience points, making them strong enough to kill bigger internet dragons. Trapped in this cycle, they play in their parents' basements, emerging only a few hours a week to tell the world about their newest magical weapons and arena levels.

The inhabitants of the WoW forums are also among the most chronically illiterate losers on the face of the planet. In fact, WoW players are considered to be so horrible, that even other MMO players spit on them. And that's just the tip of the iceberg...

Contents

PvE

Whatever happened to the tale of reason and madness, unity and betrayal, arrogance and humility, purity and taintedness, hatred and love, passion and callousness, self sacrifice and egotism, reverance and recklessness, which was always shifting, but always the same because of one single reason: an emotional connection with the consumer in the world of... Warcraft?

This tagline title is the one good thing that remains from World of Warcraft's predecessors. No matter how many dinosaurs are being killed in the Un'Goro Crater it will still be dinosaur infested; no matter how many billions of centaurs are killed; they are still seemingly on the verge to attack the Orc capital of Orgrimmar; no matter how many Jamaican fantasy troll counterparts are being killed, their cult will never lose ground. Playing a quest in World of Warcraft is like fucking a prostitute, you might slightly enjoy it, but you still get that awkward feeling that a gazillion people have done her before, and that you are being unfairly milked of your money.

PvP


Yet another typical World of Warcraft player. Notice the amount of fail on the "getting laid" meter.
The only way most WoW players could ever get laid.

Although WoW faggots never engage in heterosex IRL, they often “Pwn” or “gank” each other within the game when not standing around cities shouting "LFG..." or "WTS..." In the year 2004 and early 2005 World of Warcraft players engaged in outdoor PvP action. Some leveling areas, such as Hillsbrad Foothills, in effect became warzones that the local inhabitants (levelers) had to flee from. Events like these suddenly disappeared after the addition of Battlegrounds. Battlegrounds are instanced PvP maps similar to the maps in Quake. However, unlike Quake, there are only three battlegrounds which each are bound to the same mission objective. Along with the battlegrounds, Blizzard introduced a honor system. Players gain honor by killing others. The more honor they have, the better gear they can buy to pwn others. The introduction of the honor system made outdoor PvP action extinct, for the reason that those who play on battlegrounds started gainining much more honor. Since then, the only thing massive with World of Warcaft is Blizzard's profit.

One of the reasons WoW faggots abstain from sex is that they prefer to be with “their own kind”, but since WoWers rarely leave their homes (busy with the srs biz raiding), this is thought to be a filthy lie. In short, it's better that they don't breed.

Gameplay

Your average in-game enemy.

You must first begin by downloading 7 gigabytes of client data and 20 terabytes of patches. It will take approximately half a month to download from their shitty P2P network, during which time you may continue chronically fapping to internet pr0n and entertaining pipe dreams that you won't die alone. (NOTE: You will die alone.)

After managing to get past the buggy software and buggy login screen, you are given a 10-page questionnaire on deciding what server you will spend the rest of your life on, how many piercings you want on your character's cock, guessing which broken/overpowered class to play on, and other mundane details of your new persona (which will all wind up being more interesting than the details of your old persona).

After that jive, you get a quick lame introduction and your first quest. By the time you turn that quest in and get the second, you'll quickly realize what you'll be doing the majority of the game. Your virtual you gains experience by questing (killing the same ten monsters over and over for experience), grinding (killing the same ten monsters over and over for experience), or just being lazy and following someone around "Leeching" ("watching" them kill the same ten monsters over and over for experience). This involves venturing through eight surreal worlds with fel-demons and demons and fel-demon-fels.

Once you manage to get to level 90 in EverQuest for Kids, you will probably have to join a guild if you haven't already. Guilds usually set aside a few hours each night to grab as many of their members as possible and fight some sort of demon or dragon that drops an oversized weapon. This will spark drama over who gets to loot the weapon. You know, just like in every other MMORPG?

After you have succeeded in getting every epic internet sword and shiny armor, you will be granted the awesome and ultimate privilege of standing in the middle of a city where other players may click you and inspect your armor for the entire duration of your logging on.

If you haven't died from a pulmonary embolism, stroke, or any other clot related injury by sitting in the same position weeks on end in front of your computer, you are offered the option of changing your race for $30, changing your appearance for $40, enhancing your cock for $25, doing all this for $300, and ordering a mini version of a boss that screams the same lines over and over to follow you for $500. You may also change servers for $250 and an extra $50 monthly fee.

WoW linked to suicide and massmurder

To the surprise of absolutely no-one, basement dwellers who spend all their day trying to gain levels so they can fight dragons are more prone to becoming massmurders. The game actively teaches them how to kill themselves and how to kill other people without any repercussions. And if you are really good at killing others they even reward you with better loot, so you can kill more. This was the inspiration for Anders Breivik. Yes, he absolutely trained his psychopath and killing skills in the land of Azeroth.


 
 
He does not seem to be very successful at distinguishing between the virtual reality of 'World of Warcraft' and other video games and reality
 

 

—Thomas Hylland Eriksen - anthropologist


What will happen to your kids if they play WoW

Of course WoWtards will deny this fact and go back to killing dragons so they can learn to kill in real life.
The WoWfags who doesn't become massmurders are suicidal and will end their own miserable life in horrible World Of Warcraft imitating ways. For instance Zhang Xiaoyi who wanted to join his dead heroes in the game after the game told him it was possible. The game instructed him that the best way would be to jump out from the 24th floor, a soar like an eagle. But unlike in WoW, this poor kid couldn't turn into a flying mount, and landed face first on the pavement. Blizzard of course rejoiced when they heard their game had been successful in teaching kids to join their heroes in the afterlife.
The attempt to kill dragons also forced "Snowly" to die from exhaustion from playing the game for multiple days.
Thereafter Nan Ren Gu Shi joined him by also being forced to die a horrible death by Blizzard.
Xiao Cai tried to eat sawblades after playing WoW.
Don't believe people who are saying it is just a game. It is a machine designed to make everyone suicidal and genocidal

 
 
My kid was like someone taking drugs who could not control himself
 

 

—Zhang Xiaoyi's father, http://www.play.tm/news/5928/chinese-suicide-shows-addiction-dangers/

Winners of WoW

  1. People who don't play WoW.
  2. Zhang Xiaoyi for an flying mount

Races

The Alliance

The Alliance mainly consists of children and teenagers who sit on their character jacking off rather than doing their math homework, so teamwork and gameplay on this faction is a smorgasbord of unorganized disaster and AIDS. Everyone is a goddamn Night Elf.


Race Racial Skills Description
Manboob.JPG
Humans
•Pussybitchness increased by 10%
•Alcohol level increased by 0.3‰
•Every man for himself
The only available race where players can feel safe without having to know they aren't some retarded mutant like in IRL. The men are abnormally bulky and the women have unusually large heads.
Gief moniez plox.jpg
Dwarfs
•100% increased nose
•50% increased backstab critical hit
•Treasure finding
The dwarves may be Jewish: Huge noses, long beards, retarded dances, and a racial ability to find treasure.
Midget Porn.JPG
Gnomes
•13 year old no life passive
•30% increased suicide by explosion
•Escape artist
This race is commonly played by 13-year-old boys who spend all day PvPing instead of graduating middle school. Due to their small size, this is also a favorite race of pedophiles. In addition, they can be used as cannonballs in a pinch. Gnome players will generally use names with the word "gnome" in it because it's hilarious.
Alizee dick.gif
Night Elves
•5% increased bestiality
•Passive blueness
•Shadowmeld
The whores of the Warcraft world, closely modeled off of Alizée, and the closest thing Blizzard has gotten to anime in order to increase sales due to all the stupid Naruto fanboys out there. Mostly played as female by men to get attention from other men and epic lewt under the guise of being a hot Camwhore. Also fans of Al Gore and friends of the environment. Night elves live in trees as a political statement are most likely Liberal douchebags.
Blu aardvark suit2.jpg
Draenei
•2% An hero
• increased ruby scripting
•Gift Of The Naaru
The first expansion race gives the Alliance big blue Russian aliens with penis-tails for their beard. They can be found in Shattrath City, getting drugs from their dealers known as Naaru.
Worgenhomolove.jpg
Worgen
•Increase your yiffing by 40%
•Passive doggystyle
•Skinning
Because so many wolfaboos bitched over how the Alliance didn't have a furry class of their own, Blizzard decided to be retarded and give them what they want. Now every user will be yiffing each other as soon as they buy the damn expansion.

The Horde

The Horde consists of a mixture of neckbeards, fat, and acne. They will always win in PvP matches and kill the dragons first. The amount of points in Internet damage they can do is directly proportional to their weight in pounds. Everyone is a goddamn Blood Elf.

Race Racial Skills Description
Gay Orc.jpg
Orcs
•Fisting increased by 1%
•Passive Gay Fury
•Hardiness
Orcs are big, have an unusual skin color, and prone to anally rape small moving things with battle axes. Players who use this race are whiter than white.
Troll giant.jpg
Trolls
•Red Eye
•Ganja slaying
•Da Voodoo Shuffle
They talk like Rasta men and probably smoke a ton of mojo, mon.
ZombieSaveTheChildren.jpg
Undead
•Touch of the child
•5% forsaken child
•Cannibalize
Goths use these, period. Just start smoking Djarum Blacks now. Also a favorite of PvPers because they're impossible to kill.
Hellbovine.gif
Tauren
•Milk
•Leather
•Endurance
This race is the ideal race for furries and neckbeards. Half of the Tauren userbase will have the word "moo" or "cow" in their names because they think they are clever and internet-funny, when in reality they need to cut off circulation to their dick and set themselves on fire.
Elfy2.jpg
Blood Elves
•Gay Affinity
•Sperm Torrent
•Arcane Resistance (to rape)
*Blood Elves - The other ridiculously faggoty elf race of the game. Joined the Horde BAWWWWWing because the Alliance wouldn't give them respect. Surprisingly, neither does the Horde. The males look like a cross between rejected Sephiroth/Dragon Ball Z fanart and the females are anorexic bitches. By law, all blood elves are named some variant of "Legolas". Any other name is unacceptable.
WoW Goblin.jpg
Goblins
•Cock
•Black Cock
•Best Deals Anywhere
A clever mix of gnomes, orcs, and Jews. Like gnomes, they're popular with the rest of the races for their potential use as projectiles and footballs. Unlike gnomes however, they violently explode when used as such.

The Neutral Race

Because Blizzard was too lazy, they decided to add a race for both faction on the Alliance and the Horde, and made this.

  • Pandaren - Basically, you get a panda, and a man, mix them together, and you get THIS furryness of a race. They resemble to asians and are loved by many...err...half of the playerbase. This race is proven to convert non-furfags into yiffing furfags. Warning: This race resembles Kung Fu Panda, bringing in girls and kids to the game.

Be a Panda.png

Classes and Talents

After choosing a race, the player is given the choice of what class they should choose for their character. Blizzard employees insert a marble dildo halfway into their asses and type on their keyboards with the base of the dildo to make changes and balance fixes in the game with upcoming patches.

That's the World of Warcraft That You Play!
How to DPS

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A mighty Orc warrior slaying a fearsome basilisk.

Warrior
Melee fighters that use rage as a resource. They suck at dps and can't pvp for shit since all the ranged classes pwn them and they can't use any spells since they need fucking rage, causing you to generate rage irl. They are however piss easy to play as in pve since they don't need to give a shit about mana since rage generates itself in combat. The only use of this shit class is to play as a tank but you are fucked if there are no healers since you have no healing spells.

  • Arms - You use your fucking arms, spin like a ballerina and die constantly.
  • Fury - Grants warriors to equip a giant dong in each hand, so they have an easier time being faggots. Remember to always use raging blowjob when you have 2 charges.
  • Protection - A curious name for this, as these are the biggest AIDS on this planet. Nobody knows how to play them, so expect your group to fail every time this is the tank.


Wow Paladin.jpg

Paladin
Everybody expects this class to heal, and if you do anything else, people will hate you. Because it makes perfect sense that the class in full plate should stand in the back and heal. Paladins may be mods, as they drop large hammers on other players while they hide in a bubble so that Noone can do anything to them. After they get bored, they will cast a 10 second long spell that teleports them to Japan. All paladin names are variations on "Arthas".

  • Retribution- If you choose this branch, just start over. The goal of this class is to get holy power, then spend it, get holy power, spend it, get holy power, spend it, get holy power, kill yourself, spend it, get holy power..
  • Protection- The tank of the game. Which is not saying much. Basically, whilst in a fight you get an extra five seconds of life. It's the kind of thing where you think you're getting the best of the best, but is really isn't much different. Only good for raids and tanking. Also enjoy your 1 million life points, and your zero real life points.
  • Holy- Absolutely useless. Can't heal. Can't do any damage. Needs to do damage to heal. The damage will suck, and your teammates will scream at you because you used an offensive move, so that you could use your defensive skills.


WoW Hunter.jpeg

Hunter
Most popular class for CASUALS. You capture poor, defenseless animals and make them your slave. It's also the base of every argument on thottbot.com to dictate that every weapon is a "hunter weapon" considering ranged only classes need +Strength for their 3 melee attacks. Hunter names are unremarkable, however their pets' names are always hilarious; exempli gratia; spiders named WEBU or cats named QUIETDETH.

  • Beast Mastery - These hunters have wonderful sexual experiences with their pets, which motivates their pets to fight harder. Take this if you are a furry. Your pets can fight on their, so you don't even need to be in the game, which is a plus.
  • Marksmanship - Expect to do less than the other huntards if you choose this, as it absolutely blows the ass.
  • Survival - LOL TRAPS ARE ABSOLUTELY USELESS.


WoW Priest.jpg

Priest
The whiny healing bitch. Played only by faggots who like to attend 80-man raids on a finicky AOL connection. Their purpose is to beat the tank in aggro to die and fuck over the raid group. All priest names are a variation of "Nohealsforyou". Blood Elf Priests LOVE the name "Priestitute" (no matter which gender is their character).

  • Discipline - So I herd you liek shielding. Now you can shield while you shield while you shield in a shield.
  • Holy - I died ;( Oh, np, can still heal like shit. Play Discipline instead.
  • Shadow - Years of raping kids has not paid off, as this is the weakest DPS class. Expect everyone to pass you in instances.


Andersnordic

Mage
Only for making food and water for the Koreans; serves as a dispenser. All mage names are a variation of "Frostitute". This is the class that will teach you how to kill innocent people. Playing this class leads you to massmurdering.

  • Arcane - Maintain your mana. Don't move, ever. Do this and you will win the DPS.
  • Fire - Wait for Pyroblast to proc. Spam other abilities that don't do shit. Wait for Pyroblast.
  • Frost - ICELANCEICELANCEICELANCEICELANCEICELANCEICELANCEICELANCEICELANCEICELANCEICELANCE


WoW Shaman.jpg

Shaman
The most overpowered class in the game. Shamans can plant some stupid totems that do nothing, but they can also heal themselves while dealing ridiculous amounts of damage and immediately come back to life when they are killed. Shamans are brought to raids for their ability to pass out amphetamines and speed up the raid quickly through boring content.

  • Enhancement - Similar to Beast Mastery hunter, except Shamans are specific and only do it with wolves. This is for retards who still want to do high DPS.
  • Restoration - Piss on everybody to heal them. Occasionally drops a magic dildo which floods the area with cum.
  • Elemental - These shamans are similar to Arcane Mages, except they can move earth with their dildos. Use lava.


WoW Druid.gif

Druid
The class where you can become MOAR FURRY, or otherwise just serve as another healing bitch. They are clearly a cheap hybrid-class knockoff of the superior paladins. The previous sentence is guaranteed to cause EXTREME FUCKING RAGE in chat. All druid names are a pun on "tree" or "kitty".

  • Balance (BOOMKIN) - YOU TURN INTO A GIANT SPACE-CHICKEN AND SHOOT FUCKING LASERS EVERYWHERE THAT DON'T DO ANY DAMAGE
  • Restoration - Giant wooden dildo that heals people by throwing leaves at them.
  • Feral - Either a cute kitten that requires everything to bleed or a giant motherfucking pedobear who is only useful as a meatshield.


What a warlock looks like IRL

Warlock
Like hunters, but Satanic. If you enjoy being a huge, overpowered faggot, warlockery is for you. Requires being able to hit five buttons (four if you're Destruction spec), those wacky warlocks! Usually played by [trenchcoat-wearing goth sodomites. All lock names are puns on "DOT", and I do mean ALL lock names.

  • Affliction - You specialize in giving AIDS and cancer to all fucking players while slowly sucking their cock.
  • Demonology - Same as Beast Mastery hunters, except warlocks prefer demons and necrophilia over animals.
  • Destruction - Set everything ablaze. Enjoy getting raped.


Rogues do it from behind.

Rogue
The bane of life on the "pvp" server. Also, the lulziest class in the game. This class is only played by 13 year-old boys. Rogues only require you to be able to hit one button. Modeled after the classic rapist, Rogues are commonly seen in PvP applying poisons and incapacitating other players to facilitate a full-on rectal assault to gather combo points and unleash a finishing move. All names include "shank", "stab", "shadowstep" or some combination of the three.

  • Assassination - wanna-be-Ezio, but in reality, a shitty spec no one plays with, because why would you want to poison someone when you can sinister strike them?
  • Combat - You sinister strike them.
  • Subtlety - Subtlety rogues sneak upon people and give them surprise buttsecks.


WoW Death Knight.jpg

Death Knight
The first "Hero Class" in the game introduced with about an hour of quests in new locations YOU WILL NEVER FUCKING SEE OR MAKE REFERENCE TO EVER AGAIN. Introduced in the second expansion (see below), they start out evil but are soon presto-changeo'd into good guys so they can fit in with the rest of society. This is the exciting brand new class that everyone makes, but no one will bother inviting because there are TOO FUCKING MANY. They are as useless as warriors, as Blizzard was creative enough to make them exactly like such. The only new thing this class comes with is a character voice that sounds like they have semen trapped in their lungs. While the Blizzard Employee was writing code for the Death Knight, he realized that all files have completed downloading and decided to choke the chode rather than design a playable class. As a result, blizzard has promised changes to Death Knights in the next expansion so that everyone won't leave when they see a death knight in their dungeon group. Death Knight names are possibly the best thing about the game. Unfailingly hilarious; some examples that actually exist: Dethmurda, Kilraper, Dalichking (nearly every DK is named some variation of this), Bluddymrda, and the ever-suave Eaturpusi.

  • Blood - GAY HOMOSEXUAL FAGGOT who can tank bosses. Can heal himself better than a raid-geared healer could, which of course makes them very balanced in PvP.
  • Frost - Enjoy doing less damage than the tank spec.
  • Unholy - As a good whore DK is, unholy DKs spread all the fucking diseases from syphilis to chlamydia to their opponents while buttfucking their ghouls. Completely useless. Does even less damage than Blood and Frost.


WoW Monk.jpg

Monk
A class that completely ripped off the Kung Fu Panda movie without even trying to hide it. Basically, this class gives you a good reason to bring 8 year olds who know nothing about Jackie Chan (except that it is famous) and fuck everyone up for not learning how to grow balls. This class is featured in Mists of Pandaria so it isn't the "monk" you thought of in history, it is composed of furry chinks who wants to out populate the emo Death Knights. When the expansion comes out, don't expect to see a lot of furry fucks punching everyone else since EVERYONE is rolling a PANDA MONK.

  • Brewmaster - LOLLLLLLL SO FUCKING DRUNK :PPPPPPPP THESE MOBS CANT EVEN HANDLE ME RIGHT NOW
  • Mistweaver - Healing mist, so creative Blizzard. Oh, and some fucking orbs, too.
  • Windwalker - Typical wanna-be-JackieChan.

Expansions

WoW Burning Crusade.jpg
  • The Burning Crusade
The first expansion for the game lets you play as a Draenei for the Alliance and a Blood Elf for the Horde. It also lets you go through the Dark Portal and fight Illidan Stormrage and Kael'thas Sunstrider. Patches later you fight Zul'jin and the final boss Kil'jaeden. You spend around $100 for the expansion and prepaid game cards to grind your character to level 70. Nowadays nobody plays this area unless they have to. The expansion's only contribution was to make fap fodder for the horde, so the 13 year old kiddies could fap to their blood elf shooting fireballs.
WoW Wrath Of The Lich King.jpg
  • Wrath of the Lich King
At about this point, Blizzard gave up on ever having another original idea again, to the point they resorted to stereotyping Europe. Wrath of the Lich King lets you create the heroic class Death Knight and level your characters to 80. The expansion takes place in a continent up north known as Northrend, where you fight The Lich King and his undead scourge along with oversized hairy Vikings/Russians with fake accents that Bruno would put to shame. Arthas aka The Lich King on the boxart that everyone was excited to raid up and kill makes no useful appearance in the game other than a worthless quest giver and four scripted cutscene events (Unless you stayed around long enough for the fucking retarded release of ICC). Instead, it is your job to go kill frozen stone French giants. You must pay $100 more to get the expansion and the separate game time. $200 if you want to get the collectors edition to get an in-game dragon pet and a shit nobody cares about. Going along with the theme of completely stolen content, final boss encounters consist of a rip off of Professor Farnsworth, an oversized GIMP with lines constructed from sound bites of Christian Bale as Batman, and Milhouse ("BONESTORM!"). The other bosses illustrate Blizzard plagiarising from themselves; a highly original dragon boss, Blood Elf royalty, Kel'Thuzard with tits and ANOTHER DRAGON BUT THIS ONE'S DEAD OGM!!111!1
WoW Cataclysm.jpg
  • Cataclysm
The addition which made mocking WoW cool. This is the latest expansion. An expansion to World of Warcraft that the dragon Deathwing woke up from the wrong side of the bed, turns Azeroth into a ruined world and it's up to former Warchief Thrall to save the world from Deathwing and the Cataclysm. In this ruined expansion you can play as the new Alliance race the Worgen, a species of werewolves who ove you long time, and the Goblins to the Horde. You can spend all day grinding your characters to level 85 and you also get the same boring worlds from the original game with lava and a cult of satanics added. Not only that but you have to deal with the Horde's new Warchief Garrosh Hellscream who everyone can't stand of, not even the Horde. The classes has expanded for races to play as, including a Dwarf Shaman and a Tauren Paladin. To quote Blizzard about the Taurens as Paladins, "LAWL lore".
WoW Mists Of Pandaria.jpg
  • Mists of Pandaria
aka "World of Warcraft: Kung-Fu Pandas". For the first time in this expansion you play a neutral race known as Pandaren. You play through the storyline of a bunch of fat pandas and at the end you decide to go to the Alliance or the Horde. Mists of Pandaria also added the Monk as a new class, and a new southern continent Pandaria where you level your characters to 90 and protect the pandas from ancient enemies like the Mogu, the Mantid, and the main enemies the Sha. Garrosh Hellscream is the final boss of the expansion which is the least best thing to do in the expansion. After Garrosh's defeat instead of killing him, he goes to Pandaria court for shitting on everything. Thrall gives Vol'jin leadership, making him the new Warchief of the Horde.
Timeline explanation
  • Warlords of Draenor
aka "Fuck It, Let's Remake Everything", is the fifth expansion, that's headed back in time to the horde's original home Draenor, Outland before it was Outland. There, you'll find the usual crap like a raised level cap and new zones for faggots to explore. Also some storylines including going back in time, fucking your mother, player housing with NPCs that can run dungeons for you, revamped raids and inventory systems, and fucking your mother some more. The story will begin with Garrosh Hellscream, former warchief, fagging the fuck out (again) and making a new "friend", brisking into the past to prevent the Horde from getting cursed and ultimately setting the events of the original storyline in motion. His plan involves uniting the various orc clans and form his own Horde. Basically the ingame equivalent of the real events that happened before Genghis Khan raped the entire globe. Blizzard yet again stealing real world history and pouring it in their shitty pixelated concoction. I guess their playerbase is too retarded to know 8th grade level history. Blizzard explained that this new world will have new oceans, skies and giants. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. Undoubtedly retarded, however, is the fact that now you can set up your own home base almost anywhere within the game, and they do, in fact, occupy physical space in the game world, they are not instanced. Just so when you're walking around killing your scorpions and unknowingly walk into an enemy "home", you now have the opportunity to get fucked beyond recognition. For one, these "homes" are not just some glorified basements, but instead they're basically huge ass fucking fortresses with walls and towers and other typical stuff. They house NPCs that come stacked in small armies, which you can upgrade and customize for whatever reason. You'll even be able to send your personal army to run dungeons, meaning that you really don't have to do anything anymore, just throw your monitor threw a window and you win. Basically, if you're too lazy to play a video game, now you have the option to make your game play itself. Your "homes" give you access to professions you wouldn't be able to use, you can now sculpt a wooden dildo while cooking a sandwich. You are a mystical hero. Also, you can pick your "home's" location and move it at will. I can't wait for luxurious villas in physically impossible spots, like in a volcano, or Gabe Newell's soul. What the fuck will happen with the game world when every spot will be crammed up with walls, towers and houses you ask? Who gives a shit. Blizzard is bringing back an old dungeon, you've guessed it, the Vatican. Actually it's the Upper Blackrock Spire. Who, what? Exactly. For you that live in the real world, this is the dungeon where some nerd faggots once did some stupid shit and was posted on the internet which got viral and now Blizzard will undoubtedly make an official reference to that crap somewhere inside, just so you can preemptively scratch out your eye balls. On the PVP side, the new addition is a new sandbox map called the Assrun. Also the "ancient" playable characters get completely remodeled so they can look even more retarded. The dwarfs get bigger noses and the orcs get ticker lips, just in case all these years, you couldn't guess their reference.


 
 
What kind of world forges a race like the orcs in the first place? It is a brutal place.
 

 

— lore master Chris Metzen while goatseing the entire showcase

Guilds

Your typical World of Warcraft player. Note the mutated jawline and cosplay dress.

Like every MMORPG, in order to see the vast majority of the game, players will need to join a guild. The purpose of a guild is to enable the guild master and his best friends to get run through the high level dungeons so they can gear up their characters, so they can go into the next dungeon and get the next set of gear for themselves. It is the responsibility of the other guild members to somehow get their own gear so they can help keep their online masters clothed in the most fashionable of equipment.

Guilds tend to be a great source of drama, especially when epic loots are involved. Due to this, guilds seem to form up and dissolve every second.

Occasionally, guilds go batshit insane clearing bosses, finishing content faster than Blizzard can hammer out. Butthurt about having to produce content while basement dwellers fork out $15 a month, Blizzard, being the Jews that they are, decided it was more cost effective and lulz inducing to drop the Banhammer on such guilds [1] than create more content. Naturally, much drama ensued on the forums and many members threatened to stop their $15 a month subscription if their rightful loot was given back and ban's were lifted. Blizzard's response was the Banhammer to many other instigators of drama, solving many server capacity problems.

Blizzard is also strongly opposed to debugging software, and when glitches and exploits are reported they will drop the Banhammer rather than fix anything or admit their mistake. Whenever a Guild gets a "World First Kill", they will be swiftly banned for awareness of numerous exploits. This is how the game is beta tested. This will happen repeatedly until the next 10 patches come out and no one can remember anything about it.


The Official WoW Forums

As with most good MMORPGs, World of Warcraft has its own public forums. Subscribers can discuss tactics, roleplay, offer up item trades and sales, and of course, bitch and moan about how the game sucks and everyone should be playing Warhammer instead. (Which they SHOULD be.) Chuck Norris jokes, horrifying roleplay, "hug a class" posts, trolling posts, worthless bug reports, really STUPID suggestions for future patches... All that and a bag of chips is what you'll find within these hallowed walls.

Additional instances cannot be launched, please try again later

 
 
We are aware of the concerns regarding situations where players are unable to zone into an instance due to an instance limit being hit, which results in a message stating that additional instances cannot be launched. This limit was implemented as a short-term solution to preserve the gameplay for players who are already in an instance and to prevent numerous issues that can happen when too many instances are active at the same time, but we are currently working on better solutions to ensure that players can get into instances when they want to.
 

 

—Bornakk, a concerned GM

 
 
Bump. Please fix this. It's maddening and very, very frustrating. Sometimes I can get in an instance within a couple minutes and others it will take over an hour.

I'm okay with performance scaling - but, at least introduce a queue so we know how long it will be and don't have to keep going at the portal like a retarded dog jumping into a glass door.

 

 

—A logical user making a logical response

 
 
ARGH I FCKING HATE THIS BUG. every time I get a group THEY LEAVE while trying to get into the stupid instances for 15 MINUTES. I have to level up without ever experiencing these instances and that makes me rage and spew fireballs!
 

 

—Typical nonsense response missing the point completely

 
 
you fucking idiot i have never used fly hack NOOB! allaicne gate did not open you fucking son of a horniest bitch so i got on top of the building ON FOOT AND WHOLE TEAM WAS SHOOTING FROM THERE FUCKING NERD KID...NOW YOU AND YOUR MOM SHAKE YOUR HANDS AND BOTH JUMP ON MY DICK or TELL THE GM THAT IT WAS YOUR MISTAKE AND TELL TO UNBAN ME. bitch!
 

 

—Some retarded cunt on getting banned.

 
 
you son of a shit, you were fucked before your mom, you were made by donkey sperm.

you are lil sperm which squised through raped condom.. i will put your mom in a freezer, freez her and then melt her down and wash my dick with it. you are standstill deer in elefants ass. Gagarin's rocket flew into your and GMs mom's ass.

u fucking lil jerk u are little nolifer whos life has been changed by wow.i do not even know why i am arguing with u.but u are such a peace of shit that i can not stop myself from insulting u.go get some life.stop being gm asslicker it wont give u any credit.u would better go fuck ur mother than report inossent people.
 


 

— Fucking wat.

 
 
Let's see. $15.00 / month x 11,000,000 claimed subscribers....*mutters about math in public*....we're talking something like $165 million per month, which comes out near $2 billion per year, but they can't spring for some more instance servers? Guess we know what they think of us...
 

 

—Mathemagical response from a roleplay geek

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Some time after the release of the second expansion pack (see above), a massive "bug" was discovered in World of Warcraft wherein people could no longer gain their epic lewts. When a player tries to enter a dungeon portal, a large message will flash on their screen stating "Additional instances cannot be launched, please try again later". Most people took great offense to this as they figured since they were giving Blizzard their money, they should be entitled to do what they want when they want how they want. The truth of the matter is that Blizzard's hardware just can't keep up with all the people "raiding" at the same time. Naturally, people just don't want to believe this due to the fact that Blizzard takes in at least $165,000,000 USD a month in revenue. ($15.00/month x 11 million people.) What people don't seem to realize is that Blizzard also wants people to GO OUTSIDE AND GET SOME FRESH AIR YOU FUCKING LOSERS.

Porn

WoW creatures at play.

Take your pick:

Blizzcon, Also Where Nobody Gets Laid

Occasionally WoW players will leave their homes for what the blue names call “Blizzcon”, and what WoW players call "5\/\/337 d00d". Here, a large number of "WoW patients" can be seen. Their complications are diverse - ranging from mild conditions such as Carpal Tunnel and Leetspeak, to a severe case of ugly.

Sometimes attractive people can be seen at a Blizzcon claiming to be WoW faggots. These are not really WoW faggots; they are models paid by Blizzard to appear at these pathetic vomit-inducing functions.

Blizzcon features a wide variety of activities;

  • Class Q+A: a forum for people who play hunters to make death threats to Metzen whenever playing their class approaches any kind of difficulty, and for ret paladins to complain that every class but them is OP because they died twice in a WSG last year.
  • Lore Q+A: exactly as retarded as it sounds; a bunch of chinless, manboob-sporting retards screeching at Mezten because Thrall's Jaina's left testicle is saggier in-game than it's described as being in the official novels.
  • Dance Competition: an assortment of spastic, bony individuals who either do an extremely easy dance from the game or fail horribly at a more difficult one. On occasion a morbidly obese person will attempt one of the more athletic dances. The result is rather like watching a plane crash.
  • Costume Contest: these deeply unattractive people are paraded in front of the crowd; the usual assortment being obese men in their twenties wearing paladin gear clearly made from ceral boxes; ugly girls who clearly worked very hard on their costumes but get no applause because they're not physically attractive, and sluts with shitty costumes who get a standing ovation because you can see their nipples, causing most of the crowd to go into a sort of feeding-frenzy.

The only reason to go to this convention is to seal the deal on finally quitting WoW, realizing that these are the horrible people you have been playing with.

Addiction

What you are doing when you buy WOW and these expansions
Nuvola
Moar info: MMORPG Freak Out.

Sufferers of the WoW addiction commonly refer to themselves as “WoWers”, “GamerZ”, or in the most severe cases as “Alliance” or “Horde”.

WoW addiction goes through several phases, phases of chemical drug addictions. This should comes as no surprise, as the Blizzard employees are reportedly paid in crack. WoW takes several steps beyond mundane addictions, with increasingly unstable behavior. If you have a friend or colleague whom you suspect of being a WoW addict, it is important to carefully gauge their level of addiction before taking any other action.

  • Check their room for a “WoW” box, subscription card, or wrist brace. Often early signs such as this can make all the difference, since while it's unlikely they will be cured, you can take action to prevent friends and loved ones from being infected.
  • If you happen to walk in on a WoWer during on of their sessions, (as is most likely the case since that’s about all they ever do), DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT, interrupt the game. He may try to gank you with his replica sword he got at the Renfaire.
  • It's entirely possible that you may catch a WoWer during an intense masturbation session (typically mid-cyber in the tram). You have been warned.
  • From bank statements, see if they're buying from Chinese gold farmers. If you find this to be the case, you can be sure their addiction has taken precedence over any other financial considerations, and should immediately remove any items of value from anywhere in the area. Don't worry, they'll be too busy grinding to stop you.
  • Severe addicts will commonly be in the habit of shitting in socks so as not to leave one's seat and thus get ganked by some level 23 loser. These hopeless cases are referred to as "poopsockers", and should be terminated with extreme prejudice.

There are but four cures for WoW addiction:

  • Their self extermination. Preferably through fire.
  • Assisted extermination by a merciful soul. Preferably through fire.
  • Having a shred of willpower, and selling your account for many real dollars to some more-addicted sucker. Then you can buy delicious cake.
  • Make them play Darkfall for a week. They'll be sure to never play MMORPGs ever again!

Players spend countless hours over this game. It will be hard to break them of their addiction, but in rare cases, if they kill themselves like Shawn Woolley did with EQ, you can Lysol their PC down and sell it. Sometimes some fags kill themselves just because they get so attached to it.

  • There is however a risk with breaking a WoW players addiction by force. Certain under 18 players are prone to extreme meltdowns on the scale of Chernobyl. Scientists point to this phenomenon triggering when said players parents deny access to World of Warcraft. It is highly recommended that anyone living within the vicinity of said players immediately evacuate.

Slavery

Farming is srs bzns for Azns.

Modern slavery is known as "Gold Farming" and is intended to keep the Yellow menace down. When the United States banned slavery, it was a very sad time for slave owners. Later, the black person started to demand reparations, so something simply had to be done. The Man decided that slavery had to be moved offshore, to ensure continued economic prosperity for Microsoft.

Farming has been around since before the Internet, but nobody could ever figure out how to grow money until Ultima Online was invented. It isn't known who made the initial breakthrough, but it's thought that Alan Greenspan's lackeys were primarily responsible, since only they could have conceived of such a brilliantly sick and perverse means of enriching themselves. However, the advent of the practice was probably inevitable, since despite their addiction, WoWers often find themselves unable to play 24 hours a day and must find another way to continue while they sleep, eat, or go to the bathroom. So, for $0.50 per hour, a |barely-educated commie living in a sweaty room will play WoW for them. Needless to say, the commie himself earns roughly $0.05 per week.

Sometimes it's difficult for players to distinguish the gold-field workers from monkeys or robots. They often repeat the same mistakes and speak gibberish (like monkeys!) Work is being done to translate some of their moonspeak. Know your Chinaman by these phrases: "ni hao," "[Krol Blade] ok??," "water 1g?," "is 4 guildie," "deal giev ok??10g," and "tusoNgaMe $5 4 2thousand free!"

Those that speak English become the "boss boss" and take all the money, while the slaves do all the work.


Trolling Techniques

Showing those fucking paladins how it's done.

These generate various effects - some bring lulz and some just fail. Experiment and find your own lulz. However, Blizzard, like most companies, disabled trade/chatroom from trial accounts, because of Chink gold farmers. A paid account is required for the best effort in lulz.

  1. Set auto follow on new players; for whatever reason this really pisses people off.
  2. Join parties for dungeons as a healer and then leave about halfway through without saying anything. It works very well. Bonus points if you leave while your group is fighting the last boss of the dungeon
  3. Lead a party into an instance and then randomly boot players from it.
  4. Start listing the name of movies with "Murloc" in the title like Indiana Murloc and The Temple of Doom or Debbie Does Murloc.
  5. If Horde, start shit with people in Barrens chat. It's a non-PvP area filled with low level players, so they can't hurt you or retaliate. You can troll to your heart's content.
  6. Join battlegrounds at the lowest level possible, and start talking shit about how people have no fucking idea how to play the game.
  7. Ninja any piece of loot. This will require a time investment, but if you steal the right piece of loot, you will ignite a shitstorm of drama that should keep you entertained for at least five minutes. You won't get banned as long you're not stupid enough to post loot rules in chat, GMs won't have anything to pin on you.
  8. Tell people what to do, and when they say you have no idea what you're on about, retaliate with "Your such a noob, I have five level 80's and three Death Knights, I know what I'm talking about".
  9. When using the auction house, be sure to put up shit people need without buyout. Then pull it off the auction house before it sells - this is essentially the closest any WoW player gets to the transfer of goods between consenting individuals.
  10. Announce in trade chat that [name of player] is quitting WoW forever and is giving all their gold to the first person who whispers them!
  11. Ninja a Bloody Apron as a rogue from a priest who doesn't need it but will whine to their guild to boot that rogue
  12. Link any item in trade chat, and state that the last person to link the same item will receive a large sum of gold.
  13. When in dungeons as a hunter or rogue, use Misdirection or Tricks of the Trade on a healer and attack a large group of enemies.
  14. Play as a warlock and fear inside an instance, lulz and rage will insue.
  15. Bitch loudly about how you can't spend achievement points.
  16. Spam trade chat with Anal then a spell, ability, quest, achievement etc
  17. Note that RuneScape is a much superior online game.
  18. Point them to Wowflames.com!
  19. As a priest, use Mind Control on other players when dueling on locations that have cliffs you can jump off and/or while waiting for zeppelins / boats to leave.
  20. Accuse all Worgen and Pandaren players of being furries. This will always cause rage and lulz because it's true.
  21. ????
  22. PROFIT!!!!

Private Servers

Private servers are available for poor people and unemployed losers that can't pay $15 per month for the retail version. The downside is that they are utterly glitched. It is not unusual that '"instanced dungeons"' (Special zones wherein most end game content can be found. They are fractioned into unique, temporary dimensions for each player, and can only be entered simultaneously by players with the help of Blizzard's "raid"- and "party" functions.) Private server providers compensate for their dysfunctional service by setting the experience point and item drop rate up to mega volume. There are two genres of private servers: "Funservers" where you instantly gain maximum level and can get the best gear from a vendor where you begin. Then there are the "blizzlike" servers which have a leveling rate that is five- or tenfolded. When you hit maximum level on a blizzlike server, you start roaming the world looking for some kind of glitch to gain treasure. After all, it's not a bug, it's a feature. Alternatively, you can lurk your private server's web forum to wait for the next official event. This consists of a private server admin summoning a boss which drops loot. If you get 1337 gear, you can brag to everyone in your guild, general chat and forum. Though, in the next day, the server and its data is probably gone forever.

There are pristine emulations of Blizzard's servers. However, they tend to vanish untraceable in the night. This is propbably because they face Blizzard's judicial banhammer. Blizzard targeted the fuck out of private servers. Oops. There is also this cancerous blight known as Private Role-Playing servers. Filled with shitty admins and mind-crippled community, they are easy to troll while avoiding getting banned since their masterful devs only know how to edit posts.

Beware, Blizzard narcs you out to the cops

A man wanted for marijuana possession fled the country. He continued playing World of Warcraft and so Blizzard Entertainment narced him out. He was caught and brought back to the USA. Read Here

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See Also


External Links




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