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White Knighting

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Whiteknight.png
The White Knight Theme Song


White Knighting refers to the fucktarded online defense of attention whores, DevianTART "Artists", or douchebags, all under the pretense of supposed compassion for some sort of benefit. Generally, this action occurs on websites like Twitter, DeviantArt, Stickam, YouTube, and other places which foster self-proclaimed Internet Celebrities, who are protected by people that seek some sort of benefit in return- be it secondhand popularity, sex, or just attention. This invariably results in making the defended look even dumber, making the defender look pitiful, and making the entire situation one big clusterfuck of fail/lulz. Recently there seem to be some faggots who white knight for the sake of it. Complete opposite of troll. Second after bronies, White Knights are the most probable candidates to die alone.

Contents

Psychology

13-year-old White Knight, fingering his Queen.

Boiled down to simple terms, white knighting is when some idiot protects some other idiot on the internet, presuming doing so will make them look better or doing so will earn them respect/attention from the maiden. The most stereotypical form of White Knighting is some basement-dwelling nerd on a popular social networking/camwhore site like Stickam, or JewTube defending some popular girl he has a crush on in order to possibly win her favor, and thus get her to fuck him. This can also apply in a lesser sense to random users on various message boards who defend other members of the board (generally higher ranking members with higher post counts or mods) to look "cool" or "in the know".

In the real world, protecting those who are harassed is entirely normal and acceptable. However, on the Internets, protecting someone who posts gay furry shit is tantamount to taking a shit on someone's chest, as Internet culture dictates (rightly so) that pretty much everything must be hated/parodied. Where suffering and bullying in the real world is the realm of heroes, those same things online end up only being hilarious- because you are never forced to do anything online. White Knighting thus exposes itself as a pathetic attempt at social mobility-

In short. It takes balls to protect someone from bullying because there is the off chance you might actually engage the oppressor.But it takes a dumbass to protect someone online who brought it upon themselves with words. If you want the respect of the trolls, you have to fight them in IRL


On the Internet.

In most cases, a White Knight will also possess whatever crippling social disorder their victim has, providing him or her with all the empathy they need to create a special online friendship with their newfound chum. However, when this bond is between members of the opposite sex (where the White Knight is typically male), the relationship goes from savior to one of predator-and-prey, where the White Knight desperately attempts to woo their "girlfriend", usually unsuccessfully. The image of the dashing /b/tard, sweeping their Asperger's-diagnosed damsel off in their tattoo-covered, hillbilly arms, is too powerful an incentive to resist, so they go to great pains to flatter their victim and make them feel loved. This generally leads to the "Nice Guy Syndrome", where the White Knight later goes on Livejournal and cries about how he's so nice and so helpful and yet the girl of his dreams doesn't love him because she's off fucking cooldude.

White Knighting is also sometimes connected to Internet tough guys, as oftentimes said White Knights will try to attack anyone who threatens their respective Internet Celebrity ferociously, threatening anyone with physical violence. The typical Modus operandi is to TYPE IN ALL CAPS, swear incessantly, post huge blocks of text that make Ulysses look like fucking bathroom reading, brag about your job/life/car/muscles, and claim that your girlfriend is hot and totally not a meth addict.

Common White Knighting Locations


White Knights and their sycophantic schemes are typically found on message boards, blogs, or other social networking sites. The ones most frequented by these irritants are:

...almost everywhere in our Web 2.0 world.

/b/'s Official White Knight Appears

Typical White Knight defending a cam whore

On the sacred date of 08/04/09 a post was made that shook /b/tards from their fapping and downloading of cp. A get was made that announced the video game character Jin Saotome was to be their official white knight and a meme. Rather than screaming and gnashing their teeth like asspie faggots that had missed their mid morning nap, the collective reply was to actually invite the new knight to the round table. After all Jin wore all white, screamed at the top of his lungs when addressing people, stood for the side of good and overreacted at everything. There could be no purer a white knight than he. Rule 34 was instantly satisfied when Jin's massive cock of righteousness was produced.

Controversy arose that the video game character Jin could be confused with /toy/'s Jin Saotome until it was realized that he was just as pure and righteous as the character's name he stole, so this mattered not. It was later confirmed that 4chan's rotational banner of Jin was made by the same individual, intertwining their destinies even further in the eyes of /b/.

White Knights In Old Media

Translation of Lyrics

Slaying trolls and saving damsels since 1996

When I see the lark rising up with joy, its wings against the sun, and it forgets and all but drops because a sweetness strikes its heart, then what great envy enters me of those I see rejoicing then; I marvel, for my heart will not leave off from its desirous aim.

Alas, I so desired to know of love, and yet so little know, for I can't hold myself to love the one for whom I'll have no use: she has my heart and she has me and has herself and everyone, and if she takes me, nothing's left but longing and a willing heart.

Though I have not pow'r over me nor have I had it ever since I let myself see in her eyes a mirror that has pleased me much: O mirror, since I've looked at you the sighs from out the deep are dead; indeed, I lost myself, the way Narcissus did when at the spring.

The ladies are despair to me: I can no longer trust in them, for as I used to bear them up so now I leave them in the lurch; I see then, one's no use to me (it's she who is confounding me), I doubt them all and misbelieve for I know they're not what they claim.

My lady, then, does well to play the woman, so I may advance, for I don't want what I should want, and what's forbidden me, I do. I've fallen in bad graces now and I've done well with bridging fools: I don't know why I'm at this pass but I've stood up against the world.

Mercy's lost from sight (and I have not recovered it) for those who have the most of it have none; and where to seek it out? how bad it looks to lookers-on; what do they want of worthless me! who now, without her, have no goods, so let me die who have no help.

So, with my lady, prayers and thanks do me no good, nor rights I claim, and she is not pleased by the fact I love her, so I won't claim to: and so I leave her and swear off; she has me dead, let death respond; she won't stop me, so off I go: worthless, exiled, who knows where.

Sir Tristram, none will hear from me: I'm off to exile, who knows where; I'll give up singing and resign and hide myself from joy and love

White Dames?

Female white knights have also existed on the Internet, in defense of the same types of people. However, most of these moralfagesses seem to not only put up cybersword and cybershield against men but other women as well, which asks the question: are these white knightettes bisexual?

Also, it is the finding of this writer that woman white knights tend to take their estrogen-driven chivalry IRL. This is annoying, and will cause real men to flee quickly. Final result: butthurt, without actual sex.

disregard taht; THERE ARE NO WIMMINZ ON THE INTERNETS!!!!!!!!!!

Joining the Order of White Knights

1. Highlight the following text: DON'T SHOW YOUR TITS CREEPS ARE RECORDING AND TAKING SCREENCAPS AND WILL POST THEM ON PORN SITES!!!
2. Copy and paste it all over BlogTV, Ustream, Tinychat, StickAM, and Justin.tv.
3. PM the camwhore with your phone number.
4. ????
5. PROFIT! (or at least welcome to the club)

Examples of White Knighting on the Internets

See Also


White Knighting is part of a series on Internet Humanitarianism
Featured article January 10, 2010
Preceded by
FLAC
White Knighting Succeeded by
/sp/
Featured article June 3, 2011
Preceded by
NO NIGGERS
White Knighting Succeeded by
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