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Vocaloid

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Everything there is to know about Vocaloid
Vocaloid is known for having impressive graphics.

In the grotesque land of weeaboos, ronery weeaboos often find themselves turning to technology for companionship. However, dating sims can only do so much for a man, and there's only so much Sailor Moon hentai out there to fap to. And besides: These series' of still images lack the all important sound of the female voice, offering the viewer the reassurance they so desperately crave and the sweet moans of the female orgasm. So, Japan's top scientists developed a program to emulate the sound of the female voice, dubbing it "Vocaloid", and market it as a music-making tool so their fellow otaku could pretend they are musicians when the cashier rings up their girl-in-a-box.

In order to aide the masturbatory process, and in keeping with Japan's perverse tradition of humanizing machines, each Vocaloid version comes with an accompanying female figure made to match the voice. The first to sell well, and still the most popular by far, is Hatsune Miku, who despite being the oldest and most antiquated of the current V2 series (The first line of the software series to actually fucking sell anything), continues to be put to work more often than the rest of her digital friends. Not to mention, the most fapped to of Vocaloid's female cast.

Beauty is only skin-deep: This interface is awful.

Surprisingly, and in a turn of events not typical for the Japs, there actually exists more non-hentai fan-created content of Vocaloid characters (Original music videos, full-length albums, and attempts at producing fanime) than there does fapping material. Some chalk it up to the program's practicality as a music-making tool. Some argue that weeaboos are so aroused by the sound of the female voice, they need not witness a woman in the nude in order to masturbate to climax.

Whatever the case may be, there is no denying the impact Vocaloid has had on the music industry. After the shocking confirmations that both Britney Spears and Lady Gaga are merely Miku lip-synchers, and taking into account the astounding amount of Vocaloid music videos available on Nico Nico Douga (The Japanese version of YouTube), Vocaloid is a veritable media powerhouse. With real J-Pop superstars having contributed their voices to the technology (Including the likes of Gackt and some other pop-star cunts you should be ashamed if you know the names of off-hand), a PSP game starring Miku (Which sold poorly due to the fact that nobody still gives a shit about the PSP), and even a Vocaloid-sponsored racecar in Japan's Super GT Series, Vocaloid's success is a historic example of the influence porn has on the economy.

Contents

Characters

Miku Hatsune

Fapbait for weeaboos and audiophiles alike!

By far the most popular cunt of the bunch, Miku is the "singer" of many songs and the subject of much fan art. With her impossibly green hair and her trademark gigantic leek, Miku has won over the hearts of millions of weeaboos, despite never having been given an actual personality by her original developers. However, this has not stopped said weeaboos from wanting to make her their wife, so she can cook onions for them all day long.

Miku is not the first in a long line of the Japanese making computer software human, but she is perhaps the most popular in recent years. Songs have been written about her being a princess, a rock and roll super star, and a filthy cum-guzzling slut servicing the weeaboo masses.

Having slept her way into the old media, appearing in television commercials and making actual news headlines, Miku is fast on her way to becoming the new Oprah (If Oprah were a computer program and not black). 2channers are also responsible for vote-bombing a petition set forward by the Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency, to have a balancing plate for the spacecraft Akatsuki made with Miku's likeness embedded on it. Perhaps we should just go ahead and welcome our new software overlords, and maybe get to fuck our computers once before we humans are phased out of existence by green-haired music-making applications.

Rin and Len Kagamine

Twincest is the best.

Having discovered a voice actress that could produce the sound of both a girl's and boy's voices, the next installment of Vocaloid was released as a 2-in-1 deal, featuring twins Rin and Len Kagamine. Apparently, both characters are actually one in the same, and are actually the reflections of one another in a mirror or some bullshit that isn't properly explained. But, for all intents and purposes, and according to most weeaboos with incest fetishes, the two are brother and sister, and enjoy long nights of noisy steamy incestuous intercourse.

Perhaps their biggest claim to fame is Rin's appearance in the motion picture epic, Ultimate Muscle Roller Legend, where she stars alongside Billy Herrington as a creepy-looking steamroller driver. To date, her brother Len is still entirely useless, as Rin is the female of the pair, and the majority of the population is still straight. That isn't to say there aren't those out there who don't want to slip their dick between Len's cheeks and shove, but there aren't nearly as many who want to actually hear him sing. His legion of fangirls and fanboys are very scary.

People also apparently hate these two as they're killed in every single song they sing. And if they're not killed, Len is cross-dressing.

Luka Megurine

The 3rd Addition to the v2 Series. This is known to be the first Japanese Vocaloid to sing in English. She is actually voiced by a man, so most of her songs sound like Lady Gaga's. She also lugs around a big tuna fish that's been out of the freezer for over 9000 hours for your listening and fapping pleasure.

For whatever reason people use Luka a lot for metal music. Here's an example. She's also sometimes paired as Miku's lesbian lover. Some fans bitch that she doesn't wear a school uniform but she's like 20, what is she going to be doing wearing one of those?

Kaito

Kaito was the last in the line of the original V1 series, and sold about as well as McDonalds at a PETA convention. However, after Miku made Vocaloid a household name, renewed interest in the product line's past allowed for Kaito to make a comeback (The four who came before him, however, are still shrouded in obscurity, as they sound legitimately terrible). He is known for his friendly, tender, strong voice, and according to some members of the fandom, is life partner to Len (Further reading: "Quotes"). Of course, the latter "fact" is unlikely, as THEY AREN'T FUCKING REAL PEOPLE. Regardless, the Yaoi loving fangirls enjoy drawing the two screwing eachother in every way you can imagine.

Kaito is still rarely used, as Gackpoid aka Gakupo Kamui (Featuring the vocal talents of none other than Gackt himself) boasts a far manlier, higher quality voice. He's also been confirmed to have an update to Vocaloid 3

Meiko

The first Japanese Vocaloid. Fans bitch about her voice because it isn't kawaii like Miku-chan's ^_^ so she's ignored. Everyone still draws her for the tits.

Teto Kasane

When life gives you strawberries, J-J-JAM THEM IN!

Not an actual Vocaloid, but rather a "UTAUIoid"; a freeware alternative to the real Vocaloid series. The work of vip@2ch, Teto was originally designed using said UTAU software, and was jokingly advertised as being an "upcoming Vocaloid", in what basically boiled down to her designers trolling Vocaloid fans. Eventually, when the Vocaloid community realized they had been trolled, they got over the fact they had been lead along and began the masturbation-initiation ritual for her. Having written her personality, arbitrarily deciding that she is a chimera and has a love of french loaf, they began work on producing songs and music videos starring her, giving her the full Vocaloid treatment.

The bulk of her songs are Youtube-favicon.png covers of Miku's songs, or Youtube-favicon.png original songs about her wanting to be a real Vocaloid. The shtick is as annoying as it sounds.

Sonika

Sonika is probably the least popular Vocaloid, because she can't fucking sing to save her shit. Youtube-favicon.png At Youtube-favicon.png all. She still has a small number of fans though, and they bitch over if her "character item" should be a gold ring (Because of Sonic), a pineapple (Because her color scheme resembles one), or a bell (Due to one of her abysmal original songs, Youtube-favicon.png "Ring my bell". She can sing in both English and Japanese, which boosts her appeal to the Japanese as well as the "Japanese at heart".

Fans still bitch that her looks do not match her soft voice. The original design team still swim in pools of their own profits. Put it together, and you do not have a recipe for change.

SeeU

Lest we explain more?

By the time a newer version of Vocaloid was released, some Korean developers decided to create their own realistic-sounding Vocaloid by the Name of "SeeU". She can sing in Korean and Japanese and already has 5 demo songs and 1 official song; She's relatively new and has a medium-sized following of weeaboos that are also into Korea. It was revealed recently that North Korea made SeeU in co operation with Iran in order to take control of South Korea, the nearest "Westernized" country to them. They expected WWIII but merely got basement-dwellers and weeaboos in America to wage Internet-war over her not being Japanese.

Ecstasy AKA Darks AKA Zetsuchoukan Yami

No, really. Some fangirl made an UTAU of herself using an old 4chan meme as a base. His character item is a "yaoi paddle".

T-Pain

T-Pain might as well be a Vocaloid. He is the closest thing to Miku Hatsune irl.

LEON and LOLA

They are actually the first Vocaloids but all weeaboos disregard that. Unlike their Japanese counterparts, they don't have kawaii avatars. PROTIP: Point this out to the weeaboos and watch them go in denial and maybe an hero.


THEY ARE NOT KAWA11 ENOUGH !!!1111 THEY MUST D1E!!!11

Bruno and Clara

The first Spanish Vocaloids. Weeaboos hated their first design so much that they actually threatened the artist with death. Other than the fact that they made lulz from the faggotry of fans, there's nothing else about them.


Songs / Music Videos

Official

As mentioned before, Vocaloid is marketed as a music-making tool (The key word being "Marketed", as it's true purpose is already well-established). Somehow, between the marathon fap sessions and day-dreaming of romance, music and accompanying music videos are actually made. Here for your viewing pleasure is a selection of some of the more popular videos. If you enjoy these videos, congratulations: You are officially a weeaboo! You'll receive your anime body pillow and the latest L'Arc-en-Ciel album by mail shortly.

Like, totally THE BEST FREAKIN' MUSIC VIDEO EVER!!!!11!!11oneone!!
EEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeee
omg i took japanese in high school so i know baka means stupid
The Japanese reveal their master plan to infiltrate the government.
Emo Miku is sad about rocks T_T
A song about bisexual love-making. Srsly.
Pussy loves the fucking piano, guys.
Miku gets fucked by the Cloverfield monster and gets AIDS

Previous Video  |  Next Video

Un-Official

Some people actually make un-official Vocaloid songs based off of actual songs. And don't even ask about the fucking point of creating a program to sing songs in a female voice if there are actual females willing to sing shit themselves. Oh, wait: It's because the only girls willing to sing this shit sound fucking terrible. Misogyny, you say? View the videos below and see, er, suffer for yourself.

Weeaboos still tend to be near her...
Autotune is cruise control for talent!
Microsoft Sam sings the blues.
Some kind of YouTube Poop video or something.

Previous Video  |  Next Video

Fan Base

The fanbase is made up of the most vile hipster weaboos one could ever imagine. Their general, severe lack of intelligence (and inability to fucking hear anything) is one way to spot them from the other weaboos. They can't even say "Hatsune" or "Miku" without sounding like a retarded child getting their mouth smashed in by their parents. Many of the fanfaggots enjoy making their own 'original' characters and singing badly, using these as porn for you to try and fap to (if you can tolerate their prepubescent chorus-of-squirrel voices). To see a cluster of these Vocaloid loving
They can't even comprehend what they like
peons in action, please see the monumental cesspool called the Vocaloid Otaku Network. This is essentially the hub for everything Vocaloid (and Touhou for some reason). It is the perfect place for you if you happen to suffer from Autism or ADHD and have an interest in trite garbage that's even reviled in Japan. If you dare try to critique this shithole on another completly different website, you will make the glorious moderators very butthurt. See an example here! [1]

Concerts

There have been multiple live performances done by Crypton's Vocaloids. Each time seemingly getting more and more realistic. Most fans either an hero or ejaculate at the thought of possibly seeing Miku as a hologram. Despite the fact that she's merely a projection on a transparent screen, fans will defend the idea of "SHE IS HOLOGRAM!1!!!!" to the death. While in reality, there's only been a single time when she was an actual hologram. The other Vocaloids are commonly left out and only have a few songs throughout the concerts because Crypton realized that Miku's one of the easiest ways to get money. This Satanic ritual occurs every March 9th without fail, and all of the faithful fans gather there with their leeks glowsticks and chant to their glorious Holographic Master Race. If you think that the idea of a concert with a hologram is ridiculous, then you would be surprised to know that people from all around the world travel to see these concerts apparently.

Quotes

 
 
KAITO CAN'T MARRY ANY OF YOU BECAUSE HE'S WITH LEN!!!
 

 

—bcueflores

 
 
Haha chubby miku is so cutee X3
 

 

—animerocks220

 
 
*lol* that was a cute lil video i loved the part when she said suki really fast over and over
 

 

—animeXvocaloidguy

 
 
I just want to say that just because I don't like this song doesn't mean I don't think Miku is cute and AWESOME. \(O_O)/

Just saying.
 


 

—CarrotShticks

 
 
Blood Donation Song is an excuse to see Miku in a nurse's outfit.
 

 

—BowenKainZ

 
 
the hell.. just because you don't want to read any negative comments,, your giving us thumbs down..

well.. there's 1 thing I can advice you so that you won't have any negative comments...

THAT IS TO MAKE A NORMAL AND POSITIVE VIDEO!!..WELL,DUH DON'T EVEN MAKE KAITO A GAY (THAT'S TOO NEGATIVE)... MANY ANIME LOVERS DON'T LIKE WHEN THEIR FAVORITE ANIME CHARACTER WAS GIVEN A BAD IMPRESSION!... THINK MANY THINGS BEFORE YOU DO YOUR ACTIONS! KAITO IS A GUY SO LEAVE THE IMPRESSION LIKE THAT!DUH!

 


 

—SayomiKamikura

 
 
More nummy KaitoxLen. <3
 

 

—AlexanderAfter

Previous Quote | Next Quote


Trolling the fanbase

Like most fanbases, the main audience is composed of mental defectives, Hipsters, faggots and weeaboos. Unlike most, the fanbase is composed of ADHD patients and sociopaths compared to actual autists and outright faggots, like another fanbase we know. Therefore they all have no attention span and cant process your attempt at trolling, very similar to the Homosucks. Which are one of the most retarded fandoms ever. Then again, they worship grey skinned alien people with candy corn horns. Another retarded thing about them is that the fanbase is divided into the Youtube/VO faggots, who will flip their shit by saying as much as "hi" to them. Then there's the "normal" ones that browse /a/ or don't give a fuck about communicating with their fellow social failures.

  • Saying they'll all never have a wife and that they'll spend the rest of their lives wanking to a blue-haired anime-ish
    Hatsune Miku's reaction to below gallery.
    character
  • Asking if a Vocaloid anime has happened or suggesting that a Vocaloid anime should happen, they hate this
  • Saying "omg voceloid favret anime xD"
  • Saying that incest is wrong, same applies to lesbians. Apparently the community can't accept normal relationships
  • Telling them that Crypton's Vocaloids have shitty voices
  • Call them worse than Bronies or even better, pose as a Brony and start pushing your inner autism on them
  • Tell them that the whole fanbase has ADD, ADHD or Aspergers
  • Tell them that they're perverts for liking it and that anyone who indulges in it is a pervert
  • Say Deviantart is the best place for their faggotry
  • Sharing MMD stuff. For some reason the MMD community gets incredibly butthurt (more so than the RIAA does about piracy) about people sharing their content. So they hide passwords to download stuff and demand comments when you do download (and threaten to delete the mods if you don't).
  • MMD Model makers are even more incredibly butthurt when nude models are created and shared. A well known model maker named TDA gets extremely butthurt about nude versions of his models. In fact he gets so pissed he goes all Hitler and raids Vimeo and random forums to delete videos and downloads of nude versions of his models. SO SHARE THE NUDE MODELS!
  • Tell them Vocaloid sucks because it isn't real singing

Here is also a effective way of trolling them[2]

Gallery

Barely Legal Bee-Stings About missing Pics

See Also

External Links

Portal anime.png

Vocaloid is part of a series on

Anime

Visit the Anime Portal for complete coverage.

Portal music.png

Vocaloid is part of a series on

Music

Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article February 28 and March 1, 2013
Preceded by
Lauren Faust
Vocaloid Succeeded by
Ambrose Bierce and William Randolph Hearst
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