From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The USASexGuide forum is a ridiculously huge online message board that claims its purpose is to “facilitate the exchange of information between men who are looking for sex with women.” On the face of things, this seems rather innocent and perhaps a bit like a group of guys, sitting around, drinking beer and swapping sex stories. In reality, despite the board’s claims, the USASexGuide forum really is an online pimping service where pedophiles, perverts, and dirty old men gather to share information on how to find the crack whores in your neighborhood.
As previously stated, the size of the forum is ridiculously large. The site features sub-boards for every state in the union, Washington D.C., popular truck stops on highly trafficked interstate highways, commonwealths such as Guam and Saipan, and Indian reservations. The site then further narrows its sub-boards into sub-sub-forums that supply information concerning just about any mid to large range metropolitan area. If you live within any portion of the United States, there is a sub-board that caters directly to your neck of the woods and most of the posts written on that board are people within your area.
At any given time, there are over 200 perverts posting and reading the forums. On a typical busy evening, you can find at least 700 people populating the various boards with stories of their latest hooker conquests. For a message board of this type of software, that means it is absolutely bursting its seams under that load of traffic. While there, the people within the USASexGuide not only discuss massage parlors, AIDS, and yeast infections, they also argue the morality of prostitution like a pack of self hating Craigslist refugees who cannot seem to kick their habit of liking to stick their dicks into disease-ridden crack addicted hookers.
—Sullivant Guy...and I have no idea what he just said there.
Because prostitution is illegal, it is not a good idea to just randomly jump on the USASexGuide and start talking about how a hooker blew you in the back seat of your car and that you paid her thirty dollars for the service. The crafty administrators of the forum have decided to offer a suggested list of abbreviations that posters to the boards can use like a secret code so that they don’t get the IRL ban hammer from the local police departments. Here is a small list of those code words:
- $ = $100 - If you are paying one hundred bucks to a crack whore for anything, you are doing it wrong.
- $$$.5 = $350 (get it?) - Anybody who spends more than twenty bucks on these people should have their heads checked.
- Anti-Sex Pervert - These are the "real" perverts, the people who are against the concept of healthy men engaging in sex with willing female partners. Or, they are people who don’t like crack whores peddling their ass on their front lawn.
- AR Anal Rimming (Oral stimulation of anus) - Just what I always wanted, a hooker licking my bunghole.
- BBBJ - Bare Back Blow Job (oral sex without condom).
- BBBJTC Bare Back Blow Job to Completion (oral sex to orgasm) - These codes can become quite complicated.
- BBBJTCWS Bare Back Blow Job to Completion with Swallowing - When a hooker swallows, it is customary to “Tip” her for the service. Usually a tip is a McDonald’s double cheeseburger and a pack of Newport cigarettes.
- BBBJWF Bare Back Blow Job With Facial - Because your wife/girlfriend won’t let you do it.
- BBFS Bare Back Full Service (sex) - Always a smart thing to do with a girl who lives in an abandoned HUD development house and has a pile of used syringes on her nightstand.
- CMT Certified Massage Therapist - A professional masseuse. Yes, people actually go to a school to become certified in giving out “happy endings” to customers.
- Defender - A poster who defends or "comes to the rescue" of a provider who has been reviewed poorly, regardless of whether the review is accurate. Yes, even forty swilling meth addicts have white knights.
- Expats - Persons living in countries other than their own citizenship. Generally refers to Americans or Europeans living in other countries. This is mostly due to the fact that they are either currently wanted by the police or they are already a Tier II sex offender and are sick of having to report to a parole officer every few weeks.
- Herb Friendly - Is amenable to marijuana use. You have got to be kidding me, hookers actually give a shit about pot?
- HHHJ - Half-hearted Hand Job - Even hookers know when you are a loser. You are actually paying for a hand job?
- Hobbyist - A person who cannot have sex without the aid of a paid prostitute.
- LE - Law Enforcement - These are the bad guys.
- LEO - Law Enforcement Officer. Also called “Uncle Leo,” police officers are the trolls of the prostitution world.
- Off-the-clock - Activities that occur with a provider that she chooses not to charge for. Mostly off-the-clock activities include: stealing your wallet, getting high while she is still in your car, spitting sperm out on your car’s upholstery, and asking for more money because of the stuff she did “on-the-clock.”
- Pooner - A hobbyist who is immersed in the hobby culture. Somebody who has been arrested multiple times for pandering prostitution.
- Reverse Oral - The client performs oral sex on the provider. People that perform reverse oral on a prostitute also like to lick toilet seats in busy public bathrooms.
- Trolling - The act of driving around looking for a prostitute. Much in the same way an online person will go around looking for newbs to fuck with.
For a full list of these abbreviated code words, please see here.
—User Midwest who is worried about getting busted.
The board likes to claim that the stories and information given on the site are “fictional” and that the site should only be used for “entertainment purposes” because apparently there is a huge section of the population that likes to read other people’s stories about how they caught hepatitis C from a hooker.
Non-Prostitute Related Sub-Forums
To give itself an air of above-the-board honesty and legality, there are a number of boards on the USASexGuide forums that attempt to discuss “normal” things that most people online would talk about.
- Photography – How to photograph the hooker you just fucked.
- Safe Sex – I have a red rash on the end of my peter. Is this bad? (Y)(N)
- Sexual Addiction – because we really care about you…no, really we do!
- Jokes and Humorous Stories – Take time off from your more serious stories involving how you got ripped off by a pimp and tell us some of your more funny stories about how you got ripped off by a pimp.
- Letters to the Editor – Mostly people bitching to the site administrators concerning the legality of the site or because they got banned for badmouthing a hooker, but there are often some golden posts here detailing why Arizona is abbreviated AR instead of AZ and why it should be the other way around. Lots of bright bulbs post here.
—You went to a prostitution site and used your real name? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
—What a fucking loser.
Before you go out and try to become a poster on USASexGuide, you should probably become a “monger.” A monger is a person who goes and gets laid with a hooker. This may sound simple, but you must realize that there are rules for this sort of thing. Here is a general list of rules to get you started.
The USASexGuide reports are the majority of the site. Within the various state and local boards, you will find seedy stories concerning the acts performed by your local “working girls.” Also, usually at the end of the stories, the original poster will give you a detailed description of both the hooker, and how to go about finding her should you live within driving distance. In most cases, the stories are the sad tale of a man getting ripped off by a prostitute and then posting about it on an internet message board:
—User “Gedyup” sitting in his car with a boner and no place to go.
While this is quite comical, sometimes the postings become serious:
—Ha Ha Ha! You have AIDS!
Some of the posters on the streetwalker forums are quite protective of the girls they meet. They will only share information with other established posters who have been around for a long time or have somehow distinguished themselves as being safe to chat with. Most of these sorts of informational exchange are done in private messages, but often a poster will come out and boldly state something to this effect:
—GASP! You used a real name of a real person who is a fictional hooker!
—Shadow1 is an established “senior member” of the forum.
While being a member of an online community and being trusted for your knowledge and your wisdom is quite nice, one has to consider the fact that people like Shadow1 are trusted because they know a lot about whores.
Below you will find a small sample of the kind of reporting that goes on at USASexGuide. More often than not, the reports sound like a 13-year old boy is having fun on his daddy's computer.
How to Troll on USASexGuide
There are several ways to go about riling up the community. Since what they all do is, in essence, an illegal activity, they are all very high-strung and mistrustful of anything that they do not think is on-the-level within their little hooker world.
- Tell them that a hooker who has had their picture posted is ugly or has tested positive for any number of sexually transmitted diseases.
- Offer misleading information concerning law enforcement. Pick a board that is close to where you live so that you can appear to be authentic. Then spread rumors about busts that may or may not be going down.
- Go to the board and brag about your conquests while not using a condom. Tell as many of the other posters how you like to ejaculate inside of hookers and you make sure that you name names so that many of them will become scared of your diseases.
- Go the religious route and tell them they are all going to hell.
- Don’t come out exactly like a police officer would, but give subtle hints that you may be a law officer.
- Mention ridiculously low or high pricing when it comes to sexual acts.
- Brag about abusing the various hookers in your area. The more graphic the details of your punishments, the better.
By using any, all, or a few of these trolling methods, you should be able to derail the hooker reports forum for at least a week and get all sorts of nasty replies.
EDiot’s note: “Sully” is Sullivant avenue, a popular street for hookers in Columbus, Ohio. It is also in the worst neighborhood you can possibly imagine…unless you live in Detroit.
The users on the local boards like to keep track of the local law enforcement agencies in an attempt to warn off other people who might get busted. Usually, these reports involve somebody talking about how they went out and drove around looking for a hooker, but they then realize that there are more police officers out than usual. They then race home and jump on the computer to tell everybody that the cops are out. Sometimes the reports involve people actually getting arrested by undercover police agents in a sting. When this happens, the boards go quiet for a few days because everybody thinks that the actual forum is being patrolled by police officers on their home computers.
—User Gabrielfa is a big time member of the boards.
—Protip: if she is really “beautiful” then she is a police officer. That “lucky guy” you were talking about just got a 300 dollar fine.
Most people in this world are bright enough or pretty enough to get by without having to stoop to prostitution as a means to get money. What this also means is that 99% of the street walking syphilis factories that you see are going to be out and out ugly. There is no way around this. Don’t believe the bullshit you see on television or in the movies, there are no “Pretty Woman” hookers who go out and stand on a ghetto street corner for money. The pretty girls are either in a dance club, where they can get a lot more money for doing a whole lot less, or they are in Las Vegas and making 1000 dollars per night fucking people that are not a loser like you. That being said, take warning before you investigate the following gallery.
Uh, Ashley Dupree? Call girls, the ones that cost $1000 an hour, are usually pretty. And in the case of Ashley Dupree, smoking hot.
There is some really gross shit in this gallery
Please be sure to take extra care while clicking on these thumbnails!
|A tale of desperation and crack||About missing Pics|
The Sad Saga of Sullivant Guy
—One of Sullivant Guy’s (aka Robert McFadden) last posts on the USASexGuide forums…right before they busted him.
Sullivant Guy, or Broad Street Guy, was a popular member of the USASexGuide forum under the sub-forum of the Columbus, Ohio board. He often gave advice and posted many pictures of the hookers and crack whores he banged. Because of his popularity, he was thought to be some sort of expert on all things hooker-related. If a person posted that local whore might have a disease, he would give his two-cents and expect those words to be considered law.
—The Expert showing some noob how things are done.
—Sullivant Guy compares crack addicted, disease infested hookers to “shiny new cars.”
All this internet fame and reverence could not protect Sullivant Guy as he was recently convicted of several charges involving prostitution. Columbus police had been looking for him for some time, so it was pretty obvious why he stopped posting all of the sudden after posting like 300 times per day.
—Detective Ackley, Columbus vice crimes division.
Some of the charges also involved minors. He was sentenced to one year in jail and must also register as a tier II sex offender. Typical of most pedophiles and perverts who are finally forced to see the error of their ways, he resorted to using religion and insanity as his reasons for bringing prostitutes into his own home, having a secret loft apartment for hookering purposes, and hosting a sex party that involved several under aged crack whores.
—Robert McFadden, formerly known as Sullivant Guy.
—Oh yeah, did I mention that he used to work for the current Ohio Governor, Ted Strickland?
—He leaves a loving, but clueless, wife and family behind. Now he’s Bubba’s property.
Some links involved with the Sullivant Guy Case:
—Hoho Creampie is like Santa Claus.
Hoho Creampie is a troll that lurks and posts on the USASexGuide forums. He states that he travels a lot due to his job, so he can be found posting in any number of forums including, but not limited to: Columbus, Ohio, Dayton, Ohio, and Austin, Texas. While he is posting, he likes to tell all the other users that he attempts to impregnate as many hookers as he can. This fact, and his quite elaborate descriptions of his acts, cause most of the forum users and mongers to fly into uncontrollable rage.
- I shot a load of my white gold into her unprotected vagina.
- Creampied her three times. Would hit it again.
- Filled her with my love.
- Donated my seed to her welfare fund.
- Poured my milk into her cocoa puffs.
- She told me to pull out, but she was only kidding.
—Hoho put his hoho in the wrong ho.
Hoho will also argue with anybody concerning any sort of sexually transmitted diseases. He claims that he works in a job that requires him to have full screen STD tests every month or so and that he has always turned up negative with the small exception of catching Chlamydia two times. Anybody who has any knowledge concerning online trolling techniques would instantly assume that he is full of shit; however, since most of the posters who read and reply on USASexGuide are AOL-using noobs, they all pretty much believe whatever it is he says and rage further.
—FuzzyFreak, who wrote this poem, doesn’t realize he is being trolled.
Hoho Creampie's Delightful Wit
Rules for Hookers
The USASexGuide forums is just full of rules that posters like to make up and then post as if they are some sort of authority on people addicted to meth. Here is a recent one posted the “Streetwalker Reports” forum:
Rule #1 When I am done, GET OUT OF MY CAR!
Rule #2 See rule #1, just needs to be said twice.
Rule #3 If you think you are going to light the pipe in my ride, think again.
Rule #4 If You need a ride at the end and I am feeling gracious enough to bend rule #1, it better be close, and you better know where the hell you are going.
Rule #5 I am not as comfortable as you with my status as a 'john', this means yelling to your cracker-jack friends out my window will get you nowhere fast.
Rule #6 I am paying you, at the very least act interested.
Rule #7 Acting like a Jerry Springer guest on crank is not cool, stop freaking out.
Rule #8 I have good eyesight, I don't need you to jump up and down, wave, send up flares, etc. Before I pick you up. If I drive by you and pass you up, its because A) Not interested B) I'm busy C) You have a face/body that could stop a clock D) You look like Steve Buscemi on glue-bender. Make eye contact. That's all I need and that's all I prefer. I may well drive by a few times, it's all about my comfort level.
Rule #9 If you give me lack luster service, you will compensated accordingly. I mean really, is this why you are doing what your doing, did the formula for success as a waitress truly baffle you?
Rule #10 Act polite, small talk relaxes everyone involved. Small talk about your court date for felony assault doesn't.
Rule #11 Asking me if I am the police is about the stupidest thing I have ever heard of. Reach over and give me a gentle squeeze, thats the proof (or hey, at least it works for me.)
Rule #12 You need to supply the condoms, not me. I can't have that shit hanging around my car. I don't bring my own sugar for my coffee at Denny's.
Rule #13 State the way you want me to 'release' beforehand.
Rule #14 Wash that funky ass.
Rule #15 Its my car, don't change the radio stations, adjust the seats or anything that I will have to reset later (or alternately forget to reset and have to answer the questions like 'Who adjusted this seat? ')
Rule #16 I'm not sure about anyone else, but I will NEVER pick up a girl whose pimp/boyfriend/WTF ever is following, lose the dude and we can do business.
Rule #17 Put out the cigarette. Unless you're like me and smoke in which case feel free (to smoke your own)
Rule #18 If you rip me off, I will make it my life’s work to find you and run you over. Lest you forget, you are a street WALKER, I am a street DRIVER, you must see the advantages of my situation.
Rule #19 GET OUT OF MY CAR WHEN I AM DONE!
Yvonne has been a crackwhore since she was twelve years old.
- Hookers and blow
- Police Officers
Links of Interest
USASexGuide Forum is part of a series on
Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.
|Featured article September 16, 2009|
| Preceded by|
Messin' With Sasquatch
|USASexGuide Forum|| Succeeded by|
Imma Let You Finish