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Ty Ziegel

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"Ty" directs here. For other uses see Ty (disambiguation)
OMGWTFBBQ with extra emphasis on the BBQ.

Ty "Flukeworm Man" Ziegel (October 16, 1982 - December 26, 2012) is was a United States Marine Corps sergeant who got turned into Resident Evil: Nemesis by an Iraqi suicide bomber in 2004. Instead of running away from his burning truck when it was attacked he threw a temper tantrum and wouldn't leave without his Pokémon cards and ended up irreversibly disfigured.

When he got sent home, Ty and his family and friends forced his girlfriend to follow through on the couple's plans to marry as soon as he got back from Iraq. After a ceremony that was part guro and part masturbation-fest for the military that destroyed Ty's handsome looks, the marriage fell apart as his wife divorced her disfigured dullard of a husband in order to escape and have a life where she didn't have to worry about waking up screaming in horror at the sight of the man laying next to her in bed.

Ty Ziegel died on Dec. 26, 2012. According to this link; he died from falling on ice, which caused death due to the fact that he landed on part of the skull damaged in the blast that disfigured him [1][2]. As an act of final lulz, his body was cremated three days later to finish the job that the suicide bomber started.

R.I.P. Ty "'JOIN THE ARMY,' THEY SAID" Ziegel.


Contents

Join The Army They Said...

The day every little girl dreams of.

Ty Ziegel was once an ordinary person. According to his friends, he had an "acid tongue" though by Ty's own account, he was a huge retard who did whatever the herd said. So, after 9-11 and war being declared on Iraq for the lulz, Ty Ziegel decided that he just had to become a Marine and go do what the voices on Fox News told him and blast every friggin' sandnigger he could kill. Sometime along his second tour, he was driving along the Syrian border, minding his own business. Suddenly, a suicide bomber jumped out in front of his Hummer, shit got a little crazy, and he ended up being the human version of Zippocat.

Back in White Trash, Indiana, Ty's betrothed, Renee, was enjoying a day of fucking her neighbor while her fiancee was away. Suddenly the phone rang. She learned the horrible news about Ty. Quickly she ran outside and whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh", and it had dice in the mirror. If anything, I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo, homes, to Bel-Air!"

Recovery and Marriage

When Renee saw her fiancee again, he was seriously fucked up. One arm was missing past the forearm and his remaining hand had only two fingers. His big toe was grafted on in place of a thumb. One eye was blind and milky, as if melted, and his ears had been burnt away. The top of his skull had been removed and inserted by doctors into the fatty tissue inside his torso to keep it viable and moist for future use. He was a fucking disaster. And he was in a coma to boot.

Some fifteen surgeries and eighteen months later, Ty emerged a new man, a new man who looked like a fucking zombie. Nevertheless, Renee was a sturdy, Midwestern girl surrounded by assholes who were not about to let her reneg on her engagement. She was going to be made to marry Ty whether she liked it or not! Her parents, Ty's parents, their entire small town would not let a little thing like her man being turned into a pork rind get in the way of "true love", after all. A few months later, the happy couple was married in a shotgun wedding. Unlike most shotgun weddings however, the shotguns were held by a cadre of Marines and pointed at Renee, who had to have her big wedding day usurped into a glorification of the Iraq War and the Marines, for whom her beloved Ty had given up his face.

Birth of a Meme

Ty would have probably led a life that was relatively normal if it weren't for the heroic actions of Nina Berman, a photojournalist who wanted to put together a coffee table book of wounded/disfigured soldiers for sick fucks who have a thing for disfigured male amputees. The photos of Ty and Renee, with Renee's quiet look of utter desperation at her fate won Nina a "World Press Award" for her photographs of the couple.

Nina discovered the two when People Magazine sent her to take photographs of the two for a puff piece on the upcoming wedding. She got to know the couple and Ty, who she described as stuck up and aloof. The only time she said that he showed any sign of normal life was when he and some of his high school buddies were watching UFC and Ty started screaming at the TV for one of the fighters to break the neck of the other fighter.

Time passed, and one day a crazy /b/tard with a fetish for capturing disfigured soldiers discovered Ty's existence and started posting pictures of him on /b/. In the same amount of time it took for Ty's facial features to cease to exist, Ty was turned into a mini meme. Ty's image was photomanipulated over and over again, usually with the caption "'JOIN THE ARMY,' THEY SAID," - a quote from the hit game, Halo. This infuriated the two or three Republican faggots who hang out on /b/, predictably leading to butthurt flame wars and epic lulz.

Ty Today

BAWWW BAWW! HE WAS DELICIOUSLY BAKED FOR YOUR FREEDOMS!!1

Like a good war criminal with no remorse, Ty continued to support the war in Iraq and President Bush despite his terminal case of ugly. To this day, he will stoically defend the administration that turned him into a walking sideshow. Ty's brother is a Marine as well, and probably cries like a baby whenever Metallica's "One" is played due to it reminding him of his disfigured sibling.

Meanwhile, he was having some marital problems with Renee. She was getting a bit sick of getting humped by Sloth from The Goonies and Ty's slow descent into madness as he kept downing pills to sleep and keep from decapitating people and hiding the bodies in the basement. Nor would Ty wear a mask full-time for Renee, in order to at least let her pretend that she married the "Man in the Iron Mask". Finally, after about a year of marriage, she decided to GTFO while she was still young and attractive enough to get a decent-looking husband.

According to his new facebook page (having deleted his older one and created a new page under his full name "Tyler Zeigel"), Tyler has begun a new relationship (the identity of the woman is unknown) and currently lives alone with a "reverse brindle Boxer" named Dobbs. He also has crocheting as a hobby, saying "it soothes the soul".

Idiots Fight Over Ty

Salon later did a follow-up piece on Nina Berman, who remained non-committal over whether or not her photos of Ty should be taken as pro or anti war propoganda. Needless to say, it did not stop Salon readers from getting into a major flame war over the issue: [3]

...See The World They Said!

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