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The R Word

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Sure it isn't the hydrocephalus causing the pain?
Niggers stole the vowels. And my bike.
Exactly.
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The R Word is a national campaign to eliminate the use of the word retard from the English language and not a spin off of that show the L Word. Apparently, retards have feelings, and every time you use the word "retard", you make them feel sad inside and... well... retarded. The campaign suggests that instead you could say "loid", an acronym for "Lexically Or Intellectually Disabled" - the campaigners don't seem to realize this is short for mongoloid, which is an even more offensive term for tard, and surprising logic that the general point of an insult is to offend. Now prima facie it doesn't really seem to make much sense to ban a word which is used in medical definitions. Realizing this, the retards have provided the following compelling argument.


Contents

Tard Logic

There are two senses in which we use the word retard:

  • First, there is the dictionary definition which means "to cause to move or proceed slowly; delay or impede." So for example, when we say someone is mentally retarded, what we are saying is that their mental processes operate at a slower rate than what is generally considered to be the norm.
  • Second, there is the common usage form of the word in which we use "retard" to refer to something that fails. This can apply to anything which can fail in some aspect or another. So for example, when a furry engages in some yiffing (or does anything else really), they proceed to fail and so can be said to be retarded.

What retards are grunting is this: when we recognize that something is retarded (i.e. fail) we equivocate between the two definitions listed above. When we do this, we inevitably come to regard retards as not only suffering from a medical condition (i.e. mental retardation), but also as a giant pile of fail.

This argument fails, however, to take note of an obvious fact which retards are hoping will be overlooked. Retards DO fail at life in every way imaginable, and what they are banking on is the general populace overlooking this. Unfortunately, since the retards do not possess the sort of cognitive abilities required to make complicated arguments, their argument fails almost as hard as they do.

The Obama Gaffe

The world's most famous black person recently made it okay to refer to retards as fail by making a joke about retards on The Tonight Show:

 
 
[It's] like Special Olympics or something.
 

 

—Commenting on Jay Leno's bowling skills.

During his campaign to get liberal America to vote for him, he smacked several opponents for being racist, yet he now mocks the very people who wanted him to be president in the first place. Despite this, Obama never actually used the word "retard"; therefore, the owners of these sub-human troglodytes have no reason to complain anyway.


See Obama suffer liberal guilt here.

Why the R-Word Campaign is Retarded

In trying to get America to go along with this supreme use of logic, retards (and their handlers) have set out in true BAWWW style to bitch and moan about the "inequality" and "prejudice" experienced by retards everywhere- imagine being prejudiced against subhuman violent shitslicks who should have been aborted instead of spending their entire lives living on other people's taxes! This campaign of epic butthurt utilizes the web to get people in high schools, universities, and in the business world to sign a petition-cum-pledge affirming their oath to never use the word retard again. They also cite the words "fag" and "nigger" as examples of verbal discrimination, despite "retard" being a legitimate medical term and WHAT THEY ARE ACTUALLY CALLED. They also visit some of the more liberal locations throughout this great land of ours to perform some IRL trolling for their cause. However, there is one major problem with their campaign: noone really gives a shit what sub-humans think (if they even can) so no one will ever stop using the word retard. To probe a little deeper, the problem seems to lie with retards thinking they can have equality the same way as other groups have. What the retards are failing to realize, however, is that at least some members of those groups had working mental faculties and were able to utilize them to fight for their equal rights. They didn't merely BAWWW about how whitey kept them down, they fought back with demonstrations and (in the case of the negro) militant groups. What the hell kind of demonstration can a group of retards put on? Half of them can't even move or think enough to do anything besides be a waste of space and plague on humanity. At best they may be able to block traffic by herding in the middle of busy thoroughfares and proceeding to drool on the pavement.

It seems that at the end of the day, instead of getting rid of the word retard, we should instead get rid of those whom we classify as retarded. The money saved on not having to take care of these genetic defects could go toward healing normal people. Also, if we kept a few alive for medical testing, we could probably come up with cures to all sorts of shit.

The euphemism treadmill

There's also a term called "euphemism treadmill" to describe the fact which suggests that people who try to get everyone to not use the word retarded are actually more retarded than people who are medically diagnosed as retarded. The original terms for retarded were words like "stupid", but it generally changed by a long chain of euphemisms. Even words like "idiot", "imbecile", and "moron" originally were euphemisms. What this boils down to is politically correct attempts to change words around before they become popular as insults. This is the real reason people are mockingly called "special" and "mentally challenged". What the politically handicapped don't realize is that any euphemism will eventually take on the same negative connotation that "retard" did, so their work will never be done.

down syndromestupidslow in the headidiotimbecilemoronretardedresmartedmongloidhandicappedspecialmentally challengedhandi-capableautisticlike Chris-chan

The euphemism treadmill also now makes it the case that if you break your leg skiing, you have to be described like you're a retarded person:

lame → crippled → handicapped → disabled → special → physically challenged → handi-capable → differently-abled

By the way, "concentration camp" originally started as a euphemism, too.

The slippery slope

Since actual retards are, by definition, too retarded to be offended at being called retarded, it follows that the people behind the R Word Campaign are really their handlers, trying to deal with their guilt at whatever they did to produce their special offspring. You may be tempted to go along with them out of pity, but this would be a bad idea. Many parents of retards cope with being so totally pwned by fate only by retreating from reality, and vehemently insist their unique little wonders are "perfectly normal in their own way". Srsly. Some argue that after winning the R Word battle their next step would be a campaign to redefine "normal" to include Downies and autistics, at which point normal would simply become the new word for retarded.

This Campaign is ready for some action

Sarah Palin supports retards, not only because all her kids are, but because a majority of them voted for her.

Now, in the face of adversity and unfathomable odds, the Transcontinental Asperger's Reconciliation Defensive (T.A.R.D.) has decided to call in their Shock Troopers and Special Forces Green Berets to quell unrest within the populace. They have advised all citizens to cooperate or feel the full wrath of their military's hammer.

The troopers have been pictured training recently, and here is a spy shot of them in formation during a recent drill before their soon-to-be-announced deployment:

Retardarmy.jpg

Moralfags ahoy

This particular campaign has attracted quite some attention from butthurt moralfags on JewTube that feel the need to throw away the idea of freedom of speech just to censor a word that is widely used (both in general culture and science) because retards get offended by it. Typically, these people are 16-year-old girls, homosexuals, retards, and/or all of the above, and nearly all of them suffer from liberal guilt.

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They're in effect saying those people are like my daughter, and that's a bad thing, and my daughter isn't a bad thing
 

 

—A retard-handler talking about a show called Rise of the Celebretards. Note also that the show is about celebrities, and her daughter isn't a celebrity. Nope, not even after getting on YouTube.

 
 
And people with intellectual disabilities can accomplish great things, like competing in the Special Olympics... and winning!
 

 

—Wow, winning a competition designed specifically for them that no other kind of person can legally win? Maybe they'd stand a chance in the real Olympics if they introduced "Competitive Hugging"

 
 
I have always been a fan of Brave New Workshop. It's fun, political theater: they use satire, they make fun of everyone... the title was Rise of the Celebretards, which really hurt me.
 

 

—Oh, so it was only fun until you got made fun of.

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