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The Missing Talk Page Of VandalFucker

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VandalFucker
Holy shit im tripping balls.jpg
WTF? Former ED Sysop, gets schooled by his superiors in the ways of deletion.
Timeline December 3, 2008 - August 12, 2009
Location Online
Key people VandalFucker, Cash, OldDirtyBtard, Zaiger
Industry Special:ListUsers/sysop
Moral of the Story Delete fucking everything. Don't delete fucking everything.
Website Nobody cares to look for dox.
An exact re-enactment of VandalFucker's missing talk page, in Zella form.

On August 4th, 2009 at sometime in the afternoon, a talk page completely vanished from the ED's internets without a trace. Usually one would equate this to unintentional poisoning or some form of basement-dweller suicide but evidence suggested that a major case of seething butthurt was building into the world's potentially largest lollercoaster evar. Fans ran up to the gates for a glimpse of the talk page, however when they got to the start line there was no Dana, only Zuul.

Contents

The First 48 Hours

It all began over a shitty article that some heroin addict wrote over a few fifths of whiskey, an ounce of weed and the services of a shemale from Saudi Arabia. For some reason this example of Exhibit C was allowed to sit in the foods section of this great wiki for a few months before it was discovered and found to be utterly unlulzy. What should have been a simple case of crap being flushed turned into an edit war that should have had its own pilot directed by Michael Fucking Bay.

The article was promptly flushed by VandalFucker, and not much time went by before another ED sysop came across this action and decided an anus needed to be lubed. Five times VandalFucker attempted to delete this article, and five times he was reverted. Little did everyone know that Zaiger would have the last word and tell everyone to straight up fuck off and cut the shit or face the banhammer.

Once the article was shitcanned, the talk page in question disappeared, and some argue VandalFucker either acted by

  1. expressing his butthurt at being overruled for so long by ED Sysops with bigger penises than him or
  2. became utterly confused that the article he so longed to see assfucked was finally destroyed, urinated on and used as toilet paper by Chin-chan.

But since faggotry never really goes away, screenshots capture the lulz in its entirety:

Archived Talk Page About missing Pics

I Warned You Bro

I am disappoint and l33t ed1T0rz all at once.

When VandalFucker turned his Unfunny Radar on, it discovered the Outback Steakhouse article. It didn't take long for him to just straight up delete the shit without going through the proper channels. A reprimand was in order and took place in the method of a message:

  • Cash: I'm going to keep this succinct and hope that it won't necessitate a mailing list thread but seriously: stop going against other sysops and deleting articles that you feel "are outside the scope of ED." There's a ton of shit that's outside ED's scope but your job as a sysop isn't to delete old shit that escaped the axe. Seriously, leave that article alone and don't worry about the cobwebs. Socashsig.gif (talk) 07:52, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

Unfortunately he ignored this warning, said no u and went back to the article, deleting fucking everything in his path. No one could stop him.

Battletoads!

 
 
tl;dr Leave old articles the fuck alone, period. And just for posterity: IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO DELETE OLD SHIT
 

 

—ShitsSoCash, saying LOL WUT

After sketching out a rough battleplan on how to propose saving this shit article, the opinion was made that either all food articles can be kept or flushed, since none of them really are internet relevant anyways seeing how you can't eat on the fucking internet, unless you're Chismah or some other fat fuck. Either way, said view didn't really matter in the better judgment of those who knew that the article was a pile of TsimFuckis' crap and after a back and forth war between Team Red and Team Blue, everyone started masturbating and preparing for the Acockalypse.

Tl;dr ShitsSoCash pwns VandalFucker over being called junior and rapes him in IRL.

ALL YOUR BASE! THIS IS THE KIND OF SHIT THAT GETS YOUR SYSOP STATUS REVOKED

Socashsig.gif (talk) 16:05, 28 July 2009 (UTC)

What ends up going down is VandalFucker being pwned by ShitsSoCash, akin to when Dick Masterson took down all the women in America and made them ride his cock for all eternity (which is actually five minutes, but no one is counting).

Be Brave Like Lily Potter

Others stepped in and gave their ass-pounding to VandalFucker, which came out to being as equally funny as the other talk posts but not as mean. It was noted that he needed a serious talking to, not like a felon who won't see the day of light, but more similar to an eleven year old who won't shut the fuck up and take his Ritalin like a good little boy. And in the right corner...

 
 
Okay, here's the way it is. You don't go on deletion sprees. I can think of maybe 100 articles that are equally deserving of this shit, but I haven't deleted them. Why? Because ED is internet culture. If something's lulzy, people know about it. It's "hey have you seen that article on ED about X". You do not fight with other Sysops. You are required to hang out in IRC #sysop, you are required to pay attention to the mailing list. If another sysop and you have a disagreement, you take it to the mailing list and take no further action. These things exist partially to build a sense of community, where you do not act like an antisocial twat to your peers. The only reason that I am telling you off here is because you've earned a public reprimand. When there's a consensus against you, you back the fuck down. Don't start with this primacy bullshit. That's why I'm here, VF. You want to see primacy? I've got a fucking tonne of primacy. I got so much primacy I have to drive a Mack truck, so I can put my primacy in the back. Even regardless of that, I am speaking for the collective and I am speaking for Sherrod. You are going to pull your head in and deal with conflict as policy dictates. You know what happens next. Don't make it.
 

 

æ, fucking setting it fucking straight motherfucker

This is the Edgar Allan Poe story VandalFucker read that started all this faggotry.

After carefully researching the complete works of Edgar Allan Poe, VandalFucker realized he wanted some weed, so he called Tom Serson and copped a dimebag. Once he smoked up it became apparent to him that an intelligent reply was in order, to defend his great reputation. Too bad fate stepped in and said fuck that shit.

  • VandalFucker: OK yiri, I suspect you half (or more) sympathise, but ... Also haven't taken faggotry to anywhere the same extremes as some, just my two or three attempts to delete irrelevant crap get some so riled that they throw around Wikipedese terms like deletionist as if shit should never get plumbed (and concensus most of the time has been `delete' for stuff deleted by me, sports, TS;DR, and outbeak steakhouse excepted). That said, point taken. vanff 13:55, 28 July 2009 (UTC)
  • OldDirtyBtard: Have we not talked about this off-site and off-list before VF? I prefer not to have to resort to issuing warnings in front of all of ED but, since you have chosen to disregard my emails and insist on acting like Miltopia, you leave me no choice. This is your last chance. You are to ignore your delete button from now on. You will not delete anything further without consulting a senior Sysop first. /story. --OD:3 - wut? 00:03, 29 July 2009 (UTC)

Robbed of his powers to delete, VandalFucker moaned like Voldemort getting head from Dumbledore; you're getting fucked but you're positive an 80-year old man is not the one you want to be fucking. And he still doesn't get it.

  • Maserati7200: Hahah, wow. The bureaucratic bullshit on this place is beyond me. You're no better than the jews admins who edit wikipedia. You gave me a 5 day ban because I put a notice on article for the lulz, I didn't even edit the actual content. black person are practicing such high levels of faggotry you're probably one of those christfags. Good luck with you're stealing you're about to do, because you're a jew who likes you control everything. Maserati7200 07:03, 27 July 2009 (UTC)

Finally, silence. Sugarsticks, wrong again.

Goddamn Desu

I'm in your desu, ruining your internets.

Once you're labeled as the worst kind of faggot, the world tends to not go your way and an heroism shines like a bright light deep in Boxxy's ass. However this wasn't the path for our friend as he decided to get back at all the kids in grade school who made fun of his pigtails by going to the Desu article and using it to wipe his ass. This annoyed the fuck out of everyone important and thankfully lulz steamed through the screens of the world like Kim Jong Il sucking cock on the streets of Los Angeles. Zaiger and ShitsSoCash step in to start the rape as onlookers purchase beer and pretzels for the festivities.

  • Zaiger: That shit has been there for 3 years. If you do not get the joke, then leave it alone. --zaigertalkplx 18:30, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
  • VandalFucker: It's not just spam, it is also a (fail) meme of sorts, even if it doesn't crash the machine scrolling through the shit is shit. A few kilobytes of the tragic word should do the trick just as well as 100+. Old jokes repeated for three years become bad jokes. Don't try to recommend which pages I can and can't view. vanff 14:12, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
  • Zaiger: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH VANDALFUCKER THINKS IT ISN'T FUNNY SO IT MUST BE DELETED. --zaigertalkplx 14:14, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
ALL YOUR BASE! DIDN'T EVERYONE TELL YOU THAT THIS SHIT WOULD GET YOU IN HOT FUCKING WATER?


  • ShitsSoCash: My pots are sterling silver, son. Socashsig.gif (talk) 03:08, 2 August 2009 (UTC)
 
 
Let the bawwwwfest begin!
 

 

—Thewarondrugslost, being ever so observant

 
 
No bawfest coming 2 u from here, dickbrain.
 

 

—VandalFucker, showing off his awesome grammar skills

Houdini 2.0

You might have beat Level 1, but you'll never beat Level 2!

Some EDiots visited his talk page to add their two cents and realized that, indeed, there was no talk page. No archives, no leave a message, no anally rape me with a rusty baseball bat covered in AIDS-infected blood and razorblades, just a blank page. As of now, still nothing. So that leaves us with the big question... nah, actually it doesn't. It's pretty fucking lulzy. A normal ED user gets serious fucking business powers which is pretty damn awesome. After being taught the ways of the winrar he decided no, Ima chargin mah lazers and delete fucking everything.

See Also


The Missing Talk Page Of VandalFucker
is part of a series on
the former regime

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