That Guy With The Glasses
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
ThatGuywiththeGlasses.com / Channel Awesome (AKA Mike Michaud's Home for Battered Ex-ScrewAttack Members and Rejected YouTube Partners) is a website consisting of several terribly unfunny video contributors drowning in a sea of equally terrible member content. It is the Auschwitz of video sites due to all the Jew contributors producing videos there.
A typical Channel Awesome video usually entails a cosplaying cam-whore awkwardly staring at the camera whilst trying too hard to be witty, sarcastic and funny in a Charlie Brooker-esque manner. They either miss the point of several factors in a TV show/movie/video game, nit-pick the most trivial flaws, or miss out on potential gags. This is all done whilst being cut between video cameos of other TGWTG members having pre-scripted, poorly acted arguments. Along with 99% of the videos being commentary on other media, most of their "humor", forced memes, and general identity comes from repurposing, parodying, or outright stealing from other movies/TV shows/whatever, so next to nothing they make is actually theirs... much like Carlos Mencia. They get around this by capping off their 20 minute shows with rushed 10 second snippet reviews so as to vaguely qualify as "commentary" for "fair use".
These are then all followed up by several pages of ass-kissing or butthurt fans, saying how excellent or incorrect their chosen messiah is. These same people then travel on over to Wikipedia, TV Tropes, and other similar sites to rewrite the relevant work page to conform to their opinion and spam the site with as many unfunny quotes and failtastic memes as they can possibly shoehorn. It's an effect not quite unlike the cancer that is killing /b/.
— Finally, somebody with a brain on this site!
After Doug Walker was kicked off YouTube, a bald, fat man by the name Mike Michaud immediately jumped on the chance to give Doug his own website so he could suck in 10,000 fucking dollars a month from his loyal monkey. Mike also founded Channel Awesome so he could make even more money from the internet's many man-children, and ultimately decides which talentless hack can post reviews on his website. Most of these reviewer parasites follow the shtick of giving themselves Ad-Lib-style names like "That (Noun) with the (Noun)" or some variation of "Critic" in honor of their sugar-daddy who lets them distribute their shitty videos on his egocentric website.
Doug Walker is TGWTG's original manchild and the most recognizable contributor on the site. He creates a wide range of content which are all plagued with forced memes, insane amounts of misinformation and self-contradicting opinions, and near constant ear rape produced by his own mouth. His most popular routine involves reviewing various movies from the 80s and 90s, describing them as being "nostalgic," despite that being a subjective term which almost no one applies to the shitty obscure movies he reviews nowadays. Not only does he suffer from chronic unfunniness and a serious case of USI, but he's also a complete fucking idiot who doesn't even try to make sure his facts are accurate and is willing to damage his own vocal cords in the name of being as loud and obnoxious as possible. Implying him damaging his own vocal cords is a bad thing: maybe it'll mean we won't have to sit through his drivel anymore.
Recently, Doug decided to jump on the Let's Play bandwagon with his attempt to play Bart's Nightmare, everybody tore him a new asshole over it, with even Retsuprae themselves dedicating a 40 minute riff of said monstrosity. Ever since this video, it seems he's been condescendingly both kissing up to his fans and smacking them around for not bowing down to his almighty glory and blindly praising his shit.
After daring to revisit the Simpsons by claiming his "Top 11 Simpsons episodes" (which were, of course, just the first 11 he could think of off the top of his head), he compared his own educational achievements to those of Bart Simpson, which led to him choosing one of the least funny episodes as number one. The very same thing occurred with his "Top 11 South Park Episodes", where he also BAWWWed about 9/11.
It is also well known fact that he censors comments, as he only accepts the ones that are ass-kissing enough. In most of his reviews, he also repeats nearly everything that was already said by Siskel and Ebert.
The Nostalgia Chick Contest
Being the pimp that he is, Nostalgia Critic held a competition allowing whichever female user could suck his dick dry to partake in reviewing shitty stuff with him under the moniker the Nostalgia Chick. Three contestants entered.
Lindsay Ellis is a smug leftarded, Mactarded, vegetarian, nigger-loving, feminist film student with a shit degree from San Diego that reviews movies and TV shows catering to young girls. After swallowing every last drop of NC's cum with a smile on her face, the Dudette quickly found herself crowned the Nostalgia Chick. Upon seeing a very special work of art from a loyal fan, she quickly pondered quitting the internet, only to review Armageddon in September.
When Lindsay suspends her feminist rhetoric, she routinely over addresses racial stereotypes even in the subtlest to nonexistent instances. Through such feats as dancing like a retard in public and dragging her fat, ugly nerd friend Nella into all her videos, she actually some how manages to be less funny than Doug. She currently reviews pop culture music in an attempt to prove that women are useful for more than making sandwiches and being beaten/raped (SPOILER ALERT: They aren't).
Despite Lindsay's loudly espoused Current TV hipster politics, every male fanboy on TGWTG never fails to praise even the worst video she shat out, including a half-assed review of the Last Unicorn where she literally went hiking and "improvised" her analysis (read: she pulled the script right out of her ass). Although she won't date any of her fans (unless the individual is either a black person or a curry muncher), her fans collective sexual desperation stands as the only explanation for their mindless devotion, which extends to grossly overpaying for anything this bitch touches. For instance, when she was selling her useless crap on eBay to help pay for her Master's Thesis, her $0.25 bowtie sold for over $500 fucking dollars. Even GoddessMine couldn't pull a trick this good. Unfortunately, so long as their fans remain permavirgins devoid of any dignity, Lindsay Ellis will stand above criticism in the eyes of her fans.
It has come to the attention of fans (who might not give a shit) that Lindsay had an abortion. Apparently, her mother was raped at one point in her life and had one too(it was a shame it was not her). So she decided to make a film about her dead fetus. Literally days after this premiered, Doug Walker thought it would be funny to do a It's a Wonderful Life parody. In this travesty of a one sketch, it involved Lindsay being successful and didn't have the abortion if Doug was never born. Thanks for keeping it classy, Doug. Nowadays, she's doing videos with her ugly nerd friends and is riding Todd in the Shadows' mutt dick.
Her Team Nchick Forum: http://chezapocalypse.com/forum/
Kaylyn Dicksion, TGWTG's obligatory weeaboo dyke dwelling in some rock near San Antonio, TX, spends the majority of her time blithering about her latest convention attendance and ranting about why cartoons/animation suck these days besides anime. If you don't love anime, then she'll h8 you. Her latest series, "Anime News Editorial", is about as entertaining as nailing your dick to a wooden plank, and she continues to ramble on about some piece of anime news that 99.9% of the rest of the world doesn't give a shit about. While she's not blabbering about being able to go to Japan while all of you losers can't, she is bitching out the fans who watch her videos about manga being taken down from the internets because it's illegal to scan and translate them. She has done this three times now. CRY SOME MOAR. This may cause lulz to ensue if she keeps this up.She's also cool with being 34'ed as evidenced here, which appears to redeem her shitty character, but anyone with an IQ of room temperature would know that's like being cool with someone taking a bat to your totalled car. What's the fun in that?
That Chick With The Goggles
Krissy Diggs, a person of African descent who, true to her stereotype, was the most useless contributor, making a plodding video once a year that was about a minute long. Apparently, her lack of contributions were due to a computer virus which compromised her security and, in the process, deleted fucking everything. Looks like someone should have taken Computer Science III. Her last appearance was a very small bit in Kickassia, but who can blame her for wanting out after that?
Since all three were in the finals, and the fans were about to riot and kill everyone due to the possibility of their favorite fap material going away, Doug gave The Dudette the title of Nostalgic Chick while the rest would be allowed to continue posting crappy videos to the site.
Inked Reality is Channel Awesome's latest foray into whoring out another site, but after learning their lesson with Bar Fiesta and Blistered Thumbs, that their viewers are too Autistic to click on a site that isn't splattered with Doug's face, decided to keep them on TGWTG.
Inked Reality is to its subject as Blistered Thumbs to vidya games, a bunch of overweight perma-virgins bleeting on about shit noone cares about. But this time them bitching about either comics, animu or reuploads of animations from newgrounds.
With the exception of their second poster boy, Linkara and Happy Harry, Inked Reality is populated by contributors no one watches, hence the rather sparse amount of names below...
Blistered Thumbs (previously named: Bored Shitless) was created when TGWTG decided they weren't ripping off AVGN enough. So realizing that the Internets really didn't give a shit about a review site unless the subject matter was video games, they desperately whored up a bunch of random video game reviewers from all over the Internet, the majority being ScrewAttack (an actually funny site) rejects.
Since Doug has received far too many complaints from his cock worshippers, the admins have finally decided to give this pile of shit its own site. Ironically, however, more and more people are visiting TGWTG in order to watch this shit (probably because nobody cares about movies, just video games). So one can now notice Nostalgia Critic updates being rammed up the ass of visitors to the site because nobody gives a shit about Channel Awesome's precious leading manchild anymore. Angry Joe posted a video begging kids to copy/paste existing articles from better websites and rewrite them. They're not compensated for their work and they won't get any real credit for college or the actual journalistic field, but hey!, at least you could get know the staff from Channel Awesome and participate on their podcasts and crossover movies (a.k.a Shitassia 2: Electric Boogaloo).
As Blistered Thumbs own site has been launched it appear that nothing has change from the typical bullshit content we've seen time and time again. In response to this a thread was created on their forums asking for answers. In place of that we get mouth breathing tards who suckle the teats of their fellow creators. Even some of their staff gets involved in this mess. The OP tears open every asshole of fellow staff members in their home territory and much lulz ensues.
Notable Ex-TGWTG Contributors
TheDistressedWatcher / TheAmazingAtheist
REASON FOR DEPARTURE: Who really gives a flying fuck?
Finally, in the middle of September 2011, The Amazing Atheist had parted company with TGWTG. Leaving in a hissy-fit and bitching he left because TGWTG kept placing his videos at the bottom of their schedules and that they "only looked after their own". Soon after his depature, he went banana.
Angry Video Game Nerd
James Rolfe is the man that Doug Walker owes his entire existence to for ripping off his Angry Reviewing style. From a stupid crossover rivalry fight scene to a 30 second cameo in the biggest internet travesty possible, James has really shown how far off the deep end he's gone for self whoring. Still, James one day hopes to make a movie that is similar to Kickassia. On another note, you have to wonder how awkward it is when Guru Larry and The Game Heroes run into him whenever the folks at TGWTG invite James to a get together.
Spoony was fired from TGWTG when his videos got too edgy for them to handle.
LittleKuriboh is the man responsible for Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series. He's also a big TGWTG fan boy and thought it would be great to do crossover videos with Spoony in order to get into the TGWTG family. In the end it backfired, but he still hopes to acquire another shot and a new flat chested waffu.
For the most part an unfunny, unnoticeable member of the crew, who eventually decided to depart from TGWTG in a memorable way.
Kickassia is the TGWTG's site attempt at celebrating its two year (jesus fucking christ, two years?) anniversary. It is exemplary of all the fail the website has to offer. So what is it? Strangely enough, it has nothing to do with reviewing shit no one cares about. It is instead a 6 part video event that miserably attempts to be funny by doing a GIANT COLLABORATION VIDEO WITH. EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKER. WHO HAS EVER APPEARED ON THE SITE. (except Dr. Ashens, as non-faggots were not invited). The entire thing is written by, directed by, and starring the god himself, Doug Walker. Ironically, when Doug later reviewed The Room, he remarked on how the same guy was writer, director, and star, saying, "Warning, people!")
Every single episode of Kickassia is a plodding, unfunny car crash of an internet "movie", based around a miserable grind of poorly written and poorly timed jokes. It succeeds only by showing everything that is wrong with Channel Awesome and how much of a talentless hack everyone is. No one in the entire video ever attempts to act but instead show what sad miserable fucks they're all truly are. A small example of this shit would be the Nostalgia Chick pretending to be Sarah Palin, forgetting she is about 2 years behind on the joke. Every other gag and, uh, plot element consists of inside jokes and references that have already been used dozens of times in regular reviews.
Clearly this was an epic that could only be told in six instalments (to make them moar monies on Blip).
One thing you can be sure of, though; just as night follows day, this "special event" is followed by unbearable commentary and crossover videos. At this point, TGWTG is like some kind of hideous, buck-toothed hydra that spawns ten new, awful videos each time a new awful video is uploaded.
Take DOUG & CREW PLAY DANCE MANIAX JPARADISE!!, for example, which is described as
As far as "White Guy Movements" are concerned, this one's a little less funny than the Ku Klux Klan. Besides, Benzaie's not white, he's French.
But, considering all the shitty movies these talentless fuckers "review" on the site, it would be highly ironic if one of them actually covered Kickassia. But don't hold your breath though, these faggots would rather slit their own throats than get their graven idol, Doug Walker butthurt.
Also check out their writers commentary tracks. Part 1
Its IMDB score: 6.4/10, up 1.1 over a few months. Keep up the vote spamming, fanboys!
Suburban Knights (alt. title: Kickassia II: Electric Boogaloo)
Because Kickassia wasn't enough, the idiots of TGWTG just made another shitty, unfunny movie to celebrate the three year anniversary of the site in which every single unimportant piece of TGWTG reviewer meat appears again. On the 21st June 2011 they released a trailer showing footage of the film and a bit of the story. The story is about a bunch of retards dressing up like gays who find a map which leads to a magic gauntlet... and that's it. The rest of the movie is just a bunch of assholes screaming and shouting mixed with crappy video effects. The movie will be released on the 27th June as a 7 Part Event till the 3rd July, and the inevitable DVD will be Otakun sniffed approved when the blip revenue won't be enough for TGWTG.com. The best thing about it is the fact the title is extremely catchy. And that really can't be called a merit to the actual film, which is pretty much a glorified LARP.
Oh, and That Dude in the Suede shows up in Part Five. And nobody gives a fuck.
On-Set Medical Situations: The Channel Awesome Kool-Aid
Last Thursday, self proclaimed internet reviewer of internet reviewers Asalieri had leaked to him an audio recording of some low-tier TGWTG members expressing their shock and astonishment over the fact that during filming of Suburban Knights, one of the female actors nearly fainted on set.
He was asked to keep this information private, so naturally he immediately shared this tidbit with the class, first posting the audio to YouTube, only to take it down a few hours later. His understanding of the incident was that the girl fainted due to being tied upside-down on a cross. Eventually some TGWTG forumites started a thread asking for an official response. Rob Walker initially stated that there was no truth to any of the claims, then a little later remembered that oh yeah, there was that one incident where a girl nearly fainted on set after being tied up with duct tape.
In his telling of events, she was tied right-side up. He said that he personally administered medical treatment (making his bout of amnesia over the incident somewhat questionable), which consisted in giving her some Gatorade and gently reminding her that she'd already signed a form releasing Channel Awesome from any liability. First Rob Walker and the other mods deleted half the comments on the thread, including Asalieri's (along with banning him and several others who'd commented), before later proceeding to Delete Fucking Everything due to "lack of focus on the real issues," lock the thread, and call it a successful PR exercise. And of course, that sparked attention for ED's favorite meta fatass, who probably went on ED and wrote this portion of the article.
Meanwhile, on the Dead Horse Interchange forums, amidst discussion and screencaps of the shitstorm on the TGWTG forums, Obscurus Lupa appeared out of nowhere to make a tl;dr post about how leaking the info to Asalieri amounted to "betrayal" on the part of the whistle-blower, thus confirming what had been clear to many for a long time: that Channel Awesome's operates like a cult. She said that she'd be closing ranks with Channel Awesome in shunning the whistle-blower, who if anyone cares is some guy named Matt whom she used to date.
To Boldly Flee (From This Movie)
|This article needs moar backlash from this film's creation and revealing the NC dies.|
You can help by .
On June 26th 2012, TGWTG released a trailer for their impending 4th anniversary flop, ironically titled "To Boldly Flee". It was released the same summer.
While the title would've been retarded on its own, but after the events that led to SpoonyOne leaving TGWTG (after the movie was made BTW), it makes it sound a lot more fitting and lulzy.
The movie itself is a pathetic mishmash of the worst aspects of Star Trek, Dr Who, and Battlefield Earth starring Zod, Emperor of Planet Houston and a whole bunch of things ripped off of more successful films such as "Up". It attempts to ride the shirttails of its own "popularity" by regurgitating its own jokes out of context. This, of course, is very unfunny as most of the jokes were getting a little worn to start with and not having any context to help them pretty much shoots them all in the face.
The film is shot in Doug Walker's mother's basement. No, really. They actually try to work it into the plot by saying something about magical flying houses powered by Linkara's technomagic. It's also at least 60% crappy greenscreen with CGI that would be embarrassing in a high schooler's youtube film. There is zero budget and all the props that weren't previously made and used by other reviewers appear to be made mostly of cardboard and duct tape. This is a poor B-movie at best, and not even the hilariously bad kind. Go watch "Plan 9 from Outer Space" or "The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra" instead. You'll thank us. There is so little passion in the acting you can feel how jaded and abused the staff was through the film. Dealing with old ma Walker probably didn't help, either.
Pretty much Ma-ti possesses Spoony due to really stupid stuff they did in past films ripping a hole in reality known as the Plot Hole. So Nostalgia Critic summons all the reviewers who can stand to be in his presence (or owe him badly enough that they have no other choice), turn his mother's house into a spaceship and try to fix the Plot Hole. Emperor Zod is pissy because Battlefield Earth guy screwed up his part of the "Planet Houston" invasion (wait, wasn't he already self-proclaimed emperor of the world? Wat.) so he gets a space ship too and chases them. The only good part is that the Nostalgia Critic dies at the end. Sadly, it's not a satisfying death as the Nostalgia Critic, the guy forever played up on (and off) screen as a total self-absorbed asshole the universe would be better off with without, does a poorly-written "heroic sacrifice" to make the plot hole close.
If you couldn't tell from the ending, this was a multi-hour B-movie sendoff so Doug Walker could retire the Nostalgia Critic. Spoony leaves... and he gets nothing. A grating character is to be retired and he gets a movie special masquerading as yet another "Happy Anniversary" film. Needless to say, everyone was pissed, site staff included.
NO MORE NOSTALGIA CRIT... oh, wait
Finally, on September 14th, 2012, Doug decided to hang up the towel on the Nostalgia Critic. The main reason he's done this is because the Nostalgia Critic had become too much like a job, an activity he wants nothing to do with. Also given that practically the entire audience of ThatGuyWithTheGlasses was of people just watching the Nostalgia Critic, this news can easily be the final nail in the coffin for Channel Awesome.
Four months later, Doug decides to return to making Nostalgia Critic episodes after his new show Demo Reel bombed, which was a $200k money sink btw. There has not been so much aspie semen spilled since Derpy Hooves became a speaking character in MLP. Even the blindest amongst TGWTG fanboys didn't like Demo Reel, so Doug went straight back to the Critic to milk more cash off his audience.
Pre Demo Reel days: OMG THIS JOB SUCKS!
Post Demo Reel days: I LOVE YOU AUDIENCE, I WAS JUST HAVING AN INNER BATTLE WITH MY PSYCHE
The Uncanny Valley
Buckle up, 2013's dwellers - your favourite dickheads are back. The fifth year anniversary movie is cumming hard and it's going to be called The Uncanny Valley. It is supposed to be an anthology, mostly centered around Skyrim and that early 90's Les Visiteurs movie.
No comment, at least for now - new parts of the movie are still coming ashore, so we will get back to you as soon as we'll watch this piece of art. Spoilers: it's shit. First episode is a rip off of a Dexter's Laboratory episode with a misanthropic ending, the second is a lolcat apreciation video with a "plot" strapped to it, the third is a manual on how to be a Channel Awesome tard, the fourth is a documentary about two lonely britfags who accidently go on a gay date - because that's so original -, and the last is a no-bullying video.
The Nostalgia Critic vs. Tommy Wiseau
- BREAKING NEWS: The prolonged harassment campaign against Tommy from Douglas' fantards has succeeded. The Room review was put up again in December 2010.
Sometime on a Tuesday in July, the Lultastic Avenger strikes again. A while ago, maybe on a Sunday, the Nostalgia Critic's award-winning masterpiece review of The Room was taken down from the site due to threats of a lawsuit from John from TheRoomMovie.com due to copyright infringement. (Obscura Lupa's video was also taken down, but who gives a fuck about "her"?) In retaliation, the Nostalgia Critic's latest masterpiece has him pretending to be Tommy Wiseau, some French faggot who directed The Room. He totally supports his innocence by trying to be lulzy ala blasting Wiseau and John, and ultimately proves to be as funny as Carlos Mencia. Upon hearing their mighty hero's ego wounded and eager to suck cock, the fanboys were called to battle,
brandishing the Internets to battle the evildoers who wronged Their Lord by writing angry letters Apparently, the email link was taken down on the site because of the mass flood of butthurt from The Nostalgia Critic's fanboys. But alas, nobody gave a flying fuck. The butthurt fantards also tried to write about this event on Wikipedia, but their stories have been removed by the admins. CRY SUMMOAR. What should be noted is that Michaud isn't saying anything to the Critic about how butthurt he is coming off as, nor is he telling his chosen manchild that he might be potentially killing Channel Awesome for some reason that, surely, will promote much lulz if Doug's butthurt actions continue. Expect more lulz to follow as we follow this story.
|Previous Quote | Next Quote|
But if these are tl;dr, here is a short version: Fans are still butthurt about Tommy Wiseau to the extent that they are STILL bitching about how much he sux a whole week after their Messiah made "The Tommy Wiseau Show". However, some fans actually possess a brain and are telling their butthurt compatriots to shut the fuck up, as seen here:
Seriously, if a whole fanbase is still butthurt over something that should have been kept private, seeing as it is a lawlsuit we're talking about here, then it only proves that The Nostalgia Critic is a butthurt crybaby. But just in case you think you're missing out on some new renaissance being held down by The Man, we here at Encyclopedia Dramatica took up the battle for free speech and suffered many casualties to get these videos back to the oppressed people... by which we mean we did a simple YouTube search. Way to stick it to The Man, Douglas! Seriously, if it could be found on Youtube, is it really something to cry about? No. Congratulations, Doug! You are officially a lolcow.
Previous Video | Next Video
Fans and contributors of Channel Awesome expected that Wiseau would quickly crumble under the barrage of weaponized butthurt being launched at him, in the form of numerous parody videos, crybaby e-mails, and forced memes based on Tommy Wiseau. In spite of all this, however, Wiseau has not changed his position in any way, his only apparent action having been to remove his e-mail address from the movie's web site, proving to bewildered Channel Awesome fanboys that USI is just that and is in fact devoid of any real-world currency. And so ironically, although the intent of all the parodies of Tommy Wiseau was to depict him as overly butthurt over a little copyright infringement, Wiseau's intransigence has caused that intent to completely backfire. After months of fans whining over content that was always readily available on YouTube minutes after being taken down, Channel Awesome decided to call Wiseau's bluff and reposted both videos on the site proper. Nothing to see here, never fucking mind.
Rule 34 Gallery
- Angry Video Game Nerd - Future acquisition for TGWTG after
James realizes thatScrewAttack, being money grabbing cunts, have milked him for all his e-fame is worth.
- Asalieri - Writes the negative things about them here, still to this day.
- Irate Gamer - Although Blistered Thumbs had made some sort of joke video saying that they were going to add him very long ago, the funny part is that even Bores is too good for a site like that.
- Mystery Science Theater 3000 - Another program featuring reviews of poorly constructed films, only actually funny.
- ScrewAttack - Arch nemesis of TGWTG and the animal testing lab of contributors Mike Michaud liberates.
- The Rapping Dog - See it for yourself.
- Video Game Reviewers - Potential future Blistered Thumbs fodder.
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