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Sweden

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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I think Sweden is a pretty cool guy. eh hosted ED and doesn't afraid of anything
 

 

—everybody


Sweden.png



Only in Sweden
The mighty flag of Sweden in its original design. The design was stolen from Denmark who invented national flags to begin with, and is thus completely original.
Swedish flag fixed
The official map of Scandinavia.

Sweden, North Germany or The Land of Gay Viking Metal Jihadists, is a country that never became famous in the Viking age because of their lack of pillaging other countries. They were mostly stationary pussyfaggots who traded and spread peace and harmony and butt love. They were the Hippie-vikings of the north, and saw it as their call to spread falukorv and surströmming across the world. The swedes are known to be the single because of the Black Plague as they invoked the wrath of Allah with their faggotry. The Swedes are responsible for ruining global culture with ABBA, Basshunter, Caramelldansen, Ace of Base and similar faggotry.

The Swedes are Germans, disguised as humans.

Sweden is known for being a matriarchy, ruled by hot girls that peg Swedish "men". They are also known for being total pussies; ever since they got a French king they have never went to war ever again, even during WW2 when they were in the middle of the battle they didn't do shit, except helping the nazis invade Norway. The Swedes compensate with this their lack of action by peacefully colonizing Mallorca and Thailand. Just like with the black plague, they invoked the wrath of Allah and caused the Tsunami after Thailand had been flooded with obnoxious pig-skinned Swedes on child-sex vacations.

Getting drunk and having massive gay orgies for the lulz is a Swedish tradition. A typical Swedish midsummer-festival involves getting into a boat full of men and booze, to honor their ancestors, failing and generally being pussies in England/France for the lulz, and returning with massive amounts of dildos. Bringing back all the hawt girls you can find is a tradition that no longer exist, due to the invasion by the gay albino niggers from France.

Sweden has royalty, even though they don't really do shit. The current royal family consists of the King (or Knig as he calls himself), a dyslectic dumbfuck whose only achievement in life was that he crawled out of the right pussy. The queen, a German nazi that cannot speak Swedish and annually spends 3/5th of the Swedish budget on plastic surgery. And then we have their 3 children, all of them male, practically making them all princes, but two of them - realizing they were transexuals - had a sex change thus making giving Sweden two post op princesses, one that turned out ugly and one that became hot.

Swedes like most Scandinavians pride themselves on their "Viking" heritage, but the large majority of them have borealized eyes & look like mongolized eurasians. They have the most Asian admixture in Europe next to Russians, excluding Danes the true ubermensch Scandinavians, who unlike Norwegians & Swedes don't look like mongoloids, probably due to them sharing borders and close genetic ties with the nazis.
Swedes react to confirm this fact list.

Contents

Facts

  • Sweden is shaped like a penis (just like how Norway looks like sperm and Finland looks like a ballsack).
  • The Swedish weapon industry is the largest white flag producer in the world.
  • If you decide to wave the Swedish flag, you are racist.
  • The Vikings were part Norwegian and part gods.
  • Sweden is a pussywhipped nation where a man who has not been psychologically castrated by a feminazi will never get laid. (Note: Unsurprisingly, an actual man who does not accept psychological castration will make said feminazis' panties wet and consequently get laid a lot more.)
  • Sweden is full of Arabs who have escaped the Middle-East. Not only do the Arabs make all food in Sweden, but are breeding like fucking rabbits since all Swedish girls are sandnigger-loving race traitors who want to flush their Aryan genes down the toilet.
  • Swedes hate all other Scandinavians.
  • Swedish girls are insanely dumb. Unlike normal "women", they don't require the boring flirting step.
  • S&M is illegal in Sweden and can get you partyv&, because they're no fun.
  • The Swedish Army currently holds the record for fastest surrendering. In an exercise in March 2005, a whole battalion of Swedes surrendered in 0.36 seconds, leaving the French far behind.
  • Sweden hates you, unless you're a hot male sex-machine.
  • All Swedes are homosexuals; have you ever seen their football team? GRÆT LULZ.
  • Sweden is permanently doing it wrong.
  • If you're fortunate enough to actually get a Swedish model to marry you, never cheat on her with a whore or a pornstar or she will assault you with a golf club.
  • The Swedish Wikia has about 10 articles with 1-5 words in each.
  • American intelligene services laconic analysis of Swedish foreign policy goes like this: Sweden is a little dog which always barks, but never bites.
  • Conservatards in Sweden have forbidden home schooling and pwned the Swedish Military.
  • The most pressing issue according to Swedish libtards is that Toddlers must not be allowed to play however they like and the forced insertion of a new pronoun.
  • The national motto of Sweden is "Whoever wins, we lose.".

History

Swedes lived like nature loving hippie homosexuals untill a nazi German priest immigrated to the country 1000 AD, and introduced the Swedes to the concept of politics. Since then different formal and informal political constellations rised and falled, but they all resulted in fail. During the years 1400-1500 or something like that, Danes annexed the country and forced Swedes to give them oral sex; in exchange they got crappy Criminal Investigation theater serials. After about 100 years the Swedes got tired of this and revolted. The Danish pwned the Swedes and promply executed all Swedish nobility (this event is known to history as the Stockholm Bloodbath). However, they missed the offspring of one certain nobleman. He was the chosen one, a badass named Gustav Vasa. Untill the age of 25 he spent all his time doing Rocky training montages. Then he went on a skiing trek, and just like Forrest Gump, he gained many followers in his revuloutionary mission to avenge his father. Needless to say every enemy of him was utterly annihilated, and he became the tyrant of the newly recreated kingdom of Sweden.

The Maker favoured Gustav Vasa, untill he started naming and numbering his sons after a historical revisionist fairy tale king lineage a six year old could have realised was fake: For instance, according to this fairy tale, there were twelve kings before Gustav Vasa with the name of Charles, no one ever heard off – not counting the fairy tales he got the names from. This made God very angry, and before he rage quitted, he said: "Nigga, no nigga is ever gonna get the king lineage history shit now that that they are numbered wrong, you cracker. I am hereby cursing you Sweden, forever! Forever never comes around!" Saying this was a bit like pissing on urine, because the Swedish failure story of trying different political systems, all as crappy as the other one, just continued. Untill one faithfull morning 1870, the Swedish Prime Minister thought to himself, "Hey, how about stop being a paternalistic asshat?" Success thrived! But then, 60 years later, The Lord looked at his RSS-feeds and saw how well the Swedish economy was doing; "He thought to himself, I need to thoroughly attend to this, but I got more important things to do, like listening to peoples prayers, burn images of the Virgin Mary on toasts, and bless America." So he summoned the monster Leviathan, which culminated in it being slayed in the Ådalen shootings. The spirit of Leviathian, however, lived on in every Swede, and for almost 80 years envy ruled supreme, which lead to constant degeneration.

By the year 2009 Swedes stopped being jealous, and the curse was seemingly lifted. But now every Swede became a douchebag, and when someone in Sweden is trying to point out the flaw in another's prideful behaviour Swedes say "You are just being a typically jealous Law of Jante-Swede" (Some say the existence of this law somehow proves a higher amount of envy in Sweden than in any other country.). The Law of Jante goes like this:

 
 
1:You're not to think you are anything special.
 

 

 
 
2 :You're not to think you are as good as us.
 

 

 
 
3: You're not to think you are smarter than us.
 

 

 
 
4: You're not to convince yourself that you are better than us.
 

 

 
 
5: You're not to think you know more than us.
 

 

 
 
6: You're not to think you are more important than us.
 

 

 
 
7: You're not to think you are good at anything.
 

 

 
 
8: You're not to laugh at us.
 

 

 
 
9: You're not to think anyone cares about you.
 

 

 
 
10: You're not to think you can teach us anything.
 

 

Saying this is extremly retarded since the Law of Jante was written down in a Danish book describing Danish rural mentality. Besides, being cautious and humble are virtues you freaking uneducated, unhinged, and unbearable DIPSHIT. Dickheadedness is the new sin of Sweden, and this sin is so vile that neither Heaven nor Hell can embody the concept. Here is an example of Swedes being dickheads: Instead of hanging out with friends offline, they put in a lot of effort to brag to their friends on Facebook in order to give the illusion that they are living a perfect life.


Sweden Today

Sweden will fall any day now. It's crumbling culturally as we speak.
MY COUNTRY IS YOURS!
 
 
MY COUNTRY IS YOURS!!! MY COUNTRY IS YOURS!!! MY COUNTRY IS YOURS!!!
 

 

—Typical swedish beta male

The other parts of Scandinavia

  • Denmark- All Swedes hate Denmark and all Danes hate Sweden. They have butt raped the shit out of each other since year -003756175325 and still think their own country is their best, and get pissed if they find out that the other country don't understand shit of what they're saying.
  • Iceland - Broke fucks.
  • Norway - Rich fucks. Norway is also known as the West Coast of Sweden with oil and shit, making Norway a refugee camp for young Swedes seeking fortune. They always come home empty-handed however, as Norwegians have standards Swedes cannot possibly live up to in any way, and therefor Swedes never find gainful employment outside their home country, except maybe Sierra Leone or something where they can make flat-packed coffee-tables out of small children and cow-dung.
  • Finland - Finland is an eastern region of Sweden. Finland was until 1811 a Swedish backyard until menstruating russians decided to take Finland and hand in Norway in exchange. Though, Finland is still a Swedish colony, they learn Swedish in school and becomes raped frequently in each and every activity.

What Swedes do on their spare time

  • Play boring games on their cell phones, tablets and on Facebook. This makes them feel like they are in the breach of technology, which they ain't.
  • Download porn, movies, and television shows while living on welfare. This makes them feel like rebels, which they ain't.
  • Wait for the man to solve all their personal and society's problems.
  • Try to "out" every Swedish amateur porn actress, and then complain that there is so little amateur porno.
  • Gossip about entirely powerless people.
  • Don't give a jack shit about their fellow human beings, unless they happen to die young. Then someone will make a half-assed foto montage of the deceased person and upload it to Youtube.
  • Praise their cabinet who's Prime Minister called all Swedes retarded, whose Minister of Foreign Affairs most likely is a war criminal, and whose Minister of Finance is an economist. No, srsly
  • Complained twenty minutes into the past about how George W Bush's politics were fiscally unresponsible, and needlessly aggressive overseas. Now talks about how great Obama's politics are.
  • Complain about the shitiness of America (not anymore since Obama has turned the country into a veritable paradise), and about countries they couldn't even locate on a world map, while at the same time never do anything about their own shitty country.

What Sweden exports

  • Sex tourists Even the Swedish judicial system is pussy whipped: It is in Sweden illegal to buy sex, but legal to sell it
  • Toilet paper
  • Death and destruction Massive weapon export to conflict zones
  • Generic pop music Only Swedes believe that Swedish pop music is being listened to abroad
  • Soldiers of fortune Pillaging, murdering and gang raping innocent foreigners has been a long standing Swedish tradition. Nowadays the Swedes gets pwned everywhere, so they have to go all the way to Afghanistahn to make war.

How to hit on Swedish girls

  • Tell them George Bush was an idiot. (If you are anglosaxon or black)
  • Tell them you think Barack Obama is good looking. (If you are anglosaxon or black)
  • Tell them taxes makes you precum. (If you are anglosaxon or black)
  • Talk with a real Australian, English or American accent. (If you are anglosaxon or black)
  • If you are not anglosaxon, Swedish or black you will not stand a chance among the hot Swedish girls (the only reason to go out with Swedish girls are their hotness, since they are obnoxious and narrow minded). What you can do at this point if you are not black or anglosaxon is to paint your face black or get plastic surgery. The novelty of anglosaxioness will however soon wear off, and the Swedish girls will dump you in two years. A black person can on the other be with a Swede for the rest of his or her life, since they are so anxious to get a child that looks like Brock Obama.

Political parties of Sweden

  • Swedish Social Democratic Party: Every Swede will tell you this supposedly "sensible socialist" party built the country, but that the party now sucks donkey balls. The truth is however, that the party always has sucked donkey balls. Sweden was the world's fastest growing economy untill the Social Democrats interfered. This forced many people to move from the country side to the cities for numerous reasons. The price level was generally lower on the countryside. Rent prices were regulated, so there were fewer prices to rent in the country side than in the city. Wages were lower, so more jobs were lost in the country side. The artificially high wages hit harder on small companies than big ones, and there were more small companies on the country side. Big companies start out as small ones, but now there were much fewer of them. This off course inhibited growth. On top of the megacompanies were bailed out when they failed, with the tax payers money. Banks were forced to invest a lot of money into the faulty housing system. Lots of capital was wasted on building facilities no one wanted to live in. Add to that crippling taxes and an unfathomable taxing system and you have a recipe for disaster. Everyone was disadvantaged except union leaders, bankers and megacapitalists. All this happened in various intensity between 1930-1991 untill the country faced financial meltdown, because of this and a casino capitalism housing market..
  • Moderate Party: These are just like the Social democrats with the difference that they whine about taxes. Since taxes makes every Swede horney, they lose almost every election. The Moderates wins elections, however, from time to time by pointing out that the Social democrats sucks donkey balls.
  • The Centre party (earlier Hillbilly Justice League): Used to be the hicks way of parasiting on the rest of society. After the Social democrats pwned them by sterilising them and making time wipining them out, the Centre party does not have any political opinions really; they are just hangarounds to the Moderates.
  • Christian Democrats: As the name implies, this is the christfag's right-wing party. Since even the religious nutbags are total cowards in Sweden, The Christian party does not stand for anything except "values" and somewhat lower taxes.
  • The Left party Former communist party claiming to stand for revolution, but the only thing they ever have achieved is to make sure that the establishment Social democrats remain in power.
  • Green Party The party for people who are too cheap to invest their own money in environmental companies or organizations.
  • Liberal People's Party Despite it's name, it is an authoritarian right-wing party, renowned for claiming that Swedish parents are to incompetent to educate their own children, and wants teachers to do it instead. The Liberal People's Party also thinks that Swedish politicians are too incompetent to rule the country, and says that the parlament should be outsourced to the Belgians in teh Congo, which it off course is right about.
  • Sweden Democrats Lead by xenophobic butt monkey Jimmie Åkesson known for licking the boots of moderate prime minister Fredrik Reinfelt.

Feministic establishment

Prime minister of Sweden, Fredrik Reinfeldt got a divorce in 2013. Women innately love to have sex with whoever is powerful, no matter what they say. Therefore Fredrik Reinfeldt could have had tons of hot piece of ass in their twenties and even teens. But feminism dictates, well you know what feminism dictates. Therefore these types of relations are highly uncustomary in Sweden. So mr. Reinfeldt is left jerking off (?) despite all his great cares. The establishment highly endorses feminism in Sweden. And Fredrik, who has been a part of the establishment for about twenty years has never spoken against it. One practical implication of this is a law made in 1999, making it illegal to buy sex but not selling it. Few who have broken this law have been severely punished. The very small minority who have been taken to court had to pay a relatively low fine: 10 000 kronor which is about 1500 dollars. However johns who are lawyers, judges and politicians get portrayed in media (albeit anonymously if they are not public figures) and are forced to quit their jobs.

Famous Swedes

Historically Accurate Representation of Sweden and Its Culture

Typical Swedish Meal Time



How to make swedish shitballs (national cuisine, om-nom-nom):
Swedish meatballs.jpg

1 lb ground shit
2/3 cup milk
1/2 cup breadcrumbs
1 egg
1 teaspoon onion powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
pepper


Feminists LURVE Sweden

A typical advertisement in Sweden, where sale of sex is legal, but purchase is not.
Video made by the Society for Cutting Up Men

Swedish COMMUNIST television

Typical music video in Communist Swedish television. Was opened up for free market competition in 1988, but is to this day still up and running with the help of being unfairly financed by the government.

Gallery

Pleasing swedes

  • Ask them how to say something in Norwegian. When they tell you Swedish and Norwegian aren't the same thing, insist that it's the same thing. They will likely counter by telling you that Sweden and Norway are two different places with two different languages. Continue this line of attack as long as possible. After you've had your fill of lulz, request "so say something in German. That's the same as Swedish".
  • Ask how to say something in Swiss. Follow a similar strategy as the one above.
  • Insist repeatedly that socialism is good. Remind them that Bush was a capitalist.
  • Tell them they have got good taste in men.
  • Tell them The Swedish Social glory was the result of government concentrating on inner issues in the past.
  • Tell them they're polite and cute.
  • Show them this:

See Also

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