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South Africa

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Flag of South Africa
Their former president, Nelson Mandela, is suspected of also being Morgan Freeman. The facts remain unclear, however, as all black people look the same.

South Africa, (Known as 'South AIDSfrica' in Zulu, 'South Gayfrica' in Afrikunts), and 'Sooth Efreeka' by the British actors employees of the South African Consulate in Lethal Weapon 2, is black gang territory located somewhere in Africa. It is full of AIDS, rape, fail and the most enlightened cunts in the world. South Africa is the one place you do not want to be (next to Zimbabwe). The current president of South Africa is Wikus van de Merwe, who disposed of many Prawns and humans in a slum called District 9.

Contents

People

Genuine Souf Effrikans.
A typical everyday street scene in Johannesburg

This thriving democracy gains attention for being the country with the world's highest crime and AIDS infection rates, along with the most corrupt government since at least 100 years ago. SA has eleven official languages, ten of which are archaic and completely redundant. The only non-English word you need to know is "eish", which is Souf Effrikan for OH NOES!!! It is also the one of the only African countries with white people left, along with Zimbabwe (where they may already be extinct), and Namibia but this is only because they are too poor to afford a plane ticket back to the United Kingdom. The only things South Africa is good for are the mining of diamonds and gold and for 'redistributing' everything from the whities. IT SHOULD ALSO BE NOTED, THE WHITIES ARE THE BEST PART OF EVERYTHING. DON'T TRUST THE BLACKIES. THEY'RE SHIT.

A survey published in March 2004 shows that South Africans spend more time at funerals than they do having their hair cut, shopping or having "braais".[1]South Africans also spend their time on the internet for 5 hours at a time, just to have a trololol time pretending to be a britfag, when it should be lolnope.

The South African farming community is renowned for its peaceful and uneventful atmosphere.

White People

Three percent of the population is of English stock, otherwise Scottish, Irish, or Welsh. There is also significant German, Italian, and Gay communities. They are normal Europeans and not to be mistaken with the...

Dutchmen

A large part of South Africa's caucasian population is made up of inbred Eurotrash. Dutchmen are the South African equivalent to the AmeriCUNT redneck with a rich and diverse culture, dating back many centuries. Most associate with southern US traditions such as country music, cowboys and the pretense of conservative values despite being twisted fucks.

Jews

Everywhere.

(Wild) Boars

Typical Afrikaners looking sharp
A typical kaffir policeman doing it wrong.

Also known as the Albino Nigger, Boars, or White Africans, are a unique sub-tribe of genetically-challenged Khoisan. Loathed by their neighbors due to their lack of skin pigmentation and general bellicosity they developed in isolation herding their goats. Before the 16th Century they were only able to communicate using clicking sounds and it wasn't until the first contact with the Dutch that they learnt the over-importance of the vowel. Seeing that every other tribe around them had an established form of communication, but being too self-hating to adopt a Bantu dialect, they proceeded to mutilate four European languages (mostly Dutch) and melt them together into one disgusting, offensive joke of a language with too many vowels, which they called Afrikaans. In the same manner, their sneaky cultural strategy was to convince the British that they were not Black, but the Brits having navigated the World and knowing a nigger when they see one replied, "Whatever, GTFO". Boars are very proud of their GTFO which they call "voortreek" and constitutes the cornerstone of their history. Preparing for the eve of the XX century, and having the normal Niggers already domesticated, the Victorian British figured there was only one obstacle from making their African Colonies the Richest of the Crown: the pervasive yet elusive presence of the Wild Boars trying to impersonate White People. There was a need for a Final Solution. The Brits proceeded to borrow the last Spanish invention, the Concentration Camp, and tried it out in the Bushland in an almost successful attempt to thin the herds of boars. Fifty years later, this semi-human animal, partnered with another quasi-human species with a concentration camp fetish, and the same year both the State of Israel and the Nationalist Union of South Africa were created, both carved out of a languishing British Empire. The pale niggers, both in Palestine and in Africa, proceeded to establish a system of separation within their country; not between rich and poor as reason would dictate, or even between AIDS-filled-Niggers and Whites, but between different kinds of Niggers. The Albino Nigger, or Boar, ended up at the top of the food chain. For fear of being mistakenly identified as one, most of the real Europeans fled South Africa at least ninety years ago. The rest is serological history.

Kaffirs

Democracy Rules!

South Africa is the only place that has a unique breed of niggers, commonly known as Kaffirs (say: kah-furs), which means "pagan" in Arabic. They may further divided into Bantu and Khoisan groups. These people are the closest thing to the missing link between humans and baboons on Earth, and complete fucktards, they do not show any sign of clever thought or reasoning, and can not be approached in the same way you talk to a white person in SA. In order to communicate with these things first you need to approach the herd. If you are a White person, this can be very hard, as they oppose anything white (even especially toilet paper and soap). Then you must seek the alpha male; they can be spotted by their ultra flat noses and their limp, aka their "stride." If your attempts to communicate are accepted you may proceed. This usually involves repeating everything five times and using easy-to-understand words. If you see their eyes begin to water and they respond with "eh" you know the little bug inside their head that controls them has just fallen off the cork and landed in the water, causing massive malfunction and a system reboot. (The bug has to get onto the cork again.) This means you have to start again using even smaller words and more sign language.

Indian

Indians also called Japaties, Hooligans, Brown shit, Soil, faggots and Curry Munchers, are known EXTREMELY well for their delicious spices, and their invention, the "Bunny Chow". The Bunny Chow is made up of half a loaf of bread, with the inside of the bread cut out they begin to put spices,leaves, chicken,meat,rice and other shit in too. Hence the name "Curry muncher". They also have a dot in the middle of their forehead which shows stupidity,faggotory and to them, enhances their beauty. This is not the case, it's pretty fucking annoying if you ask the rest, and the town, Durban is filled with this shit. Indie Sex.. EWWW! Curreh Muncha's also have a need to take off their shoes at the doorstep of somebody's house. The fact that they do that, is because they are lazy fucks that can't clean their own house. They also have a tendency of hiring maids by the name Patience or Gloria. They hire gardeners by the name Geoffry, Justice and Godfree.

Coloureds

Coloured people are some mixture of the above. They are also known by the affectionate terms "gammie" and "hotnot". Greek, Portuguese and Lesbian immigrants also fall under this category.

History

Beating your wife will not cure your AIDS.
"EISH!"
There's thousands of these pieces of shit.
South Africa will be the proud host of the 2010 World Football Soccer Not Handegg Cup, come and see!

The History of South Africa is composed mostly of tl;dr and is lightly dusted with lulz.

The country was formed in 1652 by anonymous Dutch guys searching for spices. In, 1820, when the British Empire herd 'bout it, they sent over 9,000 settlers and dropkicked the Dutch straight to Bantown. These displaced Clogsmonglers became known as "Voortrekkers", and are today known as "Afrikaners".

By 1838 the Voortrekkers had driven their bandwagon so far up the country that they were forced into a war against the Zulus. The Voortrekkers prayed to their mighty Christian God and told Him that if He helped them pwn the Zulus then they would delete all the pr0n on their harddrive.

10,000 Zulu Warriors Zerged the Voortrekkers' base, defended by an army of only 470 Voortrekkers with magical fire-sticks. 3,000 Zulus got fatally headshot. Only three Voortrekkers were wounded. This great historical event was called the Battle of Blood River, and is living proof that you can't win the game if you don't upgrade your tech tree.

The British ruled South Africa for at least 100 years before they realized that the colony was a shithole rivaling even greatest Australia. The whiteys who stayed decided to construct a country where they would have pwnership of all the gold and the diamonds and the spacebux and the governments, segregated so that they would not have to endure the rancid smell of the darkies. They called this invention "Apartheid."

Apartheid created massive drama until about 1990 when it was officially declared an old meme and an enemy of the lulz. As the ruling party closed all the pools and posted their Goodbye Thread all over the world's forums, many South Africans began to panic. Whitey thought that there would be a hueg civil war and everything would go to hell when the Keys to the Government were handed over to a bunch of black people. They purchased tonnes of canned food (SRSLY) and hid under their beds for years. Sometime Last Thursday, Whitey ran out of baked beans, poked his wee little head outside and found that his front steps had become home to a family of Nigras.

Whitey's immediate response to this was to hastily evacuate all his children to London, Australia, New Zealand, London, Ireland, London, London, Canada, and Dubai. Because the First World is full of incredibly lazy people, the hardworking nature of the white South Africans landed them great jobs on factory assembly lines.

These immigrants were given a nickname, they were called "Saffirs," or "Saffas." This word is derived from the word "kaffirs," which is what white people used to call blacks in the days of Apartheid. Ironically, the word "Saffa" is a racial slur used today to refer to white South African immigrants. This is funny, since most Saffas are too dumb to understand it.

Back in South Africa, with Whitey out of the way, the nigras predictably lost focus and became bored with gold farming and mining blood diamonds, so they turned to the more fulfilling, traditional nigra occupations of raping one another, looting their own economy, and spreading AIDS. This latter activity has been hilariously abetted by a variety of trolls: the Catholic Church campaigns against condoms while simultaneously providing free nuns to priests for a clean raping experience; recent president Thabo Mbeki doesn't see a problem; and witch doctors routinely spread the belief that sex with a virgin cures AIDS, resulting in much brutal baby fuck. At present, AIDS is South Africa's chief export and AIDS funding 90% of its GDP; if AIDS were to be cured, it would bankrupt the country, joining the sad likes of Iceland and Greece. In light of this (and in instinctual nigra fashion), President Zuma has decreed that the AIDS money received thus far will instead be spent on a final solution to the Zimbabwean refugee issue, so as to keep the WHO gravy train chugging along, and all the Americunt abstinence-only AIDS-education money rolling in.

South Africa <3 Rape

Warna Brotha! FACT ALERT:
1 in 4 South African men surveyed admit to rape
Zuma, the polygamist President of South Africa, thinks you can cure AIDS with soap.
You put your penis in, you put your penis out, you put your penis in and shake it all about. You feel the barbed wires dig into your foreskin, that's what it's all about!

A notable invention made in South Africa is an anti-rape device called the Rapex (do not confuse it with the heavy metal rock group). Women stick the Rapex up their vaginas and if an unwanted intruder dares to invade the fortress, the Rapex's barbs will pierce into the flesh of the penis, causing intense pain. The Rapex can then only be removed through surgery, requiring a trip to a hospital and then to Bantown. It will not only be used for anti-rape but will enhance underwater swimming capabilities by doubling as an extra fin. Ms. Ehlers said she was inspired after meeting a traumatized rape victim who told her, "If only I had teeth down there."[http://www.smh.com.au/news/world/controversy-in-south-africa-over-device-to-snare-rapists/2005/09/01/1125302683893.html?

The Rapex condom does indeed help to decrease the number of rape victims. By shoving painful barbs into the penis of the man trying to penetrate you, you've guaranteed you won't be raped. You have instead guaranteed that you'll be beaten until dead. Congrats!

Apart from the Rapex, it is widely believed that South Africa is rape heaven srsly. In South Africa the average 12 year old has raeped Over 9000 babies, and the average woman has been raped Over 9000, most of those during their early teens by a trusted family member, including, but not limited to, Father, Brother, Mother, Uncle, Aunt, Grandfather, Grandchild.

Fun Facts

  • A survey published in March 2004 shows that South Africans spend more time at funerals than they do having their hair cut, shopping or having "braais."[2]
A promising future for every child under black person rule.

Music

South African National Anthem

The gentle, melodious sounds of traditional South African music; notice the similarity to the sound of flies swarming the body of a starved Ethiopian.

This the creme de la creme of South African rap

See Also

External Links


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South Africa is part of a series of topics related to Black People
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AfricaAfro-chanAtlantaDead Nigger StorageE.S. Nigger Brown StandEgyptGambia ♠ The GhettoHabbo HotelKenyaLiberiaMediatakeoutMozambiqueNawlinsPrisonRepublic of Sierra LeoneSomaliaSouth AfricaSudanTanzaniaWashington, DCZimbabwe

Personas

AboriginalBlackineseBoko HaramChavCripsGothNativeNiggerNegressNigraOFWGKTAWiggerYounger Woolwich Boyz

People

Abner LouimaAdria RichardsAfro NinjaAfroduckAinsley HarriottAlison FloydAl SharptonAmanda KijeraAntoine DodsonBags of MoneyBANGSBarry BondsBernie MacBill ClintonBarack Hussein ObamaBLACKbusterCriticBLACK_MANBomani ArmahBrandon PhillipsBrenda WilliamsC-NOTECandyJunkieCarltonCasey BrezikCharlie Check'mCharles RamseyChris DornerCondoleezza RiceCRoadwarriorCulexorDangermanDave ChappelleDcigsDramasetterDr. Laura SchlessniggerFresh PrinceFuture the rapperGary ColemanHappy NegroHerman CainIsaac HayesJames WatsonJesse JacksonJkidJoseph KonyKerney ThomasKobe BryantLatarian MiltonLil BLoud NigraM0M0koMadThad0890MajelaZeZeDiamondMalcolm XMark EssexMartin Luther King, Jr.Marvin Morvan and Alex TeniolaMary Alice AltorferMichael JacksonMichael VickMike TysonMintahMiss LandmineMr PregnantMr. TMuteba KidiabaMychal BellNawlinWikiNicki MinajNigger PigOFWGKTAOG LocOJ SimpsonOld Spice GuyOprah WinfreyP DiddyPurple AkiQueen KongReverend XRobert Butler Jr.Rocky LockridgeRon MexicoRucasRudy EugeneSenator Barack Hussein ObamaSheneequaSoulja BoyStarlaglamSteve Hodder-WattSweet BrownRick RossTacgnolTarisai VusheTay ZondayTedius ZanarukandoThe Booty WarriorThe CrackheadThe TrashmanTiger WoodsTookie WilliamsTony48219Tony EvereadyTrayvon MartinTyra BanksUnMaskingTheTruthValisHDWrong Location Nigger

Parlance

Are You Serious?BECAUSE MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS LOUDBix NoodBOOYA!Dat AssEbonicsENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU SPEAK ITFirst World ProblemsFlea Market MontgomeryFuck The PoliceGeorge Bush doesn't care about black peopleHack is Wack!Happy NegroI Go Chop Your DollarImma Let You Finish IM PRESSIN CHARGESNiggers tongue my anusNot racistRead a BookScrub Me Mama With A Boogie BeatSittin On Tha ToiletSmell yo dickThanks ObamaThe BoondocksThese CuffsWHOO

Pastimes

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Past

BLACK FACE contempoLynchingNO NIGGERSSlavery (see also Nigger Manual)

Present

AIDSAll The Niggers Are DeadBlack People Love Us!Chocolate RainComputer Science IIICulexorGay Nigger Association of AmericaJena SixP.A. PalaceThere are no niggers on the InternetUnemployment ♠ and Welfare

Enemies

A. Wyatt MannAznCopsEmploymentEpic Beard ManIlluminatiKu Klux KlanJames WatsonJohnny RebelJustine SaccoKramerRacismSpicsWhite people


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