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Snakes on a Plane

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Bitch, were you looking for mothafuckin' ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT?

 
 
I have had it with these monkey-fighting snakes on this Monday-to-Friday plane! About to open some frickin' windows.
 

 

LOLWUT

when ancient and old meme collide.

Snakes on a Plane is a multi-million dollar movie starring Negro superhero Samuel L. Jackson. The plot centers around a FBI agent (Samuel L. Jackson) who is trying to stop an assassin attempting to murder a witness in protective custody, by releasing at least 100 snakes on a plane (which might possibly be the source of the film's name). It gained a pre-release cult following in spite of the fact that the whole film could have just been one scene in a James Bond movie.

In the end, the pilots just call the Aviation Safety Network and save the day.

Contents

Plot

Samuel L. Jackson is on a motherfucking plane. There are motherfucking snakes on the motherfucking plane. Samuel L. Jackson shouts: "I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!". Samuel L. Jackson shoots the motherfucking snakes. What did we learn from this cinematic masterpiece? That it's always best to have a giant, black, angry motherfucker with a gun when you fly. Always.

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Controversy

It has been suggested that the name Snakes on a Plane was simply the 'working title' and that the movie would be given the far less interesting appellation of Pacific Air Flight 121 upon release. This, of course, would have been a tragedy, and this has caused many fans to cry a lot.

Fortunately, Jackson realized that renaming this movie would be quite possibly the single worst marketing decision of all time, and told the film makers:

I don't wanna hear about no motherfuckin' Flight 121.
All I wanna hear from yo' ass is: you ain't got no problem,
I'm on the motherfucker.
Go back in there, chill them niggaz out and wait for the cavalry
which should be coming directly.

Sequels

Kangaroos on a Plane

Directed by Mel Gibson, based on a script by Gus Van Sant and expecting to be released on 2010, the sequel of the blockbuster Snakes on a Plane will feature Samuel L. Jackson reprising his role as Neville Flynn. This time Neville is taking some vacations in Australia, when a German bisexual drag queen called Philippa (played by Tilo Wolff) becomes the sole witness of the gruesome murder of a pregnant cat. Neville is up to the rescue and must take the drag queen to Harlem, not to make some money but to get some protection. This is a Van Sant script, so of course, there are gay scenes. Neville tells Philippa, "Do as I say and you live". Anyway, to escape they must go on a plane, but the killer of the cat (played by Kiefer Sutherland) places 38 horny kangaroos in there, and they all want to have anal with Neville. He shouts, "Enough is enough! I had enough with these rapist koala-fighting kangaroos on this Thursday to Thursday plane!" and jumps out of the window, but they all know that Neville was asking for it anyway. The tranny feels now sad, not only because she's unprotected, but because she wanted to see action between the kangaroos and Neville. She then an heroes by cutting her penis off and giving it to the kangaroos to eat because dying on the hands of Kiefer Sutherland would be too bad. Neville's fate is unknown. Donald Sutherland appears in some sad flashback scenes as Kiefer's father, too.

Cockroaches on an Elevator

Written and directed by Quentin Tarantino and expecting to have a direct-to-torrent release on December 21st, 2012, the sequel of the box-office hits Snakes on a Plane and Kangaroos on a Plane will feature Samuel L. Jackson reprising, once again, his role as Neville Flynn. We're introduced to his rebel son, Pandolph (Soulja Boy) who brutally rapes, murders and dissects a nun, Sister Romina (Whoopi Goldberg). Neville saw this (actually masturbating as he watched it and cumming as he screamed "kill the bitch, ohh, fucking whore she's no celibate I know right") and feels now obligated to escape from his own son who is in the same building that he's in. When he goes into the elevator to try to evade Pandolph, he realizes that it's full of cockroaches of diverse shapes and colours. They all have wings and fly around his ears making creepy sounds, but Neville has no other way to escape. Pandolph wasn't going to harm her father anyway, but filled the elevator with roaches just for the lulz, knowing of Neville's extreme fear of being inside of means of transport with another animals. The situation worsens when he discovers that he's stuck there and can't make phone calls, but the most tragic scene is when Romina's spirit appears in the elevator and tells him "You could have saved me", then morphing into one giant cockroach. Will Neville squash all of them, or will he succumb to desperation? There are confirmed cameos: Mick Jagger as a priest romantically involved with Romina (love scenes with the song "Forbidden Love" by Madonna), Shondrella Avery as Neville's kinky lover (there is a bondage scene with her at the end but only lasts five seconds), and Joaquin Phoenix as "the rapper" who writes hip-hop songs with Pandolph in a nice upbeat flashback scene which Neville thinks about in the middle of his bloody struggle with the cockroaches. A must see!

Snakes on a Train

Yes, this is a real movie.

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