From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Slavery is the process of buying, stealing or otherwise acquiring another human to keep for shits and giggles. There are no rules about how to care for them or what to feed them as there are for keeping other kinds of animals, so you can pretty much do as you please. In general, though, it's a good idea to feed them or eventually they'll die and you'll have wasted your money on a motionless corpse. Slave labor is the generally the most logical way to go because slaves aren't paid, so all money is profit and thus "????" can be replaced with slavery quite often.
Slavery, started at least 100 years ago by Egyptian Africans (who knew?) was a philanthropic effort intended to provide gainful employment for the then backward, retarded maggots who were starving in various parts of the Mediterranean. It was a good time for all, especially after their Princess Cruise across the Atlantic, which brought many volunteer slaves. There were white women galore, and a new dish called fried chicken. Every slave was decked out in nice little butler outfits, played slide guitar, invented all kinds of things white people would imitate in the future, and slammed dunked basketballs over white maggots' heads. Whitey even tucked the little niggas into bed at night; "'night nigga", "'night massa", was heard every night in every house across the south. Whitey had all the free labor he needed to propel his economy to the forefront of the world. Everything was win-win, until the liberal assholes in the northern colonies came up with some bullshit called civil "liberties". Unaware that the "slaves" in the south were happier than pigs in shit, and that serving massa had become the nigger's greatest joy in life, they decided to "emancipate" the slaves. A war ensued, in which the niggers fought valiantly against their northern oppressors, knowing that liberation meant a life of self reliance, a foreign and hideous concept to the American nigger. Defeat soon followed for the south. Though their honor was avenged with the assassination of President Lincoln by John Wilkes Booth, a philanthropist who felt pity for slaves viciously separated from their kindly masters, there was no chance for a glorious return to a happy life as property. Scared and disoriented, the niggers scattered across the great nation of America. Unable to forgive the white man for tearing them away from their plantation paradise, the niggers have reverted to their prior state, hooting and swinging from fire escapes in search of white women to rape. In recent light it has been proven that niggers did in fact create the DMV in an attempt to get back at the man.
Thank you slaves!
Picking the Right Slave
For any potential slave owners, choosing the slave is often the hardest part. They come in so many varieties that it can be intimidating to a new buyer. From pale, varicose-veiny maggot-white to yellow to brown to black, there are dozens of breeds and hybrids to choose from. The following list should help a perspective buyer in his purchase:
- Nigger (African): Many people will tell you this is your best choice. They are the second oldest variety of slave (after the Jews), and perform well in any area. Known for their exceptional strength and for their semi-rapid reproduction, they are the "classic" slave. From farm work to construction, they do it all fairly well. They fail in only three areas, the first being their general unwillingness to work or expend energy. This can be corrected with the right motivation (whipping being the preferred method). Second is their predilection to steal things, especially from real people. Again, a good thrashing should deter this behavior. Last is cooking. Unless you want to live on fried chicken and collard greens, it is recommended to purchase a second slave for kitchen duty. Another plus for this type of slave is their innate lack of intelligence. Due to this, Africans rarely revolt. Take heed, though: Your mom has been known to enjoy nigger cock.
- Note that not all Africans make good slaves. The people who were taken to america were taken by trading ships, not warships. How do trading ships get slaves? They trade for them. The ships carried cotton to England, then went south to buy slaves, then west to exchange slaves for more cotton, and then back to England again. The original negro slave populations of America were purchased from their african masters. In other words: they are a sub-race bred to be slaves for possibly thousands of years.
- Nigger (Caribbean): This oft over looked sub-variety of blacks make for very interesting slaves. They are usually about half the cost as African mainland slaves and usually half the quality. But on the plus side, if you are into the manufacturing and distribution of narcotics, you can't go wrong with one of these.
- Asians: Many people discourage the use of Asians as slaves because they are weak, intelligent, and can kick your ass with karate. Some say that their cooking ability makes up for the risk, but any decent Mexican can cook Asian cuisine. If you do get an Asian, make sure you buy a young one, and raise it to fear you. Most Asian slaves are only used for sex or to do math that the white man's brain is too shit poor to do (moar beer and car racing).
- Mexican:Mexican slaves are good for a variety of tasks, from home improvement projects to yard work to cooking. If you are into breeding your own slaves, this is often the best choice, as there have been cases of female slaves coming out of the womb already impregnated. Mexicans are preferable, as they are too lazy to revolt, and are
the bestthe worst cooks. All their food is designed to give all non Mexicans the diarrhea. Make sure to hobble them when they are young, they like to escape and steal jobs from REAL Americans.
- Eastern European: Little is known about these slaves, as Stalin had a monopoly on them for 9,001 years. From what we've seen in the limited release, they are not very hard workers, and require too much vodka for maximum performance. The only people who have been satisfied are child pornographers, as eastern Europeans are sluts from birth. However, if you're looking for slaves that work well in large groups that are willing to die for you, this is your best bet.
- Jews: Jews were once the ultimate slave, but due to their greedy nature and intelligence in anything related to taking your money, they usually are seen as slave masters of REAL Americans. It is highly recommended not to get a Jew. Nazis are the only know people that slaved the Jews well. But this resulted in the lolocaust, as the Nazis got sick of all the whining.
Traditional uses for slaves
- Cleaning your car
- Doing your homework
- Peeling grapes
- Serving as a tangible example of why you're lucky for not being born a maggot.
- Cotton picking
- Fighting a pointless war in a south east Asian country
- If you take maggot-bitches, you can have Sex with teh white wimminz (Careful she doesn't try to re-invent Feminism)
- Looking after your kids who won't just stfu and leave you the hell alone so you can fuck your woman.
- Shining your shoes
- Keeping your farm animals sexually appeased (maggot wenches loves horse c0ck)
- Gold Farming in WoW
- Stealing your children
- Performing fellatio (because everybody knows white bitches loves black c0ck)
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