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Shut Up, Little Man!

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In the fall of 1987, Eddie Lee Sausage and Mitchell D. moved into a cheap pink stucco apartment at 237 Steiner in the Lower Haight district of San Francisco. The building was known as The Pepto-Bismol Palace. There they lived for two years next door to a pair of repressed homosexual alcoholics named Peter Haskett (1928-1996) and Raymond Huffman (1931-1992), and a scary frequent visitor known only as "Tony".

Peter and Ray were neighbors from hell.

 
 
Within a week of our arrival, we were exposed to what would become a dependable routine from our next door neighbors: evenings charged with belligerent rants, hateful harangues, drunken soliloquies, death threats, and the sound of wrestling bodies thumping against the wall that separated our apartments.
 

 

—Eddie Lee Sausage

Eddie Lee and Mitchell D. soon began making audio recordings of their uncouth neighbors. Initially these were only for the amusement of their friends; but as their fame grew, they attained a cult status among a generation preceding Encyclopædia Dramatica's habitués. You will find that the recordings have a similar appeal as ED. They represent the historical roots of Internet drama from an era when the Internet consisted of little more than BBSs. They were recorded in the mid to late 1980s, but of course Æ-tan wasn't born until December 2004.

Eddie Lee and Mitchell D. did it for the lulz, even if the term didn't exist at the time.

The collection is known as Shut Up, Little Man! because Peter so often shouted those words at Ray.

Contents

The Friendly Denizens of the Pepto Palace

Audio

Audio clips are available at the Shut Up, Little Man! audio clip page. Go listen to them right now. The only reason they're not embedded on this page is that they're too large, and you really need to have heard them to understand the derivative works in the next sections of this article.

Quotes

Canonical quotes from Peter and Ray:

 
 
Shut up, little man!
 

 

—Peter Haskett

 
 
I love people. I love the world. I love life. But I sure as fuck can't love a piece of shit.
 

 

—Raymond Huffman

 
 
Nobody wants to watch you cut your toenails, and nobody would steal your toenail CLIPPERS!
 

 

—Peter Haskett

 
 
I can kill you from a sitting position.
 

 

—Raymond Huffman

 
 
I got a decent dinner ready. Nothing happened with the dinner. Because you crucified it. You ruined it. God damn you.
 

 

—Peter Haskett

 
 
You dirty cocksucker. I'll kill you so fucking quick. I don't care who you are. I'll kill you so fucking fast. I will kill you in one fucking minute. Not one minute. Thirty seconds. You cock sucking fucking piece of shit. I am ready now to kill any cock sucker that wants to fuck with me.
 

 

—Raymond Huffman

 
 
I've seen these fucking potheads...they'll smoke a joint of weed, and the next thing ya know, them sumbitches EAT!!!
 

 

—Tony

 
 
Don't fuck with me, you cocksucker, cuz I'm a killin' motherfucker.
 

 

—Raymond Huffman

 
 
What did you do during the war? You were wounded? Yeah. Bullshit. You were maybe wounded when you fell over your bayonet when you were drunk.
 

 

—Peter Haskett

 
 
I'm a decent human being, you cocksucker.
 

 

—Raymond Huffman

 
 
You piece of shit. I hate queers. Queers are not human beings. You're not even a piece of shit, Peter Haskett. You're a fucking God damn queer motherfucker. I despise queers. [turning from Peter to address Tony] He's a queer motherfucker. Go ahead and talk to him if you want to, but there ain't nothing human about him.
 

 

—Raymond Huffman

 
 
I'm a gentle person. I don't hate queers. I don't hate anything.
 

 

—Raymond Huffman

 
 
Ray, you are Just. Fucking. Up.
 

 

—Peter Haskett

 
 
I want you to quit stealing my vodka! No, no, no. I know what you're doing. Sorry, I see what happens. I mark it. I mark it and I find what is happening. You're a liar, Ray. You're a rotten little liar man. Lady. Pardon me, lady.
 

 

—Peter Haskett

 
 
I don't want to watch queer shit. I want to watch something decent. Like Jeopardy.
 

 

—Raymond Huffman, objecting to the Wheel of Fortune game show

 
 
I may not be able to whip everyone, but I can sure as hell kill any cocksucker that lives. I know how to use any kind of fucking gun there is... any weapon there is.
 

 

—Raymond Huffman

 
 
You always giggle falsely. You don't have a decent giggle in you.
 

 

—Peter Haskett

 
 
You think your mother and father were a couple of boys?
 

 

—Raymond Huffman

 
 
You wanna stick me with that fork? Get back in there.
 

 

—Peter Haskett

 
 
If you wanna talk to me, then shut your fuckin mouth.
 

 

—Raymond Huffman

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Legacy

Just like everything else on the internet, the Shut Up, Little Man! recordings have been incorporated into animations and other works:


"Wanna Stick Me With That Fork?" by Mike Mitchell.

"I Am Not Going To Die!" by Mike Mitchell.

"The Vodka!" by Mike Mitchell.

Shut Up Little Muppet!

Shut Up, Little Man!: Bush vs. Gore.

Previous Video  |  Next Video


External Links

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Shut Up, Little Man! is part of a series on

Homosexual Deviants

Visit the Faggotry Portal for complete coverage.


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Shut Up, Little Man!
is part of a series on Web 1.0

     

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