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Scratch

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Ever played some kind of video game and wondered, "could i ever make a spectacular game like this?". We know you think so. And many people just like you have always wanted to be a little programmer and make their own video game masterpiece.

Scratch is a new and hip programming language that allows little retarded children to make their own video game/animation by adding coloured blocks together and sharing their magnificent works of art with the world by uploading them into the Scratch website.

The Scratch projects are mostly recognized as a "program suitable for everybody", for its idiotic programming type. Basically, there are lots of coloured blocks that each do a different action, and by putting those blocks on top of each other various scripts are obtained. Sounds fucked up? It's more like a video game for autistics, but it's more complicated.

Contents

Summary

Yeah, something like this.

Scratch has been found in somewhere 2007 as a rip-off of some program called Squeak, as the "Scratch team" thought it would be a good idea to turn Lego into a programming language. At first, seemingly a website for educated programmers the website soon turned into a website for fetuses. If you think that this is a program for real programmers, you are wrong. Every single project is always the "Scratch Cat" spinning either clockwise or counter-clockwise, since the little retards can't program for shit even when using blocks, and yet it will be the top-rated project of all time in the website.

As of now, there are about 550 thousand projects. The best ones get to be featured, as in, get to be on the front page, but since all of them are fucking shit, it doesn't mean anything much. Amongst the members, there is also a rating system, called love-its, and, as a result, most of the projects will be captioned by the author "5 love-its and a sequel". Unfortunately, love-its do not give you money, and the crappy projects will remain crappy, and they will not even give you profit.

Projects

As mentioned, the variety of the projects on Scratch is not big. There are five categories of the games/animations on Scratch, ranging from complicated scripts to a sound of a guitar string.

  1. The shit projects, 99% of them include a pre-drawn background, a two sentence dialoge and the ever-smiling Scratch Cat. Most of these projects are made by some random people from Latvia. No, these projects not even playable. Most of the real programmers rage over this kind of projects, but the author's excuse is always "it's my first project, why u so mean". Example
  2. The static projects, either includes a picture of a furry drawn by a furry author, or some "recolouring" shit. Always gets comments how kawaii the project is. Example
  3. The two-script projects, the actually playable ones, but they still have only about two scripts, and usually ask to click the arrow keys and acquire different sounds. Example
  4. The so-called "not bad" projects, still fucking crap, but better than the other ones. Example
  5. The good projects. Sadly, none of this category has been found to this date.

There is also a "remixing" feature. Remixes are Type 4 projects that are downloaded, edited and uploaded again. Remixes are somewhat called "The AIDS that is killing Scratch" by the 1337 Scratch oldfags, since the website is now full of those turds, but the website is full of AIDS anyway, so it doesn't have a point.

"Programmers"

Typical "Scratcher"

To be fair, there are some good projects in the website, if by good you mean guiding a ball through a maze. But all of those not bad projacts are made by one person, Paddle2See (who is from the Scratch Development Team). The other 350 thousand members are assburger-infested 8 year olds that have been told being artistic. The program is also advertised as being "a great program for education", but what kind of education could a retard give/get?

Other than some aspies, there are shitloads of 16 year old girls that upload their Kawaii furry drawings. Most of them have their own idiotic Scratch-sona's, either it's a gray polar bear or a bowling ball with a nose, and they use them in their shitty games. This makes all of the real programmers rage, and, as a result, they remind the retarded whores of their best-fitting spot.

Trolls

Starting in early 2009, a troll problem built up on scratch. Scratch, believe it or not, had an era of free speech. This was ruined when Lightnin and Paddle2See discovered a handy dandy tool called fascism, instantly banning half of scratch. The survivors were plunged into a state of perpetual happiness and thrived, making some of the best games to dwell the internet. This lasted until on a scratch forum full of banned folk, Lord Sprites, a secret group formed, and attacked scratch with free speech at midnight, saying unbelievable things such as "scratch sucks" and "this site has a worse case of cancer than /b/". Plunged into a state of fear, Lightnin and Paddle2See added even more fascism. Unhappy with the result, the trolling group, in early June, attacked the site with meatspin and goatse. This being the first time scratch was ever trolled in this method, the community was shocked and images were disabled. Then, the "New Scratcher" rule was added, turning all scratchers that had never posted on the forums into slaves unable to post images or practically anything. This obviously crippled the troll group, making them unable to troll. So, they formed a webcomic, which was good at first, until it got cancer, too. It updates every two seconds and has 370+ comics, and some early ones are very funny, but too many new members were let in, including several scratchers, producing shit comics. However, some later comics are half decent. Among the 370+ comics, there are some noteworthy ones.

>

How to troll

"Kaj"

Kaj is pretty much the scratch bogeyman. For lulzlicious results, go on the scratch forums pretending to be "Kaj." Alternatively, hack a random account you see posting in the "Miscellaneous" section and claim to be Kaj on that account.

Hells Yeah

AZMness celebrating just how awesome Scratch is. [that damn kitty!]

Gallery

Amongst the hundreds of projects on Scratch, here are some screencaps of the greatest ones.

The Site


See Also


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