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Retard

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Super Tard: Saving the world by shitting his pants one day at a time!


Not to be confused with: Sherrod


A retard is a term of endearment for the genetically inferior, stupid and ugly sub-human species put on this earth from God solely for the entertainment of normal people, due to their handicap of being incredibly funny. A retard is anyone with an IQ of 110 or lower, which points to the obvious conclusion that approximately 99.8% of Americans are, in truth, retards. Slightly below niggers, Jews and homosexuals on the human evolutionary scale, it is commonly believed that retards are created by fucktarded, mouth breather sperm.

Other than laughing at the way that they look and act, tards are biologically cursed, wastes of space, time and the taxpayer's money. Failed abortions, many bleeding heart liberals feel the need to "adopt" these parasites to keep them as beloved pets to entertain them for 20-30 years and dump them into housing institutions for states to fund them.

A proven, common cause of retardation is your mother getting stuck in the stink, forgetting to wipe the tard-infested shit off your father's dick, then getting stuck in the pink thus conceiving your retarded ass (for great justice). Check science. There are some new developments that indicate that some forms of autism may be linked to early television viewing.

A common tell-tale sign of being a retard is trying to use the plugs from Hot Topic to pleasure yourself, shitting your underwear, being a faggot, masturbating over fictional pink and sparkling ponies, or all of the theories listed.

Alternative theories suggest that retardation is also caused by punching pregnant women in the stomach, or by a man using a condom, as some Durex factories carry headlice, stringrays and AIDS. Though, if you consider yourself one of those Bible-fucking, religious Christ fags, you could argue that a retard is the way they are thanks to a trolling God sticking His mighty, all powerful middle finger up the cunt of the pregnant woman and cursing the womb.

Contents

Special

Since you are special, watch this. When you are done, click on the X at the upper right side of the window and then go take a nap.

Previous Video  |  Next Video

Retards can be distracted with the use of Animu. Depending on which you choose, it could backfire and cause them to go Crazy. If you want to be safe, stick with Pokémon

Note that many Japanese fit the profile of Asperger's Syndrome, and Japanese people, like Aspies love this JAP-pop-disco-techno-shit.

Detection

How retards communicate to others of their kind.
Here we find Claire in a state of self exploration.

Discerning a retard is very easy - simply find someone who is saying retarded shit, and then you respond with "O rly?". The typical retard's response will be huh?, "yes orly", or "what's orly?" Female retards will confuse O rly? for Orally and will either be offended or proceed with the perceived command, a win/win.

Another method of retard detection, as is employed by General Bethlehem, can be used for a more accurate confirmation of retards in a close quarters encounter with an actual retard.

1) Get a good visual confirmation of the mongoloid, from a reasonable distance.

2) Approach the mongoloid slowly, preferably from the side. Do not take your eyes off the mongoloid.

3) With your index finger, press on the soft skin tissue that is located just under the eye of the mongoloid.

"People" with Down syndrome also have a certain appearance. Here are some people with Down syndrome - note the way they hold their mouths open with their tongue slopping over their lower lips, and their ears, which God made when he was drunk. In addition, they usually only know Simple English.

Retards also cannot let a random die.aka typical devianTART users.

Spotting a retard at a dance party can be pretty easy. [1]

You can also spot retards on ED if they don't sign their own posts.

Back in more civilized times, retards were often kept hidden away from the normally productive population in sheds and institutions.

The Place of the Retard

The Rates Of Retardation Per U.S.A. State Via Map

E-tards are the second strongest vegetable, just behind the potato. (Most recent google fight - Saturday, August 07, 2010) The strongest vegetable on the Internets remains the potato, prolly something to do with Dan Quayle and spell check.

Proof:

It is important that the mainstream community do their part in involving those who are not as capable or gifted as we are. We must teach our children the healthiest way to interact with their handicapped peers as much as possible (see video below for the best example):

We're on our own, cousin...

Retards on the Internetz

Not All Retards Are Tards

The general, common belief amongst society is that all retards are tards; this is simply untrue. Retard can indicate a variety of handicapped individuals. For instance, people with certain birth defects that make them physically inferior can still make them retards.

Retarded women with Spinal Bifeda may have normal IQs and may be able to sort some files and type shit on a computer, they still aren't able to participate in many sexual positions. But they probably could give great head.

Retards in Hollywood

The majority of the people who work in and inhabit Hollywood are, in fact, retards. This is displayed in numerous autobiographical features about prominent Hollytards:

Hollytards in Motion

 
 
The Other Sister - Carla & Daniel - Juliette Lewis and Giovanni Ribisi
 

 

 
 
Leonardo DiCaprio
 

 

 
 
Sean Penn
 

 

 
 
Tom Hanks plays his alter-ego Forrest Gump
 

 

 
 
One of ABC's latest hit shitcoms centres around Courtney Cox' life as she gives birth to and raises a retarded son:
 

 

Previous Video  |  Next Video

Retards in the Music Industry

WTF?
Kids of Widney High - Pretty Girls
I Snort (prelude to Mongoloid) NEXT VIDEO
Mongoloid - by Devo
InsectSong

Previous Video  |  Next Video

As with Mariah Carey, Jim Carey, Carrot Top, Jerry Lewis, and Ringo Starr it is often the case that a talentless person is allowed in to the music industry based entirely on the fact that they are an adorable retard. Also, this is the reason why the entire cast of an old 70's musical Television sitcom known as "Hee Haw" and poor black children alike almost always stand in the front row of a church choir while singing songs about delicious fried chickens and Chitlings.

Variations

Typical Hotard.

Because retard is probably the default insult on the Internets, it has spawned a variety of more specialized variants:

  • Leftard: used by "compassionate conservatives" to describe their opposition. In this instance, "compassionate" means "still uses words like 'retarded' and 'colored' in public."
  • Rightard: used by Leftards as a lame response to the above, which of course is lame to begin with.
  • Fucktard: a more intense version of retard, with an over-all connotation of "a waste of skin".
  • Special education student: the same thing as a retard, but this one gets a fancier word.
  • Hotard: a retarded slut. Usually a blonde woman. Reserved for women nice guys can't get.
  • loltard: a person who uses the acronym "lol" every 5 words and at the end of every sentence, even though there is nothing funny going on.
  • Internetard: The most common type of retard there is. The average internetards' day consist of posting on 4chan, blanking ED articles that they feel butthurt about, making shitty videos on JewTube and last but not least, playing shitty Lego rip-off building games.
  • Mustard: a severe case of retardness, who makes as much sense as its epithet.
  • /b/tard: someone who frequents 4chan's /b/ board. Unlike most -tards, they wear this moniker as a badge of pride.
  • G-tard: a white male who pretends he's poor and from "da hood" even though he's rich and from the suburbs.
  • Handicapped: aka "special" aka "mentally crippled" aka "conveniently parked" aka "mental amputee"
  • Dee Dee Dee: A lame ass phrase coined by a fake ass mexican.
  • Chromosomally Unfortunate: a fancy science-type term for "MAH BAYBEE IS NAHT WEETAHDED".
  • Window Licker: Have been known to trip while sitting down.
  • Loid: This one comes with the approval of special folks and their handlers. No, really. Please use it as often as possible, just to make them happy. Remember, every time you employ loid as a term of abuse, a retarded pixie is born.
  • Fattard: A fat retard
  • Special olympics: Olympics for retards.
  • And the biggest retards of all, people who don't sign their posts on wikis.
  • Cian Mcgee
  • Caketard
  • Bitchtard
  • Twitard
  • You

Common, but underutilized ways to refer to retards on ED include:

  • Mongoloid
  • Re-Re
  • Special Ed
  • Mental insufficiency
  • Downsie
  • Intellectual insufficiency
  • Tard
  • Retart - a retarded DevianTARTlet
  • Down's Syndrome
  • Special
  • Sloth
  • Hard of Thinking
  • Mouth Breather
  • Helmet Hero
  • Eyebrow
  • Accident
  • Tardis
  • Brainwreck
  • Horndogs
  • NKO (Example: God, you're such a NKO!)

Consider these alternatives to retard when trying to create an article that does not fail.

The Retard as a Half-Ape

1. Persons of under 40 IQ exhibit behavior not distinctly different from apes. That is, intellectually speaking, apes can do everything they can do.

2. The cutoff for retardation is an IQ of 70.

3. Average IQ is 100 for normal people who are a type of retard. the only non retarded people are people with dyslexia with an average IQ of 130! making normal people retarded!

4. LOL, RETARDS ARE HALF-APES.

5. No wonder the Nazis put all of them to sleep. T-4!

Videos

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Gallery

About missing Pics

See Also

References

Retard is part of a series on Psychology
Antisocial personality disorder Hannibal Lector.jpg Mental illness & Disorders

AgoraphobiaPro-AnaAntisocial personality disorderAudiophiliaAnthropophobiaADDADHDAutismBipolarBody dysmorphic disorderBorderline personality disorderCarmen Electra complexDepressionDyslexiaEating disorderFauxlimiaFeminismFursonaGender dysphoriaHistrionic Personality DisorderHeterophiliaHomophiliaInconsistent personality disorderInsanityLove ShyMultiple personality disorderNapoleon ComplexNarcissistic personality disorderNeurotypicalOCDObsessive-compulsive disorderParanoiaParanoid personality disorderParaphiliaPeter Pan SyndromePost-Traumatic Stress DisorderPsychopathyRetardsSchizophreniaSelf-diagnosed & Self-diagnosisSpecial Snowflake SyndromeVictim complex

E-Psychosis:

Chronic Troll SyndromeE-PsychiatristTrigger WarningLulz-BlindnessInternet disease & Internet Disease ChartInternet Fuckwad TheoryInternet troll personality disorder

Experiments:

ask.fmMilgram ExperimentThe Hivemind CorollaryScientologyStanford Prison Experiment

See also:

Autism CasesBiologyChemistrySciencePsychiatristyThe Law of Conformity



ED olympics.JPG

Retard
is part of a series on
the ED Special Olympics
Sports

BaseballBasketballButtrapeCricketProfessional WrestlingSoccerHandeggHockeyGhost RidingVuvuzelaMMA

Not Sports

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Competitions

OlympicsSpecial OlympicsLondon 2012Olympic FlameLOLympics2010 World Cup

Topics

SportTeam UruguayNew York YankeesRed Sox NationChicago Cubs/sp/

Athletes

Brett FavreGeorge SteinbrennerRobert GreenAir BudJohn TerryDiego MaradonaZinedine ZidaneCindy CrosbyMichael PhelpsNodar KumaritashviliBarry BondsTy CobbAllison Stokke

Billy MartinMike TysonJim BunningShawn JohnsonRon MexicoLawrence TaylorThurman ThomasRax GrissmanBrandon Phillips


Retard is part of a series on Dying Alone

Poemo.jpg Those Who Have Died Alone

Aaron SwartzAmy WinehouseAnna Nicole SmithAmanda ToddBrandon CrispCharmaine DragunCodey PorterEdaremElvis PresleyHeath LedgerLemonade CoyoteLoki BlackfangLiloMegan MeierMichael JacksonMitchell HendersonMySpaceOtoya YamaguchiRicardo LopezRipperRudolph ZurickShawn WoolleyShayTyler Dumstorf

Those Dying Alone

Alex FordAmerica's Third PartyAnonymous BorgAnthony 'A-Log' LoGattoArgent009Arguecat3Bambifan101Basement DwellersBenny_the_SnakeBikerfoxBill9929Bob RehahnBroniesByAppointmentToChris-chanChuck M.CrazyvideosandrantsDaniel BrandtDavid HockeyDBoyWheelerDeekerDGTrixieDiaper BoyDnepropetrovsk maniacsDragoneerDrakonEpic Fat GuyErik RibsskogFagolescentsFat ManFaust & PoryFurriesGirlvinylGoddessMilleniaIchverbotJohn BullaJohn FieldJohn Patrick RogersJonmonJoseph CampKathleen ToddKevin HavensKimmo Johan AlmKrashedLecarickMarjan SiklicMuZemikeMylarBalloonFanNaokoElric2250Nathan GaleNick BravoNullcherriOnideus Mad HatterOnyx ForepawPit ViperRicki RavenRobert Wayne StilesRootbrianRose3212Sad FrogSceptreSnapesnoggerSuperlisamcbTheSockDetectiveTyciolUlillilliaThe Unknown AutobotYou

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