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ALL YOUR BASE! Links to Encyclopedia Dramatica are now censored by the Reddit moderators!
Diggfixt.gif
I see what you did there.
Typical Reddit meetup
Subreddit Bingo!.

Reddit is a Digg-clone for pseudo-intellectuals, Leftard Computer Science majors, Liberal pussies, fanboy pissheads and hipsters who feel that having a superior "Karma Score" increases your chances of getting laid. It was founded by two hippie douche bags that were high on cum vapour and wanted to "stick it" to Kevin Rose. In October 2006, the owners sold out to some big company. This means that they are now a bunch of poser faggots.

Last Thursday, Reddit lost its last shred of credibility when it began a campaign of censorship, starting with Gawker, and moar recently, Encyclopedia Dramatica (lol jk).

Contents

Videos


It's funny because it's true.

It's funny because it's true.

It's funny because it's true.

It's funny because /r/gaming is for fucking retards.

It's funny because it's true.

Previous Video  |  Next Video

About

Reddit-digg.jpg
A Redditor doing what he does best.

Reddit.com is a sweltering hole of pig shit and unfunny memes. Its user base consists of Liberal God-less faggots and cynical neck-bearded BETA males who have spent their entire lives being rejected by members of the opposite sex, and a few Republican libertaritards rejected by members of the same sex. All of this had led to the formation of an online cesspool full of bitter nerds and socially retarded manboys. The Liberal Butthurt Syndrome exhibited by Redditors is so well-defined that some of them have even tried to edit this article in order cut out all of the nasty bits about Liberals... only to find out that their butthurt edits are easily reverted by the undo button.

Discussion on reddit usually consists of one party expressing a leftist viewpoint, the next person agreeing with that viewpoint and a third person making a pun out of the original post. After this point, we hit tldr where it dissolves into a massive circlejerk and an orgy of confirmation bias and self-reaffirmation. To receive karma on Reddit, one must have the political views of an angst-riddled pseudo-socialist college teenager who regularly visits Infowars.com and discusses the perils of corporatism over coffee at Starbucks. Its politics section serves as an echo chamber for dejected Liberal Arts majors who think that socialism is a trendy alternative to capitalism. Its gaming section is littered with nostalgic posts about popular games from the 90s and complaints about Call of Duty being too accepted by the unwashed masses. Its worldnews section is a place where self-loathing Americans, Islamophiles and Jew-hating conspiracy theorists can get together and express their unwavering support for Iran and Hamas. Its atheism section acts as a platform for smug 19-year-olds who want to sit on their high-horses and post Facebook screenshots of themselves arguing with family members that have had the nerve to openly express their Christian beliefs.

To this day, Reddit users still view their website as a secret online community for counter-cultural warriors and intellectuals, even though the site sees millions of unique visitors and is littered with inane pictures of cats and other painfully unfunny memes. The online consensus states unanimously that users on Reddit seek only to further pervert the "Advice Animals" meme (which was, for the record, never lulzy). If you've ever used the phrase "meta-discourse" and don't have the balls to get your memes from 4chan the way God intended it, Reddit is the place for you!!

Founders

Alexis Ohanian

After having gone through life with a hippy, faggot name like Alexis, he was ascended to Internet goddess status.

Steve Huffman

No information available. Rumoured to have never existed. Possibly made up by Alexis.

Aaron Swartz

Ded.

The Up/Downvote System (Or Karma)

This is a completely valueless numerical system that is intended to push 'good' submissions to the front page, while burying bad ones. The reddit karma system is based on the same line of thinking as the Xbox Live Gamerscore: Convince the user that a number next to their name actually means something, and that a larger number directly corresponds to being more important. Since the majority of Redditors desperately seeks reason to believe that they are a cut above the rest of the Internet, (and indeed, even their fellow Reddit users), they generally tend to fall for this gimmick; hook, line and sinker.

Surprisingly, Reddit has systems in place to prevent users from amassing too many upvotes for a single submission. Some argue that this is to prevent unwarranted self importance from reaching critical levels. Others debate that this is to keep everything in a constant state of motion so as to prevent the same content from being on the front page all of the time. Others argue that this is just gay.

The karma system also provides a new and exciting insight on trolling. Now, instead of merely judging the written response of the impassioned user, Reddit trolls get to make use of a scoring system that gauges their effectiveness. A downvote signifies that the trolled person was offended or annoyed by the comment. Trolls can now compete for the high score, and if they have any friends to compare downvotes with, they can create downvote leaderboards. This would be great if anyone actually cared enough about reddit to keep track of the users they've upset, but since trolling reddit is not unlike shitting in a cesspool full of mongoloids, the potential of Reddit: The Video Game remains untapped.

Posts you might find on Reddit

Let me guess, another fucking cat picture.png
  • Who here thinks that Obama is the best president ever?
  • How do I tell my friends, my coworkers, my postman and the people who use the same gym as me, that I am an Atheist?
  • The TSA made me remove my C4. We are living in a police state sheeple!
  • Hey guys, look at this (item name) that my (significant other) made me!
  • Remember to go out and vote today! For the more progressive candidate! Otherwise stay at home, you neo-conservative racist fuck.
  • Opposing Israel does not make you anti-semitic! That's just what the filthy Jews that control the world want you to believe!
  • Fuck corporations - posted from my iPhone on a corporate-owned website using a corporate-owned ISP.
  • DAE feel as if Muslim terrorists are just reacting to the evil imperialism of AmeriKKKa!?
  • Ruport Murdoch shot my narwhal with a harpoon.
  • RON PAUL 2012
  • FUCK GLENN BECK!!!1 SARAH PALIN SUCKS TOO!!
  • Hey everyone, look at this funny gif that I found on 4chan.
  • I'm a 19 year old Mormon, but now I'm an Atheist - please accept me.
  • DAE think that our Dear Lord Julian Assange is a total badass?
  • Remember this SNES game that sold millions of copies worldwide?
  • RON PAUL 2012
  • TIL that all Muslims aren't terrorists. All Christians and Jews on the other hand, are narrow-minded bigoted fucks.
  • Republicans ate my baby. AMA.
  • My pet dog has cancer because the Tea Party did something that I won't explain because I'm pretty sure that you've already upvoted me.
  • Thank God that /r/mensrights exists! Otherwise, we'd have nobody to look out for the rights of middle class white males!
  • Hey r/atheism, look at this Facebook screencap of me being a total asshole to some Christians I know. brb - posting to askreddit to ask them how people go about making friends.
  • Le fuuuuu herpin de derp le rage comic
  • LE RON PAUL 2012
  • IAMA father who has been wronged by our legal system. Wimminz are all bitches, ain't they?
  • Hey /r/atheism! Whenever a Christian asks me if I believe in God, I become smug and needlessly confrontational!
  • Being a 19 year old male who likes to smoke a lot of weed, I feel as if marijuana should be legalized.
  • I just linked to a Salon article. Upvote me or you're a neoconservative fuck.
  • Here is a video of a cop doing something bad. Lets watch it, rage, and then accuse all police officers of being assholes.
  • RON PAUL 2016.
  • An Israeli Jew has parked his car illegally in Jerusalem. (on top of an arab, lol) (and nothing of value was lost). Please Reddit, upvote this post so that the Zionists can't bury it!
  • Wikileaks: President Bush picked a booger from his nose on the 9th of November, 2004. Cables suggest that it tasted salty.
  • TIL that even though the average Reddit user is aged 25-34 and an atheist, most are still in college and don't have their PhD's in science yet. I mean, what the fuck?! ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ ಠ_ಠ

Levels of Reddit

Reddit on wheels

Level 1: Discover Reddit while Googling for "Jailbait".

Level 2: Click on links to pictures of cats.

Level 3: Create an account and choose a clever username.

Level 4: Post a comment and get downvoted.

Level 5: Upvote something.

Level 6: Downvote something.

Level 7: Downvote a comment because you don't agree with the opinion expressed in it.

Level 8: Find the invisible "H".

Level 9: Make fun of Digg even though you've never visited the site.

Level 10: Claim that Reddit used to be better.

Level 11: [+frontpage] /r/circlejerk

Level 12: Spend days making a Minecraft Castle.

Level 13: Quit Facebook because it's the counter-cultural thing to do.

Level 14: Make moderately humorous unfunny rage comics.

Level 15: 2,000+ Karma.

Level 16: Spend your day posting Daily Kos articles to r/politics.

Level 17: Setup an alt account to troll.

Level 18: Make fake IamAs.

Level 19: Knowingly re-post past submissions in quest for more karma.

Level 20: Join r/ShitRedditSays and wallow in your own gender-orientated victim complex.

Level 21: Call Israel a Nazi state.

Level 22: ALL COPS ARE FUCKIN ASSHOLES.

Level 23: Defend the rights of rapists.

Level 24: Post content that shows Muslims in a positive light.

Level 25: Upgrade to a Reddit Gold account.

Level 26: Participate in Reddit Secret Santa.

Level 27: ALL WOMEN ARE BITCHES AND WHORES WHY DO THEY NOT LIKE NICE GUYS SUCH AS MYSELF FUCKING CUNTS

Level 28: Edit the Reddit article on ED.

Level 29: ???

Level 30: Profit!

Reddit's Worldview/Hivemind

Occupy Wall Street

Being the pseudo-socialist poser fucks that they are, Reddit members blew their collective load when they realized that they could protest against rich people on Wall Street by holding drum circles and making vague anti-establishment rants. Soon after the Occupy Wall Street protests began, Reddit members began to post pictures of themselves holding hand-written sob stories about how tough it is to be a middle class white male in America. As this craze caught on, pretentious slogans such as "I am the 99%" flooded the front-page as hoards of smelly hippies upvoted them to the heavens above.

WIKILEAKS, WIKILEAKS, WIKILEAKS

According to Reddit, Wikileaks is the bestest most superest organization in the world; and spokesperson Julian Assange is a noble hero who wards off evil governments that oppress their people! Julian Assange can do no wrong. He pisses peace, shits freedom and he certainly doesn't rape women in Sweden. It's ok that he sometimes editorializes his releases as long as the editorializing in question falls into line with the left-wing narrative of the Reddit hivemind. It's okay that his organization releases names, threatens relationships between countries and puts informants in danger; because at the end of the day, the truth is like, more important, man!

Wikileaks gets owned by PayPal and Time Magazine

When the Wikileaks PayPal account was suspended, the amount of butthurt on Reddit reached critical levels. Left-wing hippies threw their hands into the air and condemned PayPal for following their terms and conditions. Some of these mouth-breathers were so butthurt that they cancelled their PayPal accounts; not that it mattered because everyone in the world knows that pseudo-Socialist college students don't have any money.

When Time magazine announced that Mark Zuckerberg was their person of the year for 2010, the left-wing terrorist-sympathizers on Reddit shit their pants in anger and denounced Time for not giving the award to their hero Julian Assange. Redditors, in such a fit of anger, failed to realize that this was an award for "Person of the Year"; not "Rapist of the Year". The butthurt on Reddit reached such a high level that many of the neckbeards on Reddit began to post stuff such as "Who the fuck cares who Time declared as the person of the year? I knOW I DON'T I FUCKING HATE THEM AND HOPE THEY ALL DIE!!!!!" All of these sweet sweet tears came about because apparently, Julian Assange had won a poll for Person of the Year on Time Magazine's website. The funny thing is that prior to this, Reddit users would have questioned the validity of any result from an online poll, but this time; because their God Julian Assange had come out on top, they were more than willing to ignore the fact that online polls are often skewed because of tampering. In fact, only a few days before the poll was closed, Redditors were posting threads asking other people to mass-vote for Assange.

Because the hipsters on Reddit hate Facebook so much (it's far too mainstream), seeing its founder beat their savior Assange added so much insult to injury that it is believed many Reddit users instantly committed suicide. Which is a good thing.

Arab Apologists

Reddit loves Muslims.
Typical r/WorldNews submitters.
r/worldnews Reddit meetup

Since 99% of the Reddit population is made up of bleeding-heart Liberals, anti-semites and Islamophiles, Redditors continuously go out of their way to downplay any negative press about the Arab world... because, like, that's just racist, dude. This is because your regular left-wing hippy douchebag on Reddit feels as if he needs to make amends for the bad rap that Western media outlets have been giving those peaceful Muslims. According to Reddit, the Israel-Palestine conflict is a black and white issue of good versus evil, with Palestine being the underdog and the crusader against injustice, and Israel being the evil tyrant that harvests the skin of dead Muslim babies. Don't ever bring that point up though, as the desktop activists on Reddit will make a barrage of excuses, discard your point completely and then downvote you into oblivion; proving the point that you don't have to be a crazy right-winger in order to be a fascist cunt. Any criticism of Hamas on Reddit will be met with a fury of downvotes, because in the eyes of most Redditors, Hamas didn't really intend to carry out over 50 suicide bombings in Israel - The truth is that it was all just one big misunderstanding as Islam is really just a religion of peace. You'll also find that any negative news press or critism towards Middle-Eastern countries such as Iran is purposely deflected by commentators making shallow soundbyte remarks such as "WELL THE USA IS JUST AS BAD!!!1"... because that makes everything A-ok, amirite? It is also funny to note that for such an open-minded community of Liberals, Reddit does a great job of ignoring the human rights violations of homosexuals and women in Middle-Eastern countries. The r/WorldNews section on Reddit is the worst offender. While hearsay and pro-Arab propaganda gets upvoted to the heavens above (seriously, a Youtube video created by the propaganda arm of Al-Qaeda once got upvoted to the front page), news stories about actual genocides going on in other countries float around at the bottom of the barrel... all because those events have nothing to do with teh Jews.

Yes this is real. A self-post lamenting the overwhelming pro-Israel sentiment on reddit that ends with "fuck Israel" has 1k+ votes.


 
 
I am a 24 year old white male serving in the US Army. I grew up Christian, and now I am atheist[....] I have fallen in love with the culture of the Middle East, the language, people, and customs. I am here to tell you that even a former Christian turned atheist can see the beauty in Islam, and I am trying to do my best to spread an appreciation for that beauty to all those I meet[....] As an atheist I don't recognize any God, but if forced to choose, I would choose Allah. I have grown to hate (yes hate) the western piety of Christianity and its offspring denominations. The fountain of supposed love the God of Christianity presents through his followers leaves a bitter and stagnant taste in my mouth[....] Keep living in the light of Allah! You all will always have a friend in me.
 

 

—papasconqueso - A typical Reddit "Atheist" Islamophile


Typical Reddit Leftard

Obamabots

The USA is falling to shit man! The country is turning into a police state and we still have troops in Afghanistan! Obama is still cool though.

Paulbots

Despite the well publicized fact that Reddit is dominated by liberals, these brave crusaders (and misunderstood victims of the liberal hivemind) masturbate every time a Ron Paul article manages to get to the front page. Generally these articles are of the form: "RON PAUL and six democrats co-sponsor really obvious bill that makes it illegal to murder toddlers! Also the democrats are bad even though they co-sponsored the bill!" They also like to remind the liberal chorus that Ron Paul doesn't really *mean* that stuff that he wrote about not wanting a strict separation of church and state.

r/Atheism

r/Atheism in a nutshell

r/Atheism is a subreddit for angsty teenagers who oppose Christianity simply because it's the religion that their parents follow. Because most Redditors love trying to stick it to the man, a lot of them tend to use Atheism as an excuse for launching angry tirades against their Christian friends on Facebook. After making needlessly confrontational remarks about religion, a Redditor will screencap the resulting Facebook conversation and post it to Reddit so that other socially inept retards can circlejerk over how great it is to display a complete lack of social tact. These are the same guys who wonder why nobody actually likes them in real life. It should be noted that accusing others of having a superiority complex is a common defensive tactic on r/Atheism, and is not unlike being accused of having vision problems by Stevie Wonder. The irony of this, like many things, are lost on reddit users. r/Atheism is easily the biggest section of cum swapping and circlejerking on the internet. Shitty pun continuation threads and Richard Dawkins masturbation hour is the norm.

r/Conspiracy

r/Conspiracy is a subreddit that often leaks out into r/Politics and r/Worldnews. The subreddit itself is teeming with White Nationalists. This is because a number of Stormfront members realized that they could exploit the paranoid readers that visit the subreddit in order to spread conspiracy theories about "the Jews". Even more telling is the fact that their third-top moderator is a White Nationalist that co-ordinates with other Stormfront members outside of Reddit and bans anyone that speaks of his activities.

Hipsters

It is no secret that Reddit is full to the brim with pretentious chic-look-loving hipsters. Once upon a time, hating on hipsters actually used to be a cool thing to do on Reddit, but now... because everyone else is doing it, your common Reddit douchebag feels as if "hipster bashing" has become far too mainstream. So, being the counter-cultural vintage fucks that they are, Redditors now come out in defense of Hipsters, as shown in the comment screencapped in the image below. While defending the hipster subculture, your regular Reddit fucktard will pretend as if he an unbiased observer, even though it's pretty clear to anyone who has two brain cells to rub together that the poster is most likely a V-neck-top-wearing-thick-rimmed-glasses-loving cunt who is sitting in front of a Mac.


Hipsters are dickheads


 
 
I don't get all this hate towards hipsters!?
 

 

—Obvious Hipster

 
 
I refuse to drink any of the "big 3," no matter how cheap at a bar. Anyone who likes to drink beer should watch the documentary Beer. It's pretty awesome. Long live microbrews!
 

 

—BarrogaPoga - Hipster fuck

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Brainwashed Liberals

If you're looking for some quick karma on Reddit, simply state that "reality has a Liberal bias". Seriously - people have been upvoted to heaven for saying this. The funny thing is: If a conservative were to state the opposite, the Leftards on Reddit would be the first to call that person brainwashed/batshit insane. The /r/politics subsection on Reddit has become nothing more than an echo chamber for leftist viewpoints, with centrist and conservative opinion pieces being downvoted into oblivion. While the propaganda shills on /r/politics love to complain about the conservative bias of media outlets such as Fox News, they seem to have absolutely no problem in upvoting partisan Daily Kos articles.

In reality, most redditors ascribe to the political ideology of the New Left, meaning that they claim to be liberal, inclusive, all-loving populists and see no hypocrisy in making these claims and yet being incredibly racist, sexist, and generally hateful and judgemental to anyone they disagree with—primarily Jews and conservatives whose foreign policy do not involve standing idly by as terrorists plan the downfall of America and make life miserable for people who share their country.

 
 
Is the right wing anti-science, anti-progress, or anti-reason? Or all three?
 

 

—gaffekinsley - with an insightful question.

 
 
I'm just sick of uninformed Americans ruining the world for everyone else.
 

 

—mericaftw

 
 
I like how butthurt the government gets when someone exposes the true nature of the oppressive capitalist regime, yet they know damn well that they are indeed an oppressive capitalist regime.
 

 

—Unicyclehippie - sticking it to the man

 
 
Your protests are broken up by riot cops. Your elections are stolen, your voices ignored. How long will it take until you recognize that you don't live in a democracy but a plutocracy, run by the banks?
 

 

—The man is keeping you down!

 
 
Everyone on reddit used to know that there was something wrong with the official storyline regarding 9/11, then reddit became 'e-pop', and with an influx of members, came an influx of less educated and more mainstream opinions.
 

 

—On sheeple!!

 
 
Non violence is propaganda perpetuated by the rich. We a need few banker heads on pikes.
 

 

—Typical r/politics

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caption

Reddit Hates Jews

Bring this point up and the pro-Muslim lobby on Reddit will quickly tell you that hating Israel does not make you an anti-semite. Here is how a typical conversation about antisemitism unfolds on Reddit.

Redditor 1: The Kikes control the media and Hitler was right to try and exterminate the bastards.

Redditor 2: Eh... you're being an anti-semite!

Redditor 3: Hating Israel does not make you an anti-semite.

Redditor 2: What? I never said it did?! He was talking about the Jews being kikes and Hitler being right!

Redditor 4: Nice try, Mossad.

Redditor 2: The fuck?

Redditor 3: Hit the road Zionist shill.


Proof that Reddit hates those filthy Jews

Notice how many upvotes this comment got.

7 upvotes 6 downvotes

Lots

More

And more

And more

Redditors tend to slip into a Jew hating frenzy while criticizing Israel, as they have convinced themselves that if the word Israel is anywhere within a 5 paragraph range, they can not be anti-semites no matter what hate they spew about Jews. In fact, most redditors fail to recognize that usage Nazi symbolism as analogy for the behavior of Jews is incredibly offensive actually quite accurate, and instead are simply jumping on a band-wagon of hate-rhetoric, because it seems like it's edgy. They thus believe, perhaps correctly, that violence against Jews anywhere in the world is justified because of the “Nazi-like” behavior of Israel Defense Forces.

The JIDF

It all started when down syndrome-sufferer and Reddit user 'scordatura' broke free from his carers keepers and managed to create a fucktarded run-of-the-mill post on r/politics, which was titled:

 
 
DAE find that when they post anything the slightest bit critical of Israel, their post, and anything else they've posted since the dawn of time gets ruthlessly downvoted? Here's why. And by the way: Fuck Israel.
 

 

scordatura - karma whoring his way to the top of r/politics with some nicely-tuned hyperbole

The link that scordatura posted led to a small-time website that was run by a bunch of Internet Jewish Warriors.

The funny thing about this post?

a) Links to negative press about Israel usually reach the front-page of Reddit within 0.013 seconds, even if they're found to be over a year old. In one case; a video created by the propaganda wing of Al-Qaeda was upvoted to the top of /r/WorldNews because it cast Israel in a negative light. When the self-described intellectuals on Reddit discovered that they had made a terrible mistake by upvoting a piece of propaganda to the front-page, they blushed a little, left the thread and went right back to upvoting anything that was critical of Israel. Reddit users will often pretend as if there are powerful forces out there that are willing to downvote and bury reputable news stories.... which is pretty hilarious, considering the fact that Reddit users often systematically downvote posts and comments that contradict their microscopic view of the world.

b) This relatively small website of about 250 Jewish Internet tough guys had never even heard of Reddit before scordatura decided to link to their website and send the money-grabbing Jews a spike of traffic and a tasty increase in ad revenue.

Later on, after scores of rational-thinking Reddit users had upvoted scordatura's post to the front page and beyond, the Reddit anti-spam system automatically removed the post because it detected a bout of "vote cheating". Immediately, Redditors grabbed their pitchforks and began to cry out about "censorship" and a conspiracy to bury the truth. Reddit user Bookthievery became the first in line to attention-whore his way to the top of Reddit with his self-post, which was titled:

 
 
This is a disgusting assault on free speech on Reddit. A post criticizing Israel's internet downvote brigade just got removed from Reddit's front page!
 

 

Bookthievery - on why there's no herp without the derp

Soon enough, Reddit administrator HueyPriest replied and explained that the post had been removed because people were trying to artificially increase the amount of upvotes it had. tl;dr: Reddit users complained about a Jewish conspiracy to downvote articles. In reality, Reddit users were trying to game the upvote/downvote system by artificially increasing the post's score. Of course, the irony was lost on most.

A few months later, user scordatura was back to his old karma-whoring tricks. Realizing that posts about shady Jews tend to gather a lot of upvotes, regardless of truth or merit, scordatura decided to dig the topic up again:

 
 
Jewish Internet Defence Force brags about forcing Reddit to remove the top post on the front page.
 

 

—'scordatura - preying on the stupidity of Redditors

The evidence in question was posted on a blog called REDACTEDNEWS, which displayed a screenshot of the original post that had been removed a few months earlier. You know... the one that had been removed because Redditors were trying to artificially increase its score? Apparently, the post in the screenshot had 10000+ upvotes and 8000+ downvotes (a net score of 2000+, which is still a very high positive score for a Reddit post). The blog in question based its evidence on the amount of downvotes that the post had, even though it has been made clear several times in the past that numbers are purposely added by the Reddit anti-spam system in order to fuzz the upvotes/downvotes and fool would-be spammers and bots. In fact, you'll be hard-pressed to find any post on the front-page that hasn't had its numbers fuzzed by an unrealistic amount of added upvotes and downvotes. Did any of this matter? Of course not. Instead, the intelligent human beings over on Reddit concluded that in this particular case, the downvotes were caused by greedy Jews and not the anti-spam system. Hilariously enough, scordatura gained 1500+ upvotes with this second post, proving that the pseudo-intellectual college teens over on Reddit aren't as intelligent and logical as they'd like people to believe.

MEN ARE EVEN MORE DISCRIMINATED AGAINST THAN WOMEN!!

Male Redditors love dwelling in their own gender-based victim complex. Whenever a story pops up about a woman being wronged, an army of pasty-faced basement dwellers who have spent their entire lives being rejected by women descend onto the thread with all of their sexless fury in order to set the record straight and let it be known that men also face discrimination!1!1!! Even though nobody stated the opposite. The high level of misogyny on Reddit is unusual, as the site is mostly used by hippy Liberal douchebags, who you'd think would be a little more open-minded. But then again, why would someone who spends their Saturday nights playing WOW and jacking off to Hentai care about political inclinations when it comes to topics about the opposite sex?

These are the same guys who wonder why they're still a virgin.

Nice Guy Syndrome

A lot of Redditors feel that showing common courtesy towards a woman should entitle them to free sex, as if "niceness" is the only character trait that a woman should want in a guy. These miserable fucks feign being nice in order to trick the girl of their dreams into liking them. Unfortunately, after their plan has failed and they get friend-zoned, this "niceness" fades away and they become passive-aggressive assholes.

Ugly girls are pretty!!

A lot of male Redditors say things such as "I only go for girls who don't wear makeup" as if they somehow have a choice in the matter. They'll all sit around telling one another that they prefer girls who don't match up to the media-induced standards of what contemporary society considers beauty. The sad thing is, after this make-me-feel-better-about-only-being-able-to-score-with-fat-chicks circlejerk comes to an end, they descend back into their basements in order to spend their evening jacking off to 10s.

Women on Reddit

Despite the hatred of general women on Reddit, whenever a girl posts on the site all male Redditors will instantly worship her. If she posts a picture of herself, it will reach the front page and the comments will all be praise of her. Should anyone make the mistake of pointing out a tiny flaw in this female, they will face the wrath of an army of internet white knights larger than anyone could imagine. Should the woman point out that Reddit's general attitude is misogynistic, the same neckbeards who led her to this conclusion will instantly change their stance and condemn their brothers for saying things that could bring pain to the fine lass.

r/Mensrights

Picture a virgin in your head. He's greasy. He's overweight. He wears glasses. He's eccentric, antisocial and easily agitated. Sprinkle on some teen angst. Add a dash of rejection and then base him in 10 years of playing World of Warcraft. Now clone that virgin a few thousand times. What have you got? An entire subreddit of sexless failures. They share their appearance with the writers of ED. They are not to be confused however.

Censorship bad, CP good

One day, the goons over on Something Awful decided to shop around for more ways to waste their money. While investigating the prospect of purchasing Reddit Gold, a few of them inadvertently stumbled upon a surprisingly active subreddit called r/jailbait. After discovering this pit of moral decay, the goons decided that its existence was morally reprehensible and that they could not, in good conscience, allow it to go unnoticed. After the goons reported the subreddit's existence to every site, church and police station that they could find, the resulting backlash forced the Reddit administrators into shutting it down.

A few months later, similar jailbait subreddits were also closed down by the administrators, who cited legal reasons. The closure of various subreddits that contained pictures of scantily clad 13 year old girls ultimately led to cries of censorship because a large number of Redditors are militant pedophiles.

This campaign is documented on Reddit's "SomethingAwful.com starts campaign to label Reddit as a child pornography hub. Urging users to contact churches, schools, local news and law enforcement. " and SA's "To Catch a Redditor: Reddit closes a bunch of kid porn forums because of this thread" which has the subtitle "This thread is about Reddit actively trading irrefutable child porn. Do not come in here to defend r/jailbait. This isn't about the legal grey area subreddits. Reddit is blatantly posting child pornography."

Shit Reddit Says

See Shit Reddit Says.

Subreddits

An excellent platform to share your secret pedophilic activities with the rest of the world.

In case the reddit hivemind isnt precise enough for you, here are some sub-sub-cultures you may wish to engage in:

Living subreddits

  • /r/AdviceAnimals/ A festering pile of unfunny shit.
  • /r/AskReddit/ Where your typical Reddit fucknut will ask rhetorical questions.
  • /r/Circlejerk/, The only sane subreddit, where they make fun of the faggots who make the front page.
  • /r/Circlebroke/, a subsidiary of circlejerk where they go to complain about reddit but severely deficient in lulz
  • /r/Braveryjerk/, circlejerkers' attempt to make a /b/ lite but with less CP and more "HURR DURR RON PAUL". Still one of the only lulzy parts of reddit (although noone has found another yet)
  • /r/Comics/ Where the same bunch of popular shitty web comics get posted over and over again. The punchlines are all the same: Something dark, twisted, nerdy and sick happens, and then it gets upvoted to the high heavens as if it's the funniest thing to have ever been drawn.
  • /r/Conspiracy/, Where undercover Hasbara agents and AmeriKKKan sheeple cry Anti-Semitism when visionaries expose Jewish crimes.
  • /r/911truth, Baseless "HERP DERP DEM JOOZ DID IT" propaganda with a few conspiracy theories thrown in for good measure. Blaming anyone else or providing debunks and rational explanations for the conspiracy theories will bring many downvotes and flame comments. Asking people to prove their wild accusations and conjecture will bring childish responses and ad hominems that don't answer your question or prove anything whatsoever.
  • /r/Cringe/ Where Redditors who were bullied as kids go to bully kids.
  • /r/DoesAnyoneElse/, In which people find that they are identical to every other redditor. An example: "Does anyone else here like not being on fire?". It doubles as a circle-jerk for identifying little inconveniences that nobody cares about in real life. An example: "Does anyone else hate the little squiggly red line under misspelled words?"
  • /r/Depression/ Where Redditors complain about being asshurt about everything, but won't take medication or change their lifestyle because they'd rather feel sorry for themselves and be angry at the world.
  • /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuu/, In which they post rage comics they stole from /b/. Or, if they are really feeling unfunny, they make their own, usually spamming trollface saying "problem?", clearly doing it wrong.
  • /r/Funny/ In which users submit corny jokes. An example: "I didn't go see that Mel Gibson movie, The Passion of the Christ. I already read the book! LOL!" When not submitting corny jokes, users will submit screencaps of their friends saying mildly retarded things on facebook and other mildly retarded friends replying.
  • /r/IamA/ In which college students majoring in English dwell in their dorm rooms and practice their fictional writing skills, usually succeeding in trolling reddit for a few hours. An example: "IAmA guy who attended a Tea Party rally in Washington D.C. AMA."
  • /r/OffMyChest/
  • /r/Pics/ Where Redditors post old pictures from 10 years ago.
  • /r/Reddithax/ Where three users post lame CSS and JS "hacks" that serve no use and, therefore, nobody else cares about.
  • /r/Science/ In which they are suddenly an expert in whatever field is being discussed. They also bitch about how evil GMOs are.
  • /r/AskScience/ like /r/Science/ except only question posts are allowed and the mods get off on swinging the banhammer.
  • /r/Sports/ Where nerds who suck at sports come together and pretend to have the mindset of a team's owner or general manager. Too bad these mindsets don't get you those jobs, nerds!
  • /r/TodayILearned/ A subreddit for those wishing to share Wikipedia articles with one another.
  • /r/WTF/ Where people from /r/Politics repost stuff that they don't agree with. "WTF? Republicans said X!"
  • /r/Worldnews/ In which Hamas supporters get trolled by Israel all day.

Celebrities

  • /r/JustinBieber/ Complaints about 40 year olds going nuts over a piece of jailbait.
  • /r/EmmaWatson/ 40 year olds going nuts over a piece of jailbait.

Games

  • /r/EvedReddit/ In which people complain about furkle trolling EVE Online.
  • /r/Gaming/ Yet another fanboi circle-jerk, this time involving Valve. Be sure to post plenty of comments and articles that bash Portal; they love that.
  • /r/TF2/ In which people complain about furkle trolling in Team Fortress 2.

Politics

  • /r/Drama/
  • /r/MensRights/ A subreddit for men with victim complexes. Usually visited by men who post 'false rape' articles and whine about the justice system being more protective of women in rape cases. Each of these posters have never had a girlfriend before in their lives, even if they think they had one.
  • /r/feminism/ Another subreddit for men with victim complexes. No, really.
  • /r/Politics/ The official Democrat Party's blog. Also an RSS aggregation service for the Daily Kos.
  • /r/shitredditsays/ The feminazi cancer that ruined Something Awful has a beachhead on Reddit, becoming the enemy within, causing immense amount of drama and butthurt among redditfags. See Shit Reddit Says for more info.
  • /r/Libertarian/ Parents on reddit drop off their children here to keep them occupied while they post on /r/gonewild. Must be 19 or younger to subscribe.
  • /r/SubredditDrama/ The Internet equivalent of two old women talking over a garden fence.
  • /r/TwoXChromosomes/ Where the same basement-dwelling, sexless, male nerds pretend to be girls on reddit because there are no girls on the Internet.

Religion

  • /r/Atheism/ In which everyone posts their personal story about the Mormon church.
  • /r/Christianity/ where Christfags hang out to troll /r/atheism
  • /r/Islam/ Where terrorists and Left-Wing Liberal Islamophiles hang out.

Sex

  • /r/GoneWild/ A place for dongs, hambeasts and camwhores. Calling ugly people ugly results swiftly in the banhammer coming down thus encouraging more of them to post. Claims to be gender-neutral though [M] tagged posts are quickly down-voted.
  • /r/Incest/ In which people blur the line between Reddit and /b/ even further
  • /r/Sex/ where redditors discuss and find excuses for all the homosexual behavior they engage in

Technology

  • /r/Apple, Where condescending, hipster, Apple fanboys have pseudo-intellectual discussions about Apple's business decisions and fictional sex stories of sucking Steve Jobs's cock. Anything submitted here that is satirical and Apple-related is quickly downvoted to hell.
  • /r/Microsoft/ See above and replace "Apple" with "Microsoft" and "Steve Jobs" with "Steve Ballmer".
  • /r/iPhone/ Where envious iPhone users cry about not having an Android.
  • /r/Android/ Where envious Android users cry about not having an iPhone.
  • /r/Linux/ In which people complain about Windows and compare strategies for avoiding soap.
  • /r/Programming/ Where neckbeards post links to programming articles and berate others for their choice of programming language because it fills that dark hole left open by being a sexless 25 year old.

Dead subreddits

BALEETED/Permabanned:

  • /r/AngieVarona
  • /r/AsianJailbait
  • /r/assbait
  • /r/bustybait
  • /r/chavs
  • /r/ChestyBait
  • /r/CreepShots
  • /r/CreepSquad
  • /r/creepiershots
  • /r/CreepyShots
  • /r/CuteGirls
  • /r/Jailbait/ where some redditors talked about having sex with minors
Warna Brotha! FACT ALERT:
{{{1}}}
and trading cp. No, seriously.
  • /r/Jailbait_NoSpam
  • /r/JailbaitArchives
  • /r/jailbaitgw
  • /r/JailbaitJunkies
  • /r/JailbaitVideos
  • /r/Jailbate
  • /r/japanese_teen_idols
  • /r/JustTeens
  • /r/loli
  • /r/lolicon
  • /r/malejailbait
  • /r/malejailbaitarchives
  • /r/niggerjailbait
  • /r/nudistbeach
  • /r/photobucketplunder
  • /r/picsofdeadjailbait
  • /r/preteen_boys
  • /r/preteen_girls
  • /r/pro_teen_models
  • /r/Purenudism
  • /r/RapeBait
  • /r/RapingPreTeens
  • /r/shotacon
  • /r/teen_girls
  • /r/TeenGirls
  • /r/teens
  • /r/Thenewjailbait
  • /r/trapbait
  • /r/TrueJailbait
  • /r/YoungBeauty

Courtesy of derphurr and muppethead

Strangely some likely candidates remain unbanned:

  • /r/JailbaitGoneWild
  • /r/YoungPorn

Things Reddit Fanboys Care About

REDDIT!

Here is a list of things that Reddit Fanboys are interested in:

  • Linux, although 99.9% are using Windows
  • Python, even though 99% of them have never even used it. much less know how to program with this language.
  • Palestinians.
  • Jon Stewart.
  • Conan O' Brien. Even though he doesn't give a shit about them.
  • Stephen Colbert, who once mentioned that one of his interns visited the site. Making them famous!
  • Anti-RIAA, because they are 1337 pirates.
  • Abusive Police stories. OMG we are living in a POLICE STATE. OVERREACT TO IT!!!
  • Anything relating to Team Fortress 2.
  • Atheism, but not so much that they would stop celebrating Christmas, the fucking posers.
  • Anti-War on Drugs, because they don't want mom to ground them again for smoking weed.
  • Obama, because they all want to suck his nigger cock.
  • imgur - all pictures must be hosted on this site or you will be flamed and down-voted.
  • All women are considered intellectuals, and have a hotness score of 10/10 if their picture makes it to the front page. (notice girl with the retarded arm, shes a 10)
  • Al Jazeera English is considered the most bestest unbiased news source on Reddit... because it panders to their worldview. But at least its better than Faux News because that shit is for white faggots

How to get onto the front page of Reddit

Successful trolls are successful.
Front page here I come!
  • Copy anything from 4chan and upload it, Reddit is a place full of people who think they are "better" than 4chan, when in reality 99% of it is 4chan.
  • Write a self post claiming to be a girl with a random question. Wait 3 hours and then come back to have as many comments as positive karma points.
  • Proclaim that Glenn Beck is the devil.
  • State that the war in Iraq was/is illegal.
  • Say something along the lines of "Now I'm not a huge fan of Obama, but he's done a pretty good job so far, and I want to suck his black person dick."
  • Make a post about how America has become a Police State.
  • State that Call of Duty MW2 is a crappy game and that Team Fortress 2 any game is much better.
  • Rationalize video game piracy.
  • Outline your dismay about marijuana being illegal.
  • Call Israel the "New Nazis". Other Redditors will love you for this as Reddit is a pro-Hamas website.
  • Make it known that you think Sarah Palin is stupid.
  • Remind everyone that Hannity still hasn't been waterboarded.
  • Make up a story about being poor and beg for money.
  • Help the disabled get a traveling show.
  • Complain about the site being slow or a feature not working.
  • AFGHANISTAN, AFGHANISTAN, AFGHANISTAN!
  • Make up a story about how you were falsely accused of rape.
  • Make up a story about your fictional wife abandoning you and your children.
  • STEPHEN COLBERT MENTIONED REDDIT! OMFG!
  • Those dumb Republicans!!!!! Amirite guise? Amirite? BROFIVE!
  • BREAKING: An Israeli Jew in Jerusalem has dropped a piece of litter. Upvote this to raise awareness!
  • Post a random photograph of a random animal. For extra kudos describe how you rescued the animal from a shelter or how it belongs to your girlfriend. Obvious lies because nobody on reddit has a girlfriend

How to get positive comment karma

OMG you are so fucking clever! UPVOATED!!! Clearly, Reddit is a bastion of intellect

By making stupid, corny, nerd puns, the other Redditors will think you're witty and clever and easily upvote you to over 9000 points. If you're desperate for karma, you might have to lower your IQ a few points in order to come up with these bad puns. If you're not willing to do this, then don't worry about it. Just flame the shit out of these Redditors by reminding them how bad their jokes suck and how much smarter you are than them. They'll reward you with so much negative karma, you won't know what to do with yourself.

E-Famous Reddit Users

Saydrah

Saydrah (aka that fucking bitch whore of a cunt) was a female power user on Reddit who was outed by the unwashed masses after it was revealed that she had been offering to submit links for people in exchange for money. On her LinkedIn profile, Saydrah bragged about how she was "respected" and "influential" within the Reddit community. Once this all came to light, Redditors shat their pants in anger, grabbed their pitchforks and set forth in motion, the biggest witch hunt (moar liek bitch hunt, amirite?) in Reddit history. As the mob mentality steadily took over, 9/10 submissions on the Reddit front page became Saydrah-related (as opposed to pictures of cats with captions on them), as thousands of angry male Redditors screamed out for her blood. Saydrah even complained about her family receiving threatening phone calls, which shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone, as Reddit is serious business. It is also widely believed by Redditors that Saydrah was the pilot flying the helicopter in the Wikileaks video and that she was also somehow connected to the events on 9/11.

karmanaut

Karmanaut is the first karmawhore. At first his antics where appreciated and he soon became the user with highest karma on all of reddit. But soon the site became flooded with karmawhores and everybody became tired of his shit, downvoting him whenever possible. Karmanaut is a confirmed compulsive liar, stating he is a law student and has a girlfriend even though he spends every waking moment posting on reddit. He also has a bunch of confirmed sockpuppet alts, like probablyhittingonyou, bechus etc. which he use to praise himself. Epic lulz where had when he used his mod status on r/IAmA to ban shitty_watercolour, coincidentally at the same time as he overtook karmanauts throne as top karmawhore. Now he just inhabits the top thread on r/subredditdrama. Footage confirms he is the stereotype of a whiny internet prince.

johnny_cash

Possibly the most batshit insane user on Reddit; and that's saying a lot. When not making statements about Jews controlling the weather, johnny_cash spends his time accusing other Redditors of being disinformation agents. Funnily enough, a lot of johnny_cash's comments end up getting positive scores on Reddit. This is especially true in r/politics, where every crazy tinfoil-hat-wearing leftard applauds him for his insightful comments. He decided that he was unpopular when he hit the -3000 mark and started posting the same stuff under the name jerimiah_johnson.

I_RAPE_CATS

For April Fool's Day, Redditors had a totally new and original idea: choose one random obscure Youtube video and propel it to fame. To select the video, they elected trusted Reddit user I_RAPE_CATS. Unfortunately for the lonely neckbeards over on Reddit, I_RAPE_CATS purposely chose his friend's Youtube video, who in turn, added advertising to the video in order to make them some money.

He is also the founder of 'Spacedicks', a section of Reddit which is basically just a watered down /b/ with more capital letters.

violentacrez

See violentacrez

Sure_Ill_Draw_That, shitty_watercolour, AWildSketchAppeared etc.

Instead of writing comments like a normal person, these people reply to people with crudely-drawn comics. Redditors cream their pants whenever they respond because the majority of Reddit users are hopeless nerds who will die from virginity.

Laurelai

Nuvola
Moar info: Laurelai.
Laurelai gettin b&
Laurelai admitting she's evading bans

Laurelai is a known troll, "she" was a moderator on reddit's ShitRedditSays board, as well as several of the LGBT boards. "She" is known for banning anyone who disagrees with her from her tranny circlejerk. She was actually banned from ShitRedditSays' fempire for being a pedo posting dox of a 17 year old. She proceed to eventually make an alternate account by the name of Castiella and weasled her way back into the fempire until her ban was recently lifted.

When does the narwhal bacon?

"When does the narwhal bacon?" is a question Redditors ask to help them identify other Redditors in public places. The correct answer to this query is "The narwhal bacons at midnight." Redditors invented this because they believe that Reddit is some sort of secret online club. This makes them quite similar to /b/tards, in the sense that members of both groups will never have intercourse with a woman.

Reddit Memes

Generally speaking, a Reddit meme tends to be a 4chan hand-me-down that lost its currency many years ago, typically misunderstood, poorly translated into the language of Reddit, and with all the original humor sucked out of it.

Here is a list of interesting and funny memes that were popularized by Reddit:

Here is a list of other memes that were popularized by Reddit:

  • Bacon
  • Narwhals
  • Waffles? Don't you meant Carrots? HAHAHAHAHA
  • Le monkey face

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Featured article February 10th and 11th, 2013
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