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Professional Wrestling

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What? This article needs moar of the ton of Internet drama on this topic, including TOW edit drama, and less detailed bios of fave actors.
You can help by adding moar of the ton of Internet drama on this topic, including TOW edit drama, and less detailed bios of fave actors.
The only socially acceptable form of homosexuality, next to football
Every wrestling fan ever

No television experience is finer than shirtless, oiled-up men with mullets and overtanned skin, dry humping each other in front of a crowd of redneck inbreds. No television experience is more heterosexual than an aging blonde man sporting a Village People mustache and well-waxed saggy man-tits rip off his shirt in a broad show of masculinity, his barbaric yawp sending shivers through the crowd and a tingle through the bosoms of women and questioning youth everywhere. What was once about showing wrestling skills has devolved into little more than a weekly soap opera, except with a far trashier audience. The shows are mostly taken up by the diva stars and the search for louder, more waxed, and more shirtless men to display their steaming masculinity and total lack of skill. Do not confuse professional wrestling with buttsechs, though to the undiscerning eye it may appear nearly identical.

Typical Monday Night RAW episode.

Contents

World Wresting Entertainment (WWE)

Current 'Heavyweight' champion.
WWE did WTC...
NEVER FORGET, BROTHER!
Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero formed a close working relationship prior to their untimely deaths.

The WWE is the oldest MMA promotion in the USA (Mehican group Consejo Mundial de Lucha Libre (CMLL) having the edge on them by 40 years or so), having easily crushed it's opponents with money, ass and fail back in the days when wrestling was actually good. Back in the old days, they used to have storylines that were made for the non-retarded, good wrestlers and tits. Nowadays, they try their hardest to fuck everything up by doing crappy stories and making awful champions. (See John Cena and The Great Khali)

WWE Roster

Employees in WWE consist of talentless wrestlers, managers, play-by-play and color commentators, ring announcers, interviewers, referees, trainers, road agents, script writers, and whores.

After sucking Vince McMahon's dick, an employee's contract ranges from developmental contracts to multi-year deals. Generally, if employee's suck him off good enough the first time, they are placed on one of the promotions main television brands (Raw and SmackDown). If a employee gives Vince a bad blowjob, they will be offered a developmental contract and be placed on a shitty promotion called FCW, that absolutely no one watches. Unless they improve on giving head, they will never make it to one of the main brands.

RAW Male Roster

Ring name
(Real name)
Nickname Notes
Alberto Del Rio
Alberto Rodríguez
Mexico's gayest export A perfect example on how people can suck Vince McMahon's dick and make it big in the WWE. This beaner debuted in the WWE in 2010, and has already won the 2011 Royal Rumble and has been a two time WWE Champion.
Alex Riley
Kevin Kiley, Jr.
The Varsity Faggot Perhaps best known as being the former butt buddy to The Miz, even riding his coattails during Miz's push as WWE champion. Currently narrating for WWE Superstars after Miz went back to the shitter and the coattails were cut off.
Brodus Clay
George Murdoch
Funka-saurus Fat diluted nigra who became a sensation with the brain-dead moronic fans by jiggling his man tits in a dancing fashion.
CM Punk
Phillip Jack Brooks
The Best in the World Wide Web
Cookie Monster
Cookie Puss
Spunk Bucket
Despite looking like being the biggest stoner on the roster, CM Punk claims that he does not smoke, drink, do drugs or fuck, meaning that he's Charlie Sheen's archnemesis. Has replaced Chris Benoit as the object of perverse lust on the Internet Wrestling Community (IWC), and gained a large fanbase of virgin manchildren who worship him as the otaku indie God thanks to the advancement of the internet. In 2011 he set his sights on becoming the face of the company by giving Vince the biggest and most pleasurable blowjob to become the WWE champion. Is totally gay for Daniel Bryan.
Curt Hawkins
Brian Myers
The Prince of Queers Perhaps best remembered for having threesomes with Edge and Zack Ryder throughout 2007-2008. Now jobs to the aforementioned Zack Ryder, engaging in coitus on a weekly basis at WWE Main Event. Want proof? Ask your local cable provider, or if you're a cheap Jew watch it on pirate streams, you sick fuck.
Dave Otunga
David Otunga
Carlton Banks The bizarre result of a mad scientist's experiment by tampering with genes derived from Black Jesus, Carlton and Phoenix Wright. Like any black attorney from Chicago Otunga has a long list of black perpetrators and clients he must defend from The Man and score pity points and white women outside of the ring.
Dolph Ziggler
Theodore "Nick" Nemeth
The Showoff (your ass) Das Fuhrer's Aryan nightmare: A former cheerleader turned male prostitute that is shacking up with Eddie Guerrero's beaner widow. Got fame for getting IRL pwned by Wolverine because the Australian fag thought wrestling was real, Bub.
Drew McIntyre
Drew Galloway
The Chosen One A Scottish twat, he was originally presumed to be Sean Connery's bastard son. McMahon had high hopes for him until he got owned by his own fucking wife at a hotel (she did ask for it though).
The Rock
Dwayne Johnson
The People's Troll He comes and goes whenever he pleases and trolls the fans by promising never to leave while filming shit movies like "Tooth Fairy". Fans cheer him because he's the WWE's Jesus. Known for being the star of the god-awful meme Jewgrounds created. Recently had a flamewar with John Cena, owning him by stating the obvious that Cena has no cock between the legs and that the whole world hates him. Gained even more lulz after pulling a Paul on Cena's marital status with his transgender whore of a wife by revealing that Cena likes to be deep-throated backstage with a big-chinned whore.
Epico
Orlando Colón
Epic (fail) Some Puertorican freak show who hides behind a mask to avoid being confused with Rocky Dennis.
Evan Bourne
Matt Korklan
Air Bourne Flaming homosexual who went from King of the Indies as Matt Sydol only to become a loser jobber in the WWE.
Jack Swagger
Jack Hager
The all Americunt Americunt Americunt Tall hick who was signed by the WWE to be the next Kurt Angle until they found out that he lisps like Daffy Duck. Spend several years as a jobber before they discovered that fans were writing fan fiction of him and Dolph Ziggler as lovers and have since paired them up together as a tag team. Now paired up with some Swiss faggot named Antonio Cesaro under the auspices of a redneck troll named Zeb Colter, who happens to be the actual talented member of the trio for his truthful flamings on the lazy wetbacks.
John Cena The Chump So much faggotry and fail that he warrants his own page here on ED.
JTG
Jayson Paul
Just That Gay
Nigga stole my bike!
Nigger
Best known as the speedier member of the gangsta tag team of Cryme Tyme. That is, until the other nigger, Shad Gaspard, got caught stealing televisions from Vince's office and was promptly released and jailed. Turned heel after he was denied sum KFC and watermelon juice.
Diesel
Kevin Nash
Big Daddy Cool
Big Sexy
Some old fag whose height would have been something to talk about had it not been for his knees giving out and constantly tearing his quadriceps.
Kofi Kingston
Kofi Sarkodie-Mensah
The AIDS-ridden Dynamo Some aboriginal who acts like he is Jamaican. Was a WWE Tag Team Champion alongside his fuck buddy, Evan Bourne. Is responsible for the Boston Marathon Bombings.
Mason Ryan
Barri Griffiths
The Colossus of Car Dicks The Welsh Batista.
Curtis Axel
Joe Hennig
Shit Nobody Cares About Was expected to go big by the fat internet fan slobs known as the IWC but failed to garner any fans in the process. He's only recognized because his father was the stereotypical Nazi jock who died after consuming large amounts of crack. Currently managed by kike walrus Paul Hymen.
The Miz
Mike Mizanin
The Cleveland Faggot MTV hasbeen with abnormally huge lips that cushion Vince's frail dick. Was successful in 2010 as WWE champion to the point he replaced LeBron James as the financial source for Cleveland until Punk got in the picture by stealing his gimmick by telling the world how much Cena sucks. Is totally gay for The Rock.
Primo
Eddie Colón
A jobber on the roster who we usually only see on WWE Superstars. Tries to mimic his dad's moves but fails because he's not a nigger. Currently buttfucking his cousin Epico.
Rey Mysterio
Óscar Gutiérrez
619 Some midget from Beanerland who made it big after smothering his longtime partner Eddie Guerrero with painkillers. Like Cena, kids shit at the sight of his bright colors and mask.
R-Truth
Ron Killings
The Conspiracy Theorist See: Bix nood, Ebonics and Rap to read about what this lowly nigger encompasses.
Santino Marella
Anthony Carelli
The Italian Stallion A Canuck Guido who had the [mis]fortune of being discovered by Vince. Gave the old faggot a blowjob that, if compared to car manufactures and design, would resemble a Ferrari. Came out as a faggot by cross-dressing and claiming to be his non-existent butch sister Santina. Like Mick Foley he also has the nasty habit of sticking socks inside his crotch and only take them out by inserting his hand inside the hole and shoving said sock inside his opponents' jaws.
Triple H
Paul Levesque
The Game Steroid freak who had a run at WCW in 1994 but was laid off by Eric Bitchoff for not being "muscular enough". Indulged himself with every steroid known to man to impress Vince McMahon in order to get in the WWF. Had multiple relationships with wrestlers including Chyna and Shawn Michaels. He later on kidnapped Vince's daughter Stephanie and married her in Las Vegas.
Tyler Reks
Gabriel Tuft
The Dreadlocked Terrorist Perhaps best known for not doing anything in the WWE.
Zack Ryder
Matthew Cardona
The Internet Sensation Homosexual club kid who whores himself out on YouTube. Is totally BFFs with John Cena, which makes him some sort of sellout cunt but the IWC is too blind to see this obvious fact that Ryder is nothing more than a ploy from the WWE to push Cena even further. WOO WOO WOO!

Raw Whore Roster

Ring name Real name Notes
Beth Phoenix Elizabeth Carolan A butch lesbian who may or may not be an actual man. She is usually in a fucked up mood, assuming its from the pain from her having to tuck her dick behind her ballsack every show. She is also the WWE Divas Champion.
Brie Bella Brianna Garcia A talentless whore who has another talentless whore sister, Nikki. Her and her sister love fucking all the men on the roster, and all the guests that appear in the WWE.
Eve Eve Torres She was the winner of the 2007 WWE Whore Search. Since then she has became a two time WWE Divas Champion, showing the world that she has what it takes to be a true WWE whore.
Kelly Kelly

(Smelly Kelly, Kevin)

Barbara Blank The whore of all whores in the WWE, despite being a smelly from all the old semen always left in her hair from the entire roster.
Kharma Kia Stevens Fat black nigger who likes beating up the WWE whores.
Nikki Bella Stephanie Garcia A talentless whore who has another talentless whore sister, Brie. Her and her sister love fucking all the men on the roster, and all the guests that appear in the WWE.
Vickie Guerrero Vickie Guerrero Excuse me, this old whore is the widow of Eddie Guerrero. She gained fame after her husbands death, and since then has made a WWE career for herself by fucking younger men on the roster.

The Boss Nigger of the WWE

Like any highly ritualized game of homosexual man-handling (a.k.a. being secure in your masculinity and not some immature fuck who makes gay jokes all day), wrestling is a tightly organized affair. Think the buttsechs you see on your TV is all that goes into it? lol n00b!!! There's a whole crack team of writers and gay artist types behind the scenes putting on the show. And on top of it all is the boss nigger of all this dying company, Vincent Kennedy McMahon.

Vince McMahon

If only he were

Vince McMahon is the big ol' asshole behind the WWE, the main source of wrestling in the United States (except for TNA, but no one watches that because it's run by a Tennessee hick). He also owns it, therefore making him important. Also a frequent steroids user, Vince's main job is banning cool moves (the ones that actually look like they hurt people) and making himself appear as if he's more important than any wrestler, Championship, or RL event ever and getting other men to join his Kiss my Ass club (Srsly).

Last Thursday, Vince pissed a lot of people off by pretending to have been blown up inside his limo, faking his death. This pissed off wrestling fans as they saw it as making fun of wrestlers who'd actually died, which it wasn't, but Internet fan > real fan (law of wrestling), so what can ya do. The FBI were also pissed because they had some actor pretend to be an agent and question people, but they're still pissed that they didn't win a steroid-abuse case against him. However, he pussied out of this storyline and completely abandoned it after Chris Benoit murdered a skank and her autistic son and became an hero. He felt terrible, so he thought it was necessary to make a 3-hour tribute to the asshole that killed his family. Way to go Vince, nice way to get up the ratings!

He bought his daughter fake tits though, so he did something right. And he also wanted to form an incest storyline between his daughter and his son (for real).

Now with ratings in decline, Vince hoped that 90 minutes of bullshit and only 30 minutes of wrasslin' will improve Raw, along with making the show appropriate for teh kids by removing all of the swearing, blood, incest and shit that made it almost entertaining.

Ric Flair

"Nature Pimp" Ric Flair. Here we can see how Vince loves his wrestlers as young as he is.
Rhodes son (the Gilette model, not the cross dresser) Legacy member Cody may avenge him some day with the power of triforce. Will produce next litter of children with Zelda.

Wrestling as a whole is administered by its president (or "Nature Boy" in rasslers' carny talk), Ric Flair. Ric Flair started working as a male whore and sideshow dickgirl impersonator over 100 years ago. During the 1870's, he had a big drama with a fat black woman named Dusty Rhodes over who had the bigger man boobs. Surprisingly, both he and Dusty are still alive, making him one of the only wrestlers over the age of 16 not to become an hero, and thus the head of it all by default. He also hearts Huckabees.

Ric Flair's signature move is slapping a dude's bare ass with the back of his hand. This repeated act of unadulterated faggotry has earned him the title "greatest (homo) of all time". Last Thursday, Flair got tired of the manloving and decided to retire from the sport, and now spends his time getting into fights (and getting the shit kicked out of him) with his daughter and her boyfriend. It should also be known that RD Reynolds has a huge hard-on for Flair.

Extreme Championship Wrestling

I guess he likes cocks...

ECW was a promotion ran by a lying,stealing self-aggrandizing kike whose poor booking and retarded gimmicks were documented for posterity in production quality so poor it would make the most kitschiest public access show host of the time blush. ECW was financially supported by the WWE who even gave them tips on booking a proper match throughout ECW's span, much like an older sibling taking care of their feeble-minded younger brother. ECW returned the WWE's favor by using them to grandstand and pretend their fans were elite and uniquely apart from the other trailer trash wrestling fans.

Many internet geeks saw ECW as their safe-haven, causing erections in the pants of true wrestling fans for years back in the '90s, saying it was TEH BEST PROMOTION EVAR! Despite these claims, the company died because its owner, Paul Heyman, and his Jew buddies bankrupted it, resulting in several checks and payrolls bouncing like a superball and causing lulz in the process (that and publicly crucifying employees).

A lot of e-drama was sparked in 2006 when ECW was announced for the Sci-Fi channel. Without the traditional swearing, gore, and sacrilege, all nerds could do was cry and accuse wrestlers of taking it up the pooper. Extremely Crappy Wrestling (often abbreviated ECW) is was the official home of wrestlers that nobody really gives a shit about. But with all of that aside, some people actually eat this shit up.

World Championship Wrestling

A now defunct company which tried competing with and actually beat the WWE in ratings for 84 weeks straight, but ultimately failed when people stopped giving a shit about it due to seeing the same oldfags like Hulk Hogan clogging it up. See Shit nobody cares about.

After closing, the WWE bought what was left of its rotting carcass and, even in death, continues to make WCW their bitch by selling all their shit while also owning all their former wrestlers' liknessess. Case in point:

Total Nonstop Action Wrestling

Ll-tna.jpg

TNA (Tits N Ass) is the show for the ignorant fucks who watch it cause they believe it's better than the WWE in every single way, despite how the company was started by a former WWE wrestler and employs what is mainly former WWE wrestlers and staff and of it's past 10 world champions, only two of them haven't been WWE wrestlers. In truth, TNA is the new WCW, swarming the WWE like vultures, waiting for the moment to swoop down and take stuff that WWE discards. Because of this most of TNA's talent are old fucks who injure themselves by walking.

TNA wrestler An Hero.

Infomercialist Don West, whom O&A did impressions of back in the day (see Shit nobody cares about), was an announcer for TNA for 7 years, but they got rid of him because he was awful and beyond repeptitive at his job getting people annoyed about shitty wrestlers, so they got a dirty washed up wrestler guinea named Tazz to replace him. "Be dialin', people! My only job is shilling shitty wresslin merch!"

Don West's and TNA's best moment, amiright?

Ultimate diX

TNA does nothing right, and this event is not spared. While WWE tries to figure out new ways to give the title to Edge and how to make John Cena likable, TNA just hangs a plastic X above the ring and watches at least 100 guys kill themselves trying to get it.



Previous Video  |  Next Video

Ultimate Fighting Championship

See main article at MMA.

Mostly kickboxing then wrestling, the UFC (Ultimate Faggotry Competition) is a "freestyle" promotion where bald, flabby metalheads and frustrated handegg players kick each other in the shins before colliding in a frenzy of ear-biting and ass-fucking...for great justice. Where the contenders in other rasslin' promotions are mostly white trash, UFC fighters are goths or skinheads, and are always either Americunts, Franco-Canucks, Belgian, Russian or Brazilian. UFC fighters and fans believe they are more hardcore because they have black belts in several martial arts, but real wrestlers could easily pwn them, as they're all old, fat and drunk.

Despite what Dana White and fans of UFC will tell you, any UFC fighter would get their ass raped in a real fight. Want proof? Look no further than the pussified rules for their fights:

  • No eye gouging.
  • No weapons.
  • No closed fists.
  • No open fists.
  • No biting.
  • Nothing that involves your feet leaving the ground.
  • No one is allowed to make the champion look bad.
  • The only legal move is the Mongolian Man Fuck.
  • No hitting below the belt.
  • No hitting above the belt.
  • No blowjob.
  • No spitting saliva, phlegm or stored cum at the opponent's face.
  • No movement what so ever, unless it involves stroking of the genitals during a passionate embrace.
  • No items.
  • Fox only.
  • No wrestling finishers (I.E. The Undertaker's Tombstone; John Cena's STF-U; etc)
  • Final Destination.


It's obvious what audience UFC is trying to attract.

Wrestling Forums

Perhaps some of the most easily (and amusingly) trolled boards on the internet dedicated themselves to the completely masculine art of wrestling. With the astonishing amounts of butt hurt generated by liking, disliking, or mentioning certain wrestlers, it makes for a fun and easy trolling.

The only board that is large and active enough to be trolled is an alleged wrestling site called "caws.ws", and it is one of the lulziest board to troll. Famous for having all the female members being lesbians and being run by a pedophile and his rectal pal and completely run by unpaid moderators and staff, it has been suspected to be its owner(s) main source of income.

One of the best (and easiest) drama generating techniques is to mention "JohnB", who was the former co-owner of the site, and was forced into hiding after exposing himself to a thirteen year old member of the forums, who also happened to be a global moderator. ( John Brunton has been alleged as old as 25 at the time ) It is widely suspected that he is infact still managing the site.

The only thing closest to sex if you're a wrestling fan boy is BOTCHAMANIA!

Deathmatch Wrestling

Invented by japanese sickos in the early '90s, this lulzy variant of professional wrestling is now performed by inbred rednecks, drug addicts and retarded teens all over the world. These guys tear each other apart with weedwhackers, cut their flesh with knives and scissors or throw guys off three story tall buildings to prove how tough they are. Used weapons include barbed wire, lighttubes, thumbtacks, razor blades, knives, swords, explosives, panes of glass, live piranhas, your mom, goatse, harlequin fetuses etc. CZW (Combat Zone Wrestling) and BJPW (Big Japan Pro Wrestling) are Hardcore wrestling promotions featuring lots of blood, gore and lulz.

Pretty asian girls are known for their brutal matches too.

Popular wrestlers

Sgt. Slaughter

Shut it faggot!

The Sarge backtraced your IP address and he's calling the cyber police right now...
You dun goofed and consequences will NEVER be the same again.

Shawn Michaels

Originally a rocker, Michaels quickly turned a heel to his butt buddy Marty Jennety's face and became Kevin Nash's understudy. He was then instrumental in recruiting Hunter Hurt Helmsley and introducing him to Macho King Randy Savage's used-up jailbait, Stephanie McMahon.

Triple H

Ladies and gentleman, a prime example of a steroid user. THE GAME TRIPLLLLLLLLLLLLLE...H!


HHH = Hairless Homo Humper


Considered to be one of the Biggest Superstars in the WWE today. Trips is considered as a hero to many 13 year old boys and 16 year old girls, but how you may ask? By taking ROIIIIIIIIDS!

The only reason hes so big in the WWE is because he's sleeping with the bosses girl (after splitting with Chyna), and he literally is the bastard son of Vinnie Mac. Big surprise kissing the bosses ass HHH!

Other than that, all he does in the ring is he kicks people in the crotch, Puts their head in between his legs, and slams his face into the ground, and humps the body for about 3 seconds. The bastard also cheats by "smacking" a sledgehammer on someones skull when Stephanie gets all pissy and gives HHH a bad storyline where he loses. UPDATE: He's now the owner of the WWE after telling Vince to GTFO for being an oldfag.

Also, did I mention that he's a steroid user?

Good ol' DX amirite?

Hornswoggle

Once thought to be Vince McMahon's son, Hornswoggle turned out to be the result of McMahon's wife's fling with Fit Finlay, a drunken Irishman. Still, just in case he might be a brother-in-law, Hunter and Shawn invited him to be DX's mascot.

Hornswoggle is related to everyone. He is that deformed incestuous offspring you thought got safely aborted. He is Mark Henry's brother, and he is Brodus Clay's cousin.

Hornswoggle has suffered a slew of broken hearts. Pining after Maryse, once #Miz started boning her, he fled into the arms of AJ, Primo's discarded Rookie. Eventually though, Hornswoggle felt immasculated by his NXT rookie Titus O'Neil and ended up leaving her to go to Smackdown, after having a quick Valentine's fling with Maxine, whom Derrick Bateman would later dump for Katelyn (this trend was continued by Daniel Bryan).

But that was okay, because Horny found his true love, the 12 year old girl co-star of Triple H's comedy flick, Ariel Winters. Turns out she was just leading him on though, and Hornswoggle has not found love since. This has turned him into a TRUE Leprechaun, murderous in the spirit of Warwick Davis.

Chris Jericho Christina

Yet another wrestler that Bam would not mind pole smoking for a few hours while Rodney G looks on and FAPs to. Once known for his long hair, band t-shirts and funny attitude back in the days of WCW became the serious business, Armani-suit wearing, egotistical WWE wrestler from the butthurt he accumulated.

His initial achievements in the WWE including winning the Intercontinental from Chyna of Triple H's Degeneration X. Having the most title holds in the intercontinental title is one of Jericho's most frequently mentioned accomplishments. Then there was defeating the Rock and Stone Cold Steven Austin to become the undisputed unified heavyweight world title. At some point things sort of began to spiral and he cut his hair. Henceforth he became the one who claims to be the best at what he does only to be beaten later in the evening by an opponent who he claims can defeat without much difficulty.

Alongside his inflated ego, he is apparently now known for his supposed immense intelligence and his extensive vocabulary used to continually describe the physical composition and psychology of the audience in the arena week after week. He likes to shoot Gilette commercials with Cena and Cody and will be in Men's Fitness just like McMahon and Cena. He was also in this Albino Farm movie.

Jericho trying to troll on tv.

Like many good citizens, the best way to deal with this is to A) call him 'Christina', as Shaquille O'Neal did, B) shout at the top of the voice 'YOU SUCK', C) let Mike Tyson give him a punch to the jaw or just yell out some derogatory response as he continually denies his weaknesses and flaws despite his many accomplishments.

His signature moves are the Walls of Jericho which is simply reverse ass-to-ass buttsecks and the Codebreaker which is an instant one-shot blowjob knocking the opponent out cold with that satisfying hit while they choke from his penis going into their stomachs. LOLOLOL DISREGARD THAT he has not got that big of a cock.

As of mid to late 2009 he was the tag team partner and former Unified Tag Team Champion with Big Show (after Edge became an hero after dumping Show's Vicky), claiming to be the most dominant tag team of this or any other era. They cemented their relationship on Raw by having an awkward conversation about their usual topic but later on broke up after Big Show realized he wanted to be a receiver but couldn't due to Jericho's ridiculously small penis.

To get revenge, Jericho hooked up with a British man in Florida named Wade Barrett. They are plotting their return to the top after Wade's former lover Jack Swagger stole his title after Edge hit the wounded Jericho with a SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR

He is currently out of action after Randy Orton knocked him out with his dick.

Randy Orton

The son of "Cowboy" Bob Orton, after a period of being a pretty boy bitch of Ric Flair and Triple H in Evolution, Randall went through various stages such as being a "Legend Killer". He hung out with the throwaway son of millionaire-turned preacher Ted DiBiase, and the "Dashing" yet totally straight Cody Rhodes, well known for his love of Triforce and being the half brother of crossdressing Goldust, their father being an obese "American Dream". Their "Legacy" later ended after the marks started to think Randy's "I'm a snake" game was cute.

Randy stopped giving a shit after he wasn't getting adequately pushed, and revealed on a radio show that Kelly Kelly was a huge slut who gang banged 10 guys simultaneously. He then related about how he stumbled naked into his kitchen one night and shit all over the floor, describing intricately the pattern his shit made on the mat.

Randy frequently breaks character and randomly jumps into side splits, befuddling seasoned veterans like Christian and "Sexual Chocolate" Mark Henry.

CM Punk

WWE's Charles Manson. Note the matching initials.

Cookie Monster Punk is a tattooed tranny who was treated a golden God in the indies before being signed to the WWE. Forced to abandon the John Waters white trashed bleached blonde tranny look, CM Punk was given the task of dealing with junky Jeff Hardy (who Cookie Monster Punk defeated and ran out of town after exposing him as a druggy) and Randy Orton (who made Cookie Monster his bitch literally). Sadly, Orton kicked Cookie Monster in the head and turned him into a smug villain who hates drinking and drugs. Two haircuts later and CM Punk now goes around telling people how much they suck and ripping off Miz's bit where he reads printed statements off the internet about why Cena sucks.

The Miz

A former pseudo-celebrity (he appeared on the Real World) and glove fetishist, The Miz spends most of his time being getting blown by and fucking Michael Cole hard in the ass before each match, then going out into the ring and then, off of printed pieces of paper, all of the mean things the internet says about John Cena. Because of this, people think he's awesome. This homo suffers from a severe case of unwarranted self-importance, though his lover Alex Reilly ended up dumping Miz after Miz proved incapable of killing John Cena.

The Miz's chief inspiration is that of "Veronica Mars", as far as Miz being a former jock who fell from grace when he joined the WWE and had to enduring god-awful hazing and anal rape by John Cena, in order to get the chance to be top dog and (God Willing), landing a job as an actor like the Rock and leave the WWE behind once and for all.

Christian

A scrawny canuck and formerly Edge's tag-team partner before he betrayed him, Christian later became Hardcore and Intercontinental champion before heading to TNA.

Whilst with TNA he became World Heavyweight Champion and was taken seriously as a wrestler and not just a sideshow-clown as was the case when he was with WWE.

Christian has has since returned to WWE winning a dozen Heavyweight championships in addition to a further Intercontinental title before then going AWOL.

Trolling Wrasslin' Fans

  • Say that John Cena is the best wrestler in the world (tell that to old school wrasslin' fans and they will rage)
  • Tell them that the Attitude era sucked balls
  • Simply tell them that wrestling is fake
  • Say that MMA is better
  • Tell them that only fat Americans watch wrasslin'

Greatest Match Evar

Videos

Proof that Rasslin' is NOT GAY










Hulk Hogan is a nigga


Winning the internet

Previous Video  |  Next Video

Wimmins Rasslin






Previous Video  |  Next Video

Internet references

At the 2009 Slammy Awards Batista decided to interrupt an unimportant bitch's award speech by badly imitating Kanye West while wearing a pink popped collar, needless to say, it sucked.

Galleries

Seems legit

Moar proof that Wrestling is NOT GAY

HOT SWEATY MEN GRAPPLING EACH OTHER... About missing Pics

Even more proof

Definitely not gay... About missing Pics

See Also

Grandiose delusions.

External Links

Wrestling credits.gif

Commercials

Chef Boyardee

Gilette's "Be A Superstar" Fusion Power campaign

Slim Jim

Cena

Kane



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