From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Azns (Asians) are a bunch of nomads who separated from the other Asians to escape their cultural and genetic heritage. Dishonored from Uncle Wong in Chinaland, they come fresh off the boat to the Land of Opportunity. Instead of using their inherited IQ scores and their kung-fu to easily DID THE JEWS, Azns instead found that the American Dream is to escape their ways and imitate the ways of the western society for fame. But since Azns lack the originality to do so, they've failed miserably, only to displease their generals and take up space in America as the Yellow Fever-which if diagnosed you would have symptoms of uncontrollable laughter for such a pathetic race they are and then suffer slowly and die from their ugliness. This creates epic lulz, making Azns the lolcow of the western society.
Before Asia was split into many parts, the continent was one rule. Asia was under the rule of a mighty general named Genghis Ching. A fearsome and tactical general, he would hack and slash through his opponents with his superior fighting and IQ skills. Because of this, the townsfolk decided that the only way for him to go soft on the little squinty sheeplings is to bow under him and proclaim him as Emperor of the newly formed "China". During that time, it initiated the first Chinese Dynasty called the Ching Dynasty, which also initiated the festival of Chinese New Year. Ching decided to get drunk at the festival with his former comrades, drinking tons of liquor and grubbing out anything on all fours (which were dogs, cats, rats, bats, gnats, cat in the hat, etc which are delicacies admired by Azns today). After the festival, Ching decided that it was time to go home to his newly renounced Empress Ling. But as he went in, he was shocked. His wife was bent over and giggling along with a company of forty-seven village representatives. He asked her "WHY? WHY YU DOO THEES TO MEE?", then she said "because your dick is so damn small you fucking gook". His 1.03mm mini-penis did not please her. Extremely butthurt he exiled that slut, the forty-seven representatives, and their townsfolk out of China to fend for themselves. Each of the representatives established their own countries, which is now proclaimed today as Japan, Korea, Cumbodia, Thailand, Laos, Vietnam, and the rest none of us really cares about.
Without the proper kung-fu and trained soldiers, the former Chinese countries were vulnerable to oncoming invasions of Spanish Conquistadors and the Persian armies. Villages were ransacked, burned to ashes, and the children and women were raped. Then the pregnant women and children gave birth to the most ugly, hideous, and the most foul babies of all human history. Babies with yellow skin, eyes so slanted as the aliens depicted in the Spanish Prophecies, and with a very small micropenis (or no penis at all!) (the Cumbodians were the darkest since the Conquistadors accidentally left their nigger slaves behind, and the niggers hadn't had some so two specimen began to breed. This was the birth of the sub-species "Azns". The Persian and Spanish forces were so terrified by the ugliness of the newbreed that they retreated all of their forces back to their homelands never to return back to the land of the hideous Azns.
Later on, a disease known as 'Azn' was brought to public attention in the early 2000's with some gay rap song about Buddha. Asian-Americans claim to be "proud" of their heritage (instant lulz, because their heritage is in no way their achievement) which consists of copying other heritages. So instead of combining their superior IQ and kung-fu skills to easily pwn the Jews, Azns instead would pretend to be a nigger, whitey, or any other scumbag race that has a trendy bandwagon in the United States of America.
The most common heritage Azns will copy is the culture of niggers. Many Asian-American teenagers at the time found out about this new-found trend while watching rap and hip-hop videos on MTV, hence dressing, acting, and publicizing like a nigger (a low possibility that Azns whould shoot, rape, stab, or rob anyone but other than fellow Azns but probably wouldn't do it because they don't have the 2 dragonballs to do so). In doing so in this image, Azns would gain public fame and a status quo (only from fellow Azns since they don't interact with other races). This ends in fail as their parents dishonor them and throw them on the streets at the average age of 17 to live day by day sucking cock for "five dorrah", or to work forever in the kitchen of their parents' Chinese restaurants (on the plus side, chopping up and watching screaming stolen pets are fun!).
Azns will also tend to copy the way of the white folks (not interacting with Whites as well, lulz). Azns who want to model would scrap the ways of wearing the traditional kimonos and tabis to dress like Jennifer Aniston (such as AudreyMagazine, a bunch of try-hard Azn females trying to live the way of the white wimminz). Some Azns eventually copy the sk8ters. Azns are terrible at skating due to heavily squinted eyesight, but will eventually survive if one hones kung-fu skills.
When Azns tend to act of their own culture, Azns will say they pride themselves on speaking both English and their native tongues, but none of them have ever read a book in any language, including simple pictograms. It is not unfair to assume that they cannot read anything longer than acronyms such as BMW and TNA, which their parents buy them every day because they were born as spoiled gooks.
Azns tend to look cultured by using chopsticks on everything they eat (but it IS useful for picking up those evasive, slimy, and greasy sauteed dog penis). When asking about their religion, Azns are all followers under Buddhism, but most Azns don't know at least ONE of the Eightfold Paths by Buddha, or when and where it originated.
This fact is reflective of another. Azns are also a unique paradox; despite the stereotype of nerdy Asian students, most Azns are complete retards.
Azns like to eat alot. Therefore, you see alot of obese Azns in your local Chinatown, high school, Tumblr; etc, and kung-fu movies. But heres one fun fact! The reason why obese Azns are strangely scarce is that when Azns become fat, their flesh becomes irresistibly savory and delicious. This is the chance for restaraunt owners to harvest fat Azns and sell their meat in the markets for profit! So if Michelle Wong is missing from your local neighborhood, you know what she tastes like. Azns love to eat Korean food and Chinese food, which consists of a variety of dogs, cats, rat fetus, cockroaches, fly larvae, grasshoppers, and fat Azns.
The best known Azn food is rice. Azns are very fascinated by rice, especially the females, but it is known that Azn females put rice on their boyfriend's 2-inch wangas, proclaiming it "dick sushi". In fact, it has been suggested that rice should be used as bait for attracting Azns. If there is a device or machinery that needs to be fixed, you should sprinkle rice around and on top of the object. Nearby Azns overnight will transform into a ninja and will sense the rice from up to 100 miles away. Then they will fix your problems in exchange for every grain of rice.
Azns love to blog. The major blogging sites Azns would use is Chinkbook, Chunglr, and sometimes Asiantown. They like to blog about pointless things such as why their parents beat them with chopsticks for getting -A, their lunch, clothes, their small wangas, why their exes got stolen by the black man and their small tits to other natives. Most things for sure, Azns love to take pictures of their cats but if you see this, please contact PETA right away before they cook it for dinner.
One of the most used and favorable platforms for Azns is Instanoodlegram. Azns would upload pictures of themselves to Instagram and ask for a shoutout. This is a method which minor Azn Instagram users tag their pictures with the account names of popular Azn profiles. Then the popular Azn profile (e.g.; fysa18plus, FinestAsians, FuckYeahSexyAsians, HollisterAsians... lol) expose the minor to their followers. Thus, this gives the minor Azn the credibility of being Instagram Famous. On being Instagram famous, Facebook, Tumblr, etc, the Azn will be noticed by other fellow Azns on the internet. However, this status quo is not a real achievement (why should it even be?) and goes without a salary. In the U.S, approximately 100% of Internet famous Azns still live in their parent's chinese restaurant by the age of 35.
Azns love to sleep. In public. So much so, there are online photo collections of Asians sleeping almost anywhere.
The Azn's most unmemorable intervention in the western world is Azn Pride, a bunch of Azn things which consists of driving shitty Hondas at 25 mph, eating rice, rapping about some jap named Buddha, and raiding Uncle Ben's rice field as ninja squads to steal every precious grain of rice (because Azns hate Niggers too).
Azns in Flicks
Since Azns got tired of killing animals at their parent's Chinese restaraunt, they decided that if they wanted to be cool in the western society, the best idea was to post videos on YouTube. Azns took this idea from the niggers and whites. They believe that posting unfunny and shitty comedy flicks, this would make Azns popular (in the end, only to get known from fellow natives). This is why Azns don't make it to movie industry.
An Azn romance flick about a girl who desperately wants to leave a relationship, because her ex has a small cock.
A biography film of an average Azn. Nunchucks, throwing stars, NINJA.
Azns In The Music Scene
Since Azns were tired of making unfunny and shitty flicks on JewTube, they figured that the best idea was to write music. Copying from black people yet again, Azns would abandon the traditional Chinese music and make shitty hip hop and rap videos. If azns were on the soft side, they would copy the white folks, making generic pop and acoustic covers. Their lyrics fail terribly from lacking poetical sense and original rhythms, making it just as bad as Black Veil Brides (although Black Veil Brides is better by 2 inches). This is why Azns don't make it to the music industry.
Facts about Azns
Azns are Chinese, so as a bonus from inheritance, occasionally some Azns have acquired the skills of a true Shinobi, throwing ninja stars, teleporting, and using kung-fu, cum-fu, karate, Tae Kwon Do, and Airbending skills at very high speeds and then fading into the shadows as a retreat tactic. Azns' visual inheritance consists of retarded looking eyes and yellow skin, making Azn's the most unattractive race on Earth, second to niggers. Approximately 100% of Azn-American teenagers in the U.S and China combined have the inheritance of very small penises averaging to a size of 1.03 millimeters to 2 in", second to India, which they have no size at all.
Social platforms, such as Chinkbook, Chunglr, Instanoodlegram are mostly relied upon not only as a source to get internet famous, but also a breeding ground for Azns to mate with other Azn sub-species to spawn their offshoot of little chinglets (if a chinglet inherited superior IQ and fighting abilities, he/she is destined to become a true ninja. If a chinglet has no IQ at all, it's destined to convert into a swaglet and plague nearby victims with Yellow Fever).
Azn-Americans cause 66% of all U.S automobile accidents each year due to their squint eyes and staggering IQ, but the numbers has steadily decreased after some Azns have acquired a driving technique called drifting, which Azns would activate the e-brake in embracing a turn, as seen on Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift.
Some Azns are extremely good at math. Because of this, they score at least 2,400 on the SAT and get into MIT's Engineering school. This kills everyone else's grades, except for those of the Jew, who use their evil Jew powers and Jewish IQs to plot the downfall of human civilization on a daily basis.
How to spot an Azn
Not as annoying as the female counterpart but is still worthy of deserving a kick to the balls if spotted:
- Commonly wearing an OBEY or sports/underground brand snapback.
- Oversized or to-the-skin wool sweaters (stolen from their sisters)
- Small ear gauges, or oversized plastic diamond earrings.
- Defintely a pair of Vans or insanely huge kicks.
- A trampstamp of a star on their left or right wrist.
- A mini bump on their pants, that is their penis.
- Hilarious attempt at a mustache.
- Sometimes stuff their underpants with a tootsie roll to make their penis look (at least) 4 times larger.
- Often seen wearing the ever popular "Got Rice?" t-shirt.
- Has posed for a group portrait at Glamor Shots with other Azn boys in matching nigga outfits (that often include fedoras), displaying gangsta hand signals.
- Horrible, horrible acne. They could be classified as new planets and moons. Unfortunately, azns aren't celestial bodies,
they're ppls just like you and meazns are not people.
- Armpits have a sour smell (can be sensed for up to 1000 feet away).
- Hair is dyed a color other than black, usually red, or invisible
- Hair is usually cut short and the top is spiked with jizz, and sometimes they are bald, to show how "hood" they are.
- Are always pissed most of the time (due to small penis).
- Thinks they're tough... only around other azns.
- Having trouble jerking off their micropenises (must use tweezers to do the job).
- Likes to show off their clothing (but not their wangas).
- Blog about why their comfort girlfriends left them (because of tiny penis).
- Always brag about their new job (because of course the workplace contains 99% of azns and 1% of a desperate nigger so shut up you chink).
- Use chopsticks to look cultured.
- Thinks they're hood but doesn't know a single thing about getting beaten by 20 apes, doesn't even know a thing about Tupac (only to know him from his hologram), and thinks weed make them four times as cooler.
- Likes to camwhore themselves out Facebook, Tumblr, and Instanoodlegram just like the comfort azn female teens.
- Likes to fantasize about having a big penis.
- Likes to collect all 8 badges.
- Likes to collect all 150 Pokemon.
- Likes to raid American MMO's with botting and gold farmers.
- They usually desire twinkies. "You are what you eat".
- If older than 40, they will definitely own a Chinese restaraunt.
- Plays lots of Starcraft and Warcraft III.
- If a hardcore azn, will love beating off to Neon Genesis Evangelion.
- Has a screen name with a relation to the show Naruto, also usually contains a derivative of "Azn".
- Claims to be "in da hood, black person" (thus making them even more pathetic than wiggers).
- Has never been to da hood, and does not know where it is.
- Most likely are Internet tough guys (usually to compensate for a stale eggroll).
- Riced out car. Usually driving Acuras or Hondas with coffee tables glued onto the trunk door.
- Has an exhaustive collection of X-Box, Nintendo, and Playstation games. Usually the latter.
- Believes that the Western media world is 'against them' image-wise, and that it should portray Asian male characters as being 'cool' (eg, not actually Asian)
- Has a penis.
- Overloaded with makeup (they're ugly as shit without it).
- Wears furry coats or moccasins (which came from stolen pets).
- Small tits.
- Small ass.
- Fake tits.
- Fake ass.
- Sometimes wear OBEY clothing, but instead copies the white girls (still hideous).
- Annoying K-Pop, hip-hop, or rap ringtones.
- Has the hoop earrings and drawn-on eyebrows of a Mexican whore.
- Has hardcore eyelid plastic surgery or rhinoplasty
- Wears contacts of unnatural colors to appear less Asian.
- Wears TNA or LuluLemon yoga outfits to make her look like she actually has an ass. Also known as false advertising.
- Bad snaggletooth. Any azn girl with decent teeth is uncalled for.
- Have sideways hairy vagina. Sometimes with teeth.
- Claim to be the most feminine of the females races but actually has no curves, no tits, and no ass.
- Goes batshit insane with an annual period of 2 times a week.
- Likes to flash their small tits to other fellow azns on Facebook, Tumblr, and Instawhoregram.
- Take pictures of their crappy asian food and uploading it to Animalgram and Hmonglr.
- Likes to give shoutouts on Azngram to ugly fellow Azns (it's the way of the Shinobi).
- Leaves the flirting to the guys, since azn females are lazy whores.
- Moans so loud during anal.
- Too obsessed with themselves.
- Will sometimes be seen with a White guy (Sometimes they'll go with the black man) due to Azns having small cocks.
- Answers "eating" when asked about favorite hobby.
- Listens to complete garbage called k-pop, and even CLAIMS they're Korean but they're really just chinese gooks.
- Some spend endless hours on the japionese mini photo print-club machine and do lots of amateurish camwhore poses.
- Stays thin via bulimia ("twice the taste, none of the calories").
- Has experience working as a "model" at a HIN show.
- Overreacting (not as bad as emofags that overreact more.)
- Often seen with ricer boyfriends, whom they drain of money like the gold-digging cunts they are.
- Actually makes the stereotypical "Valley-Girl Blonde" look smart by comparison.
- Posing on loli sites or working with Dateline NBC "to catch a predator" because they have the body of a 13-year-old boy
- Has a Xanga page with journal colors that will blind anyone with non-slanty eyes to ensure an Azns-only privacy level.
- Steals white, nerdy guys from their fat nerdy girlfriends. Then treats them like crap.
- Well, they treat everyone like crap, so slap those chinks if you see 'em.
Where can I find those..."Azns"?
The most popular areas for finding Azns are UCLA, downtown Chinatown, and your local chinese store.
Since some Azns have inherited the ways of the Shinobi, Azns can be found hidden in the trees, preempting for a strike to oncoming innocent bystanders for their Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh cards. Azns can also be found in the shadows, waiting to steal every grain of rice.
Azns can also be found in public parks only if there is other fellow Azns. If no other races are around, they would speak some sort of gibberish at an extremely high volume and they would bring guitars and ukeleles but won't actually play it. If alone in a pair, Azns would woodpeck on each others' micropenises and use their musical instruments as organic dildos.
Azns hang out with the other azns at their houses because all azns know each other, no exceptions (See Incest) talking about how much they hate the niggers and jews. If not at each others' houses, they can be found at the mall in the arcade rooms spending all day playing DDR with fellow Azns. This makes a fierce and bitter rivalry between the Azns and the Mall Goths. Since mall goths play DDR as much as Azns do, there's often territorial disputes between them resulting in massive lulz getting arrested by the mall cops so none of them will become an hero.
Trolling An Azn
- (GUARANTEE TROLLAGE) Talk about how Timothydelaghetto is such a wannabe-nigger and he should go back to China.
- Ask if they're Chinese or Asian (classic lulz).
- Tell them they have small penises since they're Azns.
- Go to all of the videos shown above, and tell them "America Does It Better".
- Brag about your dick size.
- Point at an old chinaman, and tell them that's their dad.
- Say ni-hao regardless of Azn sub-races (also a classic!)
- Tell them Ching Chong (It's a common courtesy though).
- Ask if they work at a chinese restaraunt.
- Ask if they know how to make fried rice.
- Ask if they eat puppies.
- Ask if they know kung-fu or karate, and say what's the difference?
- Tell them that taking pictures on Instanoodlegram will not achieve the American Dream.
- If encountered by an Azn swagfag, look at them from head to toe slowly. Then say "America Does It Better".
- Tell them that blogging on Hmonglr will not achieve the American Dream.
- Ask about why they have flat faces.
- Ask if they're tired since their eyes are so squinty.
- Ask why they dress and act like niggers.
- Tell them that k-pop isn't poetical enough to be music.
- Tell them they look like Jackie Chan.
- Tell them they look like Bruce Lee.
- Ask why do they have coffee tables glued onto their ricer cars.
- Ask if they know about Bruce Lee.
- Great Wall of Japan.
- IT'S GODZIRRAH!!
- Make sure to carry a gun when trolling IRL since all Azns are ninjas.
- OMG IT'S JACKIE CHAN!!!
- Assume all Azns are Chinese. (This will piss them off and make drama)
- If they are Chinese remind them of how the comfort women got raped by the Japs, for epic lulz
- Piss them off telling them "I'm glad those Japanese fuckers got nuked during WW2". This will only work if the Azn is of the Japanese subtype, as most of the rest of Asia hates Japan intensely.
- Tell them they look like retards - but at least retards have the strength to smash up coke machines.
- If they're cosplayers, say "America Does It Better".
- Leave Comments on AZN pages saying"BROWN PRIDE!!, "BLACK PRIDE" works fine as well.
- Since most Asian males and females die of loneliness as they are only accompanied by other Asians, it puts a bug up their ass when you ignore them especially if you're not Asian.
- Call them a TB (Teeny Bopper), especially offensive to those who ACTUALLY ARE. Extra effective to those posing on failbook photos, trying to look gangster and gain respect from their peers.
- Tell them they're short (Mostly true)
- 1. Steal their failbook profile (Create one with same name (CLOSE NUFF K), upload all their pics)
- 2. Add all their "friends" (other aznfags).
- 3. Say a lot of shit/troll/start flamewars
The Dangers of Asians
Azns don't know who you are. Azns don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, they might tell you "ching chong ling long ting tong". But what they do have are a very particular set of skills; skills they have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make them a nightmare for people like you. If you stop making fun of the hideous Azns and their penis size, that'll be the end of it. They will not look for you, they will not pursue you . But if you don't, they will look for you, they will find you, and they will throw ninja stars on your ass like you never seen it coming.
The Dangers of the Asian Penis
Azns are crazy anyway, but if you mention their miniscule penis size, you are gambling with your life. If you want to survive a conversation involving Azn dicks, listen up.
- Remain calm! Go about the conversation in a slow, chill manner, so to not provoke the Azn into doing something you and it will regret.
- After you have mentioned their tiny wangas, there is no going back. If you try to steer the conversation else where or end it, the Azn will have all the info it needs. You see, Azns predict if you will be an easy to kill coward by if you continue or stop. Stopping, obviously, will merit the Azns to kill you easily. Because of this, it is your best interest to continue making fun of his penis size. Again and again.
- After more provoking, the Azn will probably succumb into a fit of rage. No amount of bullets will stop the beast. Your only weapon is to whip out your schlong. The Azn will immediately forget all it was doing and will congratulate you on such a nice dick. Then it will go back on its way to whatever it was doing. (WARNING: If the Azn is gay, you will most likely have sex with it)
- CONGRATULATIONS! You have survived an Azn encounter. Be more careful next time!
List of Azns
- Angry Asian man
- Tila Tequila
- Lena Chen
- Cho Seung Hui
- Don Henrie
- Nick Chaleunphone
- Toshiro Mifune
- Angry Asian Man
- 16 year old Japanese schoolgirl
- 80 year old Chinese man in panties
- Kung Fu
- Asian fetish
- Single Asian Female a more serious take on:
- SAF comic (A comic about a stupid AZN bitch)
- I LIEK MILK
- Niggers - Even black guys want some of that yellow fever.
- Filipinos - The Mexican version of Azns.
- Native Americans - Distantly related to Azns, but usually are too poor and indigenous to be a "model minority". HAYO!
Swords: The Azn's arch-nemesis
The stupid fucking song some faggot ED editor thinks started it all, even though Azns have been around since the 80s and were seen in Nightmare on Elm Street.
It doesn't get any more hard-core than this!
flame war has now started in comments section, contains several AZN lolcows
Trolling them is simple and recommended for easy lulz
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Azn is related to a series on AZNS.