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Money

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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Lesbians are socially ostracized and have to use marked bills..
Don't hate the game hate the player.
Rich people are usually depressed because they don't have any real friends.
Presidents get angry at the defacing of money.
One of the many ways to get money.
Even Technologically Impaired Duck is making money on the internet
This article is about IRL currency. For OL, see Internet money.

Money is a term that refers to the medium of exchange in any standardized system of trade. Ancient cultures had yet to invent bullshit, and so all of their 'money' was actually just a standardized form of barter - they traded a socially agreed upon amount of a certain precious commodity such as salt, or white gold, for goods.

Modern money has the advantage of not having any worth but what is socially agreed upon, because it is now made out of largely worthless metals, and fibers. Allegedly these worthless representations of wealth are backed by massive reserves of precious metals, specifically Jew Gold. In practice, however, nobody really cares as long as you can still afford a slushie.

IT IS THE FUCKING THING THAT THE MORONS CLOSED THE OLD ED FOR. For more info: capitalism

If you're an Asian or a third world immigrant, you are considered rich by your people if you own at least 100 dollars in your debit card.

There are many many ways to get money. You can start by getting a job so you don't stay in your mom's basement for the rest of your life.

United States Dollars are tracked by the government-run site Where's George?.

New Zealand money is guarded by images of terrifying gargoyles.


Ode to Money



Contents

With money you can:

money opens doors for you.  It even spreads legs.


And many many moar!?

Things equal to money

Things only weirdos feel are equal to money...

Things that are the complete opposite of money

Things to do when you owe somebody money

  • Postpone payment
  • Ask for more time when he demands his money
  • Tell him you have liqudity problem
  • If he's a friend, start a fight for an entirely different reason. A person who doesn't want to talk to you is not likely to ask for money.
  • Tell him he's too obsessed with money.
  • Tell him he's shallow
  • Just don't pay it
  • Make somebody else pay it for you
  • Pay half of the amount
  • Change the subject
  • Pay in a different currency
  • Ask for more money
  • Offer a partnership
  • Offer stock option
  • Pretend to forget about the amount and discuss about it forever
  • Offer to pay it by second hand assets
  • Ask for his IBAN account if the conversation occurs in offline environment.
  • Offer to pay in person if the conversation is online
  • Ask him to sue you
  • Pay money to a gang to get rid of him -and you debt, eventually
  • Disappear

Riches!

Rabbis masturbate to this.

Money makes you rich, and having more money than someone else makes them pwned. You can assess how rich and pwning you are on Adam Smith's Riches Calculator. The Calculator analyzes what you do when your toilet breaks:

Getting Paid

Realistic representation of what happens when you get paid.

Funny money

A slang term that is used to describe any form of money that is not the United States dollar. Funny Money is invariably more technically advanced than real money, and often shows its superiority through the use of multiple colors on a single bill, as opposed to the boring dollars monochromatic tones.

It is rumored that Europe's Funny Money, the Euro, has a coin that is actually worth as much as it buys.

The official currency of Vietnam is the Dong, which is, of course, hilarious.

NB - Ironically perhaps, the term 'funny money' is a term sometimes applied colloquially in Europe to counterfeit notes. Therefore if you're in Paris, Prague or erm... Scunthorpe then bear in mind you really don't want to fill your wallet up with the stuff, irrespective of what's been said above. Not to be confused with furry money, which is money used in transactions to purchase animal sex.

Monopoly money

President Obama has stated that we cannot treat US tax dollars like Monopoly money [1].

To test this theory we hired a troop of scientists and stuff.

Experiment 1 - dollars as Monopoly money

Admittedly dollars do not have the right numbers on the front but use of an orange crayon can soon convert them. Like Lioncash.

Experiment 2 - as Coke straws

Monopoly money is easier to roll but is a bit small unless you have a Jew nose. Dollars have the advantage of already having traces of cocaine on them and so CSI can't prove it was you.

Experiment 3 - as cigar lighters

Monopoly money burns a bit too fast but then it cheaper than using dollars to transfer fire. Both dollars and Monopoly notes can theoretically be used to roll joints, but they burn shittily, taste shitty and the ink gives you cancer.

Experiment 4 - as toilet paper

Dollars don't allow your fingers to burst through, but Monopoly money is softer if you have piles.

Pink Floyd

Money, get away.
Get a good job with good pay and you're okay.
Money, it's a gas.
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash.
New car, caviar, four star daydream,
Think I'll buy me a football team.

Money, get back.
I'm all right jack keep your hands off of my stack.
Money, it's a hit.
Don't give me that do goody good bullshit.
I'm in the high-fidelity first class traveling set
And I think I need a lear jet.

Money, it's a crime.
Share it fairly but don't take a slice of my pie.
Money, so they say
Is the root of all evil today.
But if you ask for a raise it's no surprise that they're
Giving none away.

A small organ lodged behind the prostate and ahead of the rectum, in the general region known as the taint. ED routinely encourages its users to stimulate this organ and ejaculate money that can in turn be given to ED so that it can continue bringing you lulz.

Of course, everybody knows that's a scam. Should it have been true though, the solution instead of giving money would be to stop going to EncyclopediaDramatica, so you wouldn't invade their precious little wimpy baww bandwidth.

Wikipedia's bait

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