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Weed

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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Know the signs
What would happen if marijuana were to be legalized.

Weed (AKA: Marijuana, Cannabis, Pot, Kush, 420, Hash, Mary Jane and Skunk) was invented simultaneously by every religion's God at least 100 years ago in 1969 on the planet Mexico and legalized Last Thursday. Some people say that God made it. Others will disagree and say that Satan did, but everybody knows that actually it was invented in Colombia because every single Colombian is an expert on the manufacture of every illegal drug. Statistics say that 85% of people die the first time using it, but 100% of survivors report having an all-round more kickass life. Roses are red, violets are blue, pot is green, I'm really hungry.

Contents

Usage

Prior to the 1960s, Cannabis was mainly used by spicks and porch monkeys. This all changed when Jerry Garcia invented the dirty hippy by forgetting to shower for a few years, thus increasing cannabis consumption dramatically across the US. However, it was still difficult to acquire at that time because The Beatles and The Dead were using most of it to help them write songs about walruses and glass onions. Thankfully, The Beatles broke up in 1970, allowing the rest of the world to enjoy it as well. Soon, it was common enough that even white people could find it.

Today, it is used by a wide variety of people, except rednecks (who prefer cheap beer, meth and dick sucking), Heath Ledger (who is dead), and old people (who are already way stoned on prescription meds). Because of the simultaneous existence of Snoop Dogg, Willie Nelson, and Bill Clinton, many feared a shortage would arise, but thankfully Mexico stepped up to the plate last Thursday and increased production of 13 year old boys, who are known to grow weed in their closets (so their parents don't find out).

Obvious slang names for weed

Harsh reality.
Harmless?

Cannabis is referred to using many slang terms, including:

  • Marijuana
  • MJ
  • Weed
  • Pot
  • Ganja
  • David Allan Coe
  • Ganj
  • Bhang
  • That Ish
  • Pokin' Smot
  • Tree
  • Buddah
  • Scooby Snacks
  • Chronic
  • Sticky Icky
  • Green
  • Kind
  • Dope
  • Stank
  • Jolly Green Banana
  • Short Bus Bio-fuel
  • Riddler
  • Jungle Fungus
  • Cro-magnon
  • Short-term-what
  • Polynesian Pink Eye
  • Incredible Hulk
  • Hobo Harvest
  • Mojave Dry Mouth
  • Arabian Crime (because it gets you stoned)

Effects

Cottonmouth

Like anything that has ever existed evar, marijuana has an upside and a downside. Cannabis causes cottonmouth, which, as the name suggests, makes you feel like you just ate a piece of fucking cotton. Other effects of cottonmouth are the absence of any saliva in your mouth except for that tiny bit of semen you forgot to swallow. Cottonmouth can be avoided by not smoking weed, or drinking a shit-ton of water afterward.

Reggae

Possibly the worst side effect of smoking weed, it is known for making white middle class teenagers appreciate reggae music, which is utter shit. They'll come up to you and start talking about how much they appreciate Bob Marley, and show you their Bob Marley shirt, Bob Marley flag and Bob Marley cock ring, because capitalism are bastards.

Munchies

Aaaaaaannnd this would be one of the upsides of cannabis. You take a bite of one chip and the next thing you know your entire pantry is FUCKING EMPTY. Best way to get excessively fat and disgusting if you're retarded, like most stoners. Again the best way to avoid the munchies is to NOT SMOKE WEED.

Note: It is rare for apes to become fat from the munchies, even though they all smoke weed. This is because of the incidental exercise from running from teh police, which prevents them from becoming a fat fuck.

DO IT FAGGOT

Over 1,000,000 stoned.
Trippin' Balls.

Some people claim to be allergic to it, so, in theory, they could die from it. Even though it's generally accepted that no one ever has in the 2,000+ years of cannabis use by humans. They could die. Seriously. Or suffer extreme brain damage.

Marijuana has been proven to fight brain cancer and increase the smoker's I.Q. by stimulating new brain cell growth, but as a side effect also causes schizophrenia and sometimes obesity. It's up to your mom to decide whether that's a fair trade-off. Some people claim to take cannabis but "don't inhale". There is a 99.9% chance that anyone who says this is full of shit.

First time smoking Weed.

Pot smokers everywhere should follow this guy's advice.
Best reporter ever.
Cops break in and kill dumbass pothead's dog. lol pwned.
Smoke weed everyday

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I've found the best thing to get me asleep is cannabis—and all the people I know who smoke it agree.
 

 

—Anonymous suggests you, Smoke Yourself to Sleep

Stoner threads on /b/

Lately there has been a new shitstorm of threads ruining our beloved /b/ - the stoner threads. There are a fuckload of them popping up everywhere and they are quite popular, even though many think they are retarded. The threads themselves consist mainly of comics, Girls Gettin' High and image macros (stonerdog) of situations associated to the consumption of marijuana or other drugs. Many of said images are completely fucked up and futile and could clearly only have been made by someone who has melted his brain with weed.

Galleries

General

420-BLAZE-IT-FAGGOT About missing Pics


Comics

Stoner Comics About missing Pics

Image Macros

Stoner Image Macros About missing Pics

See Also


Holyshittrippinballsawesome1.gif

Weed

is part of a series on

Drugs

Holyshittrippinballsawesome.gif
List of Drugs

AmphetaminesAqua DotsBath SaltsBenzosBuprenorphineCocaineDextromethorphanDMTDramamineEcstasyInhalants See Also: AboriginesKetamineLSALSDMescalineMeow MeowOpioidsPCPResearch ChemicalsSalviaShroomsWeed

Internets Drug Phenomena

420chanBananadineBenny LavaCaffeineDaturaErowidGrass CityIcingJenkemKrokodilKrystle ColeLatawnyaNutmegSilk RoadStraight EdgeSmoke Weed Everyday

Related Trips

AbsintheAlcoholBaby BongDealerMK ULTRAPrunoToad lickingTobacco

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