From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Konami is a
video game company media conglomerate from Japan that is responsible for the likes of parasitic dancing games, card games (courtesy of screwing Upper Deck in the ass out of Yu-Gi-Oh cards) and shitty stealth-based games with more emphasis on cutscenes than actual gameplay. The company has also been known to produce action figures, Olympics training facilities in Japan and anime, usually involving loli.
In the 1980s, Konami had a reputation for producing brilliant titles on the NES that many a gamer would play for hours on end. Around that time, Nintendo was the industry's mod and limited its third party companies to producing only a handful of titles every year for its NES, believing that it's the authoritive power of the game industry. In response, Konami established a fake company known as Ultra Games that distributed more of its crap into the states, as well as a European equivalent called Palcom.
As the late 90's passed by, Konami's developers woke up and smelled the coffee. They figured that if they start making games with painfully drawn out and nonsensical storylines, they could make millions and release more of them. Additionally, they thought of producing lackluster music games which would soon spawn to numerous sequels, titles and spin-offs, providing more J-Pop crap to satisfy the weeaboo crowd. But since other game companies out there are giving more drama to their fans, Konami is an entity that not many people would care about.
The Konami Code
In almost every single one of its games, Konami puts in a special cheat code that gives lesser players extra lives or power-ups. While using the code in the NES version of Contra gives you thirty lives, they've managed to pull a dick move on players who'd enter the same code in the Super NES port of Gradius III, which destroys your ship instead of giving you full power-ups.
↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A START
The only reason for the survival of Konami is Metal Gear Solid.
- Yu-Gi-Oh -- Like Pokemon except the characters are playing with cards. Recently, they've decided to screw over Upper Deck for distribution rights of the cards in America.
- Metal Gear Solid -- A gigantic mindfuck of a series involving nuclear proliferation, stealth gameplay, hour long cutscenes, crazy villains, frequent homages to Hollywood flicks, nanomachines, and muscle men in formfitting bodysuits.
- Castlevania -- Action game about typical pretty boys hunting vampires.
- Silent Hill -- Survivor horror dreck similar to Resident Evil except you try to keep the main character from getting raped. Features the Internet's favorite video game rapist, Pyramid Head.
- Dance Dance Revolution -- Arcade romp enjoyed by fatties, emo kids and weeaboo.
- Pop'n Music -- Similar to DDR but with cartoon furries.
- Beatmania IIDX -- Similar to Pop'n Music but without cartoon furries.
- Contra -- Muscle bound toughie shoots a gang of aliens that look like xenomorphs.
- Frogger -- Old arcade time waster about a frog who am looking for frog. The granddaddy of all Combat Amphibians related games.
- Rumble Roses -- Wrestling game that consists of only lesbians.
- Zone of the Enders -- Mecha fighter from the same guy behind MGS.
- Gradius -- A shmup in which the object of the game is to not touch anything onscreen.
Konami is known to contain large quantities of MGS. Consume with caution.
Owning one of these proves that you have no life.
They're even guilty of tracing.
Konami does Rule 63 of their own characters...in loli form!
Screen from next gen remake of Konami's SNES classic Sparkster.
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