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The Daily Show

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Jon Stewart's Rally To Restore Sanity.
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It's totally fake!
 

 

—haters, in denial about how he airs more truth than the news does

The Daily Show is a half-hour fake news show on Comedy Central hosted by Jonathan Leibowitz (aka Jon Stewart), a supposedly liberal Jew and comedian. The Daily Show is the absolute definition of quantity over quality, with their demographic being college-bound, Godless hipsters who may or may not be stoned.

The Daily Show is to old media as Uncyclopedia is to the internet.

When not hosting The Daily Show, Stewart can be seen going to other shows just to troll their pundits.

Contents

History

None.

No one knows that the show was created in 1996, hosted by Craig Kilborn and even then, wasn't funny. Though Jon Stewart likes to pretend that he was the original everything, Stephen Colbert was actually on the show 2 years before he came by to make it even better.

Today, the show includes over 9,000 graphics per story, and the only one who laughs at the jokes is Jew. For the second half of the show, Jon commences to kiss the ass of whatever guest he happens to have on, such as his popular show with Hitler, in which he admitted that kristallnacht "wasn't all that bad". The "Moment of Zen", which previously contained such lulz-worthy clips as people throwing baby chicks to alligators as feed, now contains a re-run of C-Span, funny only to... well, no one, actually.

In 2005, The Daily Show made the full leap to Saturday Night Live Lite, with the addition of the then over-the-hill White Stripes as a musical guest. Since then, John has found more and more ways to vary content.

Jon Stewart and the cast of writers for The Daily Show.

The only worthwhile point of the show is now the last minute, in which Jon kisses Stephen Colbert's ass, trying to ride on his coattails. Like the rest of the show, this fails, and seconds after the credits roll, Jon is back at his day job, prying gold teeth out of burned concentration camp corpses.

On the night of July 14th, 2008, Britfag John Oliver made Jon Stewart his Jew bitch when he rickrolled Jon on national television. Can you say win?

Jon Stewart has recently been declared the most trusted newsman after Walter Cronkite (or even Dan Rather). Of course, this was declared as the result of an online poll by Time Magazine, who have the most fool-proof polls around.

Cheap Tricks

The Daily Show exploits a loophole that renders them invulnerable to criticism:

  1. Use the show to further liberal agendas;
  2. Show clips of other news channels criticizing The Daily Show;
  3. Tell viewers that other channels can't criticize them because it's a satire news show;
  4. Continue to use the show to further liberal agendas.

If You Can't Take the Heat, Have Your Opponent Shitcanned

Despite claiming to do it for the lulz, the surprisingly thin-skinned Stewart is known to undermine the careers of anyone lower than him on the television totem pole who has the unmitigated gall to criticize him too often.

In 2004, bowtie-clad conservative Tucker Carlson and equally obnoxious arch-liberal Paul Begalia invited Stewart to their debate show, Crossfire. After insulting both hosts to their faces, Carlson responded like the smartass he is by saying, "I do think you're more fun on your show." Stamping his spoiled little Jew feet, Stewart responded angrily:

When Crossfire was canceled months later after 23 nauseating seasons, CNN president Jonathan Klein openly referred to Stewart's appearance on the show as a factor.

Embroiled in another battle of absent wits years later with CNN douchebag extraordinaire Rick Sanchez, Stewart decided that it was time to again call on the aid of the Zion media banhammer when Sanchez spoke honestly for a change in regard to Stewart and his ilk, and their absurd tendency to pose as victims:

 
 
Yeah, very powerless people. He's such a minority. I mean, you know, please. What--are you kidding? I'm telling you that everybody who runs CNN is a lot like Stewart, and a lot of people who run all the other networks are a lot like Stewart. And to imply that somehow they, the people in this country who are Jewish, are an oppressed minority?
 

 

—Rick Sanchez, in a rare moment of clarity

After Sanchez was immediately fired for speaking the obvious truth, Stewart decided to add insult to injury on one of Comedy Central's many unfunny specials:

 
 
If you went on radio and said the Jews control the media...you may want to hold on to your money. But if he's right about the Jews, all he has to do is apologize to us, and we'll hire him back.
 

 

—Jon Stewart, intentionally obtuse

This stratagem has the double advantage of trolling Sanchez while assuring (through implication, not statement) Stewart's brain-dead fanbase of addled hipsters and college kids that Jews don't actually own and administer the vast majority of North America's mass media production and distribution companies.

Should the unthinkable occur and a serious rift should come between Stewart and Stephen Colbert, the former will likely be powerless to do anything.

Global Zionist Conspiracy

See WTC

The Daily Show is part of the Jews' total reign over the U.S.A. By doing WTC, the Jews have cleverly manipulated the entire population to believe that watching The Daily Show constitutes an acceptable level of dissent against W and his policy of pwning all their taxes to pay for the Jewish controlled extermination of every towelhead on the planet.

Their grip was tightened further when Stewart and his Zionist Pig Overlords threw Rick Sanchez off of CNN for proving the existence of their horrible conspiracy.

The Rally To Restore Sanity

In mid-September, 2010, Jon Stewart decided to jump on Stephen Colbert's massive ballsack and hitch a ride to Washington DC where Dr. Colbert would be holding a rally at the National Mall on Octobert 30th. This in an attempt to take the volume of the National Conversation down a notch after months of hysterical yelling from the pundits of Faux News about Black Jesus being a Commie, secret Moslem hellbent on destroying America, the rise of the angry mob of teabaggers led by Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin and the hysteria surrounding such IRL trolls as the Ground Zero Mosque and Burn A Koran Day.

"I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!"

Who among us has not wanted to open their window and shout that at the top of their lungs?

Seriously, who?

Because we're looking for those people. We're looking for the people who think shouting is annoying, counterproductive, and terrible for your throat; who feel that the loudest voices shouldn't be the only ones that get heard; and who believe that the only time it's appropriate to draw a Hitler mustache on someone is when that person is actually Hitler. Or Charlie Chaplin in certain roles.

Are you one of those people? Excellent. Then we'd like you to join us in Washington, DC on October 30 -- a date of no significance whatsoever -- at the Daily Show's "Rally to Restore Sanity." Ours is a rally for the people who've been too busy to go to rallies, who actually have lives and families and jobs (or are looking for jobs) -- not so much the Silent Majority as the Busy Majority. If we had to sum up the political view of our participants in a single sentence... we couldn't. That's sort of the point.

Think of our event as Woodstock, but with the nudity and drugs replaced by respectful disagreement; the Million Man March, only a lot smaller, and a bit less of a sausage fest; or the Gathering of the Juggalos, but instead of throwing our feces at Tila Tequila, we'll be actively *not* throwing our feces at Tila Tequila. Join us in the shadow of the Washington Monument. And bring your indoor voice. Or don't. If you'd rather stay home, go to work, or drive your kids to soccer practice... Actually, please come anyway. Ask the sitter if she can stay a few extra hours, just this once. We'll make it worth your while.

See also

External links


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