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Japan

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"Jap" redirects here. For Jewish American Princess, see JAP.

Origin of Japan, with Korean help.
The Japanese have always been obviously inferior to the superior Europeans.

Japan (from the Spanish japón, meaning "Corpse-Fucker-Land") is a cheap sex zone in the Pacific Ocean. The #1 exports of Japan are WTF and Hentai. All their men are thigh-high sock obsessed corpse-fuckers who enjoy the company of their obedient women, dead women, and mothers, who provide room for serious business.

Japan is ruled by the evil king of monkeys, a distant relative of George Bush. All the other countries in Asia, despite being disgusting cesspools themselves, hate Japan; but like their filthy whore women, probably because the entire country is coated with porn studios, strip clubs and whorehouses. Japanese culture also states that you must select the prettiest young girls, and turn them into "geishas" (vicious sluts who are supposed to entertain whoever pays for them) as well as dead sex dolls. Japan's current military is 9th strongest in the world, but there are some bases that are still used by Americans. Japan is a perfect example of "not-as-good-as-it-used-to-be." Before being raped by the atom bomb, Japan was busy doing just that to inferior countries, but with a Katana instead of the mighty power of the atom. After the USA's rampage, however, it degraded into what you see now. Japan loves Germany for unknown reasons.

Japan is known for being the country with the lowest calculate crime rate in the entire universe. Which isn't that surprising when you think about it, since Japan doesn't count drug dealing, prostitution, necrophilia, weapon dealing, extortion, blackmail, cannibalism, male rape and Yakuza (Japanese impersonators of Elvis) gang wars as "crimes".

Japs rarely exceed 150 cm in height. Most Japs would much rather be white, and some undergo limited caucasiaplasty to this end. Also, since they have a very light diet, the vast majority of Japanese wimmins have no tits. The few who have large tits end up as whores, which explains why porn of titted Japs exists. Theoretically, this could be solved with a little whale milk, but since they kill whales just to be conservative, they produce a nice duality, as an endangered Pacific string bean that's good for nothing and an endangered Pacific tub of lard that's good for nothing.

An expert describes why Japan is so full of fail(TL;DR).

Bestselling Sign in Asia.

Contents


World War II

pwnt
Japanese conducted torture and mass experiments on Chinese during World War II, and their women castrated the entire Chinese male population. Here a Japanese woman cuts off a Chinese man's penis.
 
 
It really surprised me that the Japanese sided with the Nazis during World War II. They're usually so polite.
 

 

After having buttsecks with Hitler, Emperor Hirohito sent his troops into Korea to buy Tamagotchis. The Japanese soldiers proceeded to rape, pillage and bukkake the Koreans and Chinese to death. Afterwards, the Jap troops then proceeded to fuck the corpses of the women they killed.

President Roosevelt sent a telegram to Hirohito requesting buttsecks too, but due to a mis-translation, the Japanese flew over Pearl Harbour and sunk a few battleships by dropping Toyotas and Pocky from their Gundams.

Your mother decided it was a good idea to build some bullets and bombs but the United States needed someone to test the bombs on, and who better than a bunch of slopes? Americunts considered fighting them hand to hand, but decided Japs weren't even worth the time. The nukes were a most practical and efficient way. So, Truman pwned the fuck out of Hiroshima on August 6th, 1945. But Tojo wouldn't surrender. To shut Japan the fuck up, Truman bombed Nagasaki three days later, for the lulz.

Japan surrendered, and to this day have been the bitch of the USA.

Fun Fact: The Epicness of the bombings would continue to show for years to come as hundreds of thousands of civilians died from horrifying radiation poisoning, hideous mutations and other shit nobody cares about.

The Japanese are an Endangered Species

The Japanese: an Endangered Species
Why Japs don't have sex
Also why Japs don't have sex
They literally never have sex

With poetry skills to rival even the most hardened emo, Japan was once the world's foremost macho culture. Big moustaches, leather clothes, manly sex between friends in bath houses -- it was all there. Nippon is also the land of the Hot Babe. In Japan, the streets teem with the same seething, supple-limbed female honeys for which the Land of the Rising Sun has always been famous -- and each and every one of them longs for a real man to Put It To Her the good old fashioned way.

As the Japs opened their country to British fags the Brits wanted to fuck all of the hot women, only to find angry Samurai ready to chop their dicks off for trying. Knowing they could never defeat all the samurai and ninja to get to the hot chicks, Britain released the previously unknown GRIDS leading to the first Gays being found on the island.

The British found the Japs nearly impossible to convert to their faggy ways, even with GRIDS infecting the island. So, they unleashed something even crueler: they jumped into WWII! It is a proven fact that the only real men left in Japan were killed in WWII and as a result, the Japanese are not even having enough children to make up for the annual number of deaths: they are an endangered species [see chart -- yes, it's for real].

Now all the men in Japan look like women and actively play the part. Instead of boning the most fabulous babes on earth and breeding a new generation of ass-whipping samurai, these quasi-men prefer whacking off to cartoon characters getting their heads eaten, playing with toys, and having hours of gay sex each day.

One of the contributing factors of the population decline is that of all of Asians, Japanese men have the smallest penises as we all know koreans have the smallest penises in Asia which means they have the smallest penises in the world, but japanese cocks are still small since they mixed with koreans. As a result, Japanese girls crave the slightly bigger White cock or the giant Black Cock and are completely submissive to White and Black men. Yes, even though the Japanese are famously racist against every other race, this need not rule out even the spottiest Irish or fattest American Star Trek geek.


The final reason Japs aren't reproducing is that the vast majority are now Sick Fuck necrophiles that like to kill and rape female corpses and masturbate to girls in thighhigh socks getting strangled their own entrails. Some have argued the sickness of the Japs is a response to radiation from the lulz bombs dropped on them during WW2. This is false, as they were sick necrophiliacs before the war. Even Japan knows that 1/3 of Japanese men hate sex and it has always been this way.

Pedophilia is not only accepted in Japan, but also mandatory. Legally the age of consent in Japan is 13, but usually it actually happens around the age of six. As the average Japanese 13 year old looks like a 6 year old of just about any other ethnicity, Japan is a haven for pedophiles around the world. 110% of Japanese men are pedophiles. CP is the primary export of Japan and they plan to spread it across the world. Many students haven open relationships with their teachers and when the Japs heard that Catholic priests were molesting little boys, their response was "We can do better than that." None of this helps the birth rate, however.

Unlike pedophilia, stimulants are banned in Japan. This includes Adderall, as well as coffee, heroin, marijuana, and alarm clocks. The reason for this taboo is not totally known, but some argue Japanese got through 24-hour workdays just fine in the 1980s.

FFFUUUCHKA YOUU WWAAAHLEEARU !!!!!!!!!

For more details, see: Whale Wars
Japan vs Australia in countryball form.

Japan's favorite pastime, other than bukkake, raping corpses, and working until their eyes and brain bleed from not sleeping, is viciously slaying the evil whale and/or dolphin menace. In fact the whole reason behind their space program is so they can be whalers on the moon.

Last Thursday, the Australian government asked Japan to stop whaling harvesting whales for science in Australian Antarctic waters, because you should only kill endangered species in your own country.

Being a teeny-tiny bit sensitive to criticism, Japanese YouTubers and their sympathizers proceeded to hurl every bizarre insult at Australia that they could think of - in hilariously broken English - through the medium of YouTube comments and tl;dw videos. It would appear that Australia only cares about animals that look cute - they are kangaroo-killing hypocrites, who want to destroy the Japanese culture like they did to the Aboriginals. This is totally OK.

How Aussies telling the Japs to GTFO of THEIR waters will stop them is unclear at this point. But much like the Chinese civilians after the last Japanese invasion of China, the Aussies are clearly asking for a decapitated-neckhole rapin’.

Most Aussies won't argue that whaling is better than the Japanese soldiers eating prisoners of war. Read all about it! (Also note how long the list of war-crimes is.)

Lulzy Earthquakes

Last Thursday Japan was hit by a huge earthquake of over 9000 magnitude. This, of course, is not surprising because Japan is about as prone to natural disasters (magnified by their own stupidity) as Africa is to AIDS. To further the stupidity, they built nuclear reactors close to the shore line. Oh Japan, you so crazy.

What is surprising, however, is that one of the world's richest nations has completely failed to prepare for this inevitable pwning by GodJesus and as a result, civilised countries like North Korea and Iran must lend the Japanese tree fiddy, so that they can rebuild all the animu studios and child sex shops destroyed by the disaster.

The earthquake did however, kill thousands of Japs. This granted those Japs their sexual fantasies and their corpses served as the sex toys for the survivng Japanese. Rumor has it that some of the Japanese are still skull-fucking their bones today.

Where off switch?
Pwnt by a tsunami minutes after being Pwnt by an earthquake and then getting Pwnt by radiation

Japanophiles

Every cosplayer ever
Japanese technology is being adapted to deter rapists and Weeaboos

The purest form of faggotry.

Japanophiles are western people who love everything to do with Japan, even the creepy bits, like the coin-operated panty dispensers and blackfaced, screeching women. They are usually fat and socially inept (male), or fat and delusional about their looks (female) and can be identified by their Cowboy Bebop (Naruto is the new coolect animu evar that will still be popular in 100 years!) wallscrolls, appreciation for J-pop and insistence on cosplaying. Not to mention walking around the city with a fucking Pocky sticking out of the mouth. Many Japanophiles are to be found at Colleges such as Earlham and Oberlin, where they form anime clubs and dress up like gay space elves with fox ears and capes.

Japanophilia is not to be confused with pedophilia, as there are several key differences. For example, pedophiles are obsessed with making love to children whereas Japanophiles are obsessed with Anime, writing with chopsticks, downloading gigabytes of hentai and annoying the fuck out of you at parties by talking at length about their interpretation of Neon Genesis Evangelion. Both, however, masturbate over pictures of schoolgirls.

Japanophiles do not reproduce by conventional means; most die as virgins and those that do not are usually imprisoned for rape. Instead, they use the internets to influence vulnerable teenagers to watch episodes of Trigun before leading them on to the harder (and less comprehensible) stuff. Soon the anime meme has infected the poor teen's brain and he has become a mindless Japanophile too.

The Japanophile's life cycle can end three ways; either dying an elderly virgin surrounded by small plastic figurines that cost hundreds of dollars each, being raped to death in prison (oh, teh irony!) or committing IRL self-pwnage after arriving at Japan and discovering that it's not full of enormously-breasted women who want to sleep with pasty, fat Caucasian lardballs. The last words of the latter Japanophiles are usually "Megatokyo lied to me..."

FUN FACT: Converse to how Japanophiles dry hump anything to do with Japanese culture, western culture is actually popular among Japanese teenagers. Proof of this is displayed with how many Japs dye their hair blonde and speak English.

Japanese Language

Seppuku SUDOKU!

Japanese is a language learned by losers who claim that they're learning it because they "enjoy Japanese culture" when they're actually enjoying anime. For their years of rigorous training, Japanese language teachers get to instruct unmotivated American teenagers in the basics again and again while one half writes Ouran High School Host Club/Harry Potter crossover fanfiction in class and the other watches the latest fansubbed ninja fanservice anime on their $2,000 laptops. Even though a tiny percentage actually finish the course, they have no real use for it other than fansubbing anime or re-translating a Final Fantasy game. This is a worthwhile use of their time since American translators are close-minded AmeriKKKans who are unable to understand the elevated cultural value of Japanese children's cartoons. As strange as it sounds, the last sentence is not irony. No, it's just stupid.

Google Transrate fails, defaults to Engrish

In addition to speaking their native tongue, the Japanese also speak an interesting language called Engrish, which can be seen on many billboards and products.Their writing system consists of over 9000 symbols stolen from China by pirates; a few simplified ones are used in their alphabet, and naturally took on the appearance of whaling harpoons, katanas and dildos.

In the video section, please to find a Demo of their so called... ":*(&^%$^ENGRISH^$%^&)*:" It has an accurate subtitle...

How to get around in Japan

Japanese Flag

Since we at ED care about your Japanese experience, we've collected some useful Japanese phrases you can use when you meet a Jap!

  • Boku wa _________ - My name is ________.
  • Kyokon wo tabetai - I would like to eat some delicious cake.
  • Sono shimbun wo kaimashita - I am not fluent in Japanese, can we speak English?
  • Kimi no imouto wo reipu shitai - Please take a seat over there...
  • Anime wo mitari, manga wo yondari shitai - I want to do things like watch anime and read manga.
  • DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU - I am not a Weaboo, now will you stop looking at me like that?
  • Chin-chin wo namesaseruzo - Problem, officer?

How To Troll

Beckoning.
  • Say anything good about Korea, anything at all.
  • Say that Zettai ryouiki is overrated. (Really it is)
  • Tell them how Dokdo and Diaoyu are parts of Korea and China, Iturup, Kunashir, Shikotan are parts of Russia and "Takeshima" & "Senkaku" are just pussy land grabs.
  • If you're a female, don't wear thigh-high socks, pantyhose, or other hosiery. Japs are sandniggers with legs and despise uncovered legs with a fiery hate. Going bare-legged to the Japanese is considered the ultimate blasphemy and worse than murder. They will kill any girl that doesn't and rape her corpse.
  • If you produce hentai, never draw any character wearing thighigh socks, pantyhose, or other hosiery. (WARNING, you might get killed.) If you're Japanese doing this will be considered the highest of highest treason in Japan.
  • Tell them that Hiroshima and Nagasaki were the happiest moments of the HUMAN race. Yes, Japanese are evil monkeys designed by Xenu
  • Tell the Japanese that they are now America's economic bitch despite the fact that they are one of the most wealthy nations in the world. That's what they deserved for trying to over expand their borders during WWII and then getting pwned by Amurika!
  • Spell the Japanese capital with an 'i' instead of a 'y'.
  • Post a picture of a nuclear explosion with the caption "pwnd".
  • Post a picture of Japanese internment camps with the caption "pwnd". For more lulz, praise Michelle Malkin's book of Japanese internment.
  • Deliberately confuse them with Koreans.
  • Talk to them in Korean, and expect them to understand you completely.
  • Call them "Japs", "Azn", or Pokeymanz.
  • Show 'em this (although they might fap to it)
So kawaii, amirite?
  • Tell them that Naruto is a total fag.
  • Produce hentai without Zettai ryouiki (and all other hosiery and thighhigh legwear) AND without death, guro, and snuff.
  • Say that you learned Japanese tradition through anime.
  • Tell them that China can invade at any time.
  • Post a low-res picture of Japan being ejaculated upon by multiple high-res penises.
  • Mention that they come from Korea and everything in their culture is Korean.
  • Tell them that they originate in Southeast Asia.
  • Walk by a schoolgirl.
  • Then tell them what retards they are for going all "dumbshit fantard" over some shitty Jpop singer for no other reason than that he's Japanese.
  • Upload a ton of Jap-made mods for Japanese games up for free downloading. The more uploaded for download, the better. MikuMikudance is a perfect example because the MMD community treats the game and themselves as some sort of fucking secret club. Often times on the few downloads they offer they put secret passwords on them. And so they get really pissed off about MMD stuff being shared (as well as passwords and links). They especially get mad when R18 models and videos are made. And make them easy and convenient to download; that will surely enrage the Japs.
  • Insult their necrophilia and guro fetishes.
  • Tell them that there is no such thing as a pure Japanese.
  • Tell them that they came from the Jews, especially since the Jews have influence in their government.
  • Tell them you like Godzilla
  • ???
  • PROFIT!

Brutally True Facts

One of the most popular sports in Japan.
Japanese man at work
  • All Male Japanese are either drag queens or transexuals or perverted old basement dwellers who sell hentai doujins.
  • All Japanese politician's are control by Yakuza. Also, it is legal to be Yakuza in Japan.
  • All male Japanese are beta as fuck and only get their piece of ass from sex dolls, pillows with their favorite characters printed on them, and corpses.
  • All Female Japanese love great white cock.
  • Japan is known for its capitalistic ways. In fact, a Jap will do just about anything for a few bucks, including loving you long time for $10 (that's Vietnam dumbass) (they'll do it too, faggot). If they refuse, threaten to nuke them. That always works.
  • In Japanese medicine, all drugs and most cures are suppositories. Anybody who takes a Japanese drug is therefore a douche.
  • 4chan was inspired by a Japanese imageboard
  • Japanese are just like christians, and they will get butthurt if they find out you're not Japanese. If so, threaten to nuke them a third time.
  • All Japanese people are necrophiliacs and guro-fetishists. This expains why they obsess over some magical girl getting her head eaten off. As they used to say during World War 2, "Dead girls and gore make a Jappy's fappy happy!"
  • Japs are like sandniggers, only they want the legs covered at all times. Girls in Japan who are found going bare-legged (even when bathing and swimming) face torture, death, and having their corpse raped. Anime/manga/hentai producers (even if they're not Japanese) will suffer the same fate if they don't draw thighhigh socks (regardless of gender). Liking and drawing bare-legs, going bare-legged, not liking/not drawing stockings/thighhighs/hosiery are considered by the Japanese to be the worst crimes. In Japan, people who prefer bare-legs are hated like anti-tax people are hated in the US; worse than terrorists. Japanese despise bare legs.
  • Japanese love Americans when comparing other Asians, but hate weeaboos. Yet they hate Americans for the two epic bombs that they dropped on two shitty villages that started a chain of faggotry in Japan. Basically these two-faced, double-standard bitches hate everyone.
  • Japanese think their religion is Ayumi Hamasaki cause there's truly no other way to explain this.
  • Japanese eat shit. Srsly. Some believe this is a result of the radioactive materials that have been released since the Japan Crisis of 2011.
Behold the glorious President of Japan!
Japanese Pastime.
Japan's traditional sport.
Another Japanese invention

A true American hero

Japan can be awesome sometimes.

Previous Video  |  Next Video

Senkaku Islands Daoyu Islands

Just last thursday, a big dramafest emerged between the chinks and the Japs for a set of small, useless pseudo-islands. Some stupid redneck chinks being the patriot they are, boarding the Daoyu island (also known as fishing island, pretty shitty name) and got pwned by Japan's sea tactic known as "double penetrations". The chinks was then arrested and getting buttraped in Japan tentacle prison (truth reveal, the owner of the island is a jew. Like Jose Fitz, he put the bitches in the kitchens while trolling all other chinks outside the island).

The chinks then responded by burning Japanese cars, boycotting Japanese products, and chink-raging. Wikipedia was no alien to that drama, providing a nice dose of butthurt and lulz.

Gallery

Kawaii About missing Pics

World War II velly funny neh? ROTFL

Shit, Japan needs some better history teachers.
About missing Pics

See Also

Typical Japanese couple.

External Links

The ideal Japanese "man", 2012

Video Links

Japan does Furries.


Japan
is part of a series on
日本国
Japan template image.jpg

Typical Japanese people. 日本人
Hard GayOtoya Yamaguchi

Typical Japanese Culture. 日本の人文
Big DaikonAnimeManga2chanJapanese Bug FightsShimajiroAnimu ArchetypesDating sim

Typical Japanese Porn. 日本の猥本
BukkakeHarem ComedyHentaiGuroPantyshotShotaconLoliconYaoiYuri



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