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Intel

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Intel

Intel makes computer parts with little stickers on them that say "Intel Inside." The sticker prompted a slew of spoofs, including "Intel Outside," "Satan Inside," and "Windows Vista Capable."

Many "clever" spoofs
What you can expect from overclocking..
Newest Intel Processor
Konata approved

Intel caused a panic towards the end of the nineties by inventing the Pentium 3, a chip that would send your phone number to the Mafia, but they repaired their reputation by hiring the Blue Man Group, industry leaders in IT consultancy and face-painting.

Most low-ranking geeks that run on dial up speed will tell you that Intel chips are shit, and that AMD chips are the way to go. However, none of them have any idea why that is. Experts have recently discovered that AMD chips are actually Intel chips with go-faster stripes painted down the sides. However, Dicks are good.

Intel chips are widely recognised as being resposible for 99% of housefires in the whole world, this is because they were built by engineers who jerk off to clock speeds. Protip, if you don't know what "clock speed" is, you're probably too normal to be here, go and watch some pron or something

History of Intel

Intel was founded in 1986, as Integrated Electronics Corporation, by Robert Noyce and Gordon Moore. Since 1982, Intel has been engaged in a litigation battle with Advanced Micro Devices. Intel's Intel Inside advertisement made it, and it's Pentium processor line famous. Despite the fact AMD is older than Intel by 7 years, Intel still makes more money than AMD, causing a lot of jelly executives at AMD.

Intel Vs AMD

The litigation history between Intel and AMD is long, so here is a lovely timeline.

  • 1972. Intel Designs the 8080 processor, the first one ever to run x86 instructions.
  • 1981. IBM signs a deal with Intel for use of the 8080 processor in their machines. They chose AMD as the backup supplier.
  • 1982. AMD now has the licence to build 8080 processors, and does so.
  • 1982. Intel sues AMD, but the judge rules, that by default, AMD inherits the right to use x86 architectures, from IBM.
  • 1989. AMD sues Intel, for breaking the legs of any computer manufacturers that want to use AMD processors. The war is on.
  • 2003. AMD Invents the first 64Bit CPU. Not surprisingly, Intel clones it, Sues AMD, and wins, with more advertising. Most x64 processors are Intel AMD invented 64bit CPU's while Intel sues them for doing so because "64bit was Intel's Idea".
  • 2005. AMD invents the first Dual Core CPU (AMD64 X2), Intel clones it and then pays everyone to like it.

Intel released dual core Pentium D, later followed by a new Intel Core series (Core 2 Doo Doo, Core i3, Core i5 and Core i7). AMD continued their dual core Athlon64 X2 CPU line and the quad core Phenom (which wasn't very successful at all), later followed by a much improved Phenom II.

Soon Intel is going to buttfuck itself in the ass by cloning it's own iSeries like Otherkin and AMD are going to release ARM chips, Steamrollers (I see what you did there) and most of all a large billboard on their building of Linus Torvalds flipping the bird.

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