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Goatse Security

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Did You Know: Goatsec CEO Andrew Auernheimer has been arrested on bogus drug possession charges, materials clearly on his person for religious use? More news at United States v. Andrew Auernheimer


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Goatse Security is an internet and computer security watchgroup promoting and encouraging the homosexual African American agenda. Founder Kirk Johnson hired security consultant Weev to be its general manager. Goatse Security or "Goatsec" has most recently focused its attention exposing security vulnerabilities for the benefit of the public at large. In early 2010, a cross-protocol scripting vulnerability was discovered in the Firefox web browser, anally fisting a certain IRC network associated with a shadowy confidence swindler living in Europe after faking his death in a Texas cycling accident. Shortly thereafter, the Safari XPS Attack was publicized. Security experts familiar with terms such as "integer overflow port blocking" and the emergent "XHR vectored mail-merging / wordlist attack" aka VOLTRON, shuddered in fear. The vast majority of humanity, unaware of such horrors, or even the existence of an Apple browser, shrugged.

Contents

Current Threat

Info non-talk.png Weev's arrest is breaking news, and as such please update this section whenever new information comes to light. Don't believe the Jew lies.



AT&T DID WEEV, NEVER FORGET


AT&T DID WEEV, NEVER FORGET


AT&T DID WEEV, NEVER FORGET


AT&T DID WEEV, NEVER FORGET


AT&T DID WEEV, NEVER FORGET


AT&T DID WEEV, NEVER FORGET


AT&T DID WEEV, NEVER FORGET



Free Weev

AT&T iPad ICC ID email address harvest

Goatsemac.jpg

That all changed Last Thursday. Goatse analysts successfully penetrated the steel fortress defenses of AT&T's website, gaining access to email addresses of the elect 144000 beautiful iPad subscribers. Those wise enough to purchase a phone (which can't make calls) sporting a fragile, unprotected, 10 inch glass display, would never click a link in an unsolicited email, so really it wasn't much of a threat, amirite? Nonetheless, the blogosphere went positively Bill O'Reilly batshit, calling for the head of Goatse's spokesman despite the facts he didn't actually participate in the exploit, AT&T was made aware of the breach via a 3rd party, and that AT&T had successfully patched said gaping hole prior to the release of list to Gawker. On Disclosure

No Biggie, all any potential Russian or Chinese cyber-warrior could have put together was the name and ICC ID, right? Wellll, actually the ICC ID's weren't randomly paired to the IMSI. And just what does that mean? It means a competent hacker with the information leaking from AT&T's sieve-like website could know the real time location of Rahm Emmanuel's shiny electronic toy. Those injecting testosterone could intercept all data coming to and from this marvel of the ages. But AT&T informed all of their subscribers about this potential threat prior to Goatse's disclosure via Gawker, right? Nope. Motherfuckers weren't going to say shit. Luckily there are still a few Americans who care. Patriots. Heroes. Goatse.

Many pundits were quick to point out that as Cupertino products become more and more ubiquitous, the more likely they will be buttfucked by those lacking Goatse's benevolent White Hat ethos. Apple stock was up 4 bucks a share by the end of the week, leaving little room to argue Steve Jobs is not, in fact, Satan.

Oh yeah, and that Safari vulnerability? They fixed it. Except on the iPad. Oops.

Media

CBTh thpeakth with Goatthe analytht Jim Jefferth

Quotes

 
 
You fucked up, we helped you figure that out and informed the public. You should thank us, but you can keep on shit-talking if you want. We know what we did was right.
 

 

Weev dropping science Fact

 
 
I want to assure you that the e-mail address and ICC-ID were the only information that was accessible. Your password, account information, the contents of your e-mail, and any other personal information were never at risk.
 

 

Dorothy Attwood ORLY

 
 
The security vulnerability was fixed before it was publicized, all the private user information gathered was destroyed, and no remuneration was received...
 

 

"THESE NIGGERS ARE FUCKING CYBERTERRORISTS!"

 
 
"The FBI is aware of these possible computer intrusions and has opened an investigation into addressing the potential cyberthreat," said Lindsay Godwin

Fucking Nazis.
 


 

ZOMFG! REVERSE GODWIN!

SRS BSNS

This are no laughing matter

Ruh-ro


Awards and Accolades

Crunchie.jpg

Goatse Security Awarded a Crunchie Award for Public Service

See Also

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External links

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Goatse Security is part of a series on

Softwarez

Visit the Softwarez Portal for complete coverage.

Gnaa-logo.png Goatse Security is part of a series on the Gay Nigger Association of America.

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Featured article June 17, 2010
Preceded by
Cheer Up Keanu Day
Goatse Security Succeeded by
Are You Serious?
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