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Fire Emblem

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He's almost like...Bridget's older brother or something...
The necessary Rule 34.
Heather, the only lesbian character in Fire Emblem.

Fire Emblem is a fantasy/strategy game that was, for a good long while, playable only by Japs or import-happy weeaboos. Most of the characters are hot, bishie men. But after the success of Super Smash Bros. Melee, which featured two "Lord" characters from the series, Nintendo decided that the weeaboo quotient was sufficient for them to bring over the series to America, creating a new generation of autistic, elitist fanboy scum. Fire Emblem is the Smash Bros for Nintendo obsessed autists who are too slow and clumsy to play fighting games and too dumb and ignorant to play chess.

Contents

How to play

At its very basic level, Fire Emblem games are played as follows:

  1. Select one of your guys.
  2. Order them to do something, like move, attack a bad guy, heal one of your guys, fuck their own cousin, or some other crazy shit.
  3. Repeat until everyone has been properly raped by the RNG.
  4. Enemy gets a turn and shits all over your face because you fail at strategy games.
  5. Repeat until you win or lose the battle.
  6. ???
  7. PROFIT

The Random Number Generator

This bit of code, abbreviated as the RNG, is at the core of every Fire Emblem game. It generates random numbers to determine numerous things that happen when you play, and it is something the Fire Emblem fandom obsesses over. The RNG is a fickle thing, often making people miss when they have a 99% chance to hit, and enemies will score hits with a 10% chance. These common Fire Emblem-related videos on YouTube will depict a character kicking loads of ass or getting utterly pwnt, based entirely on the RNG's whims. This is exacerbated by the fact that character death is permanent, so you just lost half an hour of progress to a dice roll. The RNG is a great troll and has caused many a frustrated nerd to enter fits of xtreme virgin RAEG.

Previous Video  |  Next Video

The Random Number Generator is a troll.

The Games

The Story

The overall plot structure of Fire Emblem games has not changed one bit throughout the series. All of the games use this template:

  1. Evil nation conquers good nation.
  2. The hero quests to save the good nation while gathering miscellaneous people with one single defined personality trait to help him out.
  3. Conspiracy and generic boss guys abound. Insert some shit about wincest and 'holy blood'.
  4. At some point, there's a plot twist and the hero will often FINALLY promote, though it'll be too damn late in the game for him/her to be useful.
  5. The hero and his army defeat the king of the enemy nation.
  6. If the bad king was not the final boss, then they go kill the final boss, which is usually a big bad giant lizard. IT WAS THE REPTILIANS ALL ALONG!

The Lords

Absolutely not gay

The Lord characters in Fire Emblem barely have any more changes to them than the general story of the games themselves. They generally suck overall due to not being able to promote when you want them to. Common traits of Lord characters include swords, blue hair, capes, royalty, not being optional characters during chapters, and causing the game to end when they die.

Your average fight scene in Fire Emblem.
Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance - Rated T for Teen

Yaoi

The most significant segment of the fandom are yaoi fangirls. The fandom absolutely CRAWLS with them. Then again, with most of the male characters being hawt animu bishies, it's to be expected.

I FUCK MY FRIENDS!

To attempt to back up their claims, various fans turn to "Support Conversations" that characters have during the game. If you care at all, when two units support each other, they will make the character kill stuff more easily or not get pwned as easily. But to build them, the characters have to stand next to each other all the time, and then have silly little chats. In earlier games, they usually ranged from "OMG LET'S BE BFF" (usually between characters of the same sex) and "OMG ILU LOTS HAVE SEX W/ME PLZ <3 <3 <3" (between characters of the opposite sex). While this is usually the case, there are some exceptions that are quite lulzy in nature.


The infamous conversation from Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn that sparked hundreds of fanfics and immediately raised questions about the otherwise manly Ike's sexuality. It makes you wonder what Ike really means when he says that he "fights for his friends" (Spoiler: he means to say that he "sleeps with his friends"). It is also worthy of note that Ike, in spite of having the ruler of a major nation craving his steroid-shrunken cock, only has paired endings with Soren, or a blue-haired laguz with a stupid hat named Ranulf.

Aftermath

Reactions to Games

As soon as it was first heard that Fire Emblem would be venturing outside of Japan with its next release, fans of Marth and Roy creamed their pants in excitement, especially since the two Lord characters appeared to resemble Marth and Roy. This is why every time a new game is announced, there's always some dumbfuck asking "hai gaiz, are marth and roy in dis gaem?". How they confused the bulky Hector for a pansy like Marth can only be explained by the blue hair (see the list of Lords above). When Fire Emblem came to the GBA, it was the best thing to happen to the Western world, but it slowly and steadily declined in popularity, the last high point being the Gamecube game. Since then, some argue that the reason is because it has exactly the same play style every time. Keep in mind that you never hear this complaint about Advance Wars or Super Robot Wars, two games of the same play style that had very few mechanical changes over the course of the series. By the time Marth finally had a game in English, nobody gave a shit because nobody outside of Yaoi fangirls (who don't have much ammo since the most recent game lacks support conversations) and hardcore FE players liked Fire Emblem any more.

Whenever a new game comes out, fans will constantly argue over the names of the characters from the upcoming games based on their Japanese name. In order to epically troll the weeaboos, Nintendo of America decides to create some lulz by making the characters' English names either completely different (Brad/Vlad from FE10 became Aran), or only just slightly different but still the same name ("Jeigan" from Fire Emblem 11 became Jagen), both of which piss the fans off greatly. They often retaliate by bitching constantly or by being elitist pricks and continuing to refer to them by their Japanese names.

In the case of classic games, such as FE1 being released as Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon for the DS, every name (except Marth) was changed, resulting in an endless wave of fantard tears. Now, no true fan of Fire Emblem wants to see their precious Genealogy of the Holy War translated. This proves that members of the Fire Emblem community have fetishes for pedophilia, incest, rape, and genocide, all of which would be changed upon localization. On another note, fans refuse to acknowledge the updated and (slightly) expanded remake of the original Fire Emblem as "Fire Emblem 11", referring to it as a port of the NES title. Little do these fucks realize that if it was in fact a port, it would look exactly the same as it did 20 years ago.

tl;dr, Fire Emblem fans are dense elitist motherfuckers who cling to the past. Expect to see a lot of this now that Intelligent Systems finally announced yet another remake.

Debating

Other members of the fandom often partake in character debates, during which they host intelligent discussions about the usefulness and tier-position of their favorite characters, and often feel that they are superior to the rest of the fandom. Normally, this wouldn't be worth paying attention to, but due to Fire Emblem's English fanbase being the smallest of all of Nintendo's titles, elitist fucktards dominate the communities that host Fire Emblem debates. Some argue that tier-positioning are most used on games that are actually played on tournaments, like Brawl or Pokémon. Fire Emblem is not the case, so it's up to you to decide if a Single Player Game Tier List Debate is actually relevant. Like all tourneyfags, they claim their method of playing the game is superior and if you play it with any other goals or intentions in mind, you are a casualfag. Despite considering themselves the strategy game equivalent of Napoleon, they are actually ignorant autistic weeaboo failures that couldn't play a wargame or game of chess to save their lives.

To be a pro Fire Emblem player and debater, you must do the following:

Average Fire Emblem debater
File:Inui.jpg
Inui, the self-proclaimed master of serious Fire Emblem discussion and debating, and also a major tourneyfag. Inui is a solid example of the elitism in the Fire Emblem community. Take note that he looks like a creepy pedophile.
  • Refer to average stats
  • Play Hard Mode (or Hector Hard Mode, if you're playing the first English Game Boy Advance game)
  • Speed Run. If you don't speed run at all costs, you are a causal failure and should kill yourself immediately.
  • RNG Abuse.
  • Skip arenas
  • Refer to average stats
  • Skip exploring and searching for extra material, even if it makes the game easier
  • Not use the Lord characters
  • Not use interesting characters that have a personality because they have shit average stats
  • Call people fags for not using the same character you do
  • Refer to average stats
  • Refer to support bonuses
  • Refer to average stats
  • Promote characters with high average stats
  • Refer to average stats
Manliest character in the game, according to debaters.
Hardcore FE players ruin the game for everyone else
Those who take part in serious Fire Emblem playing will often use the uninteresting and unoriginal female Lords such as Lyn and Micaiah, the overly aggressive and manly Lords like Ike and Hector, and swordmasters that all have the same sword-obsessed personality because THER CRITZ IZ SO AWESUM!!!1!11!!! Nobody uses the other classes for reasons that can be summarized as such: they're not swordmasters or skimpily-dressed women. If fans create original characters, it will always be a swordmaster and will be somehow related to Soren. No other classes exist. EVAR.

Prime example

How to troll FEfags

While trolling a FEfag may be pointless because of their lack of importance, it may be fun.

1. Radiant Dawn threads. (Also applies with Path of Radiance)

  • Recommend any of the other mages over Soren.
  • Talk about how Ike sucks.
  • Recommend Sothe over Volke.
  • Recommend Astrid instead of any other horseback unit. (Radiant Dawn only)
  • Recommend Tauroneo over Gatrie

2.Blazing Sword threads.

  • Say that Hector sucks ass.
  • Recommend Vaida over Heath.
  • Say that Nino is shit. (Excellent measure).
  • Say that Lyn is shit.
  • Say anything even remotely positive about Eliwood.
  • Recommend Erk over Pent.
  • Argue why either Matthew or Legault should be promoted instead of the other(requires research)
  • Say that any of the Pegasus knights in this game are shit.

3. Sword of Seals threads.

  • Create a thread about Lilina's superiority over Lugh.
  • Recommend any other thief over Chad.
  • Recommend Marcus instead of any other horseback unit. (This also works on Blazing Sword related topics)
  • Recommend either Sophia or Niime over Ray.
  • Say how much Lance, Alan and Noah suck.
  • Recommend Wendy over any other Armored unit.

4. Genealogy of the Holy War threads.

  • Say that it's the worst game in the series. Guaranteed to work at at least 90% of the time time. Use sparingly.
  • Provide reasons for it being the worst. Some good ones include the chapters being too long, the maps being too big, the story being too dark and mature for a Nintendo game, the characters being underdeveloped, only a few characters being able to use the most powerful weapons, and, last but not least, that the game's technology is obsolete by today's standards (because gamers believe that the Super Nintendo is the BEST CONSOLE EVAR). This'll result in more tears than the above alone.
  • Imply in any way that you didn't enjoy playing this game.
  • Recommend Holyn over Ayra.
  • Say that Sety is a better Holsety user then Arthur.
  • Say that all the substitute children are amazing.

5. Thracia 776 threads.

  • Recommend Marty over Othin.
  • Recommend Selphina or Ronan over Robert.
  • Recommend Mareeta over Shiva.

6. Sacred Stones threads.

  • Say that this game is the hardest game in the series.
  • Say bad things about Gheb.
  • Say that Joshua's hat is gay/stupid/etc.
  • Recommend Rennac over Colm for combat.
  • Say that Ross, Ewan or Amelia suck.
  • Say that Ewan should be promoted to a Mage Knight.(Works, but not as well, with Lute)
  • Recommend Moulder over any other magic user in the game.
  • Talk about how awesome the secret characters are.
  • Say the Assassin class is way better than the Rogue class.

7. Shadow Dragon threads

  • Recommend Gordin instead of any other bow unit.
  • Recommend Caeda instead of any other flying unit.
  • Say that Wolf and Sedgar are shit.
  • Use the names from the NA version/correct people who use the fan-made names.
  • Insist that Est has some use beyond the Ridersbane and Mercurius in her inventory
  • Express approval with regards chapters that can only be reached by killing off your own units.

8. Heroes of Light and Shadow threads

  • Say that the real reason the game was never released outside of Japan is because it was so fucking awful.
  • Recommend Arran over Sirius.
  • Recommend using anybody recruited past chapter 10 (with a few exceptions)
  • Suggest that My Unit is even remotely balanced.

9. With every single game

  • Say that you don't use swordmasters because they are shit.
  • Recommend characters based on personality and importance to the story.
  • Start shipwars and insult other peoples' OTPs.
  • Act like you are better at the game than everyone else.

10. Awakening threads

  • Talk about how every other game in the series is better.
  • Say that all the children characters are shit.
  • Say that Henry's puns suck.
  • Look down on people who play casual mode. (Depends on the FE community)
  • Look down on people who haven't played any other game in the series.
  • Recommend Maribelle over Chrom's other potential wives.
  • Recommend Say'ri over Lon'qu.
  • Recommend Tiki instead of any other manakete.
  • Say that Donnel and Morgan suck.
  • Tell everyone how unbeatable your streetpass team is.

Memes

Not unlike most fandoms, the Fire Emblem fandom has its share of failed memes, fads and whatnot. Most of these originated on that den of retards, GameFAGs. Here are a few that have managed to spread somewhat:

The fatass Gheb in all his glory
  • "The beasts...they wish to consume me!": A line uttered by another boss, this time from Radiant Dawn; a whiny French dude in armor named Septimus. The line is in reaction to the approach of an army of laguz (furries) butthurt over years of fursecution.
  • "I am Glass! The Gods fear my name!": Yet another line uttered by a boss. This one comes from FE7, where a guido bandit named Glass tries to steal a legendary sword so he can become the BEST SWORDSMAN EVER!!!11!1! He winds up being cockblocked by the sword because he can't pull it from its sheath, and threatens to unleash the fucking fury on the shrine holding it, only to be violently raped by Lyn and her knights.
As you can see, Danved is most certainly not Devdan
  • Danved is most certainly not Devdan: Yet another one from Radiant Dawn, it features Danved, a nigra in yellow armor who happens to look exactly like Devdan, from Path of Radiance, who is also a nigra in yellow armor. Fans grabbed onto the line like a fag to a juicy, throbbing cock and haven't let go since.

Shipping Wars

There are none, unfortunately. Well, there were until some fucking brain came out and figured out they were all canon, since you could pair whoever you want with one another to end the story. That's right, you can whore Lyn out to whoever you want to end this shit game. He effectively killed the lulz by doing this, unfortunately. Nowadays nobody cares about shipping, but STATS ARE SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS!!!

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