From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Fire Emblem is a fantasy/strategy game that was, for a good long while, playable only by Japs or import-happy weeaboos. Most of the characters are hot, bishie men. But after the success of Super Smash Bros. Melee, which featured two "Lord" characters from the series, Nintendo decided that the weeaboo quotient was sufficient for them to bring over the series to America, creating a new generation of autistic, elitist fanboy scum. Fire Emblem is the Smash Bros for Nintendo obsessed autists who are too slow and clumsy to play fighting games and too dumb and ignorant to play chess.
How to play
At its very basic level, Fire Emblem games are played as follows:
- Select one of your guys.
- Order them to do something, like move, attack a bad guy, heal one of your guys, fuck their own cousin, or some other crazy shit.
- Repeat until everyone has been properly raped by the RNG.
- Enemy gets a turn and shits all over your face because you fail at strategy games.
- Repeat until you win or lose the battle.
The Random Number Generator
This bit of code, abbreviated as the RNG, is at the core of every Fire Emblem game. It generates random numbers to determine numerous things that happen when you play, and it is something the Fire Emblem fandom obsesses over. The RNG is a fickle thing, often making people miss when they have a 99% chance to hit, and enemies will score hits with a 10% chance. These common Fire Emblem-related videos on YouTube will depict a character kicking loads of ass or getting utterly pwnt, based entirely on the RNG's whims. This is exacerbated by the fact that character death is permanent, so you just lost half an hour of progress to a dice roll. The RNG is a great troll and has caused many a frustrated nerd to enter fits of xtreme virgin RAEG.
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The overall plot structure of Fire Emblem games has not changed one bit throughout the series. All of the games use this template:
- Evil nation conquers good nation.
- The hero quests to save the good nation while gathering miscellaneous people with one single defined personality trait to help him out.
- Conspiracy and generic boss guys abound. Insert some shit about wincest and 'holy blood'.
- At some point, there's a plot twist and the hero will often FINALLY promote, though it'll be too damn late in the game for him/her to be useful.
- The hero and his army defeat the king of the enemy nation.
- If the bad king was not the final boss, then they go kill the final boss, which is usually a big bad giant lizard. IT WAS THE REPTILIANS ALL ALONG!
The Lord characters in Fire Emblem barely have any more changes to them than the general story of the games themselves. They generally suck overall due to not being able to promote when you want them to. Common traits of Lord characters include swords, blue hair, capes, royalty, not being optional characters during chapters, and causing the game to end when they die.
- Marth - First known to the world after appearing in Super Smash Bros Melee. Famous for not wearing pants until 2001 and being the most androgynous lord of the group. He's royalty, has blue hair, wields swords, and can't promote. EVAR.
- Alm - One of the Lords from Fire Emblem Gaiden, a game that noone knows about. Wields swords and is royalty, although he doesn't know it. Fans often argue about his actual hair color (it's green on the box art, but blue in the game). Unlike Marth, who wears no pants, Alm wears armored pants and has an oversized crotch guard.
- Cellica - The other lord from Fire Emblem Gaiden, and just as irrelevant as Alm and also his cousin. Wields swords and magic and is royalty. The first lord to not have blue hair.
- Sigurd - Referred to as Zigludo in a Nintendo Power issue; call him that on FE fan boards for epic lulz. Has blue hair, is a noble, wields swords and lances, wears a cape, rides a horse, and is already promoted when you start the game. He marries the amnesiac sister of his best friend Alvis (whom also sleeps with her), and he dies halfway through the game making his son continue in his place... oh, by the way, spoiler alert.
- Celice - Zigludo's son who was given a girls name. Shares all of the above traits of his daddy, except he was smart enough to wait before being promoted and riding a horse and wielding spears.
- Leaf - Celice's cousin and the star of his own sidestory game. Also has a name that may or may not fit his gender. Is a noble, wields swords, and wears a cape. First and only Lord to date to have a natural hair color that could be seen IRL without use of dye or other treatment.
- Roy - The second Lord to be known by the world outside of Japan, though Intelligent Systems made him debut in Super Smash Bros Melee before he had his own game. Is a noble, wears a cape, and wields swords, one of which can burst into flames to attack. Fans can often be seen making online petitions to make Intelligent Systems release this game in English. He is also considered the most pimpin' lord, being able to marry 6 characters in the game.
- Lyn - Typical animu azn katana-wielding no-personality female character. Fans only like her because she's the "first female lord" in an English Fire Emblem game, is a lord version of the Swordmaster class (which every fan of this series weeaboogasms over), and because her outfit shows a lot of leg. Has greenish-blue hair and is a noble, though she too doesn't know it. She's also half-Sacaen, who are basically the game's equivalent of the Mongols. Also a closet dyke. TL;DR-FE's version of every mature anime girl with a sword.
- Eliwood - Roy's father. Fans don't like him because he's tough to train, his stats and growth rates are terrible, and he doesn't promote until late in the game. Ironically, hardcore FE fans consider him a high-tier character. He accidentally caused the events of Roy's game to take place by going out of his way to save Prince Zephiel, who later decided that he wanted to kill everyone because his daddy hates him. Is royalty, wears a cape, wields swords, and his final weapon is too heavy for him.
- Hector - Eliwood's butt-buddy who slept during all of his classes. He and Eliwood have sparring matches on a regular basis. Is quick to anger and aggression because his parents died when he was young and his older brother was too busy ruling the country to play with him. Has blue hair, is royalty, wears a cape, wields axes (ZOMG PLOT TWIST), and is killed by Zephiel's armies in the sequel. See? Eliwood fucked up pretty bad. FEfags LOVE Hector.
- Eirika - The second female lord to speak in English. No personality, wields a sword, is royalty, wears a cape, and has blue hair. She also has the most paired endings of any female Lord in the series, including one with her own twin brother.
- Ephraim - Eirika's twin, and the only Lord to date to wield lances at the start. Has blue-green hair, wears a cape, is royalty.in the early part of the game, takes on an entire country with only 3 soldeirs at his side. Yeah, he's not that interesting compared to everyone else, save for the incest ending.
- Ike - The ONLY lord to date to not have any connections to royalty. Ike's a mercenary troop leader who's famous for fighting for his friends and becoming insanely buff over the course of two games, which actually also makes him the only lord that is capable of surviving on his own. Has blue hair, wields swords, and wears a cape. His arch-enemy is the Black Knight, and he wields a phallus-shaped sword. Recently, Ike attacked the Gulf of Mexico with the ferocity of a hurricane.
- Elincia - The princess of Crimea, her father kept her hidden because he was ashamed of her, but she joined Ike and was only useful as a healer when she did. Has green hair, rides a Pegasus, wields swords and healing staffs, and is royalty. She can often be seen crying because Ike allegedly wants to spend his nights with his buttbuddy Soren instead of her.
- Micaiah - The Silver-Haired Maiden of Daein. Micaiah is capable of seeing the future and can act upon it. She had this power since birth, and is actually a lot older than she looks. This is because she is a Branded that has Heron-clan blood in her veins, which keeps her from aging and gives her magical powers, including being able to awaken the Goddess of Chaos who inhabits her body. Because she can awaken the Goddess of Chaos, she also turns out to be the true Apostle of Begnion. In short, she's a point-for-point example of a Mary Sue. Wields light magic, and is utterly useless until she promotes, and then she becomes a healer. She becomes the Queen of Daein and marries her homosexually-dressed adopted brother/best friend at the end of the game.
- My Unit - In order to make the second remake more interesting, Intelligent Systems adds the feature to create an in-game version of yourself (or your "fan-character", if you're one of those fuckheads). He/she is apparently a childhood friend of Marth, and has the personality of a pencil eraser. You can also choose his/her class. Male characters become cockblocked by not being able to make a swordmaster without using the shitty reclass feature. Also, the default designs have... you guessed it, blue hair.
To attempt to back up their claims, various fans turn to "Support Conversations" that characters have during the game. If you care at all, when two units support each other, they will make the character kill stuff more easily or not get pwned as easily. But to build them, the characters have to stand next to each other all the time, and then have silly little chats. In earlier games, they usually ranged from "OMG LET'S BE BFF" (usually between characters of the same sex) and "OMG ILU LOTS HAVE SEX W/ME PLZ <3 <3 <3" (between characters of the opposite sex). While this is usually the case, there are some exceptions that are quite lulzy in nature.
The infamous conversation from Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn that sparked hundreds of fanfics and immediately raised questions about the otherwise manly Ike's sexuality. It makes you wonder what Ike really means when he says that he "fights for his friends" (Spoiler: he means to say that he "sleeps with his friends"). It is also worthy of note that Ike, in spite of having the ruler of a major nation craving his steroid-shrunken cock, only has paired endings with Soren, or a blue-haired laguz with a stupid hat named Ranulf.
Reactions to Games
As soon as it was first heard that Fire Emblem would be venturing outside of Japan with its next release, fans of Marth and Roy creamed their pants in excitement, especially since the two Lord characters appeared to resemble Marth and Roy. This is why every time a new game is announced, there's always some dumbfuck asking "hai gaiz, are marth and roy in dis gaem?". How they confused the bulky Hector for a pansy like Marth can only be explained by the blue hair (see the list of Lords above). When Fire Emblem came to the GBA, it was the best thing to happen to the Western world, but it slowly and steadily declined in popularity, the last high point being the Gamecube game. Since then, some argue that the reason is because it has exactly the same play style every time. Keep in mind that you never hear this complaint about Advance Wars or Super Robot Wars, two games of the same play style that had very few mechanical changes over the course of the series. By the time Marth finally had a game in English, nobody gave a shit because nobody outside of Yaoi fangirls (who don't have much ammo since the most recent game lacks support conversations) and hardcore FE players liked Fire Emblem any more.
Whenever a new game comes out, fans will constantly argue over the names of the characters from the upcoming games based on their Japanese name. In order to epically troll the weeaboos, Nintendo of America decides to create some lulz by making the characters' English names either completely different (Brad/Vlad from FE10 became Aran), or only just slightly different but still the same name ("Jeigan" from Fire Emblem 11 became Jagen), both of which piss the fans off greatly. They often retaliate by bitching constantly or by being elitist pricks and continuing to refer to them by their Japanese names.
In the case of classic games, such as FE1 being released as Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon for the DS, every name (except Marth) was changed, resulting in an endless wave of fantard tears. Now, no true fan of Fire Emblem wants to see their precious Genealogy of the Holy War translated. This proves that members of the Fire Emblem community have fetishes for pedophilia, incest, rape, and genocide, all of which would be changed upon localization. On another note, fans refuse to acknowledge the updated and (slightly) expanded remake of the original Fire Emblem as "Fire Emblem 11", referring to it as a port of the NES title. Little do these fucks realize that if it was in fact a port, it would look exactly the same as it did 20 years ago.
tl;dr, Fire Emblem fans are dense elitist motherfuckers who cling to the past. Expect to see a lot of this now that Intelligent Systems finally announced yet another remake.
Other members of the fandom often partake in character debates, during which they host intelligent discussions about the usefulness and tier-position of their favorite characters, and often feel that they are superior to the rest of the fandom. Normally, this wouldn't be worth paying attention to, but due to Fire Emblem's English fanbase being the smallest of all of Nintendo's titles, elitist fucktards dominate the communities that host Fire Emblem debates. Some argue that tier-positioning are most used on games that are actually played on tournaments, like Brawl or Pokémon. Fire Emblem is not the case, so it's up to you to decide if a Single Player Game Tier List Debate is actually relevant. Like all tourneyfags, they claim their method of playing the game is superior and if you play it with any other goals or intentions in mind, you are a casualfag. Despite considering themselves the strategy game equivalent of Napoleon, they are actually ignorant autistic weeaboo failures that couldn't play a wargame or game of chess to save their lives.
To be a pro Fire Emblem player and debater, you must do the following:
- Refer to average stats
- Play Hard Mode (or Hector Hard Mode, if you're playing the first English Game Boy Advance game)
- Speed Run. If you don't speed run at all costs, you are a causal failure and should kill yourself immediately.
- RNG Abuse.
- Skip arenas
- Refer to average stats
- Skip exploring and searching for extra material, even if it makes the game easier
- Not use the Lord characters
- Not use interesting characters that have a personality because they have shit average stats
- Call people fags for not using the same character you do
- Refer to average stats
- Refer to support bonuses
- Refer to average stats
- Promote characters with high average stats
- Refer to average stats
How to troll FEfags
While trolling a FEfag may be pointless because of their lack of importance, it may be fun.
1. Radiant Dawn threads. (Also applies with Path of Radiance)
- Recommend any of the other mages over Soren.
- Talk about how Ike sucks.
- Recommend Sothe over Volke.
- Recommend Astrid instead of any other horseback unit. (Radiant Dawn only)
- Recommend Tauroneo over Gatrie
2.Blazing Sword threads.
- Say that Hector sucks ass.
- Recommend Vaida over Heath.
- Say that Nino is shit. (Excellent measure).
- Say that Lyn is shit.
- Say anything even remotely positive about Eliwood.
- Recommend Erk over Pent.
- Argue why either Matthew or Legault should be promoted instead of the other(requires research)
- Say that any of the Pegasus knights in this game are shit.
3. Sword of Seals threads.
- Create a thread about Lilina's superiority over Lugh.
- Recommend any other thief over Chad.
- Recommend Marcus instead of any other horseback unit. (This also works on Blazing Sword related topics)
- Recommend either Sophia or Niime over Ray.
- Say how much Lance, Alan and Noah suck.
- Recommend Wendy over any other Armored unit.
4. Genealogy of the Holy War threads.
- Say that it's the worst game in the series.
Guaranteed to work at at least 90% of the time time.Use sparingly.
- Provide reasons for it being the worst. Some good ones include the chapters being too long, the maps being too big, the story being too dark and mature for a Nintendo game, the characters being underdeveloped, only a few characters being able to use the most powerful weapons, and, last but not least, that the game's technology is obsolete by today's standards (because gamers believe that the Super Nintendo is the BEST CONSOLE EVAR). This'll result in more tears than the above alone.
- Imply in any way that you didn't enjoy playing this game.
- Recommend Holyn over Ayra.
- Say that Sety is a better Holsety user then Arthur.
- Say that all the substitute children are amazing.
5. Thracia 776 threads.
- Recommend Marty over Othin.
- Recommend Selphina or Ronan over Robert.
- Recommend Mareeta over Shiva.
6. Sacred Stones threads.
- Say that this game is the hardest game in the series.
- Say bad things about Gheb.
- Say that Joshua's hat is gay/stupid/etc.
- Recommend Rennac over Colm for combat.
- Say that Ross, Ewan or Amelia suck.
- Say that Ewan should be promoted to a Mage Knight.(Works, but not as well, with Lute)
- Recommend Moulder over any other magic user in the game.
- Talk about how awesome the secret characters are.
- Say the Assassin class is way better than the Rogue class.
7. Shadow Dragon threads
- Recommend Gordin instead of any other bow unit.
- Recommend Caeda instead of any other flying unit.
- Say that Wolf and Sedgar are shit.
- Use the names from the NA version/correct people who use the fan-made names.
- Insist that Est has some use beyond the Ridersbane and Mercurius in her inventory
- Express approval with regards chapters that can only be reached by killing off your own units.
8. Heroes of Light and Shadow threads
- Say that the real reason the game was never released outside of Japan is because it was so fucking awful.
- Recommend Arran over Sirius.
- Recommend using anybody recruited past chapter 10 (with a few exceptions)
- Suggest that My Unit is even remotely balanced.
9. With every single game
- Say that you don't use swordmasters because they are shit.
- Recommend characters based on personality and importance to the story.
- Start shipwars and insult other peoples' OTPs.
- Act like you are better at the game than everyone else.
10. Awakening threads
- Talk about how every other game in the series is better.
- Say that all the children characters are shit.
- Say that Henry's puns suck.
- Look down on people who play casual mode. (Depends on the FE community)
- Look down on people who haven't played any other game in the series.
- Recommend Maribelle over Chrom's other potential wives.
- Recommend Say'ri over Lon'qu.
- Recommend Tiki instead of any other manakete.
- Say that Donnel and Morgan suck.
- Tell everyone how unbeatable your streetpass team is.
Not unlike most fandoms, the Fire Emblem fandom has its share of failed memes, fads and whatnot. Most of these originated on that den of retards, GameFAGs. Here are a few that have managed to spread somewhat:
- Gheb: A huge, ugly fatass boss with a taste for rape and underage girls from Sacred Stones. Being so, the fans started lauding him as an avatar of manliness and awesome. One such basement dweller went so far as to hack a ROM of the game that made Gheb the star instead of the twins. Of all the memes here, this one has had the most staying power. Most of the misguided souls who worship him are found here. It doesn't take long to realize that they're all going to die alone.
- "The beasts...they wish to consume me!": A line uttered by another boss, this time from Radiant Dawn; a whiny French dude in armor named Septimus. The line is in reaction to the approach of an army of laguz (furries) butthurt over years of fursecution.
- "I am Glass! The Gods fear my name!": Yet another line uttered by a boss. This one comes from FE7, where a guido bandit named Glass tries to steal a legendary sword so he can become the BEST SWORDSMAN EVER!!!11!1! He winds up being cockblocked by the sword because he can't pull it from its sheath, and threatens to unleash the fucking fury on the shrine holding it, only to be violently raped by Lyn and her knights.
- Danved is most certainly not Devdan: Yet another one from Radiant Dawn, it features Danved, a nigra in yellow armor who happens to look exactly like Devdan, from Path of Radiance, who is also a nigra in yellow armor. Fans grabbed onto the line like a fag to a juicy, throbbing cock and haven't let go since.
There are none, unfortunately. Well, there were until some fucking brain came out and figured out they were all canon, since you could pair whoever you want with one another to end the story. That's right, you can whore Lyn out to whoever you want to end this shit game. He effectively killed the lulz by doing this, unfortunately. Nowadays nobody cares about shipping, but STATS ARE SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS!!!
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