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Epic Beard Man

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Finish him.
Epic Beard Man: Killing Machine
Like Father Like Son
EBM-1.jpg


Epic Beard Man (Thomas Alexander Bruso aka Vietnam Tom aka Tom Slick; not to be confused with Wise Beard Man) is a 67 year old war veteran who gained internet fame on February 16th, 2010 in a video which was filmed by Iyanna Washington and was posted to YouTube. In the video, our elderly hero finds himself confronted by a racially sensitive and unreasonably angry drunk black man. Epic Beard Man subsequently surprises us by delivering a beat down so crushing in its righteousness that it has touched the scrotum of Jesus himself. Predictably enough, lulz ensued and 4chan dropped everything to crown their new King. Epic Beard Man is a MOTHER FUCKER. He even has the shirt to prove it.

Contents

The Videos

Get me Amberlamps, pl0x!

The original.
The aftermath.

Previous Video  |  Next Video

Michael speaks out

Note how he can suddenly speak perfect English for the radio after his gangsta rap patter on the bus. One can only conclude that he was indeed yelling for the beautiful siren Amber Lamps to come to his rescue. Meanwhile, President Obama has invited Vietnam Tom and Michael for a beer at the White House to patch things up.

The Recap

Summary of the Incident

Epic Beard Man (EBM) misheard a young black man and thought he offered to shine EBM's shoes. Since EBM needed some shoe shinin' done, he asked how much shining his Stacy Adams would cost. Mistaking EBM for a racist that thinks all blacks shine shoes, Michael takes off his glasses and starts getting his bug-eye going. EBM stated that he misheard the young man and that he doesn't have to shine his shoes, that he is not a racist and that anyone could shine his shoes. The angry young man presses further on with his accusations, threatening to put his foot up EBM's ass. EBM denies this proposition and goes to the front of the bus to try to avoid any physical confrontation. Michael runs up to the front (with support of onlooking passengers) and attempts to throw a left hook at EBM, and gets wrecked immediately by an amazingly effective straight left punch after a feinting quick right.

The event occured on Bus Number 3057 of the AC transit system at the corner of 20th Street and Webster Street in Oakland headed towards the West Oakland. West Oakland is, incidentally, one of the less pleasant areas of the Oakland, in which USI is off the charts. The internet has exploded with discussion of the video, due in part to the old man's t-shirt (I AM A MOTHERFUCKER) and partly because a young black guy gets his shit handed to him by an old white dude.

The Birth of Meme Quadruplets

The incident brought about the birth of four unforced meme quadruplets. In addition to the Epic Beard Man meme the other three memes are called:

I am a motherfucker: What was written on the shirt that Epic Beard Man wore.
Amber Lamps: The mispronunciation of ambulance by Michael, it is also the name given to the pretty girl in purple tights who was too pretty to give a shit about the whole affair because she is obviously not human.
Bring M&Ms: Another mispronunciation of ambulance.

This memes are used as the titles of over 9000 videos that are circulating Youtube.

The crazy old fart is a hero not only to /b/tards, but to everyone that appreciates irony. EBM isn't racist, but most of his fans are. Channers are basement dwelling neckbeards who would wet their pants if they met a real angry black man in real life so it is understandable that they would make EBM their hero. Furthermore, Channers have never come close to a beautiful woman so it is also understandable that they would make the girl in purple tights their new queen.

Remixes

Previous Video  |  Next Video

Notable Quotes

 
 
I meet tough guys like you an' I slap the SHIT out of em'!
 

 

—Beard aka EBM telling the truth

 
 
Go true dat shit, AHAA HA!
 

 

—Bitch upon stealing an old mans bag

 
 
BRANG AMBERLAMPS!
 

 

Victim Perpetrator

 
 
NO, BRING M&MS!
 

 

—Michael

 
 
SAY IT AG'N SAY IT AG'N PINKY! BEAT his white ass BEE HIS ASS!(pounds on seat in succession with last 3 syllables)
 

 

—Iyanna Wannawatchabeatdown

 
 
KNOCK IT OUUUUUUFFFFFFF!!!
 

 

— Dave Chappelle?

 
 
...
 

 

Amber Lamps

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Gallery

Epic Beard Gallery About missing Pics

The EBM Documentary

Nathan Maas and Aaron Curry filmed a documentary on EBM. It gives us insight into just how fucking epic this guy is. Oh, and EBM's friend (conveniently black), reassures us that EBM is not racist. He's just a motherfucker that knows how to kick ass.

Previous Video  |  Next Video

The EBM animation fight

DragonMaster Dan created EBM animation with DJ Relapse music

Interview with Iyanna Washington

Notice the distinct odor of bullshit that emits from this video.
It should be pointed out that Iyanna was the woman shouting inflammatory
comments from behind the camera, and more importantly she filmed
herself stealing EBM's shopping bag.
Dopey bitch.
Reminder: Nigra caught herself on VIDEO stealing EBM's bag when
she could have easily given it or thrown it back to him.
More of the racist cunt

Previous Video  |  Next Video

Thomas Bruso

1266388995706.jpg

EBM is none other than Thomas Bruso, a man cops tasered at an Oakland A's game in 2009. After the event, where it took three cops to take him down for refusing to leave because he was carrying booze, Bruso was sent to the nuthouse for evaluation of his badassery. Bruso was once more admitted for a psychological evaluation at the John George Psychiatric Pavilion following the bus incident.

BAG IS RETRIEVED

New interview with EBM. He states that the cop returns the bag to him, and he talks about how that bitch stole the bag right on camera.

More importantly, He is aware of the pwnd guy's response video and (being the badass he is) states that he is more than ready for a rematch. Theres a song thrown there too. Other details include that EBM is a cokehead, and smokes marijuana for his arthritis. All of which makes him a perfect candidate for cage fighting.

Interview with Epic Beard Man

Despite the preceeding bullshit dutifully reported by the media, the truth of the incident was finally told by the motherfucker himself in the following interview.

Previous Video  |  Next Video

The truth is that EBM just loves his country, and still hasn't got his belongings back. Some anons, deluding themselves that they would dare go near a black person in real life for fear of getting their own asses beaten, have decided that this serious injustice against the elderly warhero must be set to rights. Enter Operation I AM A MOTHERFUCKER. And remember above all else, Epic Beard Man LOVES HIS MOMMA!

Insanity?

An article on Cracked.com states that EBM is actually insane and points out facts that the seething masses of dumb-fucks did not notice. In a nutshell, the article says:

  • The "young" black guy is actually fifty years old. The guy says it on the video, and it's even there on the transcript above. Did you miss that fact? Everyone else did too, don't worry.
  • EBM claims to have gone to Vietnam for the war. Turns out, he was honorably discharged due to, get this, mental illness.
  • Fun fact: Bipolar people are prone to lie a lot. His interviews after the video included a claim that during the confrontation, the black guy pulled a knife on him, and punched him in the jaw. Even though he totally didn't do any of that in the video. The lies don't stop there. He claims to have punched his father out at 15 and been put in the oven by his mother while he was a baby. EBM's sister said NONE of this ever happened. Who do you trust, discharged for mental illness or the guy's mentally sound sister? I think we all know the answer to that question
  • Other batshit quotes include '"I know you're goin' crazy, too," he told the dog.', "I'm out of my mind and can't think anymore", and '"I can't even remember yesterday, to tell you the truth," he says. "Half the time, I don't even know what I'm saying. I ramble and ramble. I get high and happy and I just start talking."'
  • Honestly, doesn't wearing a shirt that says "I AM A MOTHERFUCKER" just SCREAM crazy hobo?
  • Altough we cannot forget the main fact: He is way too epic to be insane!

Epic Beard Man: The Game

Cause an Epic Man needs an Epic Game!!

Play as the heroic Epic Beard Man and get your bag back off the bus, punching-out idiot homeboys along the way!!!

Annex 1: Amber Lamps

Amber Lamps, teh lady in purple spandex. How come you paid no attention to what was going on? You are just too good to get distracted by humans. Teh queen, MY queen, teh Amber Lamps. She's a pretty cool girl. She lives in the hood and doesn't afraid of anything.

Previous Video  |  Next Video

Amber Lamps About missing Pics

Anonymous loves you Amber Lamps, you ride public transit and doesn't afraid of anything. A success to all /b/ and shall become a meme of epic win. Oh sweet queen, the internets will forever remember you for your stone cold resolve and your lamps of amber.

The Epic Fail Man Movie

A shitty movie about him is being made, where our now mexican hero beats up evil whiteys.

See Also

External Links

YouTube

FaceBook


Epic Beard Man is part of a series of topics related to Black People
Nigra.gif Places

AfricaAfro-chanAtlantaDead Nigger StorageE.S. Nigger Brown StandEgyptGambia ♠ The GhettoHabbo HotelKenyaLiberiaMediatakeoutMozambiqueNawlinsPrisonRepublic of Sierra LeoneSomaliaSouth AfricaSudanTanzaniaWashington, DCZimbabwe

Personas

AboriginalBlackineseBoko HaramChavCripsGothNativeNiggerNegressNigraOFWGKTAWiggerYounger Woolwich Boyz

People

Abner LouimaAdria RichardsAfro NinjaAfroduckAinsley HarriottAlison FloydAl SharptonAmanda KijeraAntoine DodsonBags of MoneyBANGSBarry BondsBernie MacBill ClintonBarack Hussein ObamaBLACKbusterCriticBLACK_MANBomani ArmahBrandon PhillipsBrenda WilliamsC-NOTECandyJunkieCarltonCasey BrezikCharlie Check'mCharles RamseyChris DornerCondoleezza RiceCRoadwarriorCulexorDangermanDave ChappelleDcigsDramasetterDr. Laura SchlessniggerFresh PrinceFuture the rapperGary ColemanHappy NegroHerman CainIsaac HayesJames WatsonJesse JacksonJkidJoseph KonyKerney ThomasKobe BryantLatarian MiltonLil BLoud NigraM0M0koMadThad0890MajelaZeZeDiamondMalcolm XMark EssexMartin Luther King, Jr.Marvin Morvan and Alex TeniolaMary Alice AltorferMaurice ClemmonsMichael JacksonMichael VickMike TysonMintahMiss LandmineMr PregnantMr. TMuteba KidiabaMychal BellNawlinWikiNicki MinajNigger PigOFWGKTAOG LocOJ SimpsonOld Spice GuyOprah WinfreyP DiddyPurple AkiQueen KongReverend XRobert Butler Jr.Rocky LockridgeRon MexicoRucasRudy EugeneSenator Barack Hussein ObamaSheneequaSoulja BoyStarlaglamSteve Hodder-WattSweet BrownRick RossTacgnolTarisai VusheTay ZondayTedius ZanarukandoThe Booty WarriorThe CrackheadThe TrashmanTiger WoodsTookie WilliamsTony48219Tony EvereadyTrayvon MartinTyra BanksUnMaskingTheTruthValisHDWrong Location Nigger

Parlance

Are You Serious?BECAUSE MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS LOUDBix NoodBOOYA!Dat AssEbonicsENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU SPEAK ITFirst World ProblemsFlea Market MontgomeryFuck The PoliceGeorge Bush doesn't care about black peopleHack is Wack!Happy NegroI Go Chop Your DollarImma Let You Finish IM PRESSIN CHARGESNiggers tongue my anusNot racistRead a BookScrub Me Mama With A Boogie BeatSittin On Tha ToiletSmell yo dickThanks ObamaThe BoondocksThese CuffsWHOO

Pastimes

365Black.com419 Nigerian Email ScamsBasketballBlackbirdBooty ShakingChikinsChimpoutConspiracy theoriesDogo Nahawa MassacreDolemiteFUBUJenkemKFC Double DownKool-AidLinux for NiggersNigga Know TechnologyPool's ClosedRacismRapRapeRiotsSoulja Boy Tellem ChatSwagThe Black SentinelThe Great Black Dick Hoax (see also Niggerdick and Niggercock)TwitterUbuntuVoodooVuvuzelaWatermelonzWorldstar Hiphop

Past

BLACK FACE contempoLynchingNO NIGGERSSlavery (see also Nigger Manual)

Present

AIDSAll The Niggers Are DeadBlack People Love Us!Chocolate RainComputer Science IIICulexorGay Nigger Association of AmericaJena SixP.A. PalaceThere are no niggers on the InternetUnemployment ♠ and Welfare

Enemies

A. Wyatt MannAznCopsEbola virusEmploymentEpic Beard ManIlluminatiKu Klux KlanJames WatsonJohnny RebelJustine SaccoKramerRacismSpicsWhite people


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Epic Beard Man
is part of a series on serious business
Serious Concepts

Free SpeechIdentity theftIronyInternet assholeInternet CelebritiesInternet diseaseInternet dramaInternet humanitariansInternet LawInternet lawyerInternet stalkingInternet tough guyInternet Vigilante GroupOperation Falcon PunchSwattingWorld Wide Web Consortium

People & Organizations

Alan TuringCasey SerinDavid HockeyDear Cis PeopleDoxbinFast EddieGrace SaundersHallcats SquadronKittensMaja SchmidtMissyNiggest Crook ForcePsychopathVloggerheadsWEB SHERIFF

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Featured article February 17, 2010
Preceded by
Vampiricspektor
Epic Beard Man Succeeded by
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Epic Beard Man is part of a series on Psychology
Antisocial personality disorder Hannibal Lector.jpg Mental illness & Disorders

AgoraphobiaPro-AnaAntisocial personality disorderAudiophiliaAnthropophobiaADDADHDAutismBipolarBody dysmorphic disorderBorderline personality disorderCarmen Electra complexDepressionDyslexiaEating disorderFauxlimiaFeminismFursonaGender dysphoriaHistrionic Personality DisorderHeterophiliaHomophiliaInconsistent personality disorderInsanityLove ShyMultiple personality disorderNapoleon ComplexNarcissistic personality disorderNeurotypicalOCDObsessive-compulsive disorderParanoiaParanoid personality disorderParaphiliaPeter Pan SyndromePost-Traumatic Stress DisorderPsychopathyRetardsSchizophreniaSelf-diagnosed & Self-diagnosisSpecial Snowflake SyndromeVictim complex

E-Psychosis:

Chronic Troll SyndromeE-PsychiatristTrigger WarningLulz-BlindnessInternet disease & Internet Disease ChartInternet Fuckwad TheoryInternet troll personality disorder

Experiments:

ask.fmMilgram ExperimentThe Hivemind CorollaryScientologyStanford Prison Experiment

See also:

Autism CasesBiologyChemistrySciencePsychiatristyThe Law of Conformity

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