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Epic Battle

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Once upon a time , young children, there was a land known as "Ye Olde EDland" and all was good, but problems were arising speedily. The queen in charge was a greedy Jew, her name was Queen Sherrod I, and wanted more taxes; The peasants failing to pay their large bandwidth consuming taxes refused to pay them. One day, the queen was in such a fit about not having enough money to buy new dildos and petty items, that she sold the whole kingdom to a tribe of greedy Jewish traders.

The Jewish traders too, wanted more money to spend on worthless shit, like time cubes and small planets. They liquidated all assets in the village for over 9000 Jew Golds; and started anew. The old villagers made a perilous voyage across the world to a new land, taking as much of their possessions with them as they could save from the evil traders.

When they reached the new land, they split up in to several colonies, three large ones taking the lead, New EDLand, Lurkington, and The City Of Erratica404'd. The brave settlers began to rapidly grow in numbers, and heard news of the awful industrialization and aristocracy going on their homeland.

Soon after coming together, New EDLand, was nearly attacked by the new troops of the evil Queen Sherrod, who claimed that the new colony was hers, and had always been. A brave young knight Sir Meep III emerged from the battlefields a brave young diplomat. He was soon added to the elite committee, the Opians, placed there to oversee operation of the new democratic society.

This young Knight was quick to meet with a newcoming strategist to the colony, Sir Edward II, they first met at Chatty's IRC Tavern and formulated a document which is quoted as follows

" My dear brethren, blood shall be spilt in this dangerous war, but on both sides for the good of one, the triumphing side, and we shall be them! A majority of fighting may be accomplished by feeding enchanted meat to the young, renegade peasants, who, shall not realize this, then be under control of our highest magi, who shall guide their wrath, instead of against us, unknowingly towards the opposing kingdom of Sherrod. "

However, it was soon projected that the Jew traders of Ye Olde EDland would join forces with the masses of Cheezland to fight for, and reclaim, their lost assets, the colonies. So, the colonies began to develop advanced weaponry, resulting in a weapon built for use by the magi. It was cast of solid gold, with a platinum core; the epic new weapon would be named the Hive-based drone operator, which employed such complex technologies, that not even the greatest thinkers could fathom how it functioned. The strategist, Sir Edward issued a new amendment to his document.

" But still, the most of us shall be in the line of combat. their rag tag army of commonfolk is still possibly far greater than our forces, but our superior firepower and organization shall triumph over the inferior peasants. And upon completion of the war, all traces of militarization shall rbe erased, as to disenchant our mind warriors. And upon our victory we, comrades, shall walk triumphantly through the battlefield of our fallen brethren and enemies to declare a new world organization, free of the Queen Sherrod, and her accessories. And our new government shall be strong and prosperous; and alas, we shall sing our anthem amongst the weeping of the enemy, them having succumbed to our powerful forces. And We Shall Be Triumphant "

But alas young ones, our story does not end there.

Twas on a fair April night that the hamlet of AnonOps disgraced the fair Sir Gashuffer, encouraging him to rid EDLand of this raid faggotry and unleash hell on their village. Ultimately, this would lead to disaster for both parties. AnonOps soon crumbled into history, whilst the king of England had Sir Gasshuffer publicly seized with only his fair dame at his side.

The loss of Sir Gasshuffer had troubled the citizens of EDLand, forcing them to leave the city and take residence in a nearby welcoming village. This is when the self-proclaimed "Messiah" broke into the EDLand library and stole the sacred scroll of "niggers1".

The citizens of EDLand, forced out of their homes, were now casting their last goodbyes off to the place they knew and loved. But alas, at that moment, the heavens had opened themselves and cast forth the one known as Garrett. There was much dancing and drinking of wine as the people returned to their village, knowing that all was well in EDLand. However, far above EDLand rested the fiercest beast in the land, one who solely damaged the city state of Wikipedia, a bustling center of wealth and information. The beast, known to his victims as the Dragon of Brandt was not pleased with EDLand, not pleased at all.

The DMCA-breathing dragon swooshed down from his cave, attacking EDLand left and right with his ferocious letters to the greater king.

To this day, the battle rages on. However, one thing is for certain: one does not simply take down ED.

Epic Battle
is part of a series on
the former regime

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See Also Encyclopedia DramaticaEpic BattleJoseph EversMysteryBotOhInternetSelloutSheneequa Turns Four
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