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Dragon Ball Z

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Dragon Ball Z (also known as DBZ) is a show about 'roid enraged, shirtless, and constipated super-apes who spend 15 episodes talking about how powerful they are, and the next 5 screaming "Ha" at the top of their lungs. Fans claim that it is action-packed and has tons of fighting, despite there being almost no fighting. Every episode mostly consists of staring contests, landscape pans, and witnesses clenching their fists and looking worried, and if there is fighting, it's not until you realize you wasted twenty minutes of your life to see a three-second fight. In short, it's sort of like professional wrestling, but for even stupider people.

Contents

Plot

Typical reaction to DB

Dragon Ball

The original series. Unlike in its more popular followup Z, it actually has a plot and involved characters searching for the namesake items. The characters were all younger and spent a great deal of time in the nude. Of course, near the end of it, it got increasingly more Z-like with more battles and fewer balls.

Dragon Ball Z

Dragon Ball Z is divided into "Sagas" which can basically be divided into different (and a continuing downward spiral of suck) villains. Each saga follows the EXACT same formula. It is as follows:

  1. Someone comes from (insert: Another planet, through time, across the street, the 7-11 nearby), and issues a warning that a new enemy with a power far surpassing over 9000 is heading towards earth.
  2. At first the Z fighters think the doomsayer is exaggerating their power level, but realize that he is talking serious fucking business here. No matter how far in DBZ they get and no matter how much their so-called power raises they seem to always have the same ability, which is 'to use all your power to destroy the universe'. Not any higher (because if they did get any stronger then they could destroy stars and galaxies with a wet fart)
  3. The "battle" begins. Somebody (usually Vegeta) shoots a million energy balls at the "bad guy", who is engulfed in a cloud of smoke, only to emerge 10 seconds later unharmed. All of the fighters try to face the villain but fail it because they just plain suck. Eventually one of the fighters possesses an advantage over said villain and just so happens to be winning.
  4. The villain begins to accept the fact that he's going to lose to a homo, and begins talking smack. 15 episodes of horrible smack-talk ensue, usually "NOOOO!!! YOU CANT". But then quickly the good guy fails it again when the villain becomes more powerful. Someone charges their laser, a few bikes are stolen by some niggers and then all hope is lost when the last good guy gets his ass kicked.
  5. After Goku spends at least 100 years training, he heads to the villain and charges a super lazer which ultimately is powerful enough to kill the villain.
  6. The Z fighters then start to party and several scenes of shota and yaoi ensue (seriously, look down a bit more).

Characters

Dragon Ball

DBZ Porn copy.jpg
DBZhentai1.jpg

Goku: (aka Cockrot) The series' protagonist. He is often depicted eating a shitload of food and never actually doing a shit, giving Japanese kids the impression that they too can eat a lot of food without getting fat. He also got attacked by a heart disease that did more damage to him then all the villains combined. He also appears the most naked out of all the characters in the series, because those Japs thought it would be total hilarity to troll the FCC with shota and yaoi being broadcast on Kid TV networks. Goku's powers, include:

  • Shooting energy blasts from his hands (which every other character learned to do).
  • Transforming into a giant ape when staring at a full moon (which every other Saiyan could do).
  • Asking the people in the universe to give him energy to obliterate an enemy (Yes, his only original power is to ask for energy for an attack that misses 2/3 of the time).

Piccolo: A green nigger alien that was a villain in the original series. His race reproduces asexually and is reigned by a fat green tub of lard. Initially a complete badass, but eventually regresses to being a bitch.

Emperor Pilaf: Raging blue midget who plans on collecting all the Dragon Balls in order to wish for world domination. Despite the fact that the little wanker has tons of resources upon his disposal (Armored robots, weapons, minions, bombs, etc), he fails every time to carry out his plans.

Oolong: A perverted man-pig who can transform into anything he wants FOR FIVE WHOLE MINUTES!

Chi-Chi: Goku's wife. Her main occupation was to turn Gohan into a nerd instead of saving the fucking planet, showing that Goku's horrible parenting can be outdone. On a side-note, Chi-Chi means tits in Spanish.

Master Roshi: An old pervert who does god-knows-what on his private island.

Bulma: The main source of jailbait pantyshots. Since the series' fanbase clearly consisted of gay otakus, she gradually became a minor character.

Krillin: The punching bag. He gets killed about a million times and does nothing beyond screaming for Goku to save everyone. He married a robot and gets her pregnant to give Asians the false hope that they could get some white pussy.

Mr. Popo: Trains the faggots in his rape dungeon and does nothing else except look like a gigantic Negro marshmallow.

Yamcha: A fag who was afraid of women, became Bulma's boyfriend, was killed by Nappa and his little green alien Cabbage Patch Kids, and she dumped him for Vegeta (because that's what girlfriends do when you're dead).

Tienshinhan: An ugly fuck who's supposedly human, because we all know that all humans have three fucking eyes and hang around little boys with clown makeup.

Dragon Ball Z

Vegeta: Once a badass villain but turned into a good guy with a receding hairline when he realized that there are no female saiyans left alive for him to fuck. Because of him, Cell was able to become 'perfect' and because of him Majin Buu was released from the giant scrotum. Way to go Vegeta, you truly are the Prince of fucktards.

Gohan: Goku's son. He spends most of his childhood fighting evil aliens, because Goku's parenting is just that good.

Trunks: A surprisingly normal-looking boy, considering his mother's hair is blue and his father looks like a pine tree. He is from the future, which is why he carries a sword.

Goten: Goku's other kid no one gives a shit about and Trunk's fusion partner.

Frieza: Undoubtedly the gayest character in the series, his voice makes Carson Kressley look straight. Often seen by fanboys as the greatest villain of the series, despite getting his ass kicked twice. This is most likely because he eliminated the Saiyan race when he blew up their planet. Was killed by a teenager.

Cell: Some bug-like dude who longs to become perfect by the means of sucking two robots into his asshole. After said sucking was completed, he quickly took on the characteristics of a 16-year-old girl and met his end to an 11-year-old boy.

Android 18: Krillin's robot wife. Did we mention that she had a fucking kid with him?

Majin Buu: A fatass bubblegum who couldn't speak engrish and took the powers of everything he ate. His storyline has more plot twists than the Cell saga; It introduces seven new Kais, Goku and Vegeta getting inside his head and detaching all the absorbed parties from inside, he turns into a little kid?

Bills: You'd have to be a fucking nerd if you actually know who this guy is.

Videl: Gohan's whore. She acts like a fucking bitch when first introduced into the series, but later learns her place after having Gohan's cock up her big fucking mouth. Her dad is just as fucking annoying as her, perhaps even worse, considering he's just full of epic fail.

Mr.Satan: The. Best. Warrior. Ever. He is the most greatest fighter in the universe as he beats Cell in the fighting ring and doesn't afraid of anything.

Dragon Ball GT

GT failed so hard it was disregarded by the fanbase as being part of the story, but some nutcases over at the incredibly shitty Dragon Ball Wiki think Akira Toriyama wrote it and that it was a good series, which are both completely false. Either way realize GT is an inconsistent piece of shit and should be avoided at all costs, there is a reason it is universally panned by all who are not under 5 or autistic.

Trolling the Fans

  • Speculate on how gay the characters are.
  • Say how character development is barely there; then again, watching DBZ for the storytelling is like watching porno for the acting.
  • Claim one character is stronger than another is, DBZ fans rage over that kind of shit. A classic example of this is claiming Superman is superior to Goku.
  • Tell them Naruto is the best show ever and all Naruto characters own DBZ ones or Naruto owns Goku. You can go still further and tell them to change with the times and become a Narutard. There is no greater insult than telling them to become a Naruto fan.

Average DBZ Fanfiction

Anne sighed as she sat in her room, staring at her wall. She just finished writing in her diary, and had nothing to do. Life was boring in the Secret Annex, but it was better than the alternative.

It was alright talking to Peter and Margot, but they were both such quiet people, unlike the always active Anne. All of a sudden, a flash of light appeared in the room! Anne jumped back, stifling a scream. Before she could run out the closed door she noticed that the person who appeared in the flash was not a Nazi officer, but someone who she had never seen before! His clothes were very strange, and his hair was in a spiky style that was totally new to her. She stood against the wall, wary of the stranger, but he walked towards her and smiled, extending a hand. "My name is Goku." The mysterious stranger said. Anne nervously put her hand in his. He bent down and kissed it softly, then let go. Anne blushed, feeling something she had never felt before go off inside of her. "My name is Anne..." she replied quietly. "I'm sorry for what just happened," Goku told her, "But I was caught in a time portal and deposited here! My power cells will recharge soon, but until then, I'm stuck here." Anne had no idea what the handsome visitor was talking about, but she played along. "Well, sir" she said. "You may stay in my room as long as you like!" Anne blushed again as she said this, and giggled slightly. Goku looked around, and then sat on the bed. "Thank you for the invitation. I'll be sure to repay you for it soon." Anne did not understand what he meant by that, however, when he spoke, she felt a warmth deep inside of her. She sat by him on the bed, staring at the man's beautiful eyes. Finally, she could stand it no longer. Anne leaned over and kissed the stranger on the cheek, and then pulled back quickly, not sure of what she had done. "I'm sorry..." she said, as she stumbled to find the right words. The visitor smirked. "No, that's quite alright." He replied with a smile, putting one arm around her. "You know, you're a very beautiful girl, but I... well..." Anne looked at him, troubled. "What's the matter?" she said, with a sweet smile. Goku looked nervous. "I... I'm already married." he finally managed to choke out. Anne pulled away from him abruptly. "No!" she said loudly, almost in tears. "I'm sorry..." he replied. Anne was furious. "Nothing ever goes right!" she cried out. "I have to go now, my power cells have recharged." said Goku. Anne was in tears by now, staring at the wall so she wouldn't see Goku's face. He smiled a sad smile, and disappeared in another flash, out of Anne's life forever. Anne never forgot him, though... not until the end of time.

One month. Well, it didn’t feel like a month. To Anne Frank, a Jew in hiding from the Nazis, it seemed like a year. One month since the fateful encounter with the mysterious man from another world, who she only knew as ‘Goku’. The handsome stranger had stepped through time and into her life, then disappeared without a trace. Anne was almost sure that they’d never meet again, even though not one day passed without her dreaming of him. Little did she know, however, that their lives were tied by the unbreakable red string of fate.

It was another boring day in the Secret Annex. Anne sat on the bed of her room, writing in her diary. It never occurred to her, however, that this entry would be her last. As she wrote in the quiet attic, there was a loud noise from downstairs. Her heart jumped with both fear and excitement. Was it them? The Nazis? Or, could it be… him? She had no idea whether to run downstairs or to hide. That decision, however, was made for her. Her door flew open, and a tall soldier was visible in the doorway, glaring at her. The cries of her family members and friends were tuned out as Anne only thought of one thing. She stood up and followed the soldier out of her room, down the stairs, and into the back of a truck. “So this is it.” She said quietly to herself. “I’ll never see him, my one true love, ever again. And all those years of hiding… they were for naught.” Then, Anne realized that she left her precious diary up in her room. She broke loose from the officer, and made a dash back into the shop, when he removed a gun from his holster and fired a shot in her direction. Anne fell to the floor.

Anne lay on the floor, feeling searing pain run through her leg, where the bullet had met its mark. The Gestapo officer menacingly moved towards her, grinning, when all of a sudden there was a blinding flash of light, causing the officer to shield his eyes. A huge cloud of smoke appeared next to Anne, blocking her from the soldier’s vision. When the smoke cleared, he was in for quite a surprise. There was Goku, holding Anne in his arms, standing next to a huge metal capsule. “Goku!” cried Anne “You came back… for me!” Goku smiled. “Anything for you, my dear.” He said. “Our love will never be lost… not until the end of time.” The Gestapo officer turned tail and ran, but Goku was too quick for him. After laying Anne on the concrete, he dashed towards the Nazi and knocked him to the ground, unconscious, with only one blow. “Nazi scum.” Muttered Goku as he spit on his enemy’s limp body, then returned to Anne. “Here, I have something for you.” Goku said, as he removed a small bean from his pocket. “What on earth is this?” asked Anne. Goku smiled, remember how ignorant she was to what was everyday life to him. “A senzu bean.” He said. “Just eat it, and it will cure your leg.” Anne followed his instructions and popped the bean into her mouth, as the wound on her calve magically healed. “Now come on.” Commanded Goku. “We’ve got some Nazi ass to kick.” Anne jumped on the mysterious Saiyan’s back, as he launched off into the sky.

After only a few moments, the two of them arrived in Berlin. Tanks were parading down the street, as Adolf Hitler himself stood on a platform overlooking it all. “Stay here.” Goku said, dropping Anne in a shaded area under a tree. He then flew straight towards the parade of tanks, fist outstretched, screaming as loud as he could. The soldiers below scattered in terror, while the tanks tried to aim their cannons at him. He was too quick and nimble for them, however, and opened the hatch of a nearby Panzer, then headed inside. After dispatching of the soldiers in control of the war machine, he took the wheel. He fired round after round into the crowds of Nazi soldiers, occasionally firing at the other tanks. After only minutes, there was nothing but a cloud of dust and corpses. Goku emerged from the tank’s hatch, smiling now that he had done his duty. When all of the dust cleared, there were only two people remaining on the parade ground: Goku, the Saiyan hero, and Adolf Hitler, the most evil man ever to walk the earth.

Anne watched from nearby fearfully as she saw the two men stare at each other for what seemed like hours. Her one true love, and her ultimate oppressor. It had come down to this. “So,” Hitler said jovially “You took out all of my men. However, you aren’t going to defeat me.” Hitler then jumped down from his platform and down onto the street in front of Goku, pulling a chain gun from the ground nearby. Goku quickly jumped behind a ruined tank, as Adolf opened fire. The tank made decent cover, but it wasn’t long until it would be torn apart by the hail of bullets. Goku had to act. He dashed out from the side of the tank, and flew as fast as he could toward Hitler, who had no time to react. He grabbed the chain gun out of his enemy’s hands, and snapped it over his knee with ease. Hitler stumbled backwards, shocked at the turn of events. Goku smirked, then said “It’s come down to this. You and me. Fighting like men. If you admit defeat now, I’ll kill you rather painlessly.” Goku had the definite advantage. Or so it seemed. Hitler burst into a laugh, as Goku looked on quizzically. The mustachioed man slowly rose into the air, as his brown hair and pencil moustache turned a blonde color, and his brown eyes turned blue. Goku reeled in horror. Hitler continued laughing, then finally said “Goku! You came here expecting to find a madman, but instead, you found a GOD!” Hitler had become a Super Saiyan.

Anne looked on in awe, not sure what was going on. At first, it seemed like her lover would win the battle, but now she was not so sure. Goku now seemed scared of his opponent, and it was for a good reason. Hitler continued to speak “Goku, can’t you see? I’ve reached a power level 10 TIMES anything you’ve ever achieved! Your fate is sealed, weakling.” Even though the battle seemed unwinnable, Goku charged in, screaming at the top of his lungs. Every blow he struck with was deflected off of Hitler’s rock hard body. Hitler waited for Goku to tire himself out, then raised his fist and punched Goku. And one punch was enough. Goku was knocked across the street into a large propaganda poster of Hitler, thudding to the cold, hard ground. Hitler laughed, thinking that victory was in his hands at last. Goku, however, was not ready to give up. Bruised and battered, he rose from the ground, limping in Hitler’s direction. The Nazi leader laughed. “You still want to fight? Don’t you know when to give up, boy? You can hardly walk. And you expect to beat ME? Conqueror of Europe?” Goku ignored Adolf’s taunts as he continued to stumble his way forward. Finally, the two archrivals were standing face to face. Goku stared Hitler into the eye, then screamed “This… is for LOVE!” and flew up into the sky, his hair turning blonde, his eyes blue, and an aura of power radiating from him. Hitler looked on in horror at Goku. He had made the ultimate achievement. He had become a Super Ultra Power Saiyan. Goku made a cup shape with his hands, aiming at Hitler, as he belted out the words “Kame… Hame… HAAAAA!” as a beam of pure energy shot at his enemy, disintegrating the Nazi leader’s body. Goku then collapsed to the ground in a heap, exhausted from the fight. Two years later: Anne and Goku had finally reached the date of their wedding. After the battle, Anne and Goku destroyed the time machine and took a boat to Australia. They changed their names and lived new lives, ready to start over. The two young people looked into each others eyes as they kissed, as the reverend pronounced them man and wife. Finally, it seemed, Anne was at peace. And they would always be together, until the end of time.

TL;DR: Goku travels back in time, and he falls in love with Anne Frank. Hitler goes SUUUPA SAIYAJIN!!

Dragon Ball AF

What happens when fanboys take their love of the favorite series after it is finally over too far? The answer is DragonBall AF. AF supposedly stands for "After Future", but anyone with an IQ higher than a gaiafag knows that it stands for "April Fools". Many years back on the internets there were two pictures and "rumors" about this new series currently being developed in Japan. Even though the DragonBall franchise has literally been done to death (almost forcing the series creator to become an hero), fans still believe there just isn't enough DragonBall out there. Let's take a look at that claim shall we?

Dragon Ball: Dragon Ball Z: Dragon Ball GT:
  • 16 Volume manga
  • 153 TV episodes
  • 4 Movies
  • 26 Volume manga
  • 291 TV episodes
  • 14 Movies
  • 2 TV specials
  • At least 100 videogames
  • 64 TV episodes
  • 1 TV special

Yes, fans just can't get enough spiky haired, buff, constipated, men beating the shit out of each other and charging lazers. But the reality is that AF is the series that never was, nor will be. The pictures that started this ridiculous rumor were fan art and were passed throughout the tubes like wildfire. Some fans wanted to believe this so bad that they did their own fanart of the fanart, passing it off as legitimate AF material, creating a feedback loop of shitty art (basically what happens all the time and how people learn to draw in DevianTART). AF is pretty much a horrible urban legend spawned by retarded fandom and is kept alive to this day.

For those fans who can't draw, they have found a perfect way to spread the rumor: Taking existing pictures from various Dragonball episodes/movies and running various photoshop filters, inverting the colors, hue and saturation, or copy & pasting blonde hair onto everything.

OMG IT MUST BE LEGIT!! About missing Pics

Dragonball Evolution

Fox, seeing just how popular Dragon Ball Z was, decided to create a live action movie. Upon seeing some of the trailers, fantards of the series across the Internets cried out from a butthurt never thought possible before. Why? We'll tell you.

  • Master Roshi is no longer the old, yet lovable, sick fuck with martial arts skills from the manga/anime, but a generic old azn martial arts teacher.
  • Yamcha, one of Goku's useless human friends, is now a blonde jock.
  • Chi-Chi, who is Goku's chosen cumdumpster in the anime, is the typical high school love interest for our hero Goku. There's a ChiChi vs. ChiChi scene in the film.
  • Piccolo, the green alien in a cape and turban, is now the cabbage patch monster with some big titted sidekick. But he's the villain of the movie.
  • Bulma, the blue-haired, whiny daddy's money lesbian, is now Lara Croft with longer hair...wait, that's a good thing, right?

The one positive outcome that could occur is that thousands of weeaboos promptly commit ritual suicide. Help them along by telling them how much better this movie is than the anime.

Dragon Ball Z Kai

TO fulfill the wishes of his rabid fanbase of 13-year-old-boys, retrofags, and weeaboos, Akira Toriyama announced that a Dragon Ball Z "remake" was to be released in 2010 and was to be called "Dragon Ball [ Z ] Kai". Hoping for the "new" series to premiere, oldfags/retrofags shit themselves because they were lied to. DBZ Kai was actually a remastered version of the original DBZ with filler content cut and new voices used. Some argue that Akira Toriyama was a greedy fucking Jew who wanted to make maximum profit without spending a fuckload of money. Thus, these retrofags and long-time weeaboos bawwwwed.

DBZ Kai ended with the Cell saga and the retarded fanbase cries to this day because the Majin Buu saga was omitted. Also, memefags were slapped in the face because Vegeta does not say over 9000 in the DVD version of DBZ Kai because "Vegeta does not say over 9000 in the manga and because DBZ Kai sticks to the story of the manga". However, Vegeta does say over 9000 in the TV version. Feel ripped off now, don't ya?

That was not the end of the shitstorm. Nicktoons acquired the rights to premiere DBZ Kai on their crappy channel and they removed most of the blood, a few of the violent scenes, and foul fanguage and they edited out Vegeta's ass and penis.

To make matters worse, 4kids made their own version of DBZ Kai and they edited it back to hell and fourth and was four times as shitty as the Nicktoons version. Bullets were replaced with glowing bullets, 100% of all the violent and gory scenes were edited out, halos were replaced with glowing fucking orbs and dead people went to "otherworld", and blasts that can make a hole through a mountain only gave you a fucking bruise. The worse part is that Mr. Popo is no longer a nigger and is now blue because Alfred R. Kahn and 4kids do not care about black people and believe that blacks should not be allowed to appear in cartoons.

Galleries

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Videos

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See Also

External Links

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Featured article December 14 & December 15, 2011
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