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Wikichan/DOOM: Repercussions of Evil

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<Wikichan
Nuvola
Moar info: Squirrelking.
No other piece of fiction will ever match up to this masterpiece.

DOOM: Repercussions of Evil was a wikichan article with the following content:

Contents

Introduction

A horrible piece of fiction made on fanfiction.net. It still gets reviews even after five years, something that all authors strive for.

Editions

Original Story

John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.

/tg/ Edition

Anonymous waited. The threads above him were bumped and saged out of the air. There were weeaboos in the board. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for hours. His warnings to other Anonymous were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Anonymous was a fa/tg/uy for over 9000 years. When he was a n00b he watched the stat me and counts as threads and he said to his dad, Anymouse "I want to post in the threads daddy."
Dad said "No! You will be UNDERAGE B&"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he lurkded moar he stopped. But now in the traditional games board of the 4th Chan he knew there were weeaboos.
"This is Anon" the radio crackered. "You must fight the weeaboos!"
So Anonymous gotted his copypasta rifle and made this thread.
"HE GOING TO SAGE US" said the weeaboos
"I will shoot at him" said the Red Machine and he fired the the d20 katana missiles. Anonymous plasmaed at him and tried to sage his thread. But then the server crashed and they were stuck and not able to spam.
"No! I must kill the weeaboos!" he shouted
The radio said "No, Anonymous. You are the weeaboos"
And then Anon was a namefag.

Warhammer 40k Edition

John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were heretics in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Broter Captin Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the thunderawks and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY HERETICS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the Ultramrines he knew there were heretics.
"This is Joson" the vox caster crackered. "You must fight the heretics!"
So John gotted his bolter and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the heretics
"I will shoot at him" said the havoc and he fired the rocket missiles. John boltered at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the heretics" he shouted
The vox caster said "No, John. You are the heretics"
And then John was a daemon.

Orky Edition

Gurk da Boy waited. Da lightz above 'im blinked an' sparked outta da air. There waz 'umies in da rok. 'e din't see 'em, but 'ad expektid 'em now for yearz. 'is warningz ta warboss Ugrakarma waz not listenend an' now it waz too late. Far too late fer now, anyway.
Gurk waz a member of dis here WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! for fourteen minnitz. When 'e was young 'e watched da kill kroozers an' 'e said ta boss "I wanna be on da shipz boss."
Boss said "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! No! Ya will BE KILL BY 'UMIES"
Thar wuz a time when 'e believed 'im. Then as 'e got oldered 'e stopped. But now in da rok of warboss ugarkarma's WAAAAAGH! 'e know thar iz 'umies.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!" da gubbins crackered. "You must fight da beekies!!"
So Gurk gotted 'is choppa an' 'is dakka an' blew up da wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said da beekie boyz
"I WILL CRUSH THOSE WHO STAND BEFORE ME" said da dradnougth an' he fired some rokkit fingz. Gurk dakkaed at 'im an' tried to blew 'im up. But then da ceiling fell an' dey waz traped an' not able da fight o' win.
"No! I must clobba da 'umies" he shouted
Da radio gubbinz zed "No, Gurk. You are da 'umies"
And den Gurk wuz a guardsman.

D&D BAWWWing Edition

John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were faggots in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a fa/tg/uy for fourteen years. When he was young he watched /tg/ and he said to dad "I want to be on /tg/ daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY FAGGOTS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in yet another bitchfest that should have stayed on WotC's forums he knew there were faggots.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must sage the faggots!"
So John gotted his sage rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO SAGE US" said the faggots
"I will sage at him" said the guy bitching about WotC selling things and he fired the sage missiles. John saged at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the faggots" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the faggots"
And then John thought psionics was broken.

Touhou Edition

Reimu Hakurei waited. The danmaku above her blinked and sparked out of the air. There were youkais in the shrine. She didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. Her warnings to Yukai Yakmo were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Reimu was a shrine maiden for fourteen years. When she was young she watched the shrine and she said to dad "I want to take care of the shrines daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY YOUKAIS"
There was a time when she believed him. Then as she got oldered she stopped. But now in the shrine base of the Gensokyo she knew there were youkais.
"This is Yakmo" the radio crackered. "You must fight the youkais!"
So Reimu gotted her yinynagorb and blew up the wall.
"SHE GOING TO KILL US" said the youkais
"I will shoot at her" said the ➈ and she fired the icicle falls. Reimu spellcarded at her and tried to blew her up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the youkais" she shouted
The radio said "No, Reimu. You are the youkais"
And then Reimu was a zombie.

Resident Evil 5 edition

Chris Redfield waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were niggers in the base. He didn't see them, but he had expected them now for years. His warnings to Albert Wesker were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Chris was a member of S.T.A.R.S. for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the highly trained commandos and he said to dad "I want to be on the S.T.A.R.S. daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY ZOMBIE NIGGERS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the Africa, base of the blacks he knew there were niggers.
"This is Jill" the radio crackered. "You must fight the niggers!"
So Chris gotted his pistol and blew up the wall.
"OH SHIZZLE HE GOIN’ TO KILL US BROTHA!" said the niggers
"I will pop this foo'" said the cybernigger and he fired the rocket missiles. Chris shotted at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the niggers" he shouted
The radio said "No, Chris. You are the niggers"
And then Chris was a zombie.

Hitler edition

Adolf Hitler waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were Russians in the Berlin. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Josep Goebels were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Adolf was a nazi for fourteen years. When he was young he fought in the first world war and he said to dad "I want to eradicate the jews daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY RUSSIANS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the bunker base of the Third Reich he knew there were commies.
"This is Goebels" the radio crackered. "You must fight the russians!"
So Hitler gotted his gun and blew up his brains.
"HE KILL HIMSELF" said the Russians
"I will burn at him" said the cyberrussian and he set Hitler's body on fire. Hitler burned at him and tried to get decent burial. But then his body turned to ashes and he was dead and not able to be recognized
"No! I must kill the Russians" he shouted from Hell
The devil said "No, Hitler. You are the Russians"
And then Hitler was a Communist.

Fate/stay night edition

Emiya Shirou waited. The stars above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There was evil in The World. He didn't see it, but had expected it now for years. His warnings to The People were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Emiya was a Hero of Justice for eleven years. When he was young he watched the fire killed his family and he said to dad "I want to be an Hero of Justice daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY EVIL"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the depopulated ruins of The World he knew there was evil.
"This is The People" the radio crackered. "You must fight the evil!" So Emiya gotted his twin blades and blew up the city.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the evil
"I will shoot at him" said the superevil and he fired the gun bullets. Emiya slashered at him and tried to cut him up. But then the buildings fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the evil" he shouted
The radio said "No, Emiya. You are the evil"
And then Emiya was an Archer.

Jack edition

Jack Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were crazy psychotic lolis in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Maebara Keichi were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway. Jack was a pedo rapist for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the lolis and he said to dad "I want to jam it in daddy."

Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY CRAZY PSYCHOTIC LOLIS"

There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the cargo holds of the Titanic he knew there were crazy psychotic lolis.

"This is Keichi" the radio crackered. "You must fight the crazy psychotic lolis!"

So Jack gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.

"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the lolis

"I will burn him" said the tall loli and she threw the candle. Jack plasm

Rozen Maiden Traumend edition

Boku waited. The lights above her blinked and sparked out of the air. There was Suigintou in the N-Field. She didn't see her, but had expected her now for years. Her warnings to Shinku were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Boku was a Rozen Maiden for two hundred and fourteen years. When she was young she watched the dolls and she said to Rozen "I want to be alice daddy."
Rozen said "No! You will BE KILL BY SUIGINTOH"
There was a time when she believed him. Then as she got oldered she stopped. But now in the N-field of the junk she knew there was suigintoh.
"This is Laplace" the rabbit crackered. "You must fight the suigin tou!" So Boku gotted her Lempicka and blew up the wall.
"SHE GOING TO KILL US" said the dolls
"I will shoot at her" said suigintou and she fired the wing feathers. Boku lempickaed at her and tried to blew her up. But then barasuishou's cristals fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the suigintou" she shouted
The rabit said "No, Boku. You are the suigintou"
And then Boku was a junk.

NOIR edition

Yuumura Kirika waited. The lights above her blinked and sparked out of the air. She knew there were Soldats in the underworld. She had expected them now for years. Her warnings to Mirielle were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Kirika was an amnesiac assassin for fourteen years. When she was in Japan she showed the pocket watch and she said to Mireille, "I want to make a pilgrimage to the past with you Mirie~ru"
Mireille said "No! You will BE KILL BY SOLDATS"
There was a time when she believed her but now that she got oldered she stopped. But now in the ruins of Altena's manor she knew there were Soldats.
"This is Mirielle" the radio crackered, "You must fight the Soldats" So Kirika gotted her Beretta and shot up the hired goons.
"THEY GOING TO KILL US" said the soldats
"I will stab fork at them" said Chloe and she throwed the knife daggers. Kirika shooted at her and tried to blow her up. But then Altena appeared and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"I must kill the soldats" said Kirika.
Chloe said "No, Kirika. You are the Soldats."
And then Kirika and Mirielle were Noir.

George W. Bush edition

George W. Bush waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There was terrorists in Iran. He didn't see them, but had expected it now for years. His warnings to Fox News were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Bush was a President for seven years. When he was young he watched the Gulf War and he said to dad "I want to conquer the middle east daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY SADDAM HUSSEIN"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the White House he knew there was terrorists.
"This is Dick Cheney" the radio crackered. "You must fight the terrists in Iran!" So Bush gotted his troops in Iraq and blew up Iran.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the Iranians
"I will shoot at him" said Ahmadinejad and he fired the rocket missiles. Bush nuked at him and tried to blow him up. But then the dictatorship fell and they were deposed and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the terrist" he shouted.
The people said "No, Bush. You are the terrorist"
And then Bush was impeached.

Star Wars edition

Darth Vader waited. The TIE fighters above him blinked and sparked out of the air.There were Jedi in the Death Star. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Admiral Tarkin were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Vader was a Sith Lord for twenty years. When he was young he won the pod race and he said to Obi-wan "I want to be the most powerful Jedi Obi-Wan"
Obi-wan said "No! You will BE KILL BY EMPEROR PALPATINE"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the Death Star he knew there was Jedi.
"This is Princess Leia" R2D2 craskered. "You are our only hope!" So Luke gotted his X-wing and blew up the Death Star.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the stormtroopers
"I want him captured alive" said Vader and hired the bounty hunters. Han Solo blastered at him and tried to blow him up. But then Cloud City fell and he was encased in carbonite and not able to kill.
"You killed my father" Luke shouted.
Vader said "No, Luke. I am your father."
And then Leia was Luke's sister.

Bible edition

Jesus Christ waited. The halo above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There was sin in the world. He didn't see it, but had expected it now for years. His warnings to his 12 disciples were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Jesus had been a Messiah for thirty-three years. When he was young he taught in the temple and he said to God "I want to be th Saviour daddy"
God said "No! You will BE CRUCIFIED BY ROMANS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in Jerusalem he knew there was sins.
"This is my beloved Son" God crackered. "In who I am well pleased!" So Jesus gotted the Holy Spirit and performed miracles.
"HE GOING TO SAVE US" said the disciples
"We will crucify him" said the Pharisees and took him to pilate. But then Pilate found no fault with him and was not able to kill.
"We must kill him for blaspheming God" the Jews shouted.
Jesus said "No, Jews. I am the Son of God."
And then Jesus was crucified.

The author

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The original author of the story is Hyena, who was apparently 8 years old when he wrote this. You can read more info about his fanfiction here.

Source

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