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Cowboy Bebop

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The badass cast of Cowboy Bebop

Cowboy Bebop is an anime series inflicted upon the world at large by a bunch of azns who lusted for African American culture.

What began as a visual love letter was soon adopted by Adult Swim and thrust onto the American populace. Repeating the same 25 episodes over and over and over for 5 fucking years straight without pause, it resulted in an epidemic of weaboo fucks who don't know shit about nigger music.

It eventually spawned a movie that nobody outside of Otaku and Weeaboos liked as well.

To this day fans can be heard sucking vital oxygen from the earth's atmosphere crying and whining about how Spike Dies at the end, thus ruining the show for them. This leads to many, many lulz to be had by trolling anime forums, asking if he died or not, and why the creators killed him (if indeed he did die). Making it worse, the creator says he left it vague on purpose.

Contents

Premise/Plot

Scene from Stray Dog Strut.

A group of sad failures who fly around space looking for space's most wanted, each with a painful and mysterious past, like every other animu evar. Evey other episode is supposed to have some kind of deep, philosophical point (see below), but that's TL;DR so no one cares.

Examples of Deep Philosophical Episode Titles:

  • "Episode 2: Stray Dog Strut" - Delves into the deep philosophical questions of predestination and bestiality.
  • "Episode 3: Honky Tonk Women" - Educates small children about proper mother-child relationships.
  • "Episode 8: Waltz for Venus" - You can prove that you are a true Bebop fan on anime forums by bringing up the fact that, due to a translation error, this episode was actually titled "Waltz for Penis", a moving look into the world of transsexuals.
  • "Episode 11: Toys in the Attic" - In which viewers are introduced to the cast's affinity for novelty toys.
  • "Episode 18: Mushroom Samba" - Crew gets stoned off some hallucinogenic mushrooms, teaching viewers that drugs are awesome, m'kay.

Characters

Why Spike decided to self-pwn instead of fucking Faye.
  • Ein - Lead protagonist of the series. It's a corgi. Probably a /b/tard since he doesn't do anything but surf the internets and hang out with lolis.
  • Lupin Spike Spiegel - Skinny, perpetually stoned Jew who gets into life-ending fights over cups of coffee at least once an episode. Whines about his old girlfriend Julia at least 100 times every episode to cover up the fact that he was totally gay for his old partner Goemon Vicious. To try and prove he isn't totally gay for him, the last episode consists of Spike pwning and killing Vicious, but it cuts sway with Spike bleeding to death in attempt to be intriguing and mysterious.
  • Fujiko Faye Valentine - Cliche hot bitch. Wears about 2 feet worth of clothing at any given time. Hangs out with Jet and Spike to Jew and constantly runs away with shit, yet somehow returns every episode, forgiven due to random bukkake sessions. Born at least 100 years ago, got frozen, and woke up without memories. Tried to fuck Spike before he left to pwn himself, was rejected and went to fuck Jet or something.
  • Ed - Obligatory loli/shota (or more simply, a reversetrap). Has Assburgers syndrome. Nub h4x0r compared to the pimp dog.

The Movie

Thought provoking dialogue, indeed!

The movie is just an extended version of the series taking place before Spike died. That's it. That's the movie. They just added longer action scenes, more "thought provoking" dialog and a higher budget to what already was there, which snowballed into a big bundle of shit that everyone who has watched it feels is totally unneeded.

The TV show caused a tide of weeaboo to be unleashed over the world. Now the very same failures either ignore the film's existence or "have never watched it" because Adult Swim wisely refuses to play it for fear of having the otaku jump ship.

This point of view is agreed with by expert reviews of this film. We are not making any of this shit up, feel free to check it. The movie really sucks that bad. Be sure to copy and paste these into any and all anime fan forums you can find with an active Cowboy Bebop thread for instant lulz.

 
 
...the script wallows in the sort of solemn existential malaise borrowed from film noir that young people who wear black mistake for hip. The dialogue is blockheaded, and it is delivered by a retinue of bland soap opera voices that seem out of joint with their characters. At nearly two hours, this "Cowboy" is a very long and pretentious ride into the sunset.
 

 

— - Jan Stuart, Newsday

 
 
...the storyline -- a mixture of B-movie dialogue, supernaturalism and technological catastrophe -- feels dashed off and puerile.
 

 

—- Liam Lacey, Globe and Mail

 
 
...were it replicated, shot for shot, as a live-action film, "Cowboy Bebop" would be just another unpleasant science-fiction thriller, with the usual mix of salaciousness and violent death. The Magritte sky and the laser-like colors will push this into the winning column for some, while others will be put off by a Speed Racer-like lack of detail in the characters' faces and find the animation novelty wearing thin after 10 minutes.
 

 

— - Mick LasSalle, San Francisco Chronicle

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Rating

What every Bebop fanboy dreams of. (Having a cock that big, I mean.)

Action: 11 13, Spike's about the only anime character that will kick your ass without telling you how he's gonna do it first.

Goku may has his lazer beams, them fags over on Bleach have their Bangay bullshit. But they never just whip the shit out. They fucking gotta tell you how "ZOMG AWESOME! it's gonna be, and how fucking screwed you are, and how they're gonna rape your corpse after. If they ever fought Spike, he'd just walk right up and kick them in the balls, end of story, fuck you. and there's a suicide bomber that uses teddy bears filled with C4 and he runs around in a bear costume

Lulz: 6, Fair bit of lulz, though most of it's of the "Oh...fuck" variety.

Pedophilia: 3, Ed's not the hottest loli out there, but dumb enough that if you told her your dick was candy, she'd go for it. Canon statements rule, and in the canon Edward was stated to be a GIRL, therefore a loli, but damn, is she ugly, nigga.

Furry: 5 (in a good way), Somebody's gotta be fucking the dog. Tiny, fluffy, and hand-held, how could they not be. Plus the Suicide Pedobomber!!!

Gallery

Let's hit it About missing Pics

External Links

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