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Che Guevara

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FACT: Che Guevara suffered from Internet disease
Che's bastard son Maddox
Che after the zombie apocalypse.
Baltar, the Space Che.

Contents

Internet Significance

Some people have this guy on their website, wiki user page, etc., etc. Basically, having his picture is announcing you are a communist and love murderers. Knowing who the guy is really doesn't matter and his history is TL;DR anyway. You just wear his T-shirt to be cool and anti-establishment, and have something to go with your designer jeans. The great irony of Guevara shirts is that they are the product of capitalist industry, which he hated above all else.

He was also mentioned in a shockwave video of the song "Cows with Guns," which is far more interesting than this man's life.

History

Che Guevara was a communist leftard from Argentina who is most famous for appearing on Hot Topic T-shirts (known technically as Cliché Guevaras) and being Fidel Castro's secret homosexual lover.

Most people forget that Che had fucktard syndrome and only got lucky with the Cuban revolution because Cuban citizens are a bunch of lazy bastards that drink and dance salsa all day. When Che tried to spread the word of the revolution elsewhere he failed. He went to Congo and unlike the citizens in Cuba the citizens of Congo actually shot back. This was a surprise to Che because he's fucktarded. After failing in the Congo he moved to Bolivia where he got raped.

Che Guevara was born Ernesto Rafael Guevara de la Serna, but changed his name circa 1953 to make it more marketable. Like his crush, Karl Marx, Che was a spoiled, angsty suburban kid who decided to rebel against Mommy and Daddy by being a revolutionary. Ironically, che's parents were communist leftards too. Lulz.

After graduating from medical school in 1953, he met the love of his life, Fidel Castro, in Mexico City. Che then helped his boyfriend wrestle Cuba from the control of capitalist scumbag and all-around fucktard, Fulgencio Batista.

In 1965, after a lovers' quarrel with Castro over rumors of a love affair with Evita Peron, Che left Cuba and went to Bolivia to participate in a suicide mission attempting to spread the International Communist Revolution to yet another third-world shithole. The Bolivian government granted his request, and executed Che October 9th, 1967.

His last words were supposed to have been, "Me cago en las tetas de la Virgen María para que el Niño Jesús chupe mierda," which (loosely translated) means 'I crap on the tits of the Virgin Mary so that the Baby Jesus sucks shit.' What a nice man.

Fact: Che was 25% Irish, explaining his immense level of fail.

 
 
We’re going to do for blacks exactly what blacks did for the revolution. By which I mean: nothing.
 

 

—Che Guevara, regarding the lack of help from Afro-Cubans.

 
 
Mexicans are a band of illiterate Indians.
 

 

—Che Guevara, in Mexico.

 
 
The Negro is indolent and lazy, and spends his money on frivolities, whereas the European is forward-looking, organized and intelligent.
 

 

—Che Guevara, upon returning from Africa.

The Fad

Wearing Che Guevara makes you a rebel.
A long time ago, some college idiots thought it would be "cool" and "rebellious" to idolize Che Guevara. Then some capitalist businessman pig noticed this, and realized he could make a fuckton of money by selling Che Guevara's image. And since he was a dead communist, Che couldn't do anything about it. Sometimes you can find a few retards who have Che's face on a shirt, yet have no clue who he is. These are among the lowest forms of IRL n00bs, and can be disposed of in the most humiliating and lulz-generating manner possible.

Che's Fan Boys and Girls

Smoke the Cuban+

Gallery


Che Guevara
is part of a series on Politics.
Ideologies:

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Tactics:

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See also: 2012 ElectionsInternet PoliticsPolitical communities


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