From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Cancer is a message from God to tell you that he's tired of your shit. The troll of all diseases, Cancer is also is a form of physiological retardation. After a human being does something stupid like smoke cigarettes or eat paint chips, little biological things in their body called cells start to act all freaky. Whereas the body is usually able to recognize old and decrepit cells and euthanize them properly, a cancer patient is like a nearsighted kid that can't see the difference between Jessica Alba and a pig with lipstick, resulting in a situation where ugly and damaged cells that need to die simply don't get killed off. Instead, these gimpy cells reproduce by splitting into new retard baby cells, endlessly flooding a random body part. Once the body notices that a body part has been taken over by the cancer, it wisely attempts to remove itself from the gene pool. This was also seen in American society, the instant American Idol was introduced to TV. Thought and intelligence were suddenly flooded, raped, and thrown down into the dirt by all the retards that MTV usually maintains fairly well. Soon society will collapse when unable to decide who can do the best cover of a song from the Lion king.
Causes of Cancer
- RFID Chips
- Littering of ED articles with unfunny 4chan memes
- Meme combining
- Talking about the government
- Reading Portal YouTube comments
- The Sheeny Curse
- Fluorescent light bulbs
- Being Andy Kaufman
- Being aboard the Freewinds
- FUCKING EVERYTHING
- Fucking everything
- Your mom
- Bruce the Camwhore
- Every product exported by China
- Rick Rolls
What Can I Do To Fight Cancer?
Donate to Encyclopedia Dramatica to further our extensive cancer research and help save lives. You can also rid non-4chan related articles of memes to improve the quality and fight the chanfag cancer that has been eating away at ED for years. And you can also encourage everyone to not talk to, or try to be friends with cancer patients so they will all die and not pass on their disgusting cancerous genes.
- Go to /b/.
- Post original content that is funny, not overused, forced, has no faggotry, and unfunny memes.
- For every shit thread you see, make two that are lulz-worthy.
Suppression of cancer cure by /b/
For at least 50 years, the cure for all cancers, has been suppressed. This has not been the product of a conspiracy between doctors, huge pharmaceutical companies, the US government and the Jews, but in fact has been solely carried out by /b/. Due to the fact that they are making hundreds of billions of dollars every year from treatments, and cancer drugs. At least 15 people who have claimed to have cured cancer, and 12 of them who have proven that they have, have all died under mysterious circumstances. One claimed that he was driven off the road, shot at, poisoned, had their houses arsoned, and was eventually killed by assassins employed by moot. Greed is the cause of all the problems in this world.
The tinfoil companies may be in on it too, since it takes so much to make a good hat to block the rays.
The cure is and always has been large quantities of Δ9-THC. You can keep that a secret though, cancer is a good solution to overpopulation.
Types Of Cancer
- Lung Cancer: This form of cancer rids the world of those macho smoker assholes who try to look cool in front of ugly girls.
- Brain Cancer: This cancer turns you into a drooling retard idiot, like Gothreaper.
- Melanoma: How karma pays back white privilege.
- Jewkemia: This is the worst cancer ever. It is caused by the dreaded Sheeny Curse, an ancient curse that Jews use to kill people and steal their money.
- /b/ Cancer: Self-explanatory.
- Bitch Cancer
- Breast cancer: The only way to cure the bitches who won't make your fucking sandwiches.
- Cancer of which should not be named.
- Fake Brony Cancer.
- Nigger cancer : The cancer only the baboons could give this world.
- iCancer from Apple - launched by Steve Jobs just after a keynote in 2011.
Online games such as Roblox is now developing Cancer.
- The Cancer That Is Killing /b/
- Bill Hicks
- Jade Goody
- Peter Jennings died, so I'm going to quit smoking
- Reply Girls - The cancer that's killing YouTube with misleading spam and thumbnails of exposing their gross whore tits.
- A list of things that the Daily Mail says give you cancer