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Butthurt

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Info non-talk.png
PLEASE NOTE: This word is severely overused and/or misused.
You can help by using it in the correct context and not being a fucking retard.
BUTTDEVASTATED.jpg
The Butthurt is strong with this one.
The all important Butthurt Report Form.
When Butthurt, a stroll through the garden can be relaxing
You think you got problems?
Matilda the Butthurt Hen [1].
LAWL
ameribros u mad?
Your buns. Prepare them.
 
 
my father passed away suddenly on thursday, and insted of spending time with him durring his final days i was too busy flooding your gay ass channel cuz you faggots decided to ban me.
 

 

—Robb

Butthurt is that special feeling in your ass after it's been kicked and/or fucked. It is a common ailment amongst losers on the internet. It is usually characterized by noisy whining and complaining after being pwnt or otherwise outdone in any minute and insignificant way. It was invented at least 100 years ago by Vlad the Impaler when he went crazy from living in a time without the internets. Today, butthurt occurs most commonly when you fall asleep with your friends and they, being your friends, decide it would be funny to sodomize you. Butthurt is also a primary generator of lulz on the internets and has produced many lolcows.

Contents

Ways to avoid butthurt

  1. Don't fall asleep in the same room as "your friends".
  2. Don't fall asleep in gay bars.
  3. Don't go to gay bars in the first place.
  4. Keep your anus sewed up at all times, unless taking a dump.
  5. Don't be a goatse.
  6. Make sure your Raisin Bran is still good.
  7. Don't let someone put you in a head-lock, sleeper-hold.
  8. Don't go to jail, especially if it's for giving someone else butthurt.
  9. If you do go to jail, don't drop the soap.
  10. If you're under 15, NEVAR accept an invitation to a sleepover at Neverland Ranch. Jackson will come back from the dead and give you large amounts of butthurt.
  11. NEVER go anywhere near a boy with autism.
  12. Seek training and guidance from Kirk Johnson, who's put in the work necessary to make sure he never feels butthurt (or anything else back there) ever again.
  13. Don't get offended by edits on this website.
  14. Wear a buttplug at all times; a RapeX is optional.
  15. Don't fake your death on Facebook.
  16. Don't stick a highlighter up your pooper.
  17. Don't go to church.
  18. If forced to go to church, don't go near the priest.
  19. If near the priest, butthurt unavoidable.
  20. Don't argue on the internetz!
  21. Go to google.com and search "R@ygold"
  22. ????
  23. PROFIT!
  24. Face down, ass up that's the way you should fuck.

Stages of Butthurt

Rectal bleeding.gif

(Note: This only applies to the lolcow edition. For them homos, please look in this gallery.)

If you or anyone you know have recently discovered that you have an article on ED, saying meanly mean things about your mom, then these are the stages that you will soon be dealing with, that every lovely young lady and growing young lad goes through. Maybe you posted really obnoxious art on devianTART, or have stated that you are a dragon, or are a flat out furfag art whore cum slobbering gutter slut. It doesn't matter now, because you all will go through the same phases.)

Achieving Nirvanna "Stage Four" butthurt.
In his spare time, this guy gives butthurt to kiddies.

Here is an example of overwhelming butthurt.

  • Stage One: IDC lol :D

You try to pretend that you don't care about the article,even thanking ED for all the views that its been giving your art pages on deviantART. Pshaw! Show your fans that you're better than that. Note: During this time you will have an inflated ego, and an urge to write a poem to ED giving thanks to them. Luckily this is the shortest stage of all and will likely last a week at most.

Stage 2:OMG ED said I haet Mudkips!!! >:(
  • Stage Two: BLACK RAGE!!

Forget being nice. ED hasn't deleted that article yet after a whole five minutes and it's time to bring out your inner fat Russian kid. Post anti-ED furry gay porn on devianTART and see how those rapscallions like that! This of course will only bring out more lulz. You will no doubt send your fans to edit the page, bringing down even moar lulz. To show them who's the bees knees, make a YouTube video of you and your little brother rapping about how much EDiots smell.

Start saying on LiveJournal that your mood is sad :(. Make big rants about how your life sucks and how no one likes you. Contrary to popular belief, ED will only edit the pictures of you looking sad to make it look like Mudkips are raping your face. Bonus points if you mention you are bipolar and hear voices.

  • Stage Four: God

Why be mad when you can be a martyr? You will begin saying you forgive ED because it's what Jesus would do. Similar to stage one, except you add in that everyone on ED will burn in hell anyway so it doesn't matter lol. :D HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS.

Fine Examples of Being Butthurt

Previous Video  |  Next Video

SERIOUS ISSUES ARE SERIOUS BUSINESS

Trolling with Butthurt

Butthurt statue is butthurt
Azn children being butthurt over U.S. military policies, notice the child pornography.

Calling people butthurt is also an effective way for uncreative internet tough guys to generate lulz without putting any effort into their work. It also seems to work for online bullies wanting to silence their targets who have had misfortune come their way. The idea is simple: The second anyone reveals that they care about something, simply generate a post accusing that person of butthurt. If you plan on making that post longer than one word, then throw in terms such as Bawwwww and Moralfag and then reuse them endlessly in order to troll the subject into submission. Use these words over and over in each subsequent post and never let go.

 
 
lawl fucking whore had it coming being a MySpace attention whore, now she's just butthurt and bawwwwing, the girls did it for the lulz and should get a fucking medal. Anyone who supports her is obviously butthurt about it as well, they probably got beat up and blackmailed too. in b4 bawwwing moralfags defend a stupid troll bitch.
 

 

—An example of a troll using the "butthurt" strategy with regard to the Mulberry Eight case.

Long story short, use of this word is a telltale sign of a keyboard warrior.

Trolling with Butthurt incorrectly

How you really look like when layin down dat anal raepage
Pokemon get butthurt too.

Sometimes but not always, whenever a person goes into a forum and loses an argument, that is to say they themselves have ran out of actual arguments, which could occur immediately upon their arrival, they resort to calling the winner butthurt in a last ditch attempt to win that argument. The person who does this generates much lulz not because they're right, but because it's ironic that they're pulling the butthurt card out because they lost the argument, thus they're using the term "butthurt" because they themselves are indeed, butthurt. Typically this occurs before the debate is actually concluded and this tactic also determines the winner; the person who doesn't use it.

The person using the butthurt card to win arguments is running on the logic that saying "butthurt" is the ultimate way to win, just in the same way mentioning Hitler in a debate is the ultimate mutual thread shutdown tactic, only "better" than the Hitler card because with the butthurt card, you win. To elaborate; imbeciles use "butthurt" as an argument dynamic because in internet culture, calling someone butthurt is used with the intention of calling someone out as overly touchy for reacting in an extremely overblown, negative, emotional and unwarranted way toward something trivial. The logical conclusion they come to is that they can win the argument by stating that their opponent is overly touchy over nothing which is the reason as to why they retort him to begin with. If the opponent wasn't so overly touchy there'd be no opposition what-so-ever, thus attempting to blow off their opponents rebuttals as simple crying.

If you ever run into a fuckwit of this nature, proceed to explain to them what they're doing and specifically what about it is wrong. Also be sure to do it VERY SLOOOOOOOWLY so they can comprehend it. Be sure to quadruple-tap the space bar in between every word you type, toss out any kind of grammar, punctuation or spelling rules you may have learned in school and turn off the spell checking app for your browser. Yes, these people really are just that fucking stupid.

Banning of "Butthurt" on /v/

Last Thursday moot decided to have a dick sucking contest on 4chan's /v/, the results of which, among others, were the autobanning of the word "butthurt". The reasons behind this are a mystery, although some believe it may have something to do with moot being extremely butthurt after losing an argument to a faggot. No longer can weeaboos throw this shit at one another in an attempt to look cool or some shit like that. If one does attempt to make a post containing "butthurt", that user will be informed that their post is, in fact, rude, and will shortly thereafter be given a warning, all of which amounts to fucking jack shit. Some /v/irgins have resorted to other phrases to troll themselves. Some of these include:

See, I told you.
  • ass-pained
  • rear-soreness
  • buttocks ached
  • posterior panged
  • hiney hindered
  • fanny harmed

But only a fucking faggot word would use any of those words because they just sound fucking gay, unlike "butthurt" which sounds totally fucking awesome. LAWLZ, DISREGARD THAT MY MOM SUCKS COCKS!!

Of course it's easy to beat such a wordfilter, even as simply as using fliptext.org to flip the letters 'nq' to appear as 'bu' and to place unused spoiler tags in the word, thus typing out 'butt[spoiler][/spoiler]hurt' with the flipped letters and spoiler tags still results in the user been able to make mods butthurt.

Gallery

Buncha Hurt Butts About missing Pics

But THAT's not Butthurt

See Also

External Links


Butthurt is part of a series on Language & Communication
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