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Blu Aardvark

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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Anatomically correct.

Did you ever wonder where DracoGuard got his sex slave dog from? It would be Blu Aardvark (aka. Blew Aardvark). Aardvark is an internet tough guy, troll, and entertainer. Blu Aardvark is probably best known for trying to make TOW a better place [1]. When his first YouTube video account had been up, most commenters affectionately compared his entertainment skill to Chris-chan. He also suffers from the fact that all of the people he knows IRL like to look him up on ED from his mom right down to his bosses at work. Blu Aardvark also completely denies that he is a furry, strongly in fact, and will blurt it out to complete strangers on the bus that he is not a furry.

Contents

Early life and troubles at home

In case you were wondering why Blu's life is an unending downward spiral here's why.[Baleeted}

Not only was he taken from his real parents because they were John Day meth heads, but then the State also pulled him from his adopted parents because they let him spend too much time on the internet instead of going to High School. In response, he is planning on filing a massive law suit against the state of Oregon and Wikipedia for allowing him to become an e-addict in the first place.

He and his friends are also being targeted for destruction by the Furluminati; no doubt in retaliation for some of his unsavory activities, and because he wouldn't stop vandalizing the Furry fandom pages on Wikipedia.

Like every internet wackjob, Blu espouses extreme Libertarian leanings. And like all people on the internet with an opinion, he can be seen blogging about this far and wide.

First appearances on the internet

In his early days of the internet, he spent it on Wikipedia, Wikipedia Review, and WikiFur.

It'd be nice if he could shut down Wikipedia.

Although largely forgotten, many prominent Wikipedos such as Alison, MER-C, Rebecca, Samsara, and Taxwoman know him well as a vandal terror and still fear him to this day. MER-C, in particular, loved to keep track of all his accounts [3] [4] [5] and the best thing you can do is to recreate all those deleted userpages as tags of Aardvark socks.

For most of 2005 and 2006, he spent all his time trying to get back on Wikipedia and failing. He got his entire ISP banned nationwide and when he switched ISPs, he could have started over, but instead he got banned for the same shit again and again.

Eventually, he discovered Encyclopedia Dramatica. He had trolled every other wiki and now he was going to troll this one. He went there and trolled it like crazy, just like he did to every other wiki he visited. He recalled how Wikipedia and WikiFur were traumatized for years from his trolling and they never fully recovered. Blu Aardvark fully expected a ban, but it never came. Instead, to his complete surprise, he won the Vox Dramatica prize and was made a sysop. Shocked that his trolling didn't bring ED to its knees, he tried another tactic of a leave of absence for religious reasons.

Fursuit only $1049!!
Blu Aardvark drew this. He does not consider it sexual.

Due to his internet alias, there has always been ongoing debate over whether he is a closet furry. He strongly denies being a furry and even went around vandalizing WikiFur to prove that he was not a furry, although he claims he did it just for the lulz. Somey has stated that he would have been welcome on WikiFur with open arms if not for his vandalism.

Blu Aardvark has given an explaination for having an animal name.

 
 
"There are some who wonder why I chose the name "Blu Aardvark". Some believe that I'm actually a furry. News flash - I'm no more a sick fuck than I am an anti-semite. Why did I choose the name "Aardvark" then? Quite simply, because I have a transient tic disorder, and have been known to blurt out "Aardvark" from time to time as a tic. This became sort of an IRL handle for me, and I carried it on over to the internets."
 

 

—Blu Aardvark

He could have just been "I'm uncreative in making names," but instead "because I have a transient tic disorder, and have been known to blurt out "Aardvark" from time to time as a tic" further dug his own grave. It also doesn't explain why he used the "Blu Ray" spelling of "blue" five years before Blu Rays were invented. More importantly, why hasn't this transient tic appeared in any of his YouTube videos? Why has he never suddenly yelled "Aardvark! Aardvark!" and then apologized and carried on?

But according to TV Tropes, people get misinformation from television about Tourette's Syndrome and so Aardvark's excuse was entirely plausible:

 
 
In real life, Tourette Syndrome is characterized by involuntary "tics" that the person feels compelled to perform fairly regularly; depending on the severity, this can range from an easily-suppressed thought to actions so uncontrollable that it makes Monk seem perfectly normal. To be categorized by a psychiatrist as Tourettes (instead of a related disorder), the sufferer must have multiple physical tics and at least one vocal tic. These tics can range from hand movements and gestures to specific words. Around 10% of people with Tourette also display something called "coprolalia" (derived from Greek, literally meaning shit-talking), which is the involuntary uttering of socially unacceptable things.

In TV land, though, Tourette Syndrome is coprolalia. In most people's minds, Tourette is a condition where people swear uncontrollably and nothing more. It makes sense that this is how it would be treated

 

 

TV Tropes's Tourettes Shit Cock Syndrome article

Money issues

Blu Aardvark had the sense to know that school was a waste of time. After all, all the US jobs go to India anyways and even if you get a Bachelor's degree, you'll just end up underemployed with the falling US economy. So he did what any smart person would do, he dropped out of high school to get a GED.

Due purely to the US economy sucking ever since George Bush took office and never recovering, Blu Aardvark doesn't make much money at his job at a local mini-mart. He's so poor that he lives right next to the goddamn airport (see map).

Holy Shit!!! Blu Aardvark sells dogs to dog rapers!!!!

Knowing that being a Jew instantly makes you rich, he tried converting to Judiasm, as Jew Aardvark. He then set up a business selling canines he's molested as "sexually trained dogs". One Wikipedo Sysop, SlimVirgin, had for years spent all night in terror of feared troll, Blu Aardvark and one day, she saw advice on television saying that she should buy a dog for protection. But since she's Jewish, she would only buy from a Jewish dog breeder and since most Jews are CEOs, stock brokers, Hollywood types, and terrorists, she could find only one Jew dog breeder and ended up buying two poodles from Blu Aardvark, which Daniel Brandt has pictures of. Brandt has also commented that her actions of dressing the dogs in silly outfits all the time ("pet dressing") are far more cruel than any sexual molestation they had once received.

Later, Blu Aardvark quit his business when he obtained a high paying job. But then trouble struck, detailed later on...

Blu Aardvark TV

Famous on ED for bringing in the lulz, Blu Aardvark, went on to his greatest feat yet, television.

Blu Aardvark (like many other aspies) likes to go on YouTube. In early 2009, his clouded autistic mind made a decision to make his OWN vidyas; behold Blu Aardvark TV or as he calls is "Blue Aarvark Teebee". Being an ED admin, he decided to post it on the main page causing many curious people to click on the video with the zit-faced man-child wearing a leather jacket inside. The videos consist of him awkwardly talking into his webcam in his grating aspie voice of a 12 year old girl. To his shock, he was not welcomed with open arms to the YouTube community. All his comments were flames and over half said they hoped he was going to be the next Chris-chan.

After several attempts to keep calm, Blu Aardvark made a new video where he proceeded to BAWWWWWW about being abused and living in a foster home as a child.

 
 
You may not realize this but I grew up in foster care. My real parents were incapable of taking care of me so I was put up for adoption, but you know my adoptive parents weren't really any better so I was taken from their home as well and sent back to foster care. I've lived in seven different foster homes and five different treatment facilities since that time where I've been drugged, abused trapped to a bed, and humiliated. I don't need that shit from you. ALL OF YOU EAT SHIT AND DIE!!!!
 

 

—Blu Aardvark, on being an "internet superhero", not a bitch.

Later Blu Aardvark got out his web camera, and, as he masturbated furiously, claimed that it was all a ruse! That's right, folks; uploading a BAWW a video, deleting comments, setting the video to private several times, and awkwardly trying to hide his mistake was all a big setup! It's too bad that being a "Wikipedia puppetmaster" and "internet superhero" will never help him lose his virginity, weight, or his downs-syndromey appearance. He also seems to be forgetting that he has indeed BAWWed in the past and that won't help validate his claims that this new video was a set up.

Blu Aardvark was so embarrassed by this incident that he closed his YouTube account. So much for being "untrollable". Regardless of whether it was an act, it was still a sad loss of lulz when it shut down.

NewAardvarkTV

In late January, 2010, Aardvark finally gave up on trying to remember the password to his old YouTube account and made a new one. Fearing a ban if he chose BlewAardvarkTV, he instead opted for Youtube-favicon.png NewAardvarkTV. In his videos, he promised lessons about Christ, ED, and Wikipedia and when he delivered those, it was boring. You can skip his first three videos, which were boring set-up and skip right to the fourth where the videos and comics start getting entertaining as his format returns to the way it was on previous videos: trolls trolling trolls as Blu pretends to be like Chris-chan and people fall for it.

As one fan affectionally put it:

 
 

Fuck yeah Blu Ardavark is back, I'm tired of watching Rootbrian and Chris Chan vids.

A new Autistic lolcow for me to enjoy. :3
 


 

—iRAEPchuLOL on NewAardvarkTV's YouTube channel comments

All of Aardvark's videos are 40x40 resolution because he is on dial-up and too lazy to watch television for an hour so he can upload a decent-sized video. So his videos are basically radio broadcasts.

On his next video [6], he explains that he's less successful romantically than most people you meet on the internet. While 99% of males you meet on the internet have only been with their hand and their fleshlight, Blu explains that he's just like them except that sadly he doesn't own a fleshlight.

Done with ED

Did you ever have an ED page about you that was so bad that you go, "What if someone I know sees it? If my family sees it, I'll be disgraced. If my boss sees it, I'll lose my job!" But then there's no way they'd find it, right? I mean what kind of employers actually go looking for ED pages of their employees?

Well that's exactly what happened to Blu Aardvark. Seriously, that's what happened. First, somehow his Mom found his YouTube account. So he closed his Blu Aardvark TV YouTube account. It's unknown how she found it; if someone told her, who did? And who would even know how to contact his mom in the first place? It must be someone who knows him in person.

Later on, in the second half of 2009, his boss found his ED page. His boss saw it. His boss saw all kinds of disturbing things on it. So, his boss went and actually fired him for it. How the hell did that go down? Can you imagine your boss doing that to you? "So I read your ED page and you're fired!" Another mystery is who with a grudge against Blu Aardvark knew where he worked? Or was his boss just naturally a big fan of ED? Well, it's back to the dog breeding business for Blew Aardvark.

After that, someone leaked proof to ED that he really was a furry and it was not a joke or some "Full Body Tourette's" (think Venus from Crank II) like he claimed. Per ED Policy, furries are not allowed to be sysops and that was why he was desysopped.

So after all that tragedy, Blu Aardvark quit ED forever. But he's not committed seppuku so there will eventually be more drama to come; after all furries equal drama.

Social Networking Embarrassments

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Anonymous has long been aware of Blu Aardvark's dox. They're everywhere, even on the first page of Special:Listusers! On his MySpace page at [7], before he'd blanked it, it'd said:

Preferences:

Blu Aardvark took a quiz [8] and answered:

  • Q: "When was your last time you cried?"
  • A: "Today."

Plus, eBaumsworld uncovered Blu Aardvark's stash of sad poetry.

How to Troll Blu Aardvark

In some ways Blu Aardvark seems untrollable. Blu Aardvark will take special care to tell you how he has "won" an argument at every turn, he will also twist words and use twisted logic to make himself seem superior. Remember, Blu Aardvark can never truly win an argument, since at the end of the day when everyone goes home, he is still a furry and you are not. In this sense, Blu Aardvark can never put forward a winning argument. Any rebuttal made under the invincible aegis of "But you are a furry" is a crippling attack.

Blu Aardvark knows the truth 卐 卍

A Google search found he hangs out on Stormfront forums. Good quote [9]:

I do think it a shame (and highly suspect) that viewpoints that question the alleged facts of the Holocaust are so effectively silenced in European countries. "You have the right of free speech - except that speech".

Personally, I do believe that the Holocaust happened, but I do doubt the official story. I never really came to a conclusion either way, as I don't have enough evidence either way, but from some of the tales in this thread, one can see that at least some lies have been advanced in order to turn a profit or simply trip a guilt complex.

I am aware that before World War II, Jews were causing great hardships for the Germans. My employer personally knew a German immigrant during or around the time of WWII, and according to this woman, Jews owned the vast majority of the businesses in pre-war Germany. They had two prices - one for the Jew, and one for the Gentile. The Jews were able to purchase goods at cost or slightly over cost, while the Gentiles were forced to pay grossly inflated prices for their basic needs. This does not appear in any of the history books, and if I were to suggest this in most public forums, I would be branded as a virulent racist, neo-Nazi, anti-Semite, or worse.

Personally, I've nothing against Jews as a race, but it is quite obvious that some of them are perpetrators of great injustices. It's a shame that they are the "untouchables" - any mention of alleged Jewish misconduct is usually simply chalked up to racially charged hatred. Which, sadly, tends to engender that exact hatred, making a lovely self-fulfilling prophesy.


See Also

External Links

His stuff

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Note: this is an article about an Encyclopedia Dramatica user. For more information, please see the appropriate user page. To leave this user a message, please visit their talk page.


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