From Encyclopedia Dramatica
This article is factual.
Fact Cat has verified that every single Biting Beaver quote below is real and authentic.
Biting Beaver is the online handle of a 34 year old cumdumpster from Ohio with strong, fundamentalist beliefs in feminism. When her son Brandon hit puberty, she was disgusted to discover that a lifetime of feminist indoctrination was no match for his libido, as Brandon had no qualms about looking for porn online. BitingBeaver claims that Brandon was the product of marital rape and now regrets the fact that she didn't abort him. She believes that he will eventually become a rapist, and may be considering other methods of filicide at this very moment.
As a moderator of the WomensSpace forums, BitingBeaver posted her thoughts on this matter in July 2007. When this insane thread was discovered by a female member of the SA forums, it sparked a lengthy discussion over there as well, and several trolls from SA visited WomensSpace to reply to BitingBeaver. This thread was eventually deleted by Cheryl "Heart" Seelhoff, the founder of WomensSpace. In an effort to portray herself as a sympathetic victim, Seelhoff reprinted threats issued by the trolls in a blog post, but completely ignored the larger issue of BitingBeaver's treatment of her children. Outraged, Anonymous launched an attack against the bandwidth of Seelhoff's servers, sparking a minor conflict between Legion and RadFems that lasted through the first half of August 2007. Feminist bloggers are now using the event to claim that all women are being targeted and oppressed on the web. For more information on the attacks, read Cheryl Lindsey Seelhoff
In the aftermath of the attacks BitingBeaver has set her blog to invite only, as it was small personal details included there that led Anonymous to her. However One Angry Girl, a rabid anti-porn feminazi, has recently set up an archive of BitingBeaver's ramblings for everyone to enjoy. Commenting there is disabled, but its a chance to see feminazi ranting straight from the mouth of BitingBeaver herself.
Anonymous is very concerned about Brandon's well-being and won't stop until they find him. They argue that he needs to be warned that his mom wishes she had stabbed him with a coathanger, and that he will always be a sick fuck in the eyes of his mother. If you have any information regarding Brandon's identity or whereabouts, please contact Anonymous immediately. Everything you are about to read between this line and "The Search for Brandon" are actual batshit insane quotes from BitingBeaver, unless otherwise noted.
The Filicidal Lament Heard Around The World
—BitingBeaver, out of context for lulz
"Several years ago my accountability program found that the computer had been accessing pornography. Turns out it was my middle son. To date he has been 'caught' accessing pornography many times since then. He was 13 I think when this started.
"I banned him from the computer, but after a few months I would allow him to be on it for short periods of time. Each and every single time my son would access pornography within days (and sometimes hours) of being allowed back online. He was aware that he would be caught because the computers are monitored but he chose to do it anyway.
"Most recently my youngest son allowed my middle son to play with his PSP. Brandon (the middle child) used it to immediately access pornography online. The child is now banned from computers, video games and so forth. I've talked until I'm blue in the face, I've grown angry and yelled, I've cried when I was alone and when I was in front of him. I've had him read Dworkin, my site, and other places (namely OAG's site) and I still can't unseat this problem. He can recite feminist literature all day long, he can understand the tenets, the ideas behind it, how it links together but he will not allow this knowledge to stand in the way of his porn use.
"I don't think I'm looking for advice (I've tried everything I could think of so far) but more a place to simply be sad. I can clearly see why he's looking at pornography, I've figured all that out readily enough, but I can't seem to make it stop.
"I know, that as soon as my child leaves my home and moves into his own place that he will be looking at porn immediately. I know that I am raising a problem for women. I know that this child will one day grow and will fully absorb the messages that porn sends to men. I know that my child masturbates to degradation of my people (when I use that phrase I mean (womyn) and that with every orgasm he will further solidify his own hatred of and superiority over, women.
"I know that there will likely come a day where my son coerces a young woman into sex (rape) and there isn't a damned thing I can do about it. I look into the eyes of my son and they still sparkle like they did when he was a baby, but he's not a baby anymore, he's growing into a man and that man will have trained himself to degrade women before he leaves my home.
"As a radical feminist who puts women first I cannot begin to determine what I should do with regards to this issue. My heart breaks because there is nothing I can do to protect the womyn he will come into contact with.
"I have three boys. One of them is lost to me and as a mother and a radical womyn this breaks my heart in a way I can scarcely express. I don't know if it says something terrible about me, but you know what haunts me late at night? More than anything else? I know, in my heart of hearts that, knowing what I know now, if I had it to do over again I would have had that abortion.
"I also find myself blaming myself over and over again, even though that radical womyn inside of me stands up and yells that I'm placing blame in the wrong place. I'm not sure what I intended to say with this message. I began writing it this morning and put it away again and finally decided to finish it this evening. I think that maybe I just wanted to share, I keep trying with Brandon and I keep failing. He simply doesn't care. When he wants to jerk off, everything goes right out the window."
TL;DR, BitingBeaver is why we can't have nice things.
Gallery for Those in Denial
BitingBeaver gallery of screenshots
Followup Comments to this Post
All these were in response to her forum post that got deleted:
|Previous Quote | Next Quote|
BitingBeaver's blog post about her sons, the potential rapists
- "I have been lax, far too lax, in talking to my boys about this crime. In impressing on them the knowledge that it does happen. It happens to women all over the country and not just by evil monsters who are hiding in dark corners of alleyways, but by and large by men that the women know. By men, who very often don't think they've committed a crime when they're finished. I have bought into the idea that, "My boys are good boys, they've been raised by a hell-bent-for-equality-Feminist. My boys know that rape is wrong, they know the many forms that rape takes. They know better. But how? How do they know better? I mean, honestly, have I spent any 'real' time talking about rape to them?"
- "Sure, I've spent lots and lots of time telling them how fashion is sexist, how words have power. They can spot sexism and misogyny in video games and movies. They try to speak up against the boys in school who they see sexually harassing girls. Yet, as is evidenced by my eldest’s reaction last night, it's not enough. I have to voice it, I have to speak it's name to make it real, to show them it's a crime, that it's a painful, horrible, degrading experience that comes in many forms. I have to speak to them to let them know that rape is committed by men of all walks of life, even by boys whom they label as friends. Until 'I' can talk to them, they can't learn."
- "I, as their parent and number one source of information about women, must take the time to tell them what constitutes rape, what rape is. It's my job to tell them that No means No. If I wait for others to do it it simply will not get done and I'll be turning a man loose in this society whom I cannot vouch for. We simply don't want to believe that our boys are capable of such atrocities but we, as Mothers and Women, have a responsibility to own the fact that if they're men, they're capable, unless and until we tell them otherwise. I don't know how to do it, I have no earthly idea how to tell my children about rape. I don't want to think about it, I've spent my life refusing to think about it, but now I have to think about it. I have to think about it so that my son's high-school prom date is safe."
- "My boys are good boys, they're smart boys, but they are boys and as such, the Patriarchy want them. The Patriarchy is doing it's level-best to assimilate my boys and bring them into the folds of Male Power and Privilege and it's my job to put the spark of empathy, the fire of self-determination and respect into their young minds to make women safer. To make their wives and girlfriends and fuck buddies safe from them, because left unchecked they could rape, they already have the equipment."
Morality Clauses, EC, And Broken Condoms
Last year, BitingBeaver became E-famous following a rant about the difficulties of getting the morning-after pill in Ohio on a night that her condom broke, as most hospitals wouldn't provide one except in the case of rape. She dismissed the potential fetus as nothing but a parasite and wrote about the experience in Morality Clauses, EC, And Broken Condoms, which received over 467 comments.
—Biting Beaver, BitingBeaver/MoralityClausesECAndBrokenCondoms
—Biting Beaver, Comments for Morality Clauses
To top it all off, the morning-after pill she eventually managed to take did fail, she got pregnant, then planned her abortion... To fund it, she actually started a PayPal account to take donations, and like-minded feminist bloggers flocked to support her. Little did they know that Biting Beaver supported abortion well into the 42nd trimester.
Sexy Time with BitingBeaver's Hubby
- "Finally, I spoke to him. Finally, I told him that I was tired of BDSM. I told him I longed for the days when he had actually made love to me. When he was tender without ropes, without chains, without pain and spit and whips. I cried. I asked him, in my desperation that day, to “Please, just make love to me. Please make love to me now, prove to me that you still can.” I told him I needed, craved, desired a gentle touch without pain.
- "He tried. Until he entered me, then his hand crept to my neck and there it was, the same old dominance. He squeezed my neck and I was gasping for air as my head got light. I cried as he ‘made love’ to me and the tears flowed freely down my face before dropping onto his hand. He kissed the tears away as I cried and it was then that I realized that this was not love. He was incapable of love and I wondered and I heard my warrior crying out to me, I heard her words from across the divide and my heart sank and my tears dried as he finished the act."
BitingBeaver's Rape Checklist
Disappointingly, BitingBeaver's Rape Checklist is not a list of things one needs to commit a successful rape and get away with it (much as her name is not representative of a favourite activity as much as a threat).
Items on the list include:
- #14 - If you convince her to have sex with you, you're a rapist?
- This and over 50 other ways that you just might be a rapist are listed in Biting Beaver's Rape Checklist, written by Biting Beaver herself a few years back
- It should be noted that the Rape Checklist is insanely tl;dr. It basically boils down to a few points. If you rape someone, you are a rapist. You remain a rapist after raping someone. If you continue to rape you are a rapist. If you stop half-way in the rape you are still a rapist.
- The list's similarity to Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck" jokes are completely coincidental. The difference is that the Rape Checklist is actually funny.
Identifying BitingBeaver In The Wild
- When talking about consensual sex, will use the term "sex (rape)" every time.
- BitingBeaver has recently been confined to the kitchen because she hallucinated that anonymous was chasing her around a dark forest one night.
- Many years ago, BitingBeaver tried to spice up her sex life with her second husband.
The Search for Brandon
— Anonymous, 8/11/07
Searching for Brandon spanned the course of 5 days of intense combat between August 4 and August 8, 2007 by the ground troops of Anonymous. Searching spanned 3 continents as Amerifags called in support from Europe and the Soviet Union. The stakes were high on the battlefield, as every Anonymous knew that the freedom of one of their own was up for grabs.
"Dozens, possibly hundreds of articles, blogs, County Clerk's files, websites, and forums" were searched for any key clue or shred of evidence that may give the whereabouts of their lost man. The internet hate machine was online for 24 hours a day as details became available. Like those before him, every detail was cross-referenced to others that were found and well documented.
In the midst of all of this, some very lulz comments came out.
- "Lol, The thread title said war effort and there was a bunch of maps and I was like. What the hell (are we) doing. Gonna go take over Ohio?" - Anonymous Day 4, 8/7/07
- "You know what's fucking awesome? This Brandon kid has no fucking idea that he's the target of so much attention. He probably sat at home all day watching TV while we fought for him." - Anonymous Day 4, 8/7/07
Knowing Brandon, he probably sat and watched porno.
- "I feel so epic for helping in this. Brandon MUST be freed or find someway to contact him. It is only a matter of time until we can reach out and free him from the ropes of his mother's tentacle and teeth-fill vagina." - Anonymous Day 4, 8/7/07
Some of us are putting together a care package for Brandon for when we find him, if you want to upload some pornz for him, go to
http://voter5.info/freebrandon/ and upload away.
Meanwhile, at /i/nfidel HQ hidden underneath EuroDisney in Paris, France, Anonymous located a neighbor of BitingBeaver, floondi, and we are closer than ever to contacting Brandon. Video at a 11. Brandon's mom has got it going on, and most of anon believe he should have sex with her. As of August 26, 2007, nothing moar has happened. /b/ has thus far ceased in its efforts to deliver.
Although, if she showed him his site, and he knows her pseudonym, there is always the chance that he may google it. If that happens, he will immediately find out what she thinks of him, since the entire internet considers her batshit insane.
Things We've Learned from BitingBeaver
- Looking at porn means you hate women.
- Looking at porn means you are a future rapist.
- Looking at porn means that your mother should have aborted you.
- Sex = Rape.
- When you want to jerk off, everything goes right out the window.
- Hot wax in your vagina? It's more likely than you think.
Why Anonymous Fights
- "Any of you ever watch the Rambo movies? Because that's what this is. Sure, we're going in guns blazing, fucking up anyone who gets in our way, but by God this is a rescue mission. We've got a /b/rother behind enemy lines who needs our help! This woman is batshit insane and we can't let her continue fucking with him like this. She wanted to ABORT HER TEENAGE SON because he was viewing pornography. She tells him he's a rapist because he likes girls. She tells him that Jew are responsible for everything wrong in the world. She tells him that he is worthless and inferior. This is unacceptable to me as an Anonymous, it is unacceptable to me as a man, and it is unacceptable to me as a decent human being. Do what you have to do - tell the son, tell the ex, tell social services, but we are going to get our man out alive. -- Anonymous about saving their /b/rother.
- "We believe that Raptor Jesus has been patiently revealing the true purpose of this epic quest, a war against the Feminazis. What started as a pure journey in the pursuit of lulz has become a mission to rescue our beleaguered /b/rother Brandon. Do not despair, young child. Ceiling cat has seen you masturbate! Legion has been awakened to free you from all who seek to quell the powers of your harbl!" -- Someone unfunny. Dunno who.
No lulz About It
Biting Beaver, Cheryl a/k/a Heart, and the rest of their council of terror are totally batshit insane. In a strange and unexpected move, Anonymous decided to take up the role of Good, and set out to reclaim Brandon from the toothy maw of his mother's vagina. To date, we are not sure if he succeeded, but we continue to hope and pray to Raptor Jesus for the lulz that will be had when - not if - Brandon gets told the truth.
Brandon, if you're out there, reading this right now, we just want to let you know: we did it for the lulz.
More lulzworthy quotes from feminazi fucktards (warning: may trigger RAGE )
In the comments to a crap blog post about the bitingbeaver clusterfuck of stupid, some individuals showed idiocy that rivaled BitingBeavers. Following are the lulz:
The ongoing feminazi drama was covered by a womyn at the Sun Herald(Australia).
Terrible Fresh Prince
Now this is the story all about how, My website got flipped, turned upside down, And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became famous on the internet. In West Cincinnati born and raised On the blogosphere is where I spend most of my days. Bitching, complaining, whining about men, And catching my son Brandon masturbating to porn. When a couple thousand guys who were up to no good, Started makin' trouble in our neighborhood. I wrote one little post and Heart's webhost got scared, And said "We're takin' the whole thing down until you pay for more bandwidth."
|Agaynst the Oppressyon of Wymyn!||About missing Pics|
- Selected comments from Shakespeare's Sister on the subject of feminism, hypocrisy and gay porn
- More selected comments from insertor (or some similar stupid shit) about bitchiness, drama and what should go on hot dogs
- Almost raped
- Asking for it
- Cheryl Lindsey Seelhoff
- Biting Beaver/forest
- Unrealistic Expectations
- Melissa McEwan - Another emotionally stable feminist
- Mikeeusa A challenger Appears?
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