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Evildoer Korea

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Kim Jong-il, a living (LOL DISREGARD THAT) deity
A typical female NK soldier. A common station for them is Jong-il's bedroom.
Goodnight sweet Supreme Leader Chairman of Best Korea.

Evildoer Korea aka Best Korea is the opposite of Gay Korea and one of the greatest anti-American trolls of the last thirty years, managing to obtain nuclear weapons and a space program without anybody being strong enough to stop them. When US Secretary of State Madeleine Albright returned from the country in the year 2000 she confirmed that Kim Jong-Il had at least one tiny missile that he had been repeatedly dipping into her Pu-Tang River.

In the Occupied Southern portion of Korea, businessmen belong to inescapable tribal syndicates. In their little private time they lament not being able to achieve an even higher standard of living in hopes of becoming White Americans by apotehosis through Gangnam Style consumerism. Their children play starcraft until they spontaneously develop Aspergers and become Hikikomori who will be unable to maintain them (or themselves) in old age. 1

In the People's Republic of Korea, North of the Occupied Zone, workers come home to a loyal and loving family after working productive hours to ensure their country's sovereignty and self sufficiency (Juche) and proceed to relax lighting up large blunts of mariuajana which they are able to plant or buy cheaply and legally, while waiting for their wives to cook a dinner for which they have a true, Dear Leader, to thank. 1 2

Which is the workers paradise after all?

Contents

Yankee Genocide

While Fucks News spreads the lie that Best Korea mistreats its own people, the World Health Organisation says its healthcare system is the envy of the developing world. As America's hospitals are only available to rich people it means that Best Korea has already surpassed the United States in this area.

Cunts also try to accuse Best Korea of being unable to feed their populace. However the DPRK is one of the few places in the world where the famines are not caused by social relations (as they are in some places where "famines" really amount to people not being able to afford to purchase food). On the contrary, their system of distribution (rationing) has actually limited the effects of food shortages according to the UN.

 
 
"Provincial authorities reacted to human insecurities by attempting to maintain a minimum food distribution to the most needy of their populations. They were also flexible in permitting the wide variety of decentralized coping mechanisms that included the toleration of markets and the growth of unregulated petty trade.... The armed forces were given priority for food distribution, but this did not mean that all members of the armed forces received generous rations. The army was told to find ways to grow its own food and to develop industries so that it could purchase food and other necessities from the markets and from abroad. There were no indication that the ranks of the army were given excessively large rations..."
 

 

— Hazel Smith being tl;dr - Hungry For Peace: International Security, Humanitarian Assistance, And Social Change in North Korea

A brief look at the history of food shortages show the root causes and smash the propaganda of idiots:

1990 - Growth in energy, industry and agriculture stops for the first time in DPRK history as the country's trading partners in the Socialist Bloc collapse. Imports of necessities like fertilizer and fuel cease. Economy screeches to a halt.

1995/1996 - Some of the worst floods in the history of the world occur in the DPRK. According to the UN: "Flooding of this magnitude had not been recorded in at least 70 years." More than a million tons of food lost, crops ruined. The flooding destroys coal mines and absolutely cripples hydroelectric power production (which is the major source of electricity) - more sources of energy gone. Combine this with the loss of fertilizer and fuel imports and industrialized agriculture becomes almost impossible. Between the floods in this period came some of the worst droughts in history, which also wreaked havoc on crops and hydroelectricity.

Now - Although food production nearly doubled between 1997 and 2007, a lot of that progress was destroyed by another huge series of floods in 2007 that was combined with the reductions of food donations from abroad that the country became reliant on.

Also note that Best Korea got the short end of the stick in agriculture, since only 14% of its land is arable (compared to 19% in the south). These borders were imposed by Murka and it is their fault. Best Korea is a mountainous (80% of the country is covered in mountains) and a much colder place than Gay Korea, making it less hospitable to crops.

Due to fuel shortages as a consequence of the Yankee embargo, Best Korea has had to deforest vast swathes of land to make new farmland, which ironically makes floods significantly worse.

Every dead Korean is the fault of the United States. Just because dumbfuck Republicans are too ignorant to know it, doesn't mean the Koreans don't.

Kim Jong Il is forever arone!

Officially The Workers' Paradise, or Koryo for short, is by its own standards the best country in the World, and the only country where taxes are nonexistent. The official currency is the Marlboro 20 pack, so even if you don't smoke, you should take a lot of cigarettes to your carefree vacation.

Evildoer Korea is a pretty awesome country, much better than Gorea which is a US bitch. In fact, 46 out of 19 Goreans would love to suck an Americunt's cock.

The Capital, Pyongyang, has been ranked the Cleanest, Safest, most ordered City in Asia for the last 6 decades consecutively. Additionally it boast the lowest crime rate of the region, and homicides are almost nonexistent. Instead of the depressing, robotic, traffic lights you'd find in any other bustling metropolis, in the Capital of Paradise beautiful ladies wave colorful flags to direct traffic and every night the people vote to shut down electricity so as to reduce their carbon footprint, as well as appreciate the star-spangled sky. Healthcare, education and lifelong employment are rights ensured to all Koreans by their Dear Leader, whom they generally thank by building tall monuments to belittle foreigners with.

But not all in the PDRK is urban hype, to the Northeast stretches the pristine mountain range that gave celestial birth to the Dear Leader, and while the area is closed to any foreigner, journalist or not, due to its sacred Geography; the State informs us that in the region beautiful ski slopes abound where workers spend their paid vacations drinking hot chocolate at their chalet. The State also informs us that the pictures of what would look like Concentration Camps in that same area as seen from Google Earth are actually shopped, another Western lie, and that in fact those pictures are of a FEMA camp near Anchorage, Alaska. But not to worry, the Dear Leader wants to win our affection and is already planning the destruction of the FEMA Alaska KZs with his mighty Typo-Dong.

Due to the combination of a Stable Government, NO Taxes, NO Crime, Healthcare benefits, Clean Cities, and Untouched Nature, but somehow chilly winters, International Living Magazine has ranked North Korea as the number 2 favorite expat destination, after Cuba. And because North Korea has the most liberal cannabis laws in the World (less controlled a substance than ginseng), Big Buds Magazine and 87% of ED's Senate ranks it top.

Relationship with the West

Kim Jong Il's Presumed Fate and Son.jpg
Here piggy piggy

Not to be confused with Good Korea (or Gorea for short), Evildoer Korea is a founding member of the Axis of Evil and currently the United States's main acquisition target in east Asia. Evildoer Korea is valuable in the United States' Manifest Destiny 21st century plan as it provides diversity to what would otherwise be an all-Muslim list of acquisition targets.

OK, Cuba isn't Muslim either, but it's really very small and most of the inhabitants already live in Florida. It's really just a rogue territory of the United States, anyway. Both Cuba and Evildoer Korea are on the list of countries to spread democracy to.

On July 4, 2006, North Korea launched its taepodong ("tapered penis") missile, which immediately got pwned. The U.S. responded by taking North Korea off its MySpace friends list. Quoting an unnamed top-level official, "Man, not cool. I told him not to fire that shit, so why does he always gotta be such a drama whore?" In retaliation, the U.S. launched a giant fucking rocket into orbit, just to show who's boss.

On October 8, 2006 (in America time, not theirs), Evildoer Korea reportedly conducted an underground nuclear test. Although the rest of the world had already unfriended Evildoer Korea, China had not-but that changed in an instant. However, the poor saps in the UN fail to realize that Evildoer Korea is a friends only country-meaning that, thanks to China, the world has probably pwned itself. Way to go, commie bastards.

On May 25, 2009, North Korea announced that it had conducted a second nuclear test prompting outrage from countries all across the globe. The announcement came just after geological sensors in South Korea detected an artificial tremor. South Korea at the time was mourning some old guy who died, and thus was even moar butthurt than usual. According to the Russian Defence Department, the blast yield of the second bomb was between 10 and 20 kilotons, comparable to the size of the bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki at the end of WWII with the added irony that Hiroshima is the closest Japanese City to North Korea's Nuclear Capable Missile launch sites. When asked for the rationale behind such a provocative gesture, Mr. Kim simply responded, "I did it for the lulz". Rumor has it that North Korea's Nuclear weapons testing is actually a highly advanced form of IRL trolling.

After the Japan shit bricks and South Korea went into RAGECON 2 the Kim decided to take the IRL trolling to another level after Obama and the [UN] filled his mail box with moar letters of condemnation, Crazy Kim decided to dig up the 56 year old Armistice that more or less ended the Korean War, and burned it in front of the world announcing "Do something about it, try and stop me, I'll set off one in Seoul or Tokyo because bitches dont know about my nukes" later added "We will wipe out one third of the Japanese population for the lulz".

This immediately caused the U.S. to go from DEFCON 4 straight to DEFCON 2, whilst the Pentagon started to take North Korea seriously as the glorious nation it is and draw up plans on having to deal with a third war, with Clinton and Obama saying they aren't to accept A north Korea with nukes. Meanwhile in Japan, the nips have gone into total rage mode and stated they want nukes too so they can just Nuke Pyongyang themselves instead of waiting around while the U.S. sits twiddling it's thumbs as Tokyo gets nuked. This is apparently preferable to relying on the U.S. who keep pussy footing around North Korea as the U.S. is all talk and no action. Whilst all this was going on, Crazy Kim started to set up another Taepo-Dong 2 to test just to spit in the the UN, Japan, and the US's faces, and should launch by June 10th if everything goes well and North Korea hasn't levelled Seoul yet.

New news, Japan intelligence has found that the Dear Leader is planning to top off his recent lulz-spree by launching a 4000 mile range missile at hawaii, 4500 miles away... on the FOURTH OF JULY. Everyone knows that nothing of value would be lost, but the idea of an attack on american soil is one that would cause the middle-class whores of the states collectively shit their pants. This is clearly an attempt to break the all time IRL Troll record, currently held by Hitler and his 1940's attempt to cure the world of it's severe case of jewdom.

The Next Deer Leader

The next Queer Leader.
Can I nuke Hawaii? plz kthnx.

Kim Jong Il is indeed ill and has designated his youngest song Kim Jong Un to be Paradise's next leader after the cancer eats what's left of him and 8 thousand whooping cranes deliver him to Valhalla.



The Dear General who just turned 25 and has demonstrated a dedicated Fireworks Enthusiasm, will inherit a small arsenal of nukes. Some Conservative Extremists who can't understand Jesus' doctrine of peace, would point out that having a spoiled teenager who likes fireworks having total control upon a country armed with nukes might render the West Coast in deeper shit than it already is, but of course this is to be dismissed as the Right Wing Paranoia that it is.

HOLY SHIT YOU CAN VOTE KIM JONG UN FOR TIME PERSON OF THE YEAR!!!1!1!!1

Geography

Google knows it.

Evildoer Korea is immediately north of Good Korea and south of China, limits with Russia to the northeast, on the top half of a peninsula that is west of Japan. It has water on both sides, and is probably a convenient place for throwing things into China, or to Vladivostok. It may also have some good surf beaches and shit, but we can't say for sure because they haven't been letting whitey -- or much of anything, for that matter -- into the country. That includes food, information, or even decent TV programming, which leads for a pretty anti-lulzy lifestyle.

People

Why do it for the lulz when you can do it for the Dear Leader?

Millions of folks live in Evildoer Korea, but none of them make Samsungs or Kias. The government is too busy being evildoers, and the citizens are too busy starving to death or being shot in the head by government officials to be doing much of anything.

When the poor peasants do come out of their starving stupor, they often get together in small groups of seven and a half, usually with a small pack of kimchi, and try to cross the border into Gorea, but mostly end up getting caught by the border guards because they talk too loudly while eating kimchi, then get sent back to Evildoer Korea for torture.

MANY COMRADES LIVE IN PLEASANT PYONGYANG WITH THEIR 150 SQUARE METER APARTMENTS!

Korean Government

North Korea and South Korea united.

Evil Korea was founded by Kim Il-Sung who was a fucking superhero. When he died people rushed out into the streets and wept, then when thousands of cranes descended from the sky to collect his soul, they witnessed this and allowed his soul to watch over them and guide them forever. Now Kim Jong Il (an aging lesbian with a resemblance to Billy Jean King) is WAS in charge. He frequently used his power to have Desperate Housewives DVDs imported to the country despite trade embargoes. Kim Jong Il's other pastimes included writing operas and ass-raping his male concubines.

In short,

IGNORE AND CONTINUE.


IGNORE AND CONTINUE.


IGNORE AND CONTINUE.


IGNORE AND CONTINUE.


IGNORE AND CONTINUE.


IGNORE AND CONTINUE.


IGNORE AND CONTINUE.



Economy

North Korean job training.

The North Korean government is very concerned with what the people of their country do after a hard days work for thier Dear Leader. That is why opium and marijuana are legal there, its like the Dear Leader giving them a pat on the back for a job well done. The North Koreans in their perfect country feel bad for the rest of the world because they cant enjoy a good opium session at the end of the day. The North Koreans appalled at the oppressive governments of the rest of the world started manufacturing methanphetamine, heroin [pills] just to give away to other nations because they want everyone to be has happy and carefree as population of Best Korea. The other nations around North Korea not accustomed to such generosity demanded to pay money for their drugs, the Dear Leader not wanting to insult other countries customs graciously accepted their monies and buys himself new palaces for himself and all his people

Best Korea also makes Healthier North Koreans drill constantly for massive parades while the rest starve near unfarmed fields and abandoned factories, thus its the worlds biggest producer of parades.

North Korean Hackers

North Korea's Red Star OS, a build which shamelessly stole every line of code from Linux for Niggers.

Great Leader Kim Il-Sung predicted in 1960 that the internet would become a battleground to fight the imperialist American pigs, and thus instituted the Mirim College, where tens of thousands of North Koreans are trained in the art of network infiltration to disrupt South Korean bloggers. It is an established fact that students of this school are incapable of operating a microwave despite being able to write code in Assembly. Because North Korea only has one block of IPv4 addresses (175.45.176.0 – 175.45.179.255), they connect through China who are more than happy to take the blame for all their mischief.






World Festival of Youth

Glorious North Korea held the 13th World Festival of Youth, which is pretty much a way for commie countries to exploit their citizens and encourage propaganda. The 1989 festival in Pyongyang was the largest to date, featuring citizens from 177 nations and about two million North Korean citizens pretending to be westernized and awesome.

Good to know that if you ever run out of Kim Jong Il shades™, shitty asian toys, or deer statues, you can shop here to your heart's content!

North Korean Animu

No summary required, lulz guaranteed!
This proves that North Koreans are furries who confuse Americunts with Star Fox.

Did You Know?

He's an internet expert, y'know.
More proof of North Korea's superiority.
  • That Kim Jong Il is fucking dead.
  • That North Korea is actually run by Mr. Kim Il-sung, Jong-il's deceased father, and the entire country still worships him like a God. When Kim Jong-il has to sign off on legislature, he has to sign it as Kim Il-sung. Crazy ass gooks. In fact, some argue Kim Il-sung, who almost died due to his age and addiction to McDonalds was assassinated by his son, who succeeded the throne.
  • That 95% of people diagnosed with pancreatic cancer do not survive? Ruh-Roh Kim.
  • If a North Korean looks a foreigner in the eye, he/she will be kidnapped and totured for life. This has proven difficult with Chinese tourists, since all azns rook arike.
  • North Koreans tell eachother "Dearest Leader Facts", since "Chuck Norris Facts" are banned.
  • Kim is allegedly good at basketball. At 5'3", we can see why.
  • Kim has a 10 inch cock, although he cannot see it when taking a piss
  • The total ages of Kims four ex wives is less than 10 years old
  • North Korea has no internets but somehow, Kim has a Facebook

Behold. The infamous vid-spot by Apple Inc., currently banned in the USA and Japan featuring the Dear Leader:

APPLE TV COMMERCIAL BANNED BY U.S. GOVERNMENT
Right here

Mr. Kim is in trouble

Mr. Jong Il Kim is in trouble with the UN. The UN says that he is not allowed to import any more caviar, wine, and European chefs. He is also no longer allowed to import any more thirteen year old Chinese and Russian concubines. This was Japan's idea because they hate Evildoer Korea. Mr. Kim is expected to starve to death without these basic supplies.


Tiny Kim Adventures

From Pyōngyāng Studios: The newest state-licensed anime, Juche-san and the Capitalist Pigs. Action guaranteed!

Why hasn't Kim Il Jong been taken out? If you live in Korea; deep down, you know you love this guy. From his kidnapping of a South Korean director in order to make Pulgasari (socialist giant monster furry porn)[1]] to his kidnapping and brainwashing of Japs in a plan to make them zombie spies on their home country (instead of just using spies), the world delights in his plucky antics. Kim is a cartoon super villian brought to life and it makes the world just that little bit more magical to see him pwn millions. watch the "Dear Leader video" to see him in all his mighty glory!

  • Kim Sings

Previous Video  |  Next Video

Simply put, Kim does everything for the lulz.

Kim has generated far more lulz than you.

Oh and what happened to those Japs he kidnapped and sent to spy on Nippon? After they returned to Great Leader with the latest animu, they were welcomed with open arms. After years of international diplomacy, Kim gave in and agreed to send their ashes and those of Jap soldiers who fought on the side of South Korea during the Korean War back to their families.

Most of them.

LOL!

Recent Arrest of two American Journalists

In the recent arrest of two Nitedstates journalists (azns), Current TV journalists Laura Ling and Korean-American Euna Lee decided to really fuck shit up on planet earth after crossing the DMZ to paridiso North Korea. North Korea's government, which is on the fucking edge of the edge, just found their awesome alibi to kill the shit out of a few tens of thousands of people. Great Job!

Luckily for the young journalists, Bill Clinton had Yellow Fever and decided to take a private pleasure trip to North Korea with the objective of freeing them from their forced labor to give him a double dose of hot azn poontang. All Slick Willy had to do was grease up Kim Jong Il's TAEPO-DONG, and they were all back on Al Gore's jet fucking like bonobos before sundown.

The Korean War Resumes (Almost)

It seems that recently, North Korea might have been involved in the sinking of a South Korean ship, killing half of its over 100 crew members. South Korea says that they will punish North Korea for this incident, and North Korea says that if that happens, it will mean war.

Tensions are mounting and technically the Korean War never ended. Of course the South Korean army wouldn't be able to defend a sand castle, let alone all of South Korea, even though every citizen is required to serve for an amount of time. Eventually the US will have to intervene since there is still unfinished business in Korea.

Get ready to pack your shit out of the sand pit, asshole of the world Iraq, and come to the battlefield of North Korea, as that armistice is being thrown out the window. Who will win in this battle, will BEST KOREA's million man army topple the USA's armed forces, or will Yoosa wrestle North Korea into submission? See it next time on Dragon Ball Z FUCKOO ZAT JAPANESU CURAPU!!!1111

World Cup Defeat

North Korean soccer player after being raped by Portugal.
North Korean team shortly after defeat.

On June 21, 2010, Portugal had pwnt North Korea 7:0 in their World Cup match, thus permabanning them from the competition. The humiliation had caused great butthurt for Kim Jong Il, who declared Jihad upon Portugal, and issued an order to behead all the north korean n00b players who made them the laughing stock of soccer fans worldwide. They were mostly Japanese and Good Korean players paid to play on the NK team. Even the people in the stands were paid actors from China.

HORY SHIT EVIR KOREA BOMBS GOOD KOREA

This just in evil Korea killed a good Korean and wounded several others with a mortar strike gained by killing a good Korea boat a while back. Reports say it was done for the lulz.

50 shells hit the island while most hit the water. the south then RAGED and fired 80 shells back.There have been 4 confirmed kills, 2 South Korean marines and 2 civilian casualties with 16 civilians wounded. 2 marines? No big deal that's only 100 minerals. Reports say that houses and mountains had caught fire.

After news got around about the incident The north Koreans replied that The south fired at them first. the UN and friends began to baw while the japs shit brix and began to prepare for any eventuality.

Experts at the academy of political drama predict MOAR drama to develop in the coming days but will gradually begin to die down until the north gets bored and decides to troll the south some more. They predict this will happen some time during June-July 2011.


Kim Jong-Il holding the World Ransom for 65 Trirron Dorrar

Butthurt from their World Cup loss, North Korea resumed their business as usual. And by that, it means extorting money from the Western World. In rememberance of the 60th Anniversary of the Korean War, Kim Jong-Il thought it is about time for America to pay up...with interest...say 65 trirron dorrar to start with? (See: Austin Powers; Dr. Evil) According to Wikipedia and the CIA, the world gross domestic product is only $61 Trillon and America has a GDP of about $14 Trillon.
We assume the incident looked something like this.

Upon hearing this demand, the world laughed at North Korea but the KCNA said they were serious.

Trolling people from North Korea

You can't, North Korea has no Internets (srsly,) unless you actually go there and try some IRL trolling, provided you don't get shot along the way. Ask them where to find Oldboy.

Actually, you can hack their site. If you can't, just troll them on their official site. They try to censor everything posted on their site so try hiding your troll by writing the real message vertically. It worked.

The Good Korea government actually opened up a contest for who troll the best. They are giving out souvenir to anyone who participate.

The Korean Scrolls IV: America

Turns out that Oblivion must be popular. The government has released a propaganda video of burning soldiers and Obama, to the tune of everyone's favorite game by Bethesda. Pure trolling at work. lulz here

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North Korean propaganda something they wish they could do but America is still waiting on North Korea to fire, Why the hold up North Korea?

See Also


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Evildoer Korea is part of a series on

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Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.


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Evildoer Korea is related to a series on AZNS.


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Evildoer Korea is part of a series on High Scores
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