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Banned

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Indeed you are.

You’ve done something stupid. Perhaps you have pissed off other members; posted something that was prohibited or just acted fucking stupid. Or perhaps W.T. Snacks got bored again. You think that you’re invincible; NOTHING can stop you from having this much fun. Oh shit. An admin just saw what you did. And what happens? You were just banned. You are now unable to do what was fun, can’t post anymore and can’t access pages that you used to prior to being banned. And even worse; you deserved it. Shame on you. (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

Contents

Banhammer

An IRL Ban Hammer.

The banhammer, (historically referred to as B&jolnir) forged in the flames of Lolhalla, is the ultimate weapon against the unfunny and all breeds of vandal. It should only be wielded by the righteous - its true powers are only accessible by those who descend from Trolldin to champion the causes of the meek.

The bane of faggots and the unfunny everywhere (PaigeGirl, we're looking at you). The banhammer is also something you are going to get. Yay!

When someone posts something unfunny, you may choose one of three four options:

All of these increase your e-penis size by about the same amount.

Banset

So you like to go onto chatrooms and/or forums and check to see how many little boys are looking for lovin' from a 43 year old who still lives with his mother. Chances are you are going to get B& or end up in front of this charming young gent.

A command executed in the LiveJournal admin console in the form of "ban_set username," wherein username identifies the LJ user one wishes to ban. Banning prevents a person from commenting in a journal; after the serial adder craze post-invite code, it also removed a person from the "friend-of" list of the banner.

Additionally, the maintainers of a community can use "ban_set username from communityname" to block a user from joining or commenting in that community like this idiot here.

A meme in which various users post a list of people to ban from their journals for some reason or another.

The ban set command is often used at the LiveJournal community ONTD because the mods suck.

Permaban

Permaban ltd.gif
The ultimate in message board and LJ pwnage. To be perma-banned is to be permanently banned, usually from a channel in IRC or some other access-restrictable resource on the internets. Permbans are virtual decapitations - you managed to do something so monumentally stupid that the site's admin decided to actually go to the trouble of making sure that you never, ever have access to their little domain ever again. They rolled up the clubhouse's ladder, changed the secret password, and probably even told all their OL friends that you are nothing but a big poopy head.
Inspirational poster for moderators.
Mom, "Why was my son banned without notification?" Admin, "Your son was banned for exposing himself on camera."

Unfortunately, real permabans are extremely rare on the internets. The stupid, irrational and humorless (that's 90% of the internet population) will treat any IP ban, account ban, email address ban or any other form of access restriction as the epitome of internet justice while remaining oblivious and ignorant to the fact that such bans are negated within seconds. Should a troll be banned from a certain place and has the will to continue to disrupt that place's regular actions, he will dodge the "ban" in a minute. Such knowledge of ban-dodging is well-hidden within most trolling organizations' archives and are never revealed to the public, for the stupid, irrational and humorless will perceive such knowledge as an A+ way to pwn the internets. However, that is not perceived the same way by the troll, who considers ban-dodging a perfectly legitimate way to continue his actions.

How to get banned

How to get banned on ED

  • Vandalise articles
  • Spam
  • Annoy an admin
  • Make an edit, any edit
  • Be Schnookums


True permabans, as opposed to false permabans, occur on those places a person cannot regain access to without doing something as mundane as changing their IP or registering a new account. Such bans are most common in online games where a CD-key, an account or something else that costs RL money is at risk. Therefore, all Something Awful forum bans are indeed true permabans unless someone wants to give Lowtax another ten dollars so he can get laid with an AIDS-infected male prostitute.

Note: When you dodge a ban, a particularly stupid admin may think you're a hacker. True story.

The following are examples of IRL permabans.

Banned IRL

Joined the ban set
Two jews getting banned old school

Banned IRL is the process of being denied interaction with the Real World by an appropriate agent. It is, naturally, akin to being Banned OL minus the option of a Chinaman's chance in Arbchat. God/your family is indeed a cruel and unforgiving sysop, even worse than ODB on a bender.

Being Banned IRL most commonly refers to the death or destruction of a person or object, an act designed to put themselves and the world at large out of the misery of having to interact with them. Since banning is a deliberate act the epithet is best used when said death was deserved and done with impunity, such as during the holocaust. People known as internet killers combine both IRL and OL pwnage into a curious meta-banning process that requires non-linear time to properly calculate the significance of.

Those who have been V& for IRL crimes and/or faggotry can also be considered having been subject to an IRL ban. However, instead of dining in hell, these individuals go directly to jail, and therefore do not pass go and do not collect $200. They're essentially basement dwellers with forced lurker status and a black person with a 12-inch heat-seeking dong for a roommate. They also get free HBO.

The only individual who has ever allegedly repealed an IRL ban was Jesus, and even then it was only because his dad runs the fucking server.

The following are perfect examples of those who were banned in real life.

Please Unban

This method is best used on furries.

Please Unban, or "Please, unban me!" is a commonly heard phrase OTI and Xat, most often heard on ED and in IRC. Once a user has been banned for faggotry, a flood of sadface and PLZ UNBANS will cascade across a moderator's screen. More often than not the soft hearted faggot weilding a banhammer will comply with the request, thus letting fail and AIDS run rampant in their community.

While the pathetic nature of this feeble, impotent, grammatically flawed statement may appeal to the sentiments of Wikipedos, ED sysops do not sympathize with weakness. They may well choose to strike you a second time with the banhammer out of spite... And of course, for the lulz. Whining for an unban will not get you unbanned on ED. Getting on IRC and sorting out the mess however, might.

"Please unban" is the most common sentence used in a ban appeal, and is 99.9% ineffective. Begging will get you nowhere, but ass kissing certainly will. Sucking up to any potentially friendly mod/op is a surefire way to get right back in, should you act the fool.

Ban Appeal

Ban appeals are the biggest source of lulz for admins and mods since time began. After you have been banned, generally for falling for the /b/tards favorite of "eval", you get a chance to tell the mods on 4chan (who don't give a fuck) why you should be unbanned. Generally anything over 4 characters will result in a tl;dr response.

Take these simple steps on how to appeal your ban properly.

  1. Offer to send CP to the mod if they unban you
  2. Link to free and never before seen porn
  3. Create a new word, ie: "Shhhlongdongler"
  4. Threaten to be an hero

These steps, however, are the exact opposite of what to do in order to appeal your ban.

  1. Give a genuine reason for why you deserve to be unbanned
  2. Type moar than 4 characters
  3. Call moot a faggot
  4. Challenge the mod to a duel

Of course, these are steps you can take if you, you know, want to actually get unbanned

  1. Type your ip adress into your browser
  2. Go to "setup"
  3. Change your ip
  4. Save changes
  5. Go to the MAC address page
  6. Change your address
  7. Save
  8. Go to your "status" page
  9. Release ip
  10. Unplug your modem
  11. Chill the fuck out for 5 minutes
  12. Plug that thing back into your modem
  13. Renew your ip at your status page if needed
  14. ????
  15. Get your ISP banned.

This works most of the time. You can thank us later

If however, you get banned on ED. You can click here to appeal your ban.

Ban evasion

You got banned, and you don't like it. Your ban appeal was denied, and you still want to post or vandalize. No problem! Here is a non-exhaustive list of ways to evade your ban:

How to do it wrong

As effective and almighty as the immortal banhammer can be to the Internet Centurion, there are, believe it or not, ways of turning even this atomic bomb of pain and misery into something even more giggle-worthy then Margaret Thatcher's tits.

The easiest way to make everyone laugh at you is to threaten to ban people from your IRC that has all of eight people on it. It's like threatening to kick someone out of New Jersey.

Another common thing to avoid is the expectation that the person you're banning doesn't have the capability to get back on your server. Since everyone on the internet has a crack team of Mongolian hooker-hackers, it's only a matter of time before they just Make a new account with a temporary E-Mail and troll you until your eyes bleed out your ass and you're left crying in a puddle of your own body fluids like an aborted late term fetus.

Finally: Try to avoid the temptation to micromanage everything ever. Believe it or not, there are millions of eight user large websites and chat rooms where people can go to fulfill their lesbian demon rape fetishes, and your website is quite stupid without users to cause drama and generally ruin everything.

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See Also

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Featured article September 16 & September 17, 2013
Preceded by
Where is your X now?
Banned Succeeded by
404 Girl
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