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BDSM

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His mother would be proud.

BDSM is an acronym that stands for B&D (bondage & discipline), D/s (Dominant/submissive), and S&M (sadism & masochism).

Truth be told, it could stand for bullshit, dongs, shit & your MOM but some silly j00 would get all bent out of shape over it, and claim that they're the authority on the subject.

Contents

Where Does This Shit Happen?!

TARTletts love BDSM.

BDSM communities exist OL, IRL, and in Abu-Ghraib prison.

These places are a veritable hive for drama, typically beginning with individuals looking for "hot bi babes" or an "Internet Mistress." Most of the people searching for the ever elusive 'attractive' pervert are fat, ugly married men with aspergers and penis smaller than Paris Hilton's IQ.

In online communities, drama frequently revolves around who knows more about BDSM, has the most slaves, or is most deserving of respect. Then there's the bullshit about safety and sanity, with stupid fat bitches who scream abuse when normal men tell them that in fact the dress they were wearing doesn't make them look fat --their FAT FUCKING ASS makes them look fat.

There is of course the male equivalent of the female fatty, and he's usually too busy whining about the fact that no-one cares about his intelligence, whilst munching down on his tenth packet of pop tarts of the day jerking off to BDSM furporn.

Women into BDSM communities are exclusively fat/insane/ugly (pick any two), whereas the men in BDSM Communities are cuckolds, time-served sex offenders or aspies. Check that, EVERYONE in the BDSM communities on LJ has Aspergers AND NO-ONE UNDERSTANDS THEM, DAMMIT. Most dominant men can be identified by the vile stench of sweat and their tendency to have pot bellies hanging over their ill-fitting chaps. Some identify themselves further by use of a belt, on which they hang floggers and whips they've never used on another human evar and probably purchased last Thursday.

Few people who talk about BDSM online have any experience of it and most are in fact virgins, thank God. There is however something much, much worse than the online BDSM community, and that is the Gorean community. Goreans like to think they are into BDSM but they are, in fact, the perverted equivalent of a Star Trek fan, living their sad lives by a series of books written by a massive failure who have no concept of outside social and economic obligations because subs have no lives of their own. BDSM'ers laugh at Goreans, unaware of the huge irony in this. At least they're getting laid over and over again (in theory) and not giving every single cent and moment of their next billion years to a cult.

A few of these retards achieve their life's goal of leaving their computer desk and interacting with 'real women' at IRL BDSM conventions. What goes on? You're bound to find furniture like a giant spider web, St. Catherine's wheel or St. Andrew's cross. You'll be amused by nearly naked old men, nubile females and traps tied up to these apparati as variations of the same weld various instruments against their flesh until the sub drops dox (a common safeword) or screams "red" long after they've turned red. Mind you, penetration and genital play (nipples tend to get covered by electrical tape) is b& in these above ground underground clubs thanks to liquor control laws. Vendors tend to engage in a circle jerk of BAWWING about how no one wants to buy their floggers when everyone vending has pretty much the same exorbitantly priced toys made in their basements by their own kajira.

Entertainment at the larger BDSM parties and conventions can reliably be guaranteed to consist of much unrealistic strutting suggestively on stage by people who wish they were fetish models and porn starlets acting out fantasies of 14-year old boys and 40 year old sick fucks. Throw in a fire breather and a few fashion shows and you have it made.

The more pathetic individuals (ie. all of them) identifying with BDSM communities refer to their affiliation euphemistically as the lifestyle when discussing it with others who have similar interests. This allows them to feel like they belong to a special secret club (for perverts), when in reality it's another bunch of sad basement dwellers into weird porn and lying about getting laid IRL.

Popular Activities in the BDSM World

Yep, Furries are in on this too. No, you weren't surprised. (also note the chubbiness.)
  • Holding online sparring events to see who's more pretentious.
  • Anything to do with feet
  • Arguing who has the best looking and slimmest female submissive. This is due to most (all) of them being fat, so a thin one is generally held up as a prize.
  • Prize winning competitions to see who can shove the biggest/most ridiculous object up their cunt/arse, how long they can keep it there --and if they'll eat it afterwards, take photos, and survive the humiliation of a trip to the emergency room over it.
  • Best rape tactics.
  • Bullshit discussions on whether dominant men should be called Sir, Master, Dominus, Lord, King, Grand Master of the QUARGS etc.
  • Equally bullshit discussions on whether dominant women should be called Mistress, Ma'am, Goddess, Queen, Domina, High Priestess of the unfettered-oik, etc.
  • Drama about how the Twue Olde Guarde is dying out!
  • Being a TRUE slave.
  • Which dominatrix/female slave received the more horrific cockshots in any given month, with prizes.
  • Ranting about men not reading the entirely tl;dr profiles of princess wannabe's, and just sending emails with KNEEL BITCH!!!!! In the subject field. This is one of the most discussed subjects.
  • Castration fantasies.
  • Donkey punching.
  • Being turned into a leather gimp, and raped by niggers.
  • Cock sucking techniques. (Yes, a useful discussion has been known to occur!)
  • Incest fanasies. ⇐ Spelling hint: what did Arthur Dent miss most about Earth?
  • Buggery with large vegetables.
  • Fapping while discussing safewords on the Internets for at least 10 hours straight.
  • Which maledom is the least oderous.
  • Wanking - the ultimate in maledom!
  • Using a Vacuum Bed.

BDSM in the Media

Now we all know what the Lasso of Truth was really for...

Gallery

Gallery About missing Pics

See also

WTF
WTF
BDSM is part of a series on acronyms

Internets Lingo

AFAIKASLBFFBRBBTWDFCFFSFTWG2GGTFOIAWTCIDKIIRCILYIMOIMHOISHYGDDTLMAOLOLOMGQFTPHPROFLRTFMSNCASTFUSTFWSWTFTMITTYLWTFYGGRZOMG

Other Lingo

BCCFIRRIBFYIADFUBARGABYAWIDIFTLPITRTLAYHBT

Internet Places/Group

CDCFCTCFYADGNAAIRCLUEPP4LTJCTOTSE

Moar Internet Shit

BBQGNUGPG4WinMTPMMORPGP2PPGPROR

IRL Acronyms

BBSBCEBDICGNWTITT TechJFKNORPYOLO

Bad Acronyms

ACMAACORNALFBDSMBLPCIACPCSDDMCAEDLESRBFBIFAFFAFNBIWFL.U.L.Z.MPAAMTPNAMBLANEDMRIAATBBTTOWWWJD

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