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April Winchell

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Contents

Introduction

April Winchell AKA "Hellen Killer" owns and blogs on the ridiculously unfunny snark website Regretsy. She is the daughter of the creepiest smart person who ever lived, Paul Winchell, who, among other horrifyingly weird things like ventriloquism, also invented the disposable razor, the artificial heart and in his spare time, voiced Disney's "Tigger."

Unfortunately for Paul, (or maybe fortunately for him since he's dead) April never lived up to her father's legacy and has only managed to do things like provide the voice for "Clarabelle the Cow." Clarabelle the cow has been leading cause in post-partum psychosis and infant death. April also never invented anything and only has a mediocre grasp of how to use a glue gun properly.

Due to the clinical depression brought on by poor crafting, April decided to start blogging so she could make other people as miserable as she was. The result of this was the abortion now known as Regretsy. She originally blogged under a pseudonym until she realised this blog wasn't on LJ and no one gave a shit.

Flouncing as an Internet Sport

At first glance, April is an ED wet dream. Do not be fooled. April Winchell is was a coward. For someone whose internet celebrity relies fully on making fun of others, you'd think she could handle a little friendly ribbing.

Already mentioned, Regretsy. It's a site for great justice. Someone needed to show the people of Etsy the truth about the real world. And the truth is, we don't care about your shit.

At first, everything was great and much lols were had. Then she called all people from Boston "Crab Hammering Puritanical Dick Bags" (Nevermind. That's still pretty lol.) Her next foray into offending the drooling masses was her unending use of the word "retard".

retard retard retard

People were outraged. Which kind of goes without saying, since this is the internet, and EVERYTHING is rage worthy.

People started unliking her Facebook page.

To counter, April throws their exit speeches up in her flounce album.

And here is where the trick bitchery starts. You see, it's all well and good for April to steal peoples' pics for all the world to laugh at. (And it is.) But don't you DARE take one of hers.


"DO NOT STEAL THIS PIC!"
"Hellen and Bronc dressed and pre and post operative Chaz Bono


She will run to the ends of the earth to make you hide that shit.


 
 
This is my photograph, and I own all rights to its use. The photo was stolen from my Facebook page before I removed it, and is now being hosted at Livejournal without consent. [Name redacted] is using the image to target me and my fiance, and to attempt to cause harm to my business.
 

 

—April Winchell to LJAbuse

After receiving word of this article, April hastily sent a PM through livejournal's message system.

 
 
I would like to explain to you why I asked LiveJournal to remove the photo.

I took the photo off Facebook for a reason. It made people angry and hurt them. I may make snotty jokes about handcrafts, but it is never my intention to truly wound someone.

I filed the DMCA notice because this is serious to me. Maybe I should have just written to you in the first place, I don't know. I apologize if I handled this badly.

But please, stop posting it. It doesn't serve anyone. It doesn't open a dialogue, it doesn't educate anyone, and it doesn't make things better for the LGBT community. Just upsetting people isn't the same as activism.

Please, take down the Encyclopedia Dramatica entry. I have had a lifetime of fundraising and activism on behalf of my LGBT friends and family members, and I'm heartbroken to be portrayed as an enemy of that community.

I don't mind if people don't think my work is funny or don't like what I do. I understand that I'm not always going to hit it out of the park with everyone, and I accept that. I fail a lot at what I do. But this is not about that. This is about my trying to right a wrong, and I am humbly asking that you permit me to do so.

Respectfully,

April Winchell
 


 

And then she flounced from LJ altogether, which is fine, because the only people left on LJ are "Pro-Ana/Pro-Mia" twatwads and emo self injurers.

She is currently running a Kickstarter campaign begging for donations of up to $250 for a book as unfunny as her site to pay for her and her husband's vacation.

See Also


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