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Albert Einstein

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Albert Einstein in his early years.

Albert Einstein is a Jewish Internet celebrity, prolific attention whore, and a liar. He is single-handly responsible for fucking up physical science.

Born at least 100 years ago to a Jewish family, Al considered himself too cool for school. He frequently interrupted class to declare a lack of Rule 34 and subsequently dropped out. He spent a lengthy period as an unemployed transient. Al then decided to attend the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology but failed the entrance exams. He instead enrolled at a hippy school, where "teachers were humane and his ideas were set free". Here he studied a number of difficult courses such as the French language. Afterwords he transferred to a vocational school, where he cheated his way through by cribbing off of the notes of Marcel Grossmann, a fellow student.

Contents

Epic Jew Win

Why the hack works.

Einstein's Special Relativity, a mere mathematical copy of the earlier Lorentz Transformations Æther Theory, was already a bad idea successfully gone bad in itself, but Einstein managed to fuck it up rather spectacularly and nobody knows if he was even right. (proof). Einstein's principle contribution was showing that mathematics could used for cheating, lulz and epic wins. If you can't see that then dumb you are, bow to the sophisticated mathematics you will. Special and General Relativity is epic incomprehensible gibberish and the conclusions are contradictorily fucked. If you can't explain how it works then you can't haz learned it. E = MC² = Epic Jew lies If this equation is true, why can a small motherfucker kick the shit out of a big motherfucker? Why, Einstein, why? If a small motherfucker has a spirit 100 times that of the big motherfucker, the little motherfucker will dominate his big bitchass everytime. Unfortunately, this factor was lost from Einstein's life of numbers.

Rise of a Star

Upon graduating with no academic merits, Al was once again unemployed and a burden to his poor Jewish family. Unfortunately, someone at some patent office pitied him and gave him a job. By stealing the ideas of Hendrik Lorentz, Michele Besso, Max Planck, Paul Ehrenfest, Konrad Habricht, Maurice Solovine, Friedrich Adler, Henri Poincaré and countless patent writers, he was able to convince the scientific community that he was smart.

Through the ideas he "borrowed" from others, Al invented The Godwin Variation, nightlights, the A-Bomb (which he named after himself), cats and chalk. He also created the General Theory of Relativity, a theory bent on establishing his own genius and the possibility that he is right, regardless of the mindfucks his math creates. The theory asserts that when an object is moving really fast, it is actually moving really slow. This and other concepts created by Relativity are in direct conflict with at least 100 other theories from at least 100 years ago, one could say that Albert Einstein was a predecessor of ED's concept. He was also executive producer of The Nanny, even though Fran Drescher is a Jew.[1]

If a Jew practices incest are they now technically rednecks, or are they just even worse of a Jew?

He married his first cousin Elsa Löwenthal after breaking up with Mileva Maric over the theft of her ideas. Elsa already had two bastard daughters. He wanted to fuck them as well, but they wouldn't give up the pussy (for reals). Thus he has managed to become one of the most quietly kept incestuous child rapists of all time thanks to the Jews keeping it hush for him.


Smart Ass

Other than doing maths all day and trying to straighten that fucking shit of a load that hair was (which made him look like an absolute fag), Al enjoyed bragging over how much smarter he was than everyone else. He was quoted as saying, "Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater." This was obviously a reference to his amazing ability to conclude that a fast moving object is traveling at the same speed in which the person writing this article is doing, helping no one and destroying the respect and inhumanity of a person. In other words nothing, ZERO.

As a smartass, he does give good advice to pwn noobs, such as:

Contempt before complete investigation enslaves the mind (soul) to ignorance

Trolls were Intellectual_Checkmate by this quote.

Important Theoretical Research in Digital Telecommunications

(Or in other words, some fucking nerd trying to be smart.)

Albert Einstein in a typical classroom scene.

Humanity didn't realize it at the time, but Einstein also discovered the most fundamental principle of digital communications, the Longcat. In an attempt to explain how radio works, Einstein said: "You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."

The cables used to connect most digital devices are actually named in honor of Einstein's discovery. Computers are connected to each other using CAT-5 or CAT-6 cables, while telephones are connected with the cheaper CAT-3 cables. CAT-1 cables are no longer used, because they really only worked with telegraphs, and it takes entirely too long to download porn using Morse code.

WiFi, or wireless internet, operates in a manner exactly as predicted by Einstein's theorem; Computers and routers send information to each other, except there is no CAT, thus proving the theory beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Post Mortem Career as Disability Poster Child

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Virtually every lobby group for prominent disabilities has claimed Einstein as a victim. If they are to be believed, Einstein struggled with Aspergers, ADD, OCD, dyslexia, bipolar disorder, Downs Syndrome, anorexia, AIDs, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, peanut allergies, migraine and necrophilia, all while building a nuclear bomb to pwn Japan - but not until Germany had been safely defeated... The only other conveniently dead geniuses who make these lists more often than Einstein are Tesla, Edison and Mozart.

Einsteinaspie.jpg Albert Einstein is part of a series on Aspies.


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