From Encyclopedia Dramatica
|This article was written entirely by Australian aborigines who are satirizing racists in Australia in the same way that Sacha Baron Cohen, a jew, uses the character Borat to satirize anti-semitism. So this article is completely 100% not racist at all.|
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They are typically called coons, noongahs, boongs, abos or black cunts by every Australian. The proper name for a young aboriginal is Lake Angel.
History of Aboriginals
One of many possible theories is that 50,000 years ago, some Chinks, led by King Mabo, migrated across to Australia and formed a race. These people lived off the land, engaged in inter-tribal war and lived in large families. Not much has changed.
At least 100 years ago, English discoverers colonized Australia with the aim of turning it into the world's most hostile and desolate prison and forced labor camp. Encountering pale-skinned people for the first time, the Aboriginals (in their poorly charred form) welcomed the newcomers to the beaches. The English greeted them with muskets, bayonets, smallpox, white flour, tinned beef and alcohol.
After the misunderstanding of killing most of the Aborigines was cleared up, the British achieved a mutually agreeable compromise of getting the remaining Aborigines drunk, moving them all into tiny, remote communities (AKA Operation Abbo Hotel), and stealing their children to be raised in good households.
Later, Aborigines were slaughtered by the thousands to provide specimens of 'missing links' for museums in Europe and America. The Australian National Museum once classified aborigines as 'Australian animals' and gave instructions on plugging up the bullet holes once the specimen had been shot for science. It has often been postulated by eminent scholars that the usual evolutionary processes ceased to function amongst the indigenous Australians. This is the only possible explanation for the complete absence of Aboriginal culture, cities and any sort of civilized society.
One little known fact is that Aboriginals were the first to pump oil from the ground and develop what eventually became the modern processes of fractional distillation and catalytic cracking. This discovery was really born out of necessity. The Aborigines wiped out the Dodo birds towards the end of the 18th Century. The Dodo was highly prized by the Abos as it possessed a small gland at the base of its wings which secreted a volatile oil. The Abos collected this oil, heated it, inhaled the vapours, and became intoxicated. This state of intoxication, stupor and general incoherence is known as "Dreamtime." After the Dodo became extinct, the Abos needed another volatile substance so that they could continue their Dreamtime, and invented petrol.
What Aboriginals Sound Like
The Aboriginals speak the worst form of English known to man. When you listen to them attempting to talk, it makes the US niggers (who speak in Ebonics) sound like intellectual Harvard debaters. That's a huge fucking shock. Every black cunt in Australia sound like babbling Macaws with ADHD while high on crack and being fingered up the asshole.
Aboriginal rapping about a typical night out on the town. Literally on the town as they are mostly dole financed.
Abo technological "advancements"
The Australian indigenous people are believed to have populated the country for over 50 thousand years, making them one of the oldest "civilizations" on Earth, pre-dating ancient Greeks, Mayans and Egyptians. So in all this time on Earth before everyone else, you would have expected them to be some kind of super-advanced, super-intelligent race. Below is a complete list of 50,000 years of all Aboriginal accomplishments and contributions to humanity:
- A long stick. (spear)
- A curved stick. (boomerang)
- A hollow stick. (didgeridoo)
- The universal car-key (dipstick from an XF Ford Falcon)
- A vibrator (an empty VB stubby with a few blowflies in)
As a comparison, here are some interesting facts, comparing Abos to Chinks.
- Around 50BC – AD12 China invents paper
- In 9 BC, China invented gunpowder
- In 5 BC, the Chinese invent the kite
- In 4 AD, Chinese scientists make a fully working compass, and
- In 1788 AD, when the British came to Australia, after 50,000 years of life, the damn Abos still hadn't invented the fucking wheel, and yet they want us to respect their culture and way of life.
Nunga Nunga Says sorry to the whites of Australia.?? Or is this just Bullshit too?
Ice Skating Faggotry Leads to Indigenous Indignance
In January 2010 The International Skating Union recently decided the dancers should use folk themes for their original dance in that years 2010 Olympic season.
Aboriginals were left crying into their box wine when after seeing Russians Oksana Domnina and Maxim Shabalin, the reigning world champions, enact a dance with allegedly Australian aboriginal music and to perform it wearing blackface, tribal paint and costumes with clumps of fake gum leaves. They then proceeded to reasonably complain to the world about how this is offensive to them. After they unloaded their grievances all over the 2 ice skaters, the Russians then attempted to reduce flak they got from the Aboriginal community by toning down some of their removing their black facepaint and other "offensive" aesthetics they previously had. However as they still think most people give a flying fuck about their cultural traditions, the Aboriginal leader and for the community for that matter called down another volley of reasonable criticisms down to the Russians because of prevailing offensive actions and apperances.
Sol Bellear, of the New South Wales state Aboriginal Land Council, told an Australian newspaper: "Noone outside Ausfailia knows we be existin' ever since you white muddas be stealin' our land, we gotta be bitchin' to da world so that we be gettin' attention after all dese years"
Cleaning up Australia
Aboriginals have been filling up Australia and clogging its welfare system, so do your part.
Theres tha noonga A reel grate boonga Spenden all day Da Centalink Way Fuckin his daughtuh Commitin manslaugtah In hiz car But he dun go fah Cause dubbo ain big Bud dey sell a grate cig I love dat twelve year old moot I love dat twelve year old moot Wen its da colur of soot Cotton farmuh? Dat’s obamuh! Cus I ain no nigga I just enjo my cigga’s Smoken dem cones Steelin da mobyl phones Love mah neeces poon Jus lyk I luv da goon Methalated spirts? Fuck yeah, got no limits Petrol is grate Just ask Ernie Dingo, hes my mate Fuck yeah noongas fa life Forever fuckin daughters, not our wifes ''-Anon''
Hobbies of the Abo's tend to include:
- Drinking petrol out of jerry cans
- Teaching the younger tribal member the almost forgotten art of Koori Kannibalizm. That is if they don't eat em first.
- Raping their young
- Drinking grog to contact the spirits.
- Waiting for the fortnightly dole payment to go buy more drugs and booze
- Inhaling any material which contains hydrocarbon molecules so they can partake in a bit of "Dreamtime"
- When the elder tribal members cannot see any longer/cannot run fast/cannot see where they are running, they are instructed to stand in a cut-down 44 gallon drum with an apple jammed in their mouth. Water is then added if the elder does not piss themselves first. A li'l bush tucker (floor sweepings from the camp) is shoveled in and Granny Coon is left to simmer gently for 18 hours. The younger abo children have the task of regularly basting Granny in her own juices. Quite often one or more of the children "accidentally" fall in and are cooked as well. Much sniffing of petrol takes place to welcome other departed (read: eaten) tribal elders. Abo-stew is now served in many of Gordon Ramsay's restaurants usually garnished with a fly-blown jewish foetus.
- Teaching their children how to also be the unwiped arseholes of society like the parents
- Drinking beer with the bottle still in the paper bag while sitting in highway median strips
- Complaining about how white people stole their land 200 years ago, like they were going to do anything else but
search for "bush tucker" (aboriginal food)rape their children on it.
- Celebrating Sorry Day, a time when all White Australians are legally obligated to apologize to the Aboriginals for something they never did.
- Celebrating occupying their new Government provided house by knocking out the door + window frames for a bit of firewood
- [Children only] Being confused on father's day
- Sniffing bug spray on Queensland Rail on their way to Beenleigh Centerlink.
- They also engaged in cannibalism as late as the 1970's
- Inhaling vast amounts of concentrated Chrome paint.
- Drinking chilled methylated spirits. This renders anyone with normal physiology blind. Abo's tend to metabolise methanol in a unique way.
When an Aboriginal child is born, the Mother will hold it over an open fire so the smoke can "cleanse it from evils." MOAR LIKE GIVE IT LUNG CANCER, BRAIN DAMAGE, ASTHMA AND THE BEETIS! When Abo women give birth they have to be separated from the newborn as they often eat their young. Crocodiles have also been known to eat infant abos though they will almost always cough them up again as they have that nasty petroleum aftertaste. The fact that they are in a few pieces negates the positive aspect of this regurgitative process.
- "Put DAT MONEY in mah hand NOW!"- abo riding teh bus.
- "Wombat tastes like shit!" - drunk abo.
- "Goanna is my favourite" - masterchef abo.
- "Gib'id dat der" - abo talking about sex, or fighting (both are the same concepts in abo culture)
- "Godda gedda woobla" - abo going shopping for food
- "Pass the flaggon brudder" - abo asking his brother to pass the bottle of cooking sherry or if it welfare pay-day some chilled methylated spirits.
- "Nod gilldy yaronna" - an abo addressing a white person.
- "My niece tuppy-ol tight as" - a proud family member talking of his young niece
The only two musical instruments used in Aboriginal music are sticks and the didgeridoo. Whereas civilized societies produced instruments made of metals and complicated tubing, the Abos produced the Log, v.2. This large bong-like contraption emits a low groaning sound, much akin to what bagpipes would sound like on methadone. They also have heaps of stories of encounters with kangaroos (they were either drunk or sniffing a high amount of petrol at the time) that they say were like the size of a tree and encountered the great hairy man or the yowie. The didgeridoo was originally invented to mask the sound of their young screaming as the tribal elders ritually raped them and circumcised them with hot stones.
An aboriginal rave is called a corroboree, which usually involves a circle of elders sitting around a burning pyre of state-provided bedding and furniture, while younger Aboriginals paint themselves in automotive paint and huff gasoline fumes before dancing in a crazed fashion typically associated with Downs Syndrome or Cerebral Palsy.
While Abo's are famous for their blowing of Digeredoos, a big part of Aboriginal youth culture is acting like a gangster. Even though they live in Australia, young Abo's try to replicate the culture of young African Americans, often engaging in singing rap music, drinking, gangbanging, glue sniffing, chroming, drinking, rape, petrol sniffing, drinking, incest and other forms of Niggerdom. They also very often partake in binge drinking, sometimes having up to three times the fatal limit of alcohol. While this amount would normally be assumed to be enough to kill 3 people, Abo's have a special ability to constantly be hammered, but never die.
Abo Youth behaviour can be observed in the following videos.
Previous Video | Next Video
In July 2007, The Australian Government sent federal police and the Army into Aboriginal communities to seize control after a recent report came to the shocking and unexpected conclusion that Aboriginals were getting drunk and raping their young.
The communities, mostly focused around the Northern Territory (see: Middle of Fucking Nowhere) are torn between receiving free health and infrastructure, and having their precious beer, drugs and loli taken away from them.
The report was titled "Little Children Are Sacred", which is widely believed to be a typographical error, the correct title being "Little Children Are Scared.". Which, let's face it, you would be too if a fat beardy negroid man with spraypaint on his breath was lying on top of you like some sort of hairy, stinking leviathan.
A news report on child sexual abuse and the abuse of petrol in Aboriginal Communities.
The Aboriginal Flag
The Aboriginal flag is composed of horizontal black on red bars, with a yellow circle in the center. It shows their proud German heritage.
- The black represents the niggerness of the Abos skin.
- The red reprsents the blood spilled when the White people came and fixed Australia.
- The yellow blob in the middle is the big puddle of piss left by all white Australians, who love nothing more than to piss on this piece of shit flag.
Proposed new design for Abo Flag. This new rendition features a symbol of greater importance than the sun to Abos, Centrelink is where all Abos get their booze money. Rather than getting jobs and working for money like normal people, they expect to receive unlimited Government handouts from the the same Government which they claim to despise. Along with their traditional spirit beliefs such as The Rainbow Serpent, Abos have recently crowned Centrelink as a God, worshiping it for its generous nature and for providing Abos with some sort of income. The only difference between other religious beliefs and Centrelink is that Centrelink actually exists.
Aborigines and Commerce
Aboriginals represent approximately 80% of the total
sales shoplifting of Winfield Blue cigarettes in Australia. The other 20% are from residents of Werribee.
The 2005 Australian Census gave an overall unemployment rate for proper Australian citizens of 2.7%, an improvement since the 2001 census' report of 102.7%. The Australian Beareau of Statistics also gathered data on Abos just to make them feel special, in this case the rate of employment was a mere xx3q%, with the majority of Abos living off welfare.
Of course, we all know that Abos don't know what money is, anyway.
All Aboriginals sniff petrol, it's the indigenous equivalent of going out and earning a living. It is said that the reason aboriginal folk have two different sized nostrils is because one is for diesel and one is for unleaded. One of the reasons that petrol sniffing is so popular is that it requires no complicated paraphernalia such as pipes and bongs, one simply gets the petrol, and sniffs it. It is as yet unknown whether this holds some unknown cultural or spiritual significance for the true owners of the land, however the white man, on his neverending quest to bring the Abos down, has implemented plans to roll out a so-called "unsniffable" petrol fuel across Australia in order to prevent this beloved and harmless tradition.
Fun Facts About Petrol Sniffing
- In a study commissioned, in part, by indigenous groups it was found that 73% of recorded adult learning disabilities (mental retardation) in Australia is caused by sustained abuse of petrol inhalation. This is basically every Aborigine, as any self respecting white man would not be so retarded as to sniff that shit.
- The same study reported that two thirds of women who sniff petrol have Sexually Transmitted Diseases.
- Opal fuel, the "unsniffable" petrol, has driven prices of the original up in Aboriginal communities. Out in the sticks, where petrol is used for its true and rightful purpose as lung stripper, prices of a 1.5L can of petrol have rocketed up to between fifty and seventy dollars. Thus making it more expensive than the real drugs that the Abos were too poor to buy.
- The Opal fuel costs almost a third more than normal fuel, and even susbsidising the price increase the government will save over $27,000,000AUS per year on what tanked up Abbos presently cost.
Unfortunately, not even Steve Hodder-Watt can argue with facts, see here for a copy of the report.
So in short, despite literally hundreds of public awareness and education campaigns, the Aborigines continue to inhale something which is guaranteed to wreck their shit and leave them retarded, and which now is going to cost them more than drugs which are not guaranteed to wreck their shit and leave them retarded. Admittedly, 99% of them have already abused petrol, which wrecked their shit and left them retarded, so we're certainly not busting our balls to save the last few.
Metho aka Methylated Spirits aka The Good Stuff
Whitey has his "preferred" alcoholic beverage. Depending on the socio-economic strata this may include a good single-malt whiskey, a fine cognac, bourbon, beer or genuine absinthe (a little hard to source in these enlightened times)...the examples are limitless. Personally I fancy Grand Marnier on ice. Coopers Sparkling Ale when in beer mode. The Cooneridgines are not renowned for their fussiness when it comes to grog. Any old shit will do. I would wager that if shit could be brewed/distilled they would give that a go. Indeed the drink does not even have to contain ethyl alcohol or ethanol. So long as it has the ability to render the drinker/sniffer/injector shit-faced that particular substance will do. As is well documented Petrol is a favorite inebriant. Petrol doesn't even contain ethanol but that don't stop the black-fella from inhaling the fumes so as to forget the problems of the world.
Now what follows is the absolute truth. I use that phrase in referring to a story which aired under the banner of Channel 9's A Current Affair a few years ago. So in that context it could actually be anything BUT the truth.
The film crew was doing a story from either Tennant Creek or Katherine in the Northern Territory (NT), which have a high proportion of Abo's in their population. Anywayz the reporter was haranguing the proprietor of one of the local hardware stores. What do you suppose this villain's crime was? He was plastered across national prime-time TV as the lowly scum who refrigerated his 1 litre bottles of Methylated Spirits. Why was he doing this, asked reporter. Because the Abo's much preferred their metho chilled. He was, he put forward doing nothing but performing a public service. He did not place any sort of surcharge on the chilled Metho. The fridges do not run off the goodwill of the buying public...he has to pay for it. Additionally he did not sell smaller bottles of Metho chilled as these would be attractive to the younger Coon's. It was a win-win scenario for all concerned. The shop owner was doing a roaring trade and the Abo's were getting their Metho chilled so it went down smoothly in the scorching heat. These arguments didn't really cut it with the oh-so-righteous reporter (who most likely retired to his motel room to partake a few lines of Columbian Marching Powder while getting head from his camerawoman). Now here is the kicker. The cherry on the icing.
The story finished with reporter stating that the hardware store was temporarily unable to continue selling the chilled Metho as they did not have the required council permit(s)!
...a fly on the wall of the local council chambers may have heard the following. "G'day mate. Howsyagoin? Just need one of those supplying-chilled-methanol-based-products-to-indiginous-Austalians permits mate. Is that the on-tap permit mate? Nah, I wish. Just the individual bottle permit. No worries mate, that'll be $10.00. Or with the new renewable-energy rebate you don't have to pay anything. Really? Tell me more. Well just get a coon, strap him on a push-bike connected to a generator which will provide the power for the metho refrigerator. When that coon drops from exhaustion just grab another....and that's your renewable energy angle.
Where do you think Northern Territory gets the bulk of it's electricity from. No nuclear plants. No coal or gas fired plants. Solar? Wind? Yeah right. Where are they? A Current Affair ought to do a story on that.
The Aborigines wiped out the Dodo birds towards the end of the 18th Century. The Dodo was highly prized by the Abo's as it possessed a small gland at the base of its wings which secreted a volatile oil. The Abo's collected this oil, heated it and inhaled the vapours and became intoxicated. This state of intoxication, stupor and general incoherence is known as "Dreamtime." After the Dodo was extincted the Abo's needed another volatile substance so that they could continue their Dreamtime and so invented PETROL.
Government Petrol Initiative
Late in October 2008, the Australian Government began to respond to the serious issue of Abo's sniffing petrol. One method they will shortly employ is the production of fumeless petrol. This new petrol is impossible to get high off by smelling it and has the aim of stopping petrol sniffing in Aboriginal communities. However, the more likely result is that instead of giving up the petrol altogether, they will stop sniffing it, and start drinking it.
Petrol Sniffing in Old Media
- http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/7679278.stm - Oh Shit!, It's on the rise
They were so happy, and we RUINED it!
Every single Australian child has had the miracle of the dreamtime rammed down their throat at school from an early age. Apparently abos were happy squatting naked in their own filth for thousands of years. So why then does the modern aboriginal complain about his difficult and unfulfilling life of squatting naked in his own filth, in a government provided house, and a government provided can of VB?
Here we come to grips with the very essence of modern aboriginal culture.
A stray dog does not expect you to feed it, but if you do, it comes to expect it and will complain if you don’t.
Seriously, that’s all there is. Aboriginals immediately spend their tax-payer funded dole money on cheap booze, cheap smokes and Cray supercomputers within one hour of having been issued with their fortnightly allotment. Woe betide them! They’ve now spent all their free white devil money on white devil comestibles! How will they now feed their millions of fly-blown, illiterate children?
How indeed? So more money is issued, which is immediately spent on booze, woe betide, how indeed, more money, etc.
There comes a time where keeping a human ant farm stops being fun, that time is when it starts costing hundreds of millions of dollars, and at the end of the day, the only change is the ring of VB stubbies around the naked man crouching in his own filth.
The Stolen Generation
Due to fact that Abo's are hopeless cannibal drunk petrol-sniffing sub-humanoids during the first half of the 19th Century the Australian government decided to enslave as many abo's as was possible. This program was a great success for the white fellas and of course the abo's. It was discovered that the abo's could be partly domesticated though all attempts to breed their fondness for cannibalism and petrol out failed miserably. They were found to make excellent though somewhat dim-witted pets. Even today one can still observe Abo's tied with a length of chain to the clothes-line in many Australian back yards. These domesticated Abo's should always be approached with wariness and NEVER be fed from the hand. Most importantly PETROL fumes will certainly cause these creatures to revert to their wild, "Dreamtime" state. If found in a back-yard do no more than poke with a stick.
Towards the end of last century the Australian government realised what a monumental mistake they had made. The Abo PETROL and CANNIBALISM genes proved to be much more resilient than previously thought. No amount of cross-breeding with kangaroos and wombats would ever remove these traits. So the Government embarked on a wildly ambitious plan. Householders all over Australia were instructed to say sorry to their Abo pets and slaves. They were then told to turn them loose. Since they have a natural homing instinct all the released Abo's headed for Ayers Rock.
The Government had left 50,000 litres of premium unleaded petrol in underground bunkers around the rock. The Abo's arrived, congregated and subsequently sniffed out the gas. They were all soon totally off their heads, engaging in a cororobies, cannibalism, drinking, and "Dreaming". Government snipers then took out the fucked Abo's one by one. It was the largest peacetime culling of Abo's in recorded history. The plan was thought to have worked. There were no reported incidents of PETROL sniffing or cannibalism by Abo's for 10 to 15 years. But then little by little it began again. It was surmised that a few breeding pairs must have escaped or survived the Ayers Rock cull. Now all the undesirable traits have re-established themselves in the Abo population probably stronger than before. The Government is now looking at a way of gathering them all together in one place and having the world's biggest barbecue using a small thermonuclear device.
Lose a thong, mate?
"Nah, I found one"
Due to an aboriginal's aforementioned pathological inability to spend money in a productive, life-enriching manner, they have become notorious scroungers. It's certainly not uncommon to encounter a specimen in the wild wearing no, odd, or only one item of footwear. Further clothing is even more haphazard.
Government provided housing, in the two to three years before it collapses from neglect, tends to accumulate an unexplainable amount of urine-soaked mattresses and cushions. These are of course not for the children, who must sleep on the floor, but for the dozens of disease-ridden feral dogs abos tend to collect. Note of course that aboriginals are unable to feed themselves, let alone a fucking dog pound.
Don't consider this an affront to their intellect however. To suggest such a lifestyle is moronic would be racist. And only white people are racist.
"shut ya 'ole, ya krinkerie kehly!" (white dog)
The white Australia policy was a failed Assimilation plan that can be compared to a teen mother who cant afford an abortion so she begins drinking and smoking heavily in order to destroy her unwanted child but then chickens out half way through and gives birth to a spastic abomination, in this case the teen mother is the chicken shit politicians and the unwanted fetal matter is the aboriginals.
Despite their predilection for sniffing volatile substances, cannibalism and total absence of any sort of work ethic, the abo, left to his own devices, will breed like fuckin' rabbits. In the 1950's, the Australian Government introduced a bacterial disease into the Abo population called Myxomatosis in a bid to thin the numbers. This was thought to spread quickly amongst the indigenous cunts although government officials were never quite sure how far and indeed how much damage it did. The visible effects of Myxomatosis infection are milky cataracts in the eyes with consequent staggering around attempting to negotiate obstacles/find the nearest Centrelink and/or liquor or petrol outlet. Obviously this 'infected' state is hard to distinguish from the uninfected state so it was never established how successful Myxomatosis was.
- Why are Abos called boongs?
They're called Boongs because that's the sound they make when they get hit by a semi-trailer.
- What do you call an Abo in a suit?
- What do you call an Abo with dandruff?
- What do you call a hundred Abo's in a pool?
- What do you call an Abo with warts?
- What do you call an Abo with a Digeridoo up it's ass?
A chocolate paddle pop.
- What do you call an Abo with a PhD?
- What is yellow and screams?
A cab full of Abo's going over a cliff.
- What's black and white rolling down a hill?
An Abo and a seagull fighting over a chip.
- What do you call an Abo rolling downhill?
- What do you call the same Abo rolling back up the hill?
- Why do Aborigines (Abo's) have one big nostril and one small nostril?
One is for Unleaded and one is for Super.
- What's black & brown, and looks good on an Abo?
- What's long, black and smelly?
The line at Centrelink.
- A garbage truck stops outside a ramshackle old house in Redfern.
The garbo yells out to the old Abo sitting on the front step: "Hey, where's your bin?"
Abo answers "I've bin in Queensland".
Garbo: "No, where's your wheelie bin".
Abo: "Well, I've weally bin in jail for the last two weeks, but don't tell anyone".
- What do you call an Abo going down a water slide?
- How many Abos do you see in futuristic movies?
None. The future is looking good, isn't it?
- Aboriginal pregnancy test.
Spread legs and insert a banana into the vagina.
Leave for 30 seconds.
Remove banana from vagina.
If banana is half eaten, there’s another fucking monkey on the way.
- An Aboriginal man in Alice Springs goes to the doctor with a problem - he just can't stop jogging or stand still ! 'Hey white doctor" says the Blackman. "What ya think is makin' me run all over the place. It's to puckin' hot for dat shit." The doctor says " It's got me beat but hey I might have a cure." The doctor puts two rows of white powder on his desk and tells the Abo to snort them. The black man does as the doctor asks and immediately stops jogging up and down and stands dead still. 'Puck me drunk it worked. Is that cocaine?' he asks the doctor. 'No' the doctor replies. 'It's Omo - guaranteed to stop coloureds from running.' !!!
- I saw my first aboriginal porno the other day.
It was called "Debbie does fuckall"
- Free Speech Which does not exist in any of the above.
- Steve Hodder-Watt
- The Interview concerning this article
is part of a series on Race
is part of a series on
Taking Down ED
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