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Angry Video Game Nerd

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Because calling a 25-year-old video game that no one gives a shit about anymore a piece of "monkey-fuck" supplies insta-lulz.

The Angry Video Game Nerd (aka James Rolfe) is a basement dwelling, ADD-ridden, nerdraged, coprophiliac, furry who creates long-winded, monotone Gametrailers.com videos where he "reviews" bad video games and, extending to his YouTube account, films. Instead of actually reviewing the games like a professional slapstick author (video game reviewing is serious business), he just yells infantile cusswords (about at a 12-year-old's level) at his television screen. You, the viewer, find this hilarious. Most of them roughly consist of off-key utterances from some shit-eating whacked out autistic chug, e.g. "What the fuck!" "What the fuckin' fuck!!" "What a piece of fuck!".

At the end of a review, he repeatedly talks about topics surrounding shit, such as how he longs for the game to be over so he could milk a bull's asshole (or his own) inside out, take a shit on a game, or simply talk about shit itself. Because really, nothing is funnier than doing the same joke over and over again.

He also takes a swig of a beer bottle every three seconds in his videos to prove to people that he's a man, when really he's only trying to wash out the taste of cum from his mouth.

Angry Nintendo Nerd has officially changed his named to "Angry Video Game Nerd" (AVaGiNa) so he wouldn't get sued by Nintendo for making shitty shirts with his catchphrases on them, thereby associating "Nintendo" with this schizoid, liberal bullfuck phenomenon. In reality, AVGN never mentions politics, so it's best to conclude that a butthurt conservative would label him liberal. In all possibility, this inflammation of said conservative's asshole probably originate in the Mecha-Christ 2000 character from AVGN. Don't mess with the precious Jeebus man. It should be noted that regardless of this legal genius, he still has an IQ dwarfed by that of the average 4chan user's left testicle.

However, despite the explosion of "Angry Internet Reviewers" that shat out all over YouTube after his generating fame in 2006, James has maintained a meek, friendly, and down-to-earth visage when interacting with his fans through vlogs or conventions (unlike other reviewers and conglomerates whose egos have inflated to a size comparable to Girlvinyl's total body mass), to this day. ...However, it is speculated that under this guise of a shy and soft-spoken Internet celebrity, James, deep down, is most likely a homicidal maniac who'll slash a bitch's throat the first moment his temper is tested.

Contents

Reviews

A typical episode.
Confirmed victim of Wacko Jacko.

Although it is true that most of the games he reviews are complete and utter horseshit, his reasons for hating them mainly boil down to him sucking capital ass at video games. It appears the Angry Nintendo Nerd (read: Fugly Famicom Faggot) has reviewed every old game that you've never heard of, and that his shit-related phrase count is well over 9000 (to the delight of no one).

 
 
"Q: Can I talk to you on the phone? Can I hang out with you?

A: I WOULDNT TALK WITH YOU IF YOU WERE THE LAST FAGGOT IN THE WORLD."
 


 

—Official AVGN website, admittig he only talks to faggot

 
 
I wanna nail Roger Rabbit to the fucking cross!
 

 

Angry Nintendo Nerd

 
 
You don't know shit about how fucking shitty this fucking shit is!
 

 

Angry Nintendo Nerd

 
 
I'd rather fuckin' 69 a grizzly bear while shoving King Kong up my ass! I'd rather fuckin' stand in the middle of a ring of monkeys as they pelt me to death with their own anal waste!
 

 

—We get it, you'd rather fuck shit-covered animals while another animal with stomach problems empties its bowels into your ear than play games.


It seems to be funny to 99% of the world when someone adds 'fuck' at the end of a word and pretends to suck at video games similar to how the Tourette's Guy pretends to suck at life which is kind of ironic since both him and the ANN talk about having sex with animals.

For example, "Cockadooky Bullfuck". Now that was some major lulz, amirite? How about "shitload of fuck"? Not just a load of fuck, but a shitload of it! How does he come up with this stuff?

Accurate Examples of his Reviews

AVGN - Resistance: Fall of Man
AVGN - Gears of War
AVGN - The Orange Box

AVGN - Zelda: Twilight Princess
I'd rather suck my own dick than watch this shitass video!

Previous Video  |  Next Video

Downtime

Proof that the internet is highly educated for making this genius popular.
BRB, not being funny.

Somewhen beginning of April 2007, because the furfag retards TheGameBoys account got all their followers to mark all his videos as inappropriate, YouTube started removing the ANN's videos obviously because he sucks a snails ass at being lulzworthy and rather ends up lookin' like an extremely annoying ADD-ridden 12 year old who can't figure out how to work a fucking joystick. You know, the ones that come with instructions.


War

When it was announced that the old arthritic bitch (Sylvester Stallone) was making a pile of shit epilogue to the Rambo series, the AVGN joked that the title would possibly be John Rambo. Well, the joke was up his ass when the title was, in fact, John Rambo. Fan faggotry burst like a hymen under a needle and people started lulzing under the irony (even though at the end of the video, he said that he was just fucking around, making the lulz vanish instantly).

Eventually, the AVGN got tired of people who mindlessly loved him (yeah, right), and in his Texas Chainsaw Massacre review, he raeped the community by having his furry Guitar Hero mimic the people. This naturally felt like being penetrated through the ear by Batman, so a portion of the community left his bitch-shackling nature and have taken up the cause of ED. When fans pointed this out on YouTube, Mike Matei blocked them and deleted their comments out of butthurt. And thanks to ED pointing this out, the very same review now requires approval for comments.

Mike Magay

Mike Matei,
Lap dog and personal house nigger of James Rolfe.
NEVER badmouth his master in his presence!
An average video by Mike Matei.
Matei's inspiration.
A good example of Matei's awesome drawing skills.

As James Rolfe's masochistic right-hand man house nigger, Matei is responsible for cleaning up comments on the JamesNintendoNerd YouTube account, drawing pretty pictures of the Nerd for his videos, yelling at the Irate Gamer every other week, and getting the living shit kicked out of him every time the AVGN does another video. So far he's had the shit kicked out of him as Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, Bugs Bunny twice (simultaneously satisfying the AVGN's massive furry fetish), Michael Myers, and The Joker.

However, it is believed that Matei is biding his time and waiting for the Emperor Nerd to let his guard down so he may usurp him and rape him to death and take over his game reviewing empire. It is also believed Matei secretly keeps rule 34 versions of his images with him and the Nerd in various awkward situations.

At one point the comment section on Nerd's home page was easily trolled by allowing you to log in with a Twitter or Facebook account. However, if you chose this method you could expect a flood of notification e-mails about someone attempting, and failing, to hack your profile. Due to "excessive" trolling after 2 people left negative comments, Mike changed the format back to having to register with the site. By doing so, he shot himself in the foot, as now he only gets about 10 comments a day of people kissing his ass as opposed to over 100.

Mike Magay's Sexually Deprived Mind (aka Mike Matei's Elmo in Grouchland Commentary)

While James was off working on his movie, Mike Matei did a commentary on Elmo in Grouchland. The nine minute torturefest consists of Mike poorly imitating Elmo, talking about sex every minute, not understanding what Sesame Street is all about and laughing at his own poorly made jokes. Surprisingly, a small fraction of fanboys of the AVGN miraculously grew a few braincells and realized that this shit was horrible. Although the dislikes were much fewer than likes from the brainless fans that click 'Like it' without even watching, the amount of dislikes was unheard of for a video uploaded to James' Jewtube channel, not to mention the lot of negative comments. Mike couldn't allow this and after making comments approval only and deleting all negative comments, then disabling ratings, finally pulled the video from YouTube altogether. This massive display of butthurt caused a noticeable outrage.

Since Mike tries so hard to hide this pathetic video (even though you can find it on Cinemassacre) and everyone's opinions on it, any mirrors of it will disappear due to copyright.

The shitty video itself (expect this to be taken down by Butthurt Mike)

Previous Video  |  Next Video


Minecrap

In before Mike disables likes/dislikes.

Because that Mike Matei is becoming a bigger lolcow by the second, there are many more crazy antics he is getting himself into that'll surely look good on James's reputation, because after all, Mike can't just make his own YouTube channel with James's being partnered and all. Oh well known fact, Mike Matei is also known to block people too, what are the odds that he actually blocks someone who is a legitimate AVGN fan who's possibly donated towards his movie?

More recently Mike Matei has released a video showing off Minecraft Pocket Edition. This is another one of those videos that is being monitored by Mike. But who can blame him as the video consists of him and for god knows what reason Inspector Gadget as a special guest (with Mike doing a horrible voice impression of him of course). The jokes in the video are about as funny as the stuff you find on Uncyclopedia, with the Inspector Gadget impression saying hilarious things like "Minecrap" which leads to award-winning lines like this "I understand why all the kids are playing this game these days, it's because they love to build brown bricks with Minecrap. I also like to build brown bricks with Minecrap." Even though it sounds like some harmless shitty joke, if you look at it from a different perspective, it can be possibly offensive, as he might be saying that aspies like to play with their own shit.

The rest of the video is just more terrible Minecraft, Inspector Gadget, and of course scat related jokes, and having Inspector Gadget being out of character as much as possible, like having him kill Mike Matei at the end of it (only we wish). Like the Elmo in Grouchland video, this caused some AVGN fans (as well as Minecraft fans) to turn on him because of how horrible this video was, it being like the first and only video on James's channel that has more dislikes than likes. Mike, being the coward he is, made comments approval only and disabled ratings, re-enabled the ratings and comments once again, releasing the flood of hate that was being held back by his censorship. However, comment ratings are now disabled. made the video private deleted the video.

The shitty Minecraft with Inspector Gadget video (no pun intended)
The shitty Minecraft with Inspector Gadget video, uncensored. (expect it to be taken down by Mike) Too late.
Another uncensored reupload. Another down
A reupload that Magay didn't take down yet

Previous Video  |  Next Video

It appears that Mike has noticed this huge amount of hate he is receiving from aspies so he came up with this excuse to hopefully cover his ass.

 
 
Note: With this video, I was attempting to parody many of the terrible videos on YouTube such as "TheAnnoyingOrange" (as one example) where they repeat the same awful jokes over and over. I chose Minecraft as the subject because that's another thing plaguing YouTube. Almost all you see in the gaming section lately are Minecraft related videos.

I was hoping people would get the joke, that's it's supposed to be stupid. But most people took this for face value and just thought it was bad. I made this video very quickly and put no effort into it because I think TheAnnoyingOrange is done the same way. TheAnnoyingOrange is cheaply produced garbage, but for some reason is absurdly popular. Really, this video is my statement against the low quality garbage that plagues YouTube. I didn't want to have to explain the joke, but it looks like I have to. Sorry if you didn't get it.
 


 

—Mike Matei's pathetic excuse

Of course, only a few hardcore fans actually bought this improvised bullshit, and when Mike realized that, that's when he deleted the video.

James and Mike doing damage control

Mike vs Joueur du Grenier

Joueur du Grenier is some random Frenchie YouTube partner, yet somehow, with only around 43 videos on his channel, he has twice as many subs as James. Most of his videos are generic angry video game reviews, all of them in French. Despite this, Mike found out about this guy and decided to proclaim that those French reviews are basically ripping off James' act.

Since the whole AVGN act is so original and sacred, Mike tried to gather a personal army on Facebook to raid Joueur du Grenier, going as far as comparing him to the Irate Gamer to fuel the wrath of the AVGN fanboys. While it's likely that this Frenchie was weakly raided by rabid fanboys for a short period of time, those that actually had working brain cells were disgusted by Mike's behavior and spread the news all over YouTube. Mike, being the coward that he is, took down the post several hours after it was posted. It is unknown if Joueur du Grenier even knew about Mike's raid, but it's impossible to tell since he's French. Good thing the raid failed or else Grenier would have surrendered immediately, causing the Irate Gamer to declare war, and the Nerd Reich would have risen.

Strange how Mike would go after some guy who only speaks French and not bother with a particular Finnish "reviewer" who also speaks "imperfect" English, and also uses the AVGN name for almost as long as James.

Go ahead and send your fanboys to attack, I'm sure he'll enjoy the extra ad revenue.

This feud appeared to be short lived or as some sort of ploy, as in a video Mike released like a week after this drama involving some NES hacks, Joueur du Grenier makes a very short cameo in it.

Youtube-favicon.png Joueur du Grenier's Channel

AVGN Ripoffs

Just when things couldn't get any worse on teh tubes, The Angry Nintendo Nerd decided to raep the internets one fine July afternoon exactly three months after An hero day (For the lulz?). The result of this raep was the first ever bastard child of the internets, rightly dubbed as "ANN ripoff #1". When this bastard child was able to grow a penis several weeks later, he then proceeded to rape the internets in a fashion that would make a samurai become an hero.

As the internets got AIDS by all of the raping of it by YouTube, the ANN ripoffs then decided to have incest and fuck each other to express their sexual lust for the bad games that they "review". Hence, the ANN ripoff population has grown to a level that's over 9,000. This devious process has gone unchecked by YouTube, as the admins are too busy stroking it to all those underage girls making out on webcams... that, or they're all from West Virginia. The AVGN Ripoffs have pissed off the internets. All hell has broken loose as the merchant from Resident Evil 4's power level goes over 9,000 and takes his anger out on an 80s CD player:

The Irate Gamer

Nuvola
Moar info: Irate Gamer.
Alexander4488: The long lost son of Cockmongler.

Tries to buttrape the ANN concept with his NES he got 2 days ago and by being overweight (FUCKING FATTY).

Alexander4488

A "nerd-spired" game reviewer who is less known for his appallingly bad disgraced game reviews, giving the word dude a shitty name, and much more known for his self-fellating advertisements on every gaming website known to man. Like another egotistical game reviewers, he goes to film school and fancies himself as the second-coming of the AVGN on YouTube.

His blatant egotism came to head as a group named FilmsForFustilarians riffed on one of his videos. Being absolutely batshit insane, he came to his own defense in a barrage of video comments where they actually outnumber the number of views the video has. Safe to say, his sheer butthurt generated great lulz for those who witnessed it.

On cue, Alexander has made multiple accounts on ED after this stub was written in an effort to defend his actions.

The Angry Video Game Nerd (Isvaffel)

UUUUUUUUUUUUUH open dohr.
A month after the JamesNintendoNerd channel was created on YouTube.


A Finnish troll by the name of Jaakko "Isvaffel" Järvinen is probably the one of the most infamous AVGN rip-offs even though he came first. He started out mainly by posting his shit on /v/ when James was at the beginning of his prime and soon enough, lulz were to be had, that is until he got banned from 4chan. He titles his Finnish/English, whispery (not as much anymore) and ironically soothing reviews as "The Angry Video Game Nerd", which pretty much suckers any idiot expecting James but instead gets Jaakko.

He's cranked out over 100x the shit that James has over the past years. Although he's rarely angry during his reviews, people tend to remember his catchphrase "open dohr", whenever he opens a door in the games he plays. This faggot does have a fanbase, who want an alternative to the big-time reviewers and they will actually defend the fact that Jaakko is the real AVGN or that he came first, while Jaakko himself just stays out of it and continues with whatever the hell video he'll make next. More devoted fans of Jaakko tend to download his more popular videos to reupload after Jaakko's account gets removed.

Isvaffel has gone through several YouTube accounts throughout the years due to copyright infringing weeaboo music/television companies. But losing an account never seems to close his dohrs. Here's a video of his infamous Super Metroid "review".

PissedOffVideoGamer

Attempted somersault: failed.

This horrid blob monster is trying to be the Angry Nintendo Nerd, but the difference is that this fat fuck is WAAAAAYYY moar fuckin' funny in a completely different way. Just look at him, seriously. The video explains it all.

Furious Famicom Faggot

Furious Famicom Faggot

Something Awful has been lulzless for quite a while (despite the claims of the Goons that the site is lulzier than ever...fucking liars, they are!). Despite this, they had their hands on a gold mine of lulz and drama that was yearning to be untapped.

The Furious Famicom Faggot, created by Shmorky, was to be a parody that would pwn the Angry Nintendo Nerd and all of those retreads that he inspired. Unfortunately, SA fucked it up (as usual) and FFF became nothing more than another epic fail and a lulz flop that could have been so much moar had SA not been involved. This is in part because the FFF was created as a parody on both the Angry Video Game Nerd and a lesser known fail called Gamelife. The other part being that Shmorky consistently draws his "comedy" from the black holes of unfunny that are his own damaged brain and Lowtax. As an unnamed lulzosopher put it, "FFF is like the carrot cake of video game reviewers; it is decent when first eaten, but quickly becomes sickening and made of all things fail."

Fortunately, the internets saved itself from certain raeping by giving FFF the AIDS and fail before it became too lulzless for its own good. We can only drink to the lost potential of lulz and win. A few weeks after the fail that was the Furious Famicom Faggot, Ebeeto emerged from the shadows as another parody of the YouTube video game reviewing movement, however, he is moar of a parody of that lulzless fuck UrinatingTree, instead of the AVGN.

LeisureSuitGaming / Silent Rob / CopperCab's adopted son

Silent Rob

AKA The Ginger Whinger, Silent Rob is a hardcore internets tough guy who is more known nowadays for his whiny emo diatribes than his "fuck"-fests in disguise as video game reviews. He got his start as an extremely overrated game "reviewer" best known for his Action 52 review, which was, shockingly, worse than the game was in all aspects. But after sucking Damien Estreich's cock enough to merit YouTube Partnership and the featuring of his videos on the main page, Mr. Estrech refused to give it to him, deeming his work unoriginal.

This is when Silent Rob busted down the floodgates and spent ten minutes bitching about the Irate Gamer, in which his arguments, for every small truth they may have had, were cockblocked by at least fifteen references to IG "loving the cock" per truth. His fanbase, being as intelligent as lemmings, followed his orders and started hating the reviewer, spawning a great, yet pathetic, amount of proxy lulz that still lingers to this day.

Rob has still not gotten over the butthurt of not becoming a YouTube Partner. Seeing the likes of the AVGN, That Guy With The Glasses, and Yahtzee making money hands over fists, he has since gotten into internet panhandling by creating his own website devoted to his poorly-made, unfunny abortions that he calls videos.

But this story has a twist: He charges people $5 just to visit it. He has rightfully suffered backlash from his loyal followers, finally seeing how shitty his work really is. The ensuing lulz that has resulted from Silent Rob's butthurt and subsequent bawwwing about the website can be best described as the funniest thing that man has ever done.

NC17 Productions / Kenny

NC17 Productions,
AKA "Kenny"

Quick, think of the worst traits both the AVGN and the Irate Gamer had to offer throughout their angry reviews. Constant beverage jokes that were funny only to them? Piss poor research on [insert video game here]? Shitty special effects that somehow involve blowing video game cartridges up out of sheer rage? Constant “what the fuck?!” whining in pitifully shrill yells?

Now imagine all of these wonderful gimmicks plus moar being found in one boring unoriginal fatty who does all of his vidya game reviews in his sole set of pyjamas. That's NC17, or Kenny to the interwebs, whom unlike what his name suggests, covers absolutely nothing that has to do with NC-17 material. He reviews really old Nintendo games that nobody gives a shit about instead. This low-budgeted Nerd copycat loves playing those shitty games that he clearly didn't grow up with, failing at them for 'comedic effect' to then call them a fucking pile of cowabu* piece of do* shit due to them not being easy enough, just like how Chris Bores taught him.

Kenny adores ragequiting the internet a lot, just like many camwhores before him, saying that he'll leave the internet forever only to come back and say that he did it for the lulz. He also makes constant AVGN nods not unlike Alexander4488 in his reviews, like hating on LJN (LJN?!) simply because James does, constantly drinking soda and water in order to carry on through the pain of playing an NES game and make a lot of AVGN references to other NES games James had previously reviewed. "This reminds me of Karate Kid!" "This reminds me of the Ghostbusters!" "This reminds me of shitty assholes!" Kenny also has no problem with copying Chris Bores' complaints about a little game called Ghost n' Goblins word by word. (From 1:07 to 2:39)

Here are some examples of NC-17's 'reviews' just to show how much of a carbon copy of the AVGN and Chris Bores this shrieking fat fuck is.

Retrogamer3

RetroGamer3
Yet another drooling AVGN fanboy whom wishes to have come up with the idea that made James famous before him and started picking up NES games from the flea market only to join the already overcrowed club. What's his shtick? He does angry reviews. Sometimes as a Listerine-addicted hobo. He's mostly known as that one fugly reviewer who lost his JewTube partnership as soon as he gained it, but he's also known as that one guy who insists that Charlie from Street Fighter is Guile's brother, not his co-pilot war fuck buddy. He's also Canadian.

The Mischief Makers Incident

Marina Liteyears doesn't approve.

In one AVGN video he is seen giving his angry look at a Mischief Makers cartridge. This caused rage on /v/ as they thought he had or was going to make a review video for Mischief Makers. It turned out that it was just filler footage for an intro and /v/ trolled themselves into thinking otherwise as the AVGN has not stated that he intends to review the game.

Suspension

Last week YouTube suspended the AVGN account. No reason was given, but lots of lulz and BAWWing were seen among the AVGN fanboys. This later turned out to be the result of Game Trailers' own incompetence. Apparently, Game Trailers was too stupid to figure out that the one posting the Angry Video Game Nerd videos was, in fact the AVGN himself and made copyright complaints.

AVGN Nazis

Prisonbreak72020 tries to take on ED.

In the warzone that is the YouTube, Video Game Reviewers and their rivals have spawned many 12 year old jihadists who would otherwise be vandalizing ED, 4chan or other mean people who make fun of their idols.

  • Prisonbreak72020: Vandal and anticipated an hero. Feel free to leave him a message on his latest ED account user:TheWTFHero, or his new YouTube account MAXPAYNEPRODUCTIONS account closed. Ironically is also a Irate Gamer Nazi. Probably not an epic double agent. Thinks he's black, even though the picture of his mug is shown at the top of his own article.
  • greatexpectations320: Once a minor fanboy who evolved into the unholy avatar of the lulzkiller and meme smasher.

Of course dedicating yourself to defend 12 year old YouTube users with unfunny game reviews from these people makes you one with the AIDS.

AVGN fanboys are well-known for their stunning lack of a sense of irony. Be it the Irate Gamer, Alexander4488 or whomever, they're quick to call anyone who does video game rants or reviews that are even the faintest bit reminiscent of the Nerd's videos a "rip-off" or a "plagiarist". It seems lost on them that the Angry Video Game Nerd does not hold a patent on this style of review, and himself does trite Game Grumps-style videos, yet no one accuses the Nerd of the same because only his fans are such epic retards. If what they were saying was the case, every Let's Play video game reviewer would be a rip-off of the person who created the first video of its kind.

A challenger appears

As of recently, a movie reviewer by the name of the Nostalgic Critic challenged the tyranny of the Angry Video Game Nerd on the internet. The war was started by the Nerd's Nazis in an attempt to take out the competition by saying that the Nostalgic Critic was an AVGN-ripoff. This is far from the truth, for the Nostalgic Critic is funny. NC decided to fight-back, only to piss off the AVGN. The AVGN then gave the NC a threat disguised as a compliment. Thus a war began. As soon as the war began, the AVGN stole one of the NC's reviews. So far, the NC is winning thanks to a fist-fight and reviewing a bad game. Few know how long the Nostalgic Critic can hold out against the AVGN Nazis.

UPDATE: To try and calm the rabid fanboys: both have recently appeared in a Collaboration Video together.

2010: James Rolfe Jumps The Shit Shark While Letting Slip Some Diarrhea

AVGNWeirdo.gif

Beginning in spring 2010, Rolfe began doing AVGN videos once per month instead of once every two weeks (supposedly to promote his other "nobody-gives-a-shit" series: Boring Lame Board James), and in spite of doubling his per-video production time there was no noticeable improvement in quality. Judging by his reviews of Cheetahmen and Zelda II, along with his piece on game glitches, he is fast approaching the Irate Gamer's trademark variety of lulzlessness. And instead of AVGN videos, James Rolfe is incessantly shitting viewers with photo evidence that he visited the filming locations of B-list horror movies.

As if that weren't enough of a diarrhea dump for his viewers to have to endure, he's been uploading shitty vlogs from E3 and Comic-Con, proving that without a script Rolfe is near-inarticulate. In addition he sporadically uploads video reviews of pre-1990s movies which, conveniently, he has stopped indexing under "Movie Reviews", forcing fans to work backwards through Shittyassacre Cinemassacre blog archives just to figure out what he's done over the past few months.

Other recent highlights on Rolfe's website Cinemassacre indicate that he's going in the same direction as Spoony: becoming increasingly vlog-centric, inconsistent, and self-aggrandizing in his overall content. These highlights include:

He has further confirmed his status as an Internet celebrity on the decline by doing nothing but spewing random shit nobody except asspies cares about at all on his blog to keep his fanbois generating the page clicks needed to keep the ad revenue money rolling in so he and Mike Matei can spend all their time in the basement together having buttsecks instead of producing anything that could be possibly be mistaken as creative.

Last Thursday, a butthurt YouTube "intellect", named Asalieri (Who quite obviously wrote this part of the article, hurf durf) made a valid video deconstructing one of Rolfe's reviews, as a part of his own series, "Reviewing a Reviewer". In the video he compared James's declining quality with a lesser-known, yet up-and-coming, OCD nerd retro game reviewer named Roo. The video was taken down twice (by Mike Matei). Upon this, Asalieri wussed out and called a truce with Matei (because the Internet is such a big SRS FKN BSNS warzone, Jesus fucking Christ almighty). However, due to numerous complaints from subjects of Asalieri's Reviewing a Reviewer show and fanboys of said subjects, YouTube terminated his old account.

Wait, shouldn't Spoony be [Manchild Swim]?
A challenger appears!

Previous Video  |  Next Video

AVGN: The E-Beggar

I think I need just a bit moar money. For the cats you see.
James' face after spending all of the 75k+ to buy a new house, car and three dildos. Screw the movie!
A fan has the audacity to question James' movie, which causes a butthurt response from the manchild himself.
Mike's reaction to the e-begging saga.

After seeing Yahtzee's hilarious attempt to cash in from his drooling fans and failing to do so due to internet backlash, James thought to himself "Hmm. I'm gonna make a movie about my iconic & not at all tiring AVGN persona very soon. But I don't feel like spending cash directly from my own wallet or the thousands I already make from Blip.tv, Cinemassacre, YouTube, Gametrailers and ScrewAttack. Shit fuck, what the hell? I'll ask my shee- err AVGN fans for some quick cash! Sweet cowabunga dogshit I'm a genius!"

Which he did. And asked for the grand total of 75k, despite now being part of the JewTube partnership, has already gotten donations from his fanboys before and is backed up financially from both ScrewAttack and SpikeTv.com. It goes without saying that James is really squeezing out all that he can gain from his beloved AVGN sheep without any regrets and will keep on doing so until the very last cent.

Oh James, how the mighty have fallen.
The cyber bum in question.
Because signing autographs is serious business.
Here guys let me sell you all of my junk!
I NEED EVEN MORE MONEY!! KTHXBYE

Previous Video  |  Next Video


It's time to pay your investors in full Nerd.

It was unsure whether James would either collect all the moneyz and make a run for it without delivering any form of movie whatsoever or deliver a movie so bad, it would make you want to see the Fred movie and actually enjoy it, despite it being a messed up e-fame fuelled piece of junk that nobody cared about the second it was released. No matter how bad it was, at least Fred didn't e-beg his fantards in order to make it. Although the AVGN fanboys surprised the internet by actually reaching the 75k goal in less than 10 days for a movie that's not even in production yet, James wasn't satisfied with the results. He wanted even moar than the requested 75k in order to have a backup plan in case the AVGN movie is successful enough to have a sequel. In the end, he collected over 300k with lots of fans bawwing about them not being able to donate anymore, despite James receiving 4x the amount requested. Delicious e-drama coming from both AVGN apologisers and former Nerd fans should fuel the interwebs with lulz soon enough.

The fund raiser didn't officially end at 75k because James wanted the AVGN movie to be a fan funded movie, so then he wouldn't have to pay those pesky investors whom would risk their hard earned money by investing in an obscure indie movie project that's got higher chances of flopping than succeeding. He was so happy that he had promised all of his donating fans that they would receive an individual "thank you for the money, is nice" vid for all of their efforts. They still haven't received this special video to this day, but AVGN fans are very forgiving.

Barely a couple of hours later, the AVGN's crew posted this thank you vid involving James shitting all over a children's N64 game called ██████████████████. The "review" was so shitty that it made Alexander4488 look like a competent reviewer.

All of the drama in a nutshell:


 
 
i don’t get it he was supposed to get 75k. now he has a more than 200k yet ppl keep donating. why it’s not like he’s going to put all that money to use. and he still says the donation is going to end in a few days. damn what a jew
 

 

—A Jewtuber


Those six people who donated for the special movie cameo reward are so fucked.

AVGN Plushies

Plushies for all the fanboys to jerk off to.

With his donation drive coming to an end, James decided that $325,000 just isn't enough for him, so as a last ditch effort he decides to sell plushies of him and his side-character Shit Pickle for 18$ each, further capitalizing off his success. It's pretty obvious that his fanboys are going to buy these by the hundreds. What's next, Shit Pickle dildos?

Also, I wonder where he got the money to supply those plushes?

Cheetahmen 2

Again, in before Mike disables likes/dislikes.
After deleting multiple comments and blocking fans, Mike suddenly comes out to say he never approved of the project. And then promptly deleted these comments too. Fucking prick.

On August 6, 2012 the Nerd uploads a video advertising some old fuck's Kickstarter to help patch some shitty NES game called "Cheetahmen 2" to actually make it beatable and make reproduction cartridges of it, requiring $65,000 in donations. While the idea was bad enough, the video in question was probably one of the worst things ever produced on James's channel, it being very unfunny, forced, and basically showing how much of an e-begger James is. One reason why this idea horrible is the fact that there already existed ROM hacks that would patch the game which were released years ago, for free no less. For donating $60 for god knows what reason, you get your own copy of a patched Cheetahmen 2 reproduction cart, whoopee fuckin' do.

But in all seriousness, who the fuck cares about Cheetahmen 2? No one wanted to play this game, until all of the sudden AVGN started liking the game for whatever reason, then a lot of the fanboys decided to like it too, many of them actually donating to this worthless cause, it already receiving over $20,000 with just 29 days to go. However, not all AVGN fans were fooled, and could quickly see that the Kickstarter as being a scam and are disliking the video and leaving negative comments, like calling James a sellout/e-begger or calling the whole thing a scam.

While the video still has more likes (barely), it has had probably the most dislikes than any video that was ever uploaded on James's channel. Strangely, Mike hasn't reacted at all yet. As expected, the cowardly Mike at first tried using damage control, until ultimately just disabled comments and ratings. Because of this huge display of butthurt, many videos were made to fuel this drama, and you know that you've fucked up royally when even the fucking Irate Gamer is poking fun at you.

The Cheetahmen 2 video that was censored to hell still has the Kickstarter link in its description, but since there are no dislikes/comments around to show how much of a scam it is, any blind fantard won't see any problem in giving their money away. And if that isn't bad enough, there are also Cheetahmen 2 ads plastered all over the Cinemassacre homepage, and possibly various other sites as well (a known one being OCRemix).

UPDATE: The Kickstarter has finally come to an end. Being funded with a grand total of $94,270!

And he's asking for more money via PayPal til the end of September!

So much hype for a game that already sucks.
The Kickstarter video in question (comments & ratings disabled)
An unlisted video which is an update on the Kickstarter (still comments & ratings disabled)
Cheetahmen 2 speedrun, there saved you $60
TheArchfag basically earning his few hours of fame by going after AVGN like everyone else
Asalieri too.
The amount of money actually needed to reproduce fixed Cheetahmen 2 cartridges
Wow, you know you really fucked up when even The Irate Gamer is making fun of you.

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Greg Paybitch

The old fart that is running the Kickstarter. The fact that it is hard to obtain information on him makes him more shady than he already is. But from the gathered information, Greg Pabich is very obsessed with Cheetahmen, and is a very rich man living in a high class house. He claims that he is famous, yet no one in the world knew who he fucking was until he got involved with the Nerd. And from places like his Facebook and Cheetahmen website you can see that he's been planning this whole Kickstarter for a long time. One of Greg's goals in life is to make Cheetahmen the next Angry Birds. The website alone contains overpriced Cheetahmen merchandise, and you may have noticed that the Cheetahmen 2 Kickstarter description is in ALL CAPS, but in the comments section he types like he forgot where the caps lock key is. In the Hall of Fame/Shame section of the site they even wrote Mike Magay's name wrong (MIKE MATAEI), proving just how much they care about their business partners.

Upon further research on Greg, it was found out that he had a history of fraud before. Google Pabich v. Kallar if you want to find out more about that, but to sum all that shit up, he was sued for over 3 million dollars for fraud. Unfortunately, he wasn't convicted due to lack of evidence.

SERIOUS UPDATE: Greg doesn't even own the Cheetahmen copyright, he only owns the right to make CheetahmenGames "software". Look at the video below for more detail.

Conclusion

So after all the drama that's been going on, after all those tons of donations way beyond the goal, what is the end result of all this? An even more broken piece of shit game than it was before. See for yourself:

95k well spent.
This dumbass can't even get past the first level and he still says he's proud of owning this piece of shit.
An AVGN rip-off unboxes a copy of this game. He doesn't even play the game but still says it's well worth the price.
A little kid only unboxing the game, basically summing up the majority of AVGN's fanbase.

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AVGN Movie Trailer

One Saturday morning, after his daily dicksucking from Mike Matei, James finally remembered that he had a movie that needed to be released. So James decided to release a trailer basically showing most of the scenes that are going to be in his movie. The trailer is filled to the brim with bad special effects, atrocious acting, painfully bad jokes, James vomiting on a girl and an overall stupid concept that'll make even Ed Wood turn in his grave. Yep, $325k well spent. Of course, the reactions to this trailer range from making AVGN fans both shit and jizz in their diapers to making his haters rage even more. The movie is set to be released this lifetime.

The trailer of the AVGN movie.
May the butthurt commence.
More butthurt.
And the king of reviewer butthurt himself, Asalieri.

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AVGN The Game

To highlight the fact that Steam users are absolute idiots, they have greenlit Angry Video Game Nerd Adventures. A game where you play as The Nerd, while shooting, and oddly enough not shitting on, enemies, in the best retro style, complete with 8-bit graphics ripped off from famous NES games.

Termination! (Again)

On January 8th, 2013, both the JamesNintendoNerd & Cinemassacre channels were terminated for ToS reasons. Reasons for this are currently unknown at the moment, but let's just hope that karma finally caught up with James and Mike. However, this moment was short-lived, as JamesNintendoNerd's channel was re-instated in half a day. The Cinemassacre channel still remains terminated though took longer but has also finally returned.

Butthurt fanboys then tried to find something to blame, so they decided to blame Sega for what happened. This was due to when Sega made DMCA takedowns on various YouTubers that had Shining Force in their videos (regardless of content). Despite the fact that both channels were taken down for ToS violations and not for copyright infringement, the AVGN fans continue to attack Sega. Plus, WHEN THE FUCK DID JAMES AND MIKE EVER TALK ABOUT SHINING FORCE?

Random AVGN Hate Videos

Since there's quite a trend of AVGN hate going on as of late, of course there are going to be plenty of videos speaking out the truth against James and Mike's charades, just to get their 15 seconds of infamy. The following contains such videos, as well as some of those following the Bores defense trend. Expect plenty of AVGN fanboy butthurt in the comments of these videos.

Coming from a Canadian called "WrestlingJesus".
Sums up AVGN's fanboys
One of the random channels Irate Gamer plugged for defending him. Well, at least he has a kickass afro.
Another channel Bores plugged, even though he's made hateful videos of him in the past.
Makes you wonder who he was describing near the end of the video.

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Nerd Grumps

A new and original series that James and Mike came up with called "James & Mike Play" has them playing various games together, although not in the same crude humor that they both usually have. Yep totally original, nothing like this came before it. This is actually less painful to watch than any newer AVGN episode, but since Mike is part of it, it's still never fun to watch.


Angry Video Game Father

A couple of weeks before the announcement on May 12th, 2013, James Rolfe became something that no actual video game nerd has any hope to becoming, a father. From the blog post[1], there appears to have been complications during the pregnancy, meaning that his daughter is likely going to grow up to be an autistic video game virgin.

A special message from Chris Bores

BoresAVGNcomeback.jpg

See Also (Ripoffs)

External Links

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