From Encyclopedia Dramatica
|Breaking News: 789chan is now an hero|
789chan was a mostly deserted, and until now, completely irrelevant imageboard with around thirty regular posters. Dwelling on the corners of the internet where chantards go when they are no longer of value to an actual site, with actual posters, it consisted of Legi0n dregs and had no activity on it whatsoever save neo /cwc/. The board was a shining example of the despair basement dwellers sink to in a desperate attempt to maintain their internet tough guy status, and at this point it must be said, that recovery is unlikely. Naturally, it was a place known for high traces of delirious carebabying, coolguying, and a nasty case of USItis (permanent if left untreated). When 789channers aren't bitching about having to take out the trash or being sent to the principals office for refusing P.E. they can be found recycling images that were briefly funny, months ago. Despite, to the naked eye, appearing to consist only of desperate attempts to acquire more pictures of an autistic mans dick and the JULAAAY battlecry, 789chan is actually a tightly condensed ball of teenagers trying to win the internet in order to show the guy who said they smelled like "fartlunch" AGAIN after third period who is boss. The community for this kingdom of trollharding, not to be confused with hard trolling, and going to bed because its a school night is reminiscent of a gang of hobofaggots fighting over who gets to rape the pile of horse bones first.
The 789 Chan Community
Just like on every site ever, the general users of 789chan are school aged basement dwellers of zero note, who genuinely see no irony in their enjoyment of lolcows despite the disastrous state of their own lives. Luckily, with the help of a few USI ridden internet nobodies they are able to maintain their luxurious state of denial. Sailing the failboat proudly on this ocean of piss, are the chosen few who control the attention of the board:
SeanieB, or Sean Brackeen, is the autistic man-child owner of 789chan, as well as the 2nd most popular reason for the userbase leaving, the first obviously being the fact that nobody stays there for a second in the first place. His most time there is spent entirely throwing man-fits that would befit his idol Chris-chan
A homeschooled high school dropout with no job and no prospects, which is why he spends all his time on the internet making SICK PODCASTS with people even more autistic than himself. He is also the creater of an excellent Family Guy parody, . He is beloved by every person on /cwc/ and is considered the highest ranking and most respected of the staff. Homor's interests include a shitty webcomic he created called , fapping to cartoon robots, and playing World of Warcraft all day. Despite these shortcomings, many believe Homor to be the high point of 789chan, which is why its members do whatever it takes to make sure he stays around.
Atlus runs /cwc/. Atlus is legi0n's FORMER premier butthurt mod who was transferred over to 789chan because Sean Brackeen doesn't know how to run a website. His previous claims to fame have been admitting to a bunch of subterranean CWCfags that he indeed lost virginity at 21, figuring out how to google sockpuppets, and writing himself into an article here at ED. Finding the very legi0n board he was a mod on to be too harsh he decided to ban everyone who made fun of him because of his sweet e-brags. He proceeded to chimp the fuck out and demanded the thread be deleted off the now deceased /cwc/ board. He was awarded a demodding for his courageous Internet actions. Following his act of quitting and taking his ball home Atlus migrated to 789chan to continue his hugbox with his good friend Sean. In exchange for being cool on the Internet once more Atlus merely had to run the entire website. Which was fine for him because it's not like he's a twenty year old or something. Left once SeanB took an HTML class at community college.
Much like many of the regular users (and of casual ones as well), Alec, better known as Omega, is a transsexual ween troll and Leejun veteran. Anne Frank look-a-like contest winner seven consecutive years and an admin at 789chan, Omega is a familiar face in the chan. In addition to stalking new content from mod panel for tranny threads, he entertained the spergs at Tinychat by, including but not limited to, cutting, flashing his mantits, cybersecks, offering to fuck tinychatters for money and intentionally throwing up on the cam. Much of the drama was caused by the fact that he deleted any thread slightly critical of the tinychat asperger crowd. Many sexual favours later, he managed to get Sean to blacklist the word "tranny", so that anyone who mentioned transsexuals got automatically banned for two hours.
At one point he tried to get into camshow biz to get some jewgolds without getting off his pale ass, but amazingly people weren't willing to pay to see him do one man meatspin.
Being an underprivileged transsexual constantly under cissexist oppression, he attended $40,000/year University until he got b&. Omega bawwwed to the school counselor he'd though about offing himself, got sent to a mental hospital, came back, emo bawww'd to the counselor AGAIN, and at this point the school got tired of his bullshit and he was told he's not welcome anymore. Unemployed, depressed and still equipped with a cock, you can still find him
moderating /cwc/. Omega can be summoned by making a thread titled "I dislike trannies", which he will swiftly delete or move to /fail/. crying in Tumblr, as Sean shut down 789chan after his whining about getting trolled reached the critical mass.
Is a bottom-rate /cwc/fag who finds the Internet to be the highlight of humor everywhere. He believes his proud keyboard warrior spirit has produced unlimited lols. He spends most of his time on the /b/ or /cwc/ boards, of course, trying to churn further Internet popularity for himself. Due to his use to Sean being little more than a cockpuppet he speaks mostly through parroted words or chan memes. Once in awhile he will remember that he is capable of expressing himself to which he will quickly regurgitate some joke he saw somewhere else for hilarious lols out loud. If you accuse him of being boring, unoriginal, or an exact copy of every other mod boasting about their two bit website authority he will be sure to call you upset and mad for the next 6 hours, wake up, and continue talking about how mad you are. Appropriately. he is the current leader of the 1st Legi0naire division of faggotlords. Of his various habits he has a tendency to emote heavily over anything even remotely connected to the Internet. He is very serious about the Internet and will protect his chan clan to his dying e-breath like a good little bitch. #yolo
Contrary to the labeling of 789chan as a "chan", there are no boards on 789chan because there is no one to talk to. It's almost as dead as your parent's love for you. There are however titles to web objects that appear to be image boards and try to imitate one (but they aren't because no one posts in any of them). Sean also changes the subjects to keep people interested enough to slip him some of that hard earned e-cash. Such boards have included:
- A STEAMPUNK BOARD - It's so fucking steam punk you guys. Srsly, fucking steampunk. Fun fact this empty waste of space used to be where 789 members went for fashion advice.
- Literature - Yes its on a chan. No it's not funny that no one can type correctly on it. IT'S NOT FUCKING FUNNY, THE HOT TUBS TOO HOT
- Drugs - 420chan definitely doesnt have this covered jegus fuck no
- General Hacking - Where DDOS research and elite forum hacking goes on. Basically Hackforums.net x 5.
- Linux/UNIX - QUICK CALL THE PENTAGON WEVE GOT SOME INTERNET THUGS ON THE LOOSE
- Bitching&Crying - The most active board on the entire site. Home to most of the interaction between chatfrens and forumbuddies in their evergoing search for Internet respect and a girlfriend in Canada.
Fortunately for the sperglords who inhabit this husk of a retard playground there exists a new addition to feed their insatiable need to spam "you mad" twenty times in a row, because they're edgy. A bit of history lesson first. /cwc/ originally lived on a board for rejected Chris-Chan trolls who were turned away from the CWCki due to the severe epidemic of unfunny that unfolded after teenage boys finally discovered that they could make fun of people on the Internet. Unfortunately they were never good at it and the only place anyone find their jokes amusing was in anime clubs, shit lolcow forums, and alone with their hand. Overtime they began to feed off of each others need for validation and a label that would finally stop the wrestling players from dumping milk on their head. This bizarre, almost jailhouse gay phenomena, finally metastasized into full blown troll-shielding where they could remind each other with every post that they were the COOL KIDS ONLINE NOW. All of twenty people took note.
Eventually Legi0n (much like 789chan today) began to degrade into a parade of furry sympathizers and autism hand holders, until it finally imploded on itself from everyone leaving in what could only be described as a "national embarrassment". Members of Congress held a moment of silence shortly after the news was delivered. BUT WAIT! Could it be? Did /cwc/ manage to survive?
Yes. By beating the odds of becoming completely disgusted with themselves and the basement lairs they now inhabited, they arose from the ashes to once again coat every surface, bit and pixel with their learning disabilities, delusion and desire to see anything better than them (read: most things a well adjusted person becomes used to) burn in the fires of their own virginal rage.
Soon they settled into their sea of dicks and got to sucking them with great vigor. This mass orgy of unwarranted self importance soon drew various lolcows to the fold in the hopes that they too could be as cool as someone who brags about their own success on the Internet. These nerds were hardcore, though. No poofs or fairies allowed, Internet vigilantes only. When the spastic netard flipped out on them they declared themselves funniest people to ever use the Internet, or ever will, despite going after well known and simple mined lolcows to sink their baby teeth into. After another string of people who were on welfare came bitching, they knew they had a hit on their hands. So they began their ritualistic shielding of each other's egos in order to maintain the lie that they weren't distant from their parents and have seen the outdoors for several months out of the year. There they continue to pump furiously at the sight of any snippet or post, funny or unfunny, that can help maintain their frail happiness.
As a despicable jewish imagechan and cabal, the abudance of 789 humor is usually sourced from people finally realizing that they are complete failures and then leaving the Internet to focus on other ventures unrelated to shouting JULAAAAAY at their weeaboo friends whenever they are pushed away from the computer (GOD MOM IS SUCH A BITCH I /HAVE/ TO MAKE FUN OF CHRIS CHAN MOM. MOOOOM! NOOOOO DONT TURN OFF THE INTERNET). 789chan is a unique and eclectic mix of:
- Jokes that weren't even funny on Legi0n
- Jokes other 789channers can repost and feel like they were RIGHT THERE IN THE ACTION'
- Jokes that were old before they even came into existence
- 4chan jokes from 6 years ago
- Chris-Chan jokes someone managed to copy+paste
Through sheer will and professional therapy, that their parents have purchased to no avail, these chantards were able to bind these unsavory components into a 789 dialect of exclamations and statements reflecting on their proud history of no one wanting them around. It emphasizes the depravity of being on the most obscure imageboard no one can remember and in the same phrases imparts a spot of enthusiasm for not living with their parents anymore. To common people it sounds like a child with severe ADHD has broken into McSugarBurgers and managed to still communicate using English afterward. Some argue that their dialect is a blend of exposure to autism and a token desire to be seen in a crowd of faces. Top e-psychiatry experts are working on the cause as we speak.
Behold the time tested methods of their trolls:
It's always a good idea to publicly dox yourself in order to have a chance at scoring a hot phone date with Robert Wayne Stiles.
If you veer too closely to endangering the hugbox mentality at 789 chan, you had better be prepared for the consequences, because they have an IRC network in which, like ships passing in the night, they will have melodramatic conversations about your terrible internet crimes and ban you. Of course after they ban you be sure to check every open proxy ever made because chances are its still not blocked. Their response will be that you are just very upset and that you spending twenty seconds typing the word proxy into a search engine is extremely tryhard. Obviously their failure to learn basic website management skills is seen as just another plus to the long list of GREATS that is 789chan.
Like all elite troll headquarters 789chan employs Internet Relay Chats to communicate with one another when they aren't yelling epic ween at their computer monitors. Much like their chan, their IRC is filled with angry mods who are very bothered when you call them fatasses. Due to 789chan being three years behind the curve it is possible to reduce the entire network to screaming nerds with, at maximum, five sentences. Wonderfully, this experience has been preserved so that everyone who visits this page can enjoy them over and over again.
From these logs we can see that typical 789chat includes reusing as many "troll phrases" (such as: you mad, you upset, you're butthurt said over and over again until they can unwrinkle their nerd taints) as possible in order to seem tough and interesting on the chat. After doing that for about twenty minutes the tactic then switches to getting told in rapid fashion by the object of their hatred who couldn't care less. Reliable sperg is created afterward. Lastly, after being humiliated the troll-shielding begins for the ever fattening InternetHateMachine as she rages about all her elite ED contacts. Following the complete break down of plausible chat options the only reprise is to allow IHM to repair her ego with ops and a kick to consummate how much they love 300 pound piles of cupcakes and daddy suicide.
789chan has a proud history of ponyfuckers and getting DoX'd on and then having SeanieB clean up the mess their failure has caused. Unfortunately for them, Sean doesn't know anything about dox, doxxin, or how to remove dox and therefore is a poor troll shield even at the best of times.
[4/22/2012 9:30:28 PM] -redacted-: http://789chan.org/cwc/res/199816.html#202060 just a heads up, posts like that are just gonna further encourage people to start shit [4/22/2012 9:31:18 PM] -redacted-: best to just not respond to said harassment on the internets in any way shape or form and it'll die down [4/22/2012 9:39:29 PM] tacowiz: wait [4/22/2012 9:39:31 PM] tacowiz: Is it dox? [4/22/2012 9:39:52 PM] -redacted-: is what dox? [4/22/2012 9:40:31 PM] -redacted-: no, it's a post quoting a post you allegidly made on ponyboru [4/22/2012 9:42:08 PM] -redacted-: >> Coney 12/04/22(Sun)21:17 No. 202060 [4/22/2012 9:42:28 PM] -redacted-: lol did seanie actually beg you btw? [4/22/2012 9:55:27 PM] tacowiz: I got it mixed up with Ponychan. On Ponychan I write stream of consciousness posts and delete them if I change my mind. I was like "k, this will just feed the flames, better delete". Only it doesn't have that because it's not a chan. [4/22/2012 9:55:41 PM] tacowiz: He didn't beg me. [4/22/2012 9:55:46 PM] tacowiz: He said he'd take it off my hands [4/22/2012 9:56:00 PM] tacowiz: I exaggerated because I write stream of consciousness on chans and I enjoy being melodramatic. [4/22/2012 9:56:05 PM] tacowiz: see: attention whore [4/22/2012 9:56:29 PM] -redacted-: ahh [4/22/2012 10:49:30 PM] -redacted-: well. drawing attention to yourself wouldn't exactly be in your best interests, bro [4/22/2012 11:05:44 PM] tacowiz: Seanieb said that he'd use fake info so I could redirect people to him. [4/22/2012 11:05:52 PM] tacowiz: This..no [4/22/2012 11:05:57 PM] tacowiz: I don't care what they do to me [4/22/2012 11:06:14 PM] tacowiz: but my parents and siblings are innocent. [4/22/2012 11:06:32 PM] tacowiz: I can live with ruining my own life but I don't want other people to be harmed because of my actions. [4/22/2012 11:07:25 PM] -redacted-: If you live with your family, you'll be unintentionally dragging them down with you, should you draw anymore attention to yourself [4/22/2012 11:07:51 PM] tacowiz: I don't live with my dad anymore. I moved. I'm not in the house they're calling anymore. [4/22/2012 11:08:00 PM] -redacted-: still. [4/22/2012 11:09:01 PM] -redacted-: take it from the guy who created /cwc/, trying to reasons with these folks is like trying to fight your way out of quicksand [4/22/2012 11:10:12 PM] -redacted-: you'll just be digging yourself in deeper if you draw attention to yourself on the internets in any way shape or form [4/22/2012 11:10:49 PM] -redacted-: they don't care if you live at that address or not. its all they have so they'll milk it for all it's worth if you give them reason [4/22/2012 11:14:46 PM] -redacted-: if you just completely ignore any attempts at trolling or w/e, you'll be fine and whoever is bugging you will fuck off for the most part [4/22/2012 11:22:09 PM] tacowiz: Do they have my parents' credit card? [4/22/2012 11:23:17 PM] -redacted-: no idea [4/22/2012 11:23:29 PM] tacowiz: If they do I can't live with myself. [4/22/2012 11:23:41 PM] -redacted-: far as I'm aware, they just have w/e was in that whois info [4/22/2012 11:23:58 PM] -redacted-: I don't see how they could get credit card info from that
After Sean had attempted to help this desperate faggot out of his jam it was revealed to the world what kind of fuckshit would go around supporting bronies and helping lolcows. He sure is a badass.
—Response to a Typical 789channer
The Tinychat was frequented by the likes of Janye, interrobang, mesbian, Omega, mrpopo, nombie, Maddi, Beekeeper, Jengatype, protoautist and many more. Typical Tinychat user activity included watching the same, like, three videos over and over again and listening to some truly awful music while staring blankly into a webcam. Discussion comprised such riveting topics as mental disorders, how to best force newcomers and randos to "jerk dick on cam to climax," the ins and outs of marijuana use, the top twerking stances and whether Janye does, in fact, shave her legs.
They made this person a mod.
Unsurprisingly, as it was an off-shoot of 789chan, the Tinychat was saturated with drama. Here are some prime examples:
- Poor Lupus. All he wanted to do was be a mod, but the fascist dictators (especially that BITCH Janye and that ASSHOLE Omega who definitely ASKED for HIS secret to be revealed) viciously denied him the chance. He in no way deserved to be doxxed and outed a furry! He didn't ask for their opinions on the whole "pretending to do shrooms but it was actually weed that his dad gave him for free" thing. He was only mean to them because they bullied him and were jealous!!!! Yeah, the LSD turned out to be fake. So what? That asshole deserved to have his ass BEAT! The malicious and hateful treatment towards Lupus was totally uncalled for, even if he did sit quietly in the corner during a furry orgy. UGH!!!
- The Tinychat was full of people who supported rape or hated cats or were pedophiles, three equally disgusting things!
- Every single ban was a wicked attempt at censorship when someone expressed an opinion other than that of the mods. There was not a single user who made others feel uncomfortable, and the drama that resulted was completely justified.
- Some truly disturbing things were seen in Tinychat. Whether it was Seanie picking his nose on cam and then eating the result (supposedly) or Omega flashing her dick at least once and having cybersex on cam with Tinychat's resident misogynist, no one would come out of that chat room the same person.
- More. So much more.
Tom the Husky
In late May, Tinychat peaked with the "gunbutt incident." Late one night, a man inconspicuously entered the room under the name of "Tom." He revealed himself to be a gay nazifur heroin addict who lifts and has had multiple run-ins with the law. In a desperate attempt to be accepted for the epin ween Master Trolls they were, the Tinychat users decided to troll him.
By trolling, they meant forcing him to stick a vintage rifle up his ass. No, seriously. But more on that later.
Users knew that something was wrong when Tom passed out on camera while high with chewing tobacco in his gaping mouth. They were relieved when Sanic brought him back to life, but then he pretended to cut his dick and balls off with a motorized saw on multiple occasions- much to the disturbance of a drunken Jenffer. That's where the gunbutt incident comes in.
Around the time the sun was rising, the Tinychat hivemind convinced Tom that, if he stuck a rifle up his ass, he would become a universal mod on 789chan. He did it.
But that was not the last Tinychat would see of Tom. As time went on, the users learned that Tom has a 17-year-old boyfriend named Ray from a broken family who he gave heroin. This inspired some to leap into white knight mode, while others were inspired to make Tom know just how much they despised him. Lupus and Tom banded together to get back at Janye and Omega for as long as anybody cared.
Apparently, Tom is still with Ray. He claimed that they spent some time in Riker's for transporting drugs across the state. A uniquely American story.
The /tc/ fiasco and the death of Tinychat
The intent was to contain Tinychat spergery and keep it off of /cwc/, but of course this was not possible. On occasion, Tinychat drama bubbled over of /cwc/. Hordes of rectally devastated users who were rejected from the super special clique of Tinychat combined with a script made by Tom and a few fa/tc/amwhores stirring the pot erupted a dire crisis on /cwc/ on multiple occasions, causing the mods to have to make a couple of clicks to delete a few threads and move a few more. There was NO way the usual stream of shitposts would be threatened.
The most shocking moment came when someone baited trannies by posting three out of four correct letters of Omega's birthname. This resulted in the short-lived two hour ban on posting the word "tranny." "Trann.y" was fortunately safe.
Seanie was not happy. He began to harbor a hatred towards the Tinychat.
After the peak of gunbutt, Tinychat began a slow death due to drama and overexposure to vibrating azz. It received its sentence in July, when it was discovered that another person had discovered Tinychat's schizophrenic queen, the YouTube weirdcow known as Trang. They wouldn't have known it at first, but they had stumbled upon a Skype trolling crew headed by digimondude420. Digimondude is best known for posting a .gif of himself sucking his own dick on SomethingAwful for modship.He and his followers, all healthy and upstanding members of society, had achieved what Tinychat could only dream of: forcing a profoundly retarded man to stick his dick through a CD. (They have since made him stick a lightbulb up his ass.)
Janye liked what she saw. Tinychat had already been hemorrhaging members, but it was Janye's defection to Digimondude that caused it to rapidly deteriorate. Some vowed revenge; there was even talk of leaking Janye's Tumblr for having the audacity to leave Tinychat. However, this served to merely obscure the truth. There wasn't much time left for TC.
In early September, a little after five months of Tinychat's existence, Seanie decided that he had had enough and deleted /tc/. There are two perspectives on the events that followed:
MODS: LOL! These /tc/ers don't what what hit them! Now I'm going to trick them into thinking we restored /tc/ and call them autistic! That'll show'em!
/TC/: LOL! These mods won't know what's going to hit them! Now I'm going to manufacture drama and cause problems for the staff! That'll show'em!
In reality, no one cared. Another chapter of 789chan had ended. The vestiges of the Tinychat community gathered on Synchtube for one last viewing of "Bearforce 1" before finally moving on. TC was over.
Because when people make posts you don't like, you should threaten to DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING like the child you look like.
Is it possible that in the midst of so much spergery, so much ween, so much K-Pop that there was some genuine fun to be had in Tinychat by mods and normal users alike?
The Phobos "Affaire"
One day a fair chatter known as phobos came upon 789chan with a wish to see lolcow Robert Wayne Stiles in person. After waiting for two seconds and chatting 10 lines with some fag, the newly minted Robb showed up admitting that everything he had done was wrong, stupid, and that he wished to return to the fold of his parents. Witnessing this once noble creature fade quietly into the night convinced phobos that this excursion had been a complete waste of time. That's when he deduced that 789chan was filled with tryhards, spergqueens, and trollmasters wannabes, and was therefore a perfect target. After laying out a plan of attack to get everyone's attention, he managed to get G-lined from #789 and 789chan in the span of minutes; hitting each hot button issue to insure maximum effect.
After riling them up to the point of extremely upset retaliation bans, phobos told all his cool IRC friends at EDIRC about the goldmine he had discovered and how they would all have plenty of lol milk to go around. He wrote up part of an ED page, linked a few pages, and greased a few hands (from phobos' personal jew trove). Immediately the attention and butthurt began to roll in at dramatic rates, with page views exploding left and right. Seeing the potential, other fellow dramacrats began to pose as phobos leaving 789channers false entries to flip their shit out about. Foolishly assuring themselves that they were indeed the bosses of the Internet the chanfags began to whip out bottom rate photoshops and unfunny memes that only they give a fuck about. This wasn't enough for them though. The hurt was too much the scars were too deep. It was decided that they would dox, EDpage, and humiliate fair phobos with their own means.
Over the next three days they sought to put this brilliant strategem in motion. First they compiled all the logs they had on their e-perp and started waving them around. With their P-p-power logs showcasing such topics as "Which city is colder", "I like this band", and "Shut up fgt" they were assured they had taken the upperhand. Unbeknownst to them an entire community of drama loving freedom faggots were rofling at their poor attempts at IRClogs. The channers on the other hand ate them up as if they had never seen an IRC log that didn't involve mods circle jerking. With their ween logs they proceeded to chat themselves up a storm in their IRC, whine to ED Mods about how much they've contributed so much to our wiki of 10,000 articles, and how it wasn't fair that the 789chan page was locked from their clearly upset fury :'(. The following chat logs recorded these events:
Assfrustrated 2.0 The Future of Mad
13:23 JEWS i'm going to try replacing a return character with <br>[return]
<LolItsAnAcronym> did you add I <3 4CHAN>
<LolItsAnAcronym> JEWS i think he's mad
<LolItsAnAcronym> apparently IHM is trying to dox you
16:45 JEWS he's a six-year vet who wrote like 10 articles in 2007 or 2008
16:45 JEWS and did nothing since
16:45 CEO JEWS: If he isn't a rep of ED wtf are they all protecting his shitty 789 draft?
16:45 JEWS then came back for a personal army request
16:45 Fig CEO, good point
16:46 JEWS are they all?
<LolItsAnAcronym> they're bringing out the tinfoil hats now
16:56 JEWS has he tried seducing us yet
16:56 Homor He will.
16:56 JEWS i'm guessing that will come in the next log
<LolItsAnAcronym> i've been posting all the funny bits
<LolItsAnAcronym> most of it is just repeating the summerfag shit
<LolItsAnAcronym> and saying how not mad you are
17:10 vivivi Phobos spammed us, then called us summerfags
17:10 MacduffsSon he's not mad
17:10 vivivi yeah he isnt mad
17:10 MacduffsSon he flooded the channel
<phobos> the funny thing is
<phobos> I never once wrote newfag
<phobos> or summerfag
<phobos> in anything
11:21 IHM LOL jews my sides have not recovered yet
11:22 Fagaro also, turns out I have autism
11:22 c64system Plus austism is a spectrum not a single mental disorder.
11:27 IHM I am a spectrum of colors and drugs
11:27 Fagaro oh shit, now I have a whole spectrum of disorders?
11:27 JEWS you poor thing
11:27 Fagaro does that mean I exhibit wave particle duelality?
11:27 IHM ask dr.phobos, I heard he's an expert
11:28 IHM He will give you an in depth diagnosis
<LolItsAnAcronym> wanna give ihm an answer
<phobos> yes I want to diagnose him with "being friendly to fat whales and wishing to consume their oiled blubber
<LolItsAnAcronym> IHM yes because I'm definitely your friend and we have a very strong relationship don't we
<LolItsAnAcronym> 11:35 IHM phobos is so wise
- mib_s4cli8 joined #789
- mib_s4cli8 joined #789
14:25 DRGonzo Only a year younger than Robbie.
14:25 MacduffsSon hi phobos
14:25 WhoreosNMilf >uk
14:25 Jengatype U GUYZ MAD
14:25 WhoreosNMilf not phobos
14:25 Matches he is old enough to drink ? and acts like a fucking high schooler who just discovered Linkin Park?
14:25 pleaserapemyface You know, I could understand if he was a middle schooler
14:25 mib_s4cli8 Not phobos, just came to warn you the place was getting flooded again
14:25 pleaserapemyface We noticed
14:26 mib_s4cli8 I guess you already noticed
14:26 mib_s4cli8 no worries then
14:26 WhoreosNMilf now I'm gettint the cloudflare splash
14:26 SeanieB kinda useless to do that
14:26 SeanieB just delete them
14:26 MacduffsSon oh shit they took 789chan down guyz
14:26 WhoreosNMilf well, they're proxies
14:27 farty_mcfly Did Phobos hack the world?
14:27 WhoreosNMilf so they should be banned
14:27 Jengatype you can delete and ban
14:27 WhoreosNMilf not multiple at once though
14:27 DRGonzo He did, farty. We're all fucked, man.
14:27 WhoreosNMilf >POSTING HAS BEEN TEMPORARILY DISABLED
<phobos> they are going to be mad
<phobos> then they learn I have done nothing but write an article
During their two days of complete e-tardrage 789chan was also paid a visit by a friendly spammer that saw a beautiful canvas to paint on. Using a single spam bot and some basic scripting the chatfren proceeded to spam 789chan's /cwc/ board while he watched reruns of Breaking Bad in the other room. 789chan staff yelled about their annoyance with the spamming. They then did a complete 180 and explained to everyone how blasé everything was and they were so like "not bothered." Not ceding to reality they pinned the intrepid botcrawl on phobos. Seeing it as all part of an elaborate plot by one person and not the work of many individuals they finally lost their shit. Sean proceeded to ban most of the United States, including half of Colorado, to show he was taking the whole experience rather well. His z-lines did not hold long and his board was back to being crapflooded in no time.
Following this public display of digital frustration, the 789ers were becoming ever more desperate. To fix this they turned to loved chatter LolItsAnAcronym to provide them with delicious dox and logs. Being the gullible fuckups they are they never realized that she was in fact a Secret ED Spy and was collaborating with phobos to feed them false info and to collect their bullshit chatlogs. They were assured that LolItsAnAcronym had the private information they desired and were spoon fed the biggest shit pile ever seen:
After failing to dox phobos the keyboard warriors spent their Halloween (Alone on Halloween Night? You're pathetic) e-mailing random Colorado State University professors, cognitive neuroscience department heads, and wishing to contact The Melting Pot to get sweet documents. As they were doing this the lovable chanspammer returned and tricked SeanieB into locking down 789chan for 7 hours of downtime. After the addition of a brand new captcha the board was opened after Sean had enough delicious McDonalds stuffed down his throat. Following the complete humiliation of their website owner the 789fags went and made an article on phobos and spent their entire Halloween evening writing it. Meanwhile, Sean spent his spookday installing new proxy bans, pretending he wasn't bothered by his board being down for most of the day, and fielding requests for captcha go-arounds by irate users.
Following the botfloods the still very upset Internet mob fell into a pit of paranoia and was convinced that every negative post made about them was directly from phobos. In reality, phobos had not posted anything since his initial ban and had not attempted to post since. All he had done in the stretch of five days was drink too much and get high all day, like a lazy jew. Lifting a finger to type only a few sentences on this article every other day; instead preferring that other people whip the autism frenzy into hysterics. Nonetheless, the conspiracy was real and phobos could be lurking behind every post or picture (except all or any of them) so every attempt was made to call the enemy in their midst out. This resulted in /cwc/ eventually trolling itself with imagined phobos.
789chan really loves phobos.
After finally exhausting themselves with non-stop circlejerking for most of the week, the chantard's criticism finally shifted toward ED. How dare a user for this site, one they never really knew to much about, go around lol'ing at them. They were supposed to be the next boss of the Internet, not phobos. The Dramatica had to be dealt with, it had mean words about them and had to be stopped.
—789chan on why out of 10,000 articles they are the top contributors
What these brave netwarriors failed to understand, though, was that phobos was not a new user and had in fact been a Veteran in disguise (if you consider disguise as finally registering for a new wiki account when the whole site had been nuked). They denied this fact and started an Internet scuffle over the loss of their status as the Internet's most feared badasses. Foolishly believing that anyone would aid their dicksucking quest to clear their Internet reputation they took to the talk page of this very article to plead their case. Unfortunately for their ego's they were instead repeatedly told to go cry more by ED sysop Andres. Reeling back in shock and horror, they then attempted to pick out every negative reference to their ilk from this page, believing themselves to be sneaky. This idea turned out to be predictably fucking terrible (big surprise). The page was swiftly locked, the wikimods freely erupted in laughter, and the fagband was told to gently fuck themselves out the e-door.
This rejection left them quite bothered so they scurried back to their shithole of HTML and patted themselves on the back:
During the entire ordeal, many attempts were made to fag up this page. Due to no one from ED reading imagechans, especially ones no one has ever heard of, the response to their wiki whining was to graciously decorate 789chan user's pages. Lovingly crafted content included all the goatse, reminders of their allegiance to hated fat whale IHM, and infinite edit rollbacks. They asked IHM if she could save them all and report this page to head honcho zaiger. The transcripts of the sad attempt can be found here:
To which zaiger responded:
—zaiger on IHM's hugbox dreams
After their fervor had reached untold heights of lol ED Admin Mike the Great waded into the fray with a couple other editors to investigate just why the manchildren were so wound up over an article they supposedly weren't bothered by. They responded on que with accusations of buttmad, etc etc. Same shit, different people. However, this time, the 789channers were going to rally to overcome their deficient by taking on an Admin. Only problem is, the more they failed to get a rise out of anyone but themselves the more twisted up inside they became until they spammed back and forth between themselves.
—Mike the Great
Strangely their website had some more difficulties and Sean had had enough. He immediately changed his board's name back to non-ED related references and un-phobos'd all of anonymous. That wasn't enough to erase the failure mountain so he also deleted every thread with so much as a mention of fair phobos, that wasn't backed by him, from the boards. This resulted in a new policy. Any new phobos threads are to be deleted on site/sight from now until forever. There will be no mentions of ED or phobos and any attempt to do is a bannable offence. Cause' when a bitch is a bitch they gotta get burned. It's a chan. It takes Linux and an internet connection.
Due to the stressful torture caused by ED drama, endless crapflooding and Omega bawwwing him to take down the site due to being featured on this very page, Sean shut down his Linux and 789chan took its last breath. But /cwc/ shall never know peace. When, who else than Krappleguy heard of /cwc/'s passing, he immediately saw a chance to molest the poor board's barely cold corpse with his nacho covered hands, and /cwc/'s seven hundredth reincarnation was born.
Future of /cwc/ and Aftermath
After the last fail of an incarnation for /cwc/ with n0chan's shitty hosting, Krapple decided to make a bunker board on where else, 888chan. Now there's a little refuge for channers to talk about lolcows again.
- Ahuviya Harel
- Robert Wayne Stiles
- Anthony 'A-Log' LoGatto
- Anthos the Crimson Impulse
- The Troll Hunter
- Unwarranted Self Importance
- Basement Dweller
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